Moonlight
by weirdocaitlin
Summary: Bella comes back from her honeymoon and discovers something about herself that has the potential to destroy her and the one she loves most. How long can she keep this secret before it tears her apart?
1. Nevermind

Chapter 1. Nevermind

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I was feeling unsure of myself. Is this really what I want? I know that Edward agreed to do this, but it made him uncomfortable. I hated knowing that I'm the one causing his discomfort. Every time I caused him a negative feeling, my blood raced to the floor. And if anything went wrong, it would never escape his conscience. He would feel intensely guilty for the rest of his life…forever…whichever comes first. I was not about to allow him to have a guilty conscience over something that was my fault in the first place.

I stared out the window of the bathroom into the moonlit waters. Esme Island was more beautiful than I could've ever imagined. The way the moonlight reflected on the midnight blue water was breathtaking. The house was modern, but beach like. The golden sand felt like silk against my feet. The air was perfect; not too cold and not too hot. And I couldn't wait to get into the water.

I couldn't see Edward from here, but I knew that he was out in the water. I saw his clothes laid out on the beach. Should I dress in a bathing suit? Should I go out fully dressed? (that wasn't an option I would really consider at the moment) But what did _Edward_ want?

_Don't be a coward. _I thought to myself. Though I couldn't stop my hands from shaking. I _wanted _to go through with this. But I'm a chicken, born and raised. Not really, but by the way I acted, it seemed like it. Dying for the ones I love, no problem. Embarrassing myself? Humiliation is not something I take well. And appearing butt-naked in front of the guy I loved, with _my_ body, was something to be embarrassed about.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I began to wonder how someone like me could end up with somebody as perfect as Edward was. I wasn't pretty (though Edward always begged the differ), and the only thing toned on my body was my flat tummy. But I absolutely _loathed_ my thunder-thighs and bubble-but. I always felt embarrassed in shorts or a swimsuit. Going outside wearing nothing but skin was a stretch for me.

It was time to stop stalling. I've spent at least 15 minutes in this bathroom debating whether or not I made a good decision. I've finally made my choice. And poor Edward is probably grinding his teeth with impatience by now. Just talking about the subject made him anxious. I can't imagine what he will be like when it's the actual action.

I wrapped a towel around me, and walked outside.

I walked out onto the beach and I finally got a view of Edward. He was at least waist deep into the water. His skin seemed to glow. I was instantaneously jealous. My skin looked so plain. He was so still. The water didn't even ripple. He was absolutely perfect. Everywhere.

I knew he knew I was there. I was still shaking…and I prayed that he couldn't tell. I dropped my towel onto the smooth sand, and walked into the water.

The water was like bath water. It was the perfect temperature. It was so comfortable, that I actually quit trembling. I sank into the water and let it caress my skin. It was soothing.

I swam over to Edward. I stood behind him for a moment, and wrapped my arms over his shoulders. He let out a shaky sigh. I closed my eyes and took in the moment. It felt so perfect. I stored the moment in my vault of memories to never forget. I could feel every line on my body against his. It felt like are bodies were two puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly. It was strange how life worked its ways like that. How somehow, out of every human and vampire, we chose each other. It was like fate decided we should be like this together.

He slowly turned around. I kept my arms wrapped tightly around him. I opened my eyes and stared into his beautiful face. His neck was beautifully arched. He had sharp angles on his jaw and high cheek bones of Egyptian royalty. His disarrayed bronze hair had droplets of water in it that made him look like a model. Then I stared into his butterscotch eyes. They had a glistening, starlit quality to them. And his beautiful full lips had no expression. He kept them pressed together. Not firmly, but they were relaxed. He wasn't exactly as enthusiastic as me on this topic. Boy, was he about to get the surprise of his existence.

He continued to gaze down at me and spoke the first words.

"Bella, I promised we would try," his voice was quiet, but it still seemed too loud for the moment.

"Edward," I interrupted him. He looked the tiniest bit confused. But he looked hopeful at the same time. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and hugged myself closer to him, if that was even possible, and rested my head on his chest. "You don't have to. I changed my mind." I kept my eyes tightly closed, nervous about what he would have to say. This was one of the few reasons I got married to him in the first place.

There was silence for a moment. Then he hugged me back tightly.

"Why?" He breathed.

I took a breath to steady myself. Then I whispered, "I know that this may sound strange, but I'm just not ready for that. And more importantly, this moment is too perfect to disturb with discomfort. I think that this is just enough." We stood still for a long time.

He lifted my chin for me to look up at him. I opened my eyes and gazed into his. "Are you sure?" He whispered.

"Hm," I smiled. "I'm positive," I whispered and smiled up at him. He grinned is crooked smile that would never cease to take my breath away. He pulled me up to his face so my lips would meet his. It felt so good to have his lips moving with mine. I loved the feeling of his lips shaping them against mine. A shiver of pleasure slid down my spine. One of his arms wrapped around me, his hand gently pressing me against him. His other arm wrapped firmly around my narrow shoulders. My arms held the same way.

There was so much feeling in the kiss. Passion, love, and lust coursed through us like electricity. It was wonderful. The kiss lasted a beautifully long time.

All I could feel was every line of my body against his, his hand pressed into my lower back, and the water caressing every inch of me. Without much notice, we slipped further into the water. Both of my hands moved into his hair, while one of his hands fiercely kept my face to his. My pulse was racing, my skin was flushed, but I couldn't of cared less. The moment felt so perfect, so unbelievably right, that I didn't care that we weren't going to sleep together. Being together like this was as easy as breathing…which wasn't so easy to do at the moment, but as we slipped into our first night as husband and wife, I realized that we didn't have to make that kind of physical contact with each other to be satisfied. So we just slipped further into our little piece of heaven.


	2. Bruises

**Here is the second chapter. There are small clues that you may or may not catch of what happens to Bella. Though I'm pretty sure most of you are smart and will figure it out right away. But if you don't and want more, REVIEW!**

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**Chapter 2. Bruises**

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The next thing I was aware of was the warm breeze brush across my bare breasts. It felt so good. I extended my conscience to the position of my body. I was lying on my back, my left knee curved over my right; my head was turned to the right onto an extremely fluffy pillow. The sheets of the bed were up to my waist, intertwined with my legs. My left hand rested on my stomach while my right was supporting my head. I was so comfortable. I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. I felt something move on the bed, but I knew it was Edward, so the movement didn't startle me. My eyes fluttered open, and I wasn't at all surprised to be looking into deep topaz. My eyes squinted at the light, and I smiled back at Edward. I would never get tired of waking up to Edward. It was a comfort knowing that he would never leave me now. And I would never, ever, ever, leave him.

I extended my right hand out to him. He took it without hesitation and put it to his cold cheek. It felt nice with the sun warming the left side of my body. He placed his right hand on my cheek and I closed my eyes. I felt him move. I opened my eyes and saw him half leaning over me. He placed his hand over my heart, where the skin was fully exposed. I wanted him to keep it there, so I moved my hand over his. He smiled as if he had just won over the world. I couldn't help but smile back. He pulled himself closer to me and pressed his lips softly to mine. After several wonderful moments, he pulled back and smiled.

"Good morning, love." He greeted me as he caressed my face with the back of his hand. I put my hand on top of his to hold it there.

"Good morning," I whispered. My voice was still thick with sleep.

I placed my arms around his neck. Then he flipped over so I was lying on top of him. I rested my head on his chest. I was at peace here. I had no immediate intentions of moving.

"What would you like to do today?" His chest rumbled beneath my ear as he spoke nonchalantly. "The possibilities are infinite," and he probably meant that in more ways than one, but I ignored it.

I let out a laugh. "Well, I'm guessing that I have a ton of salt in my hair from last night. So first on my list of things to do is a shower," I stared at him, giving him a clue. He smiled my favorite crooked smile. He understood. Good. "Next would be to grab some food," as if to prove my statement, my stomach growled embarrassingly loud. Edward burst into his bear laugh while my face went up in flames.

I glared at him, my face probably the color of a Scarlet Ibis. But my glare didn't last long. He looked at me with so much love as he rubbed his thumb along where my blush probably existed.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I began to get up, but I would've fallen back to the pillows if it were not for Edward's hands already on my back.

"Whoa, head rush," I explained. He was looking a little concerned.

"Are you okay, love?" He asked, his voice ringing with concern.

"Yeah," I answered. "C'mon," I said as I got up and grabbed his hand, pulling him up with me, "I need a shower and there is now way I'm getting all this salt out by myself." He laughed as we walked towards the bathroom.

The water quickly warmed up. The hot water was very soothing, but it was rough in comparison to Edward gently rubbing the shampoo and conditioner into my hair. He rinsed my hair for me. I was too short to help him with his hair, but I soaped him up pretty good. When I was done soaping him, he turned around to give me a passionate kiss. He hugged me close to him while still engaging in the kiss. Another memory to put into the vault. He was a greedy man now. He had access to everything he wanted, and he was going to use it. He couldn't be parted from me for more then five minutes. I didn't mind it one bit.

We broke apart, and he helped wash my body (Looked like he enjoyed it by the glowing, victorious look on his face). He moved to my back and lifted my hair to get my upper back and shoulders.

"You have a bruise," he informed me, discontented.

"Huh," was my genius response. "I wake up with bruises all the time." He didn't know that before.

"It's shaped like a four leaf clover," he laughed.

I laughed, too. "Does that mean I'm lucky?"

"I guess so," he pressed his lips into my neck. I leaned my head the other way, inviting him. He rubbed where, I'm guessing, my bruise was. He barely brushed it, but I still winced at the pain.

He stopped kissing me. "Does it hurt?" He asked, growing immediately protective. He stared into me with fierce protective eyes.

"No," I lied, "just a little tender. It'll be gone in a couple of days. Like the rest of my unexplained bruises," I laughed, but Edward didn't.

I rubbed the back of my hand up and down his arm to relieve the sudden tension. I reached up for a kiss, and he leaned down to give it to me.

We spent another several minutes kissing before the water started to cool and I wanted to get out. He left me alone to get dressed while he went and fixed me breakfast. I was feeling oddly tired. Though I probably slept like a rock. All that swimming last night.

No, nothing _happened,_ just going skibby dipping. It was a romantic moonlit swim. I thought about the way he held me, they way he kissed me, and went red right away. Then I remembered that he was in the kitchen making me breakfast.

I quickly threw on one of the sundresses that Alice picked out. Then I brushed through the tangled monster that was my hair. I took one glance in the mirror and decided I looked okay for the table.

When I walked into the kitchen, Edward was sitting at the table, gazing out the windows that had an amazing view of the ocean. There was a large plate filled with eggs on the transparent glass table. Next to the plate of eggs was a small plate with a couple pieces of toast on it.

He finally looked up at me and smiled.

"Bon a petit," he said in an excellent French accent. I let out a giggle.

I couldn't bare to sit across from him, so I popped a spot right on his lap. He welcomed me with open arms. I leaned my head on one of his broad shoulders and yawned.

"Tired?" He asked curiously.

"No," I lied again, "just wearing off the sleep. This looks good," I said, moving onto a different subject. "I didn't know you were Bobby Flay, too." He laughed at that.

"Just eat," he said, still laughing.

I obeyed and took a big fork-full of eggs. I only took a couple of bites before I started to feel full. Odd. Maybe my metabolism is off. After I was full, (about 10 bites total) I was curious as to what our plans were for the day.

"So," I started conversationally, "What is the itinerary for today?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Well, there is an ocean full of opportunities," I smiled at the terrible pun, he continued, "why don't we start the morning out with a hike? Then to cool off, we could go for a swim," he stopped to smile at me. Perv. I smacked him in the arm and he laughed at me. "But we might have to stop for some lunch. You didn't really eat much," he said disapprovingly.

He gave me the look that said, 'are you going to eat the rest or will I have to shove it down your throat?' I just shook my head.

"No, I'm not hungry anymore. For some reason my stomach can't hold that much this morning." I stared at the plate, imagining why I wouldn't be hungry. I didn't really eat much at the wedding, I didn't really eat all that much on the plane, and I didn't have dinner. I stared at my stomach, scowling, and wondering why it wasn't working right.

Edward laughed at the frustrated expression on my face. Was I really that funny today? Or was he just happy I said no to sex while I'm under the age of 21? In any case, he was floating on Cloud Nine. Works for me.

"Anyway," I said, interrupting his sudden burst in humor, "your plan sounds good." At that, I got up off his lap and grabbed the plate that was still three quarters filled with eggs. But before I could take a step, it was out of my hands. I stared speculatively at Edward who was now at the sink washing the dish. He just smiled back.

"I cook it, I clean it," I found myself laughing.

"That is very human of you to say. I'm sorry to burst your bubble but," I walked over to the sink standing next to him, "it's 'I cook, _you_ clean." I grabbed the plate out of his hands and started rinsing. He sighed in defeat and rested on looking at me while I cleaned. I don't know why, because cleaning dishes doesn't seem all that fascinating to me.

After fighting over who did the dishes, we headed out for our morning hike.

The island was beautiful. There was no doubt about it. I couldn't see all of it last night because a) I had been slightly distracted, and b) it was too dark out. But now I could see everything. The trees and flowers were all filled with vibrant colors and were vividly alive. It was as if they were just born into this world. I couldn't find the flaws. Edward stuck a pure white lily in my hair when we passed by the flowers. I couldn't decipher the emotion in his eyes at that moment when I looked back at him, but by his actions I had a pretty good guess.

He stood in front of me. He gently lifted my chin up where our lips met. I felt one of his hands move around my waist, another move around my upper back. When his hand crossed my spine, I felt a stabbing pain. I wanted to preserve the moment, but Edward felt my eyes clench close and abruptly pulled away.

"All you all right?" I could see the panic sneaking to his eyes. He thought he was hurting me.

"No! No, I'm alright. Just that stupid bruise. I guess this one is a little sensitive," I let out something between a sigh and a laugh. Edward didn't find it at all funny.

I had to change the subject. "How 'bout that swim?" I asked enthusiastically.

Time ceased to exist on the Island. We were always busy doing something. Whether it was our morning hikes, swimming with dolphins, exploring coral reefs, our nightly suit-less swims, or discovering the already-discovered hidden caves, we were cherishing every moment. Not once did we look at a clock or gaze at the position of the sun in the sky. I didn't even notice how much time had passed until Edward had mentioned going home.

We were lying in bed after our shower (clothes had gone M.I.A) together. I was lying on my side (my back hurt too much) with Edwards arms wrapped comfortably around my waist. It felt so natural to have them there.

"How long would you like to stay here?" he whispered into my ear. It tickled.

"Forever," I said jokingly, "but realistically, I don't know. How long have we been here?" How much time had passed? We had been so detached from the world that Russia could have bombed the U.S and we wouldn't have noticed.

"About three weeks," he hugged me closer, if that was at all possible. He didn't want to leave either.

I sighed. More pressing matters invaded my conscience. "Do you think I could give Renee and Charlie a phone call?" I whispered. "Just to say goodbye?" I asked quietly. I gripped his hand for support. Looking for comfort. Without disappointment, it came.

Edward held my hand back. He pressed his lips to the indentation on my collarbone. "If that would make you feel better," He said uncertainly. But that was okay.

I gave a weak nod to show what I wanted. I was suddenly really tired.

"I love you," I turned and whispered to him.

"As I love you, my Bella." We shared one last kiss and he started to hum my lullaby. It may have been five seconds after he started that my lights went out.

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**This chapter just kinda gives little bits of clues. I've written the third chapter, but I'm not sure if I want to publish it. If you want me to then just tell me. The beginning is quiet, but what starts out as innocent events, turns into an invisble outbreak of war.**


	3. Home

Chapter 2. Home

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Against our better judgment, we decided to leave Isle Esme a couple of days later. We were both sad to go. I slept most of the way back. The last thing I remember before seeing the airport, was gazing back at the island, watching it grow smaller as we crept father and father towards the mainland. I prayed that we'd be able to return soon.

I was also vaguely aware of the chilly arms lifting me out of the boat and into another transport. But I was so _tired._

I felt pain everywhere. All that hiking was bound to give me muscle pains, but this is different. This is internal pain. I hurt all over. I thought that sleep might be able to wear it off. I was wrong. It gave me nightmares.

Edward and I boarded the plane at the airport in Rio. I fell asleep again. I had such a vivid and displeasing nightmare.

I was in pain in the dream too. I felt needles in my arms. I felt so sick. And Edward sat next to me with, his eyes containing a painful and tortured expression. _What's wrong Edward?_ I wanted to ask him. But the words didn't come out. The only thing I could hear was my shallow gasping. I wanted to cry I was in so much pain. And I've never been one for crying. I think I've cried twice in my life. Birth, and when Charlie tried to make me go live with Renee. I cringed and curled into a ball, while Edward just held my hand. Then all of a sudden, my dream went black…

I woke and shot ramrod straight in my seat, left gasping. Edward, quicker than the speed of light, reflexively grabbed my arm.

"Bella?" His voice was seeped with worry and concern. I could've sworn I heard fear in it, too. His topaz eyes were staring at me, wide eyed with fear.

I waited until my breath slowed to answer.

"I'm fine," I managed. "It was just a bad dream," I reassured him. He pulled me tightly into his arms and rocked me a little too quickly for much comfort, but I was comforted that I was in his arms again.

I was still gasping and panting like a thirsty dog. He continued to rock me back and forth, whispering, "shhhh. It's alright Bella. It was just a dream. I'm here. It's okay. Shhhh." He did this until I was calm in his arms. He didn't let go, not even when switched flights in Texas. After that terrible nightmare, he didn't let go. He was probably scared that if he did, I would sink into sleep and have the nightmare again. Logical. That's what usually happened.

We chased the sun westward toward Forks. I was half asleep by the time we reached Port Angeles. To no surprise, we found an audience waiting for us.

It was a small one. Jasper and Alice stood side by side. Alice was smiling at me while Jasper kept his eyes confusedly on Edward. For a short moment, I wondered what Edward was feeling that had Jasper concerned. I walked quickly towards Alice who already had her small arms opened. I was getting used to the cold embraces.

"Welcome home, Bella," Alice said sweetly and lovingly.

"Thanks Alice," I said appreciatively.

Edward came up behind me and carefully slid his arm around my waist. He still had his eyes on Jasper. What was going on in that mute conversation they were having?

"What are you saying about me?" I asked suspiciously of Edward.

I turned his gaze back to me. "Jasper was just sensing your tiredness. You need to rest," he gently rubbed my lower back and kissed the top of my head.

"What?!" Alice nearly yelled in anger. "Bella can't be tired! I had plans to go do some serious shopping with you!" she scolded pointing her skinny finger at me. I just stared wide-eyed. Jasper started to laugh. He was probably just laughing at her sincere anger. Either that or trying to relieve the same tension I felt. This kept getting weirder and weirder…

We got our baggage and headed toward the car. Jasper was right. I was exhausted. Even though I slept probably for 12 hours straight. I'm going to be getting my days and nights mixed up if I keep this up. I had my head resting against Edward's side, while he held my waist firmly, making sure that I didn't topple over.

We got into the car. Edward sat in the back with me while Jasper drove and Alice sat in the passenger seat.

I yawned and leaned into Edward, but tried to keep my eyes open.

"Sleep Bella," he whispered gently.

For some reason, I was scared. Even though there was no need to be.

"Promise you will be here when I wake up?" I whispered back.

He leaned down and pressed his lips to my forehead. "I will always be here when you wake up." I said with sincerity and love.

"I love you," I mouthed as I began to drift.

"As I love you, my Bella." He kissed my hair and began to hum my lullaby. It was probably five seconds and I was gone.

In my dream, there was a steady beeping. Kinda like the heart monitors you find at the hospital. I also heard liquid dripping. But I couldn't see anything. It was all black. I could feel the layer of sweat on my forehead and my chest moving up and down with my heavy breathing. I felt so sick. Worse than when I had the stomach flu. _What is wrong with me?_ _Where is Edward? "Edward?" _I heard myself squeak. I had no response. Panic was rising up in my throat. Tears of fear were rolling down my cheeks when I didn't hear Edward's reassuring angelic voice. _"Edward??" _I was growing more panicked.

"Edward!" I nearly shrieked. I would've shot upright if Edward hadn't already been holding me. The panic completely disappeared. I turned into his embrace with my head on his chest and began to sob.

"Bella! What's wrong?!" He seemed almost terrified. He rocked me back and forth slowly, even though he was frightened.

I just shook my head and tried to slow the sobbing. "That had to be _the_ worst nightmare I have ever had," I said, my teeth were chattering with fear.

"Shhh. It's alright Bella. I'm here. I won't leave you," he whispered into my ear. "I promised you I would be here, didn't I?"

I took a deep breath, but I was still shaking.

"What was that dream about? You were so restless. You were very confused," he paused fore a moment and held me closer. "You kept asking what was happening," being reminded of the dream sent shivers down my spine. He wrapped the heavy gold comforter around me. "Then you started saying my name in a panic. I held you to see if it would sooth your dream, but you started to breath heavily. Then you woke up and shrieked. Are you alright?" he asked me again. He voice rang with concern.

"It was so dark. I couldn't see anything," my voice broke. He rubbed my back soothingly. "And then I cried out for you, b-but no one answered," my voice was shaking as hard as I was, "I couldn't see or hear you. All I could hear was this beeping and dripping noise. And I felt _horrible._ I felt so hot and sick. But it was not being able to hear you that scared me." I closed my eyes and let the tears fall freely. I never had to hide my fears from Edward.

He kissed the top of my head while continuing to hold me. When my sobs and sniffles quieted, Edward pushed me back to see my face.

"Better?" He asked worriedly with a frown on his face.

I smiled back at him. "I've been fine ever since I woke up." That made him smile. He cupped my face in his hands, bent his head down and kissed me tenderly. I didn't know how long it lasted, but he pulled away too soon. He smiled at the pout on my face.

He left the bed and came back so quick I wasn't sure he actually left until he slipped the large gray sweatshirt over my head. I obeyed and put it on.

I stared back at him after I put on the sweatshirt. "You looked cold," he explained.

I smiled appreciatively in return. He put one of his arms underneath my legs and placed the other around my back. He lifted me up out of the bed and I wrapped my arm around his shoulders.

He took me downstairs into the kitchen where I saw Esme put a truckload of eggs onto a plate with a side of toast. What was with vampires and eggs?

Edward sat next to me while I took small bites of food. I was mostly picking at it because I wasn't really hungry. I looked up to ask him what we had planned for the day, but I looked up to see Esme and Edward staring at each other. They both had worried looks on their faces. But just as I noticed their silent conversation, Edward broke off communication and turned to look at me.

He glanced at my plate; three quarters full with my fork placed down, and stared back at me disapprovingly. "I'm guessing that you are done?"

"Yup," I said nonchalantly. He needed to lighten up.

He took one last glance at my almost-full plate.

Edward turned back to me and ran his fingers through my hair, which was a little damp with sweat. "You could use a shower," he said smiling.

Heh. He can't get enough now. "I sure could. But I think I might need a little help," I stretched my arms in front of me, "I'm feeling a little stiff," I faked.

He smiled mischievously. He grabbed my hand and dragged my slow self up the stairs. I laughed at how impatient he was getting. When Emmett passed us on our way to the stairs, he raised his eyebrows in suspicion. But then he gave a devilish grin and wagged his eyebrows. It only made me laugh harder, while Edward groaned impatiently with a smile on his face the entire time.

Shower time was one of the few times we could be close without clothing. He didn't have to worry about me being chilled from his icy skin. The warm water was always relaxing. So was the fact that he would hold me tightly in his arms while kissing me with every ounce of passion he had in him. He didn't hold back. Which was absolutely fine with me.

But he did keep good to his word. He helped wash my back (very careful to avoid strangely painful bruise) and washed my hair for me. The rest of the time he would just hold me tightly. I could feel every line of his body against mine. It was a comfort to have him so close. And I'm pretty sure he didn't mind my body against his one bit.

When we got out, he helped me with my bra and buttoned my blouse for me. We didn't even separate until the afternoon.

"Bella," I looked up at Edward as we were sitting on the couch looking at available apartments near Dartmouth.

"Alice says Jasper wants to go hunting. I think I should go with them for a little bit. Would you mind waiting here for a little bit?" He looked slightly worried. With my hysterics this morning, that is understandable.

I smiled back at him for reassurance. "I'll be fine. Go have fun and catch a mountain lion for me."

He kissed my forehead. "We won't be going far. We'll be less than fifteen minutes away if you need us." He kissed me on the lips one more time before standing up and following everyone out the door.

"We won't be gone long Bella, so stay out of trouble!" Alice ordered. "See you in a bit!"

"Bye Alice," I said as I waved goodbye.

Edward gave me one last glance and left with the others. I was officially on my own for the afternoon.

I got bored looking at apartments, so I decided to pass the time by taking an inventory of my new wardrobe that Alice picked out. Our closet was as big as my room back home at Charlie's. Most of the closet was mine. I was taking a look through the drawer and found some good jeans. In another drawer were some graphic T's and stretch cotton long sleeved shirts. All my favorite clothes were crammed into the back of the drawers. On the racks were all the skirts and nice shirts. On another rack were some clothes bags. I unzipped them all and discovered elegant gowns and dresses with French tags on them. None of which I recognized.

"Alice…" I muttered. I turned to another corner where all the shoes were. There were some pretty ones that I would probably never wear unless Alice forced me to. There were some nicely decorated sandals, and good quality tennis shoes. I looked at some of the labels. Puma, Nike, and then some names I had never even heard of. I found a pair of leather loafers that looked comfortable.

I bent down to put them on, but as I leaned to get the shoes, the light hard wood floor rushed up to meet my face.

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**So that's chapter 3. I hope you enjoyed it. This is all i've written, but I think the only interesting part of the story is how Bella manages to keep her secret under wraps, and how long she is able to keep it. This is only the beginning, and i need to know if it's worth continuing. This story was just something I did along side Alternate New Moon. It was a spoof that I decided to publish. I'm not really good at writting with action, so I write dramas. Tell me what you think and review. I will continue if you really want me to, but I think most of you know what the secret is. Review.**


	4. Coping

**Here is the next chapter! It has taken me all day to finish this chapter. I knew that if i didn't finish it this weekend then I probably wouldn't finish it for a while. Please REVIEW!**

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Copeing

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I could barely feel my head hit the floor. It felt more like placing your hand firmly on your forehead. I could feel myself breathing heavily. I felt myself straining to breath. I was laying on top of my left arm while my right laid limply next to my heaving body. I could feel the sweat beading on my forehead.

I have no idea how long I've been out. I'm only wondering what's wrong with me? I haven't ever felt like this. Fatigue overpowered me the moment I went down. Maybe it was my lack of food. I tried to regain control of my body so I could move. But I felt numb. I couldn't feel anything. I knew I had to get up before Alice could see me. Though it might already be too late.

I very slowly regained my strength. I moved my arm out from under me. I placed both of my hands on the floor. I had black and white sparkles in my vision. My sight was finally returning. I waited until I had my complete vision back before trying to get up. I pushed into my hands and lifted myself into a sitting position. I sat there, staring at the evil shoes that made me fall and pass out. What shoes I thought looked pretty, were now the ugliest things in the world. I scowled at the shoes as if they were people.

I took a few deep breaths and stood up to go wash my face. I'm sure it looked awful. I slowly walked to the bathroom so that I wouldn't pass out again.

I DID look terrible. My face was as white as Edwards. I didn't even notice that my nose was bleeding.

I frantically washed all traces of blood off my face. The last time I was in the Cullen house bleeding, Edward left me. I walked briskly back to the closet and looked where I had fallen. Low and behold, there was a small pool of blood. I didn't have long until Edward and everyone got back, so I ran downstairs to grab the bleach. I completely wiped away any trace or scent of blood. I tossed the rag into a steel trash can and did what Carlisle did. I poured a little alcohol into it and tossed in a lit match. Job: finished.

Just as I poured the water down the sink, I heard the front door open and everyone race in. Edward was suddenly at my side.

"Hello Mrs. Cullen," He smiled. I put down the bucket and he lent down to give me a tender kiss on the lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned in closer. It may have been forever and he still would've pulled away too soon.

He flared his nostrils. "Are you feeling okay? You're as pale as I am," he brushed the back of his hand along the side of my face. "You smell…different." He concluded. He frowned a little bit. I saw him steal a glance over to the trash can.

"Why is there a burnt rag and burn marks in the trash can?" He raised his eyebrows in suspicion.

"Huh?" was my pathetic attempt at stalling. THINK OF PLAN!

He laughed. "I was asking you why you burned a rag in the trash can."

I couldn't think of a good excuse. I closed my eyes and admitted, "I got a bloody nose," his frowned deepened. "A little bit got onto the floor and I had to clean it up. I didn't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable, so I burned the evidence," I pointed to the burnt trashcan.

He cupped my face in his hands. He spoke fiercely. "Are you all right?" He stared straight into my eyes. I pulled up previous practice to help me lie.

"I am completely fine," I said slowly. My eyes never steered away from his. Hopefully I could pull this off.

He stared for a moment longer and then hugged me tightly to him. I gave him a tight squeeze. I felt him kiss the top of my head and I was totally at ease. I felt at ease for the first time since he left this morning.

He pulled away and smelled me again. It felt really weird just sniffing at me like he was a dog.

"Okay, Edward, I know that you consider yourself an animal sometimes, but seriously! You are NOT a dog! So stop acting like one." I scolded him. At least I released the tension.

Everyone, including Edward, started to laugh. I breathed a sigh of relief. I had no idea what was wrong with me. That was the fact. I'm not going to do anything drastic to find out. Alice might have a vision and tell Edward unintentionally. If it was something bad, then Edward would freak.

Edward sobered up a little bit. I saw a quick mental exchange go through him and Carlisle. Edward would find out what was wrong with me from Carlisle if not from Alice. Jeez. I really hope it's nothing bad. If it is, there aren't any real chances of getting away with it.

"What time is it?" I asked randomly. I remember about what time I went upstairs to take inventory, I could subtract the time it took me to clean and find out how long I was out.

Edward looked confused. "It's eight thirty Bella."

Uh oh. I went upstairs around six thirty. It took about a half hour to clean myself up and half an hour to clean up the mess. I was out for more than thirty minutes. That can't be good.

"Huh. That's odd." Not odd. Lucky. It was pure luck that Alice didn't see what happened. She probably saw me looking at the shoes, but I didn't make the choice to pass out. If she had, she would've been freaking out.

"What is, Love?" Edward asked.

"Nothing," I said a little too quickly. Edward eyed me suspiciously. I hope I wasn't blushing or else that attempt at a lie was a total waste.

"You smell strange," he said, wrinkling his nose.

Okay. Dog thing is getting _really_ weird. I sniffed myself…just in case. "I smell like strawberries!" I exclaimed. "I'm not sure what your smelling, but it's definitely not me." Everyone looked shocked. Then the room burst into laughter. I just scowled. Even Edward had to laugh at my attempt to look pissed.

"What is so funny?" I asked irritated. "How would YOU feel if someone was telling you that you smelled funny?" I crossed my arms over my chest. That made them laugh even harder. Edward pulled me into his arms while he was still laughing. I wrapped my arms around him and felt him shake with laughter.

"Don't be displaced Love," I felt him smile into my hair. "I was just thinking out loud. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to irritate you."

I sighed. "It's alright. Just stop with the dog sniffing stuff. Its weird." I said honestly.

"Okay. No more sniffing." I felt him shake with laughter again. Ugh. I do NOT smell.

Why was I getting so angry? Weird mood swings. I don't think I've ever been this angry over something so mundane.

Edward pushed me back and looked at me. He looked confused. Then he shook his head and laughed. "Don't be too put out with me love," he pleaded.

I sighed. He was already forgiven. "Dude, you were forgiven when you took me in your arms," he smiled my crooked smile and I couldn't help but smile back.

I'd forgotten there were other people in the room until I heard someone cough (probably Emmett) and caught my attention. Edward looked annoyed.

"Bella," I turned to Carlisle. "Are you sure you're okay?" He walked over and took a look into my eyes. He frowned at something and I looked at Edward. He had his eyes solidly planted on Carlisle while he made his assessment. Carlisle finally looked back at me, waiting for an answer.

I smiled. "Thanks for your concern Carlisle, but really, I feel fine."

He looked unmoved. "Okay Bella. But if you start to feel anything, you tell me or Edward right away. Promise?" He looked at me seriously. Why was he so concerned?

This wasn't a promise I could make. So I once again had to pull forth my previous practice with Charlie. "I promise Carlisle. But I really do feel fine." I assured them. They didn't look very convinced.

"Bella, since when are you ever 'fine'?" Emmett scoffed. I scowled at him.

I continued to glare at him while Edward made a wise statement. "Emmett, I wouldn't do that if I were you." He walked/ bounced over to Emmett and leaned towards him to whisper not-so-very-quietly, "She might bring out the crow bar." They both broke down into laughter.

Emmett regained enough control of himself to make a short comment. "Oooh. Scary," he and Edward were bending over laughing.

"Okay guys, seriously. Enough humor and my expense." I went over and grabbed Edwards arm and tried to pull him up.

"Edward!" I scolded. "It's seriously not that funny! Pull yourself together!" Although I was laughing while I said this.

"Of course it's not Love." He smiled, straightened himself, and tried to keep a neutral smile, but his lips were twitching. Emmett had no problem expressing what he thought of the joke.

"What would you like to do now Love?" Edward asked.

Actually, I think I'm too tired to do anything at the moment to do anything. "Maybe we could watch a movie," I suggested.

Everyone seemed to have dispersed at the word 'movie'. Edward laughed. "And what movie would you like to watch?" He pulled me over to the large movie case that was fully stocked. I pulled out Casino Royale. Edward raised an eyebrow.

"I feel like watching someone kick ass. And Daniel Craig can kick ass and look good doing it." I explained.

"I'm hurt," He said with fake sincerity.

I scoffed. "Edward, I haven't seen you kick anyone's butt except Alice's at chess. Unless you want to change your mind about the hunting thing…"

He groaned. "Okay, point taken. Let's watch the British try to take on the financial issues of Europe with an egotistical agent." He sat me down on the couch while he put in the DVD. He came back and put an arm around me. I was too tired though. I adjusted myself and laid my head on his lap. I felt his hand gently brushing through my hair. I think I made it just past the opening credits until I fell asleep.

I woke up back in our bedroom. I turned to see Edward, but instead I found a white lily and a note on the pillow next to me. I picked up the note. It read:

_Dear Mrs. Cullen,_

_I hope you sleep in long enough to not notice my absence, but in case you do, I am with everyone helping with Esme's new remodeling project. I should be back around ten if you are reading this. Look after my heart, I left it with you._

_Edward_

I smiled and picked up the lily. It smelled wonderful. I looked at the clock. It was almost eight. I've been sleeping a lot lately. Maybe it was jet lag.

I got up and decided to do some walking around. I had a large time slot to fill. I didn't feel like breakfast, so I went straight to the shower.

As I undressed, I got a glimpse of my back in the mirror. There were bruises all along my spine. I stared in horror as I observed the black and blue bumps down my back. This is definitely not normal. I walked into the shower that had four shower heads. The warm water engulfed me. It felt very good, but it didn't distract me from the image of what I saw in the mirror.

I got out of the shower when the water started to cool. I put on some jeans and a thin black turtle-neck sweater with the nice loafers that caused me to fall. They still looked good. I combed out the knots in my hair and put it up into a wet pony tail. My hair looked black when it was wet, so it matched the sweater.

I went down the hall and stopped outside of Carlisle's office. It was more like a library if you ask me. I opened the door and took another look around. The pictures on the wall never ceased to capture my attention. There was no theme to them, but they all seem to fit well together. I walked around the desk to one of the tall bookshelves. I glanced up and down the shelves until I found what I was looking for.

_Medical Dictionary_ was what the binding read. I reached up on my tip toes to pull out the book. It was heavier than I thought. The book weighed my arm down when I got it off the shelf. It was a thick book that looked like it held valuable information. I sat down at Carlisle's large desk and opened the book. I put my elbow on the desk and let my head rest on my fist. If Alice saw this, she would think it was leisure reading, and not something very important.

I began by looking for the correct symptoms. I flipped through the pages as fast as I could looking nonchalant. At first all I could find were diseases like "Blood poisoning" and "the common cold". Then I got to the L's and it got interesting. My eyes got stuck on, "Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML)" I read over all the information.

_Chronic myelogenous leukemia (CML) is known as a myeloproliferative disorder—that is, it is a disease in which bone marrow cells proliferate (multiply) outside of the bone marrow tissue._

_CML is easy to diagnose, since it has a genetic peculiarity, or marker, that is readily identifiable under a microscope. About 95% of CML patients have a genetic translocation between chromosomes 9 and 22 in their leukemic cells. This abnormality, which is known as the Philadelphia chromosome (Ph1), is named after the city in which it was discovered. The Philadelphia chromosome causes uncontrolled reproduction and proliferation of all types of white blood cells and platelets (blood clotting factors). Sadly, CML is not yet curable by standard methods of chemotherapy or immunotherapy._

_CML tends to occur in middle- and retirement-aged people (the median age is 67 years). It occasionally affects people in their 20s, but it is rare in the very young; only 2% to 3% of childhood leukemias are CML. Early disease often is without symptoms (asymptomatic) and is discovered accidentally. Individuals with more advanced cases of CML may appear sickly and experience fevers, easy bruising, and bone pain. Laboratory and physical findings include enlarged spleen (splenomegaly), a high white blood cell count, and absent or low amounts of the white blood cell enzyme alkaline phosphatase._

_Like other forms of leukemia, CML is not "__staged__". Rather, this unstable disease is categorized according to the three phases of its development: chronic, accelerated, and blast._

_**Chronic phase**__—Patients in this initial phase have fewer than 5% blast cells and promyelocytes (immature granulocytes) in their blood and bone marrow. This phase is marked by increasing overproduction of granulocytes. Individuals generally experience only mild symptoms, and they respond well to conventional treatment. _

_**Accelerated phase**__—Patients in this progressive phase have more than 5%, but fewer than 30% blast cells. Their leukemic cells exhibit more chromosomal abnormalities besides the Philadelphia chromosome, and so more abnormal cells are produced. Noticeable symptoms such as fever, poor appetite, weight loss occur, and patients may not respond as well to therapy. _

_**Blast phase**__ (acute phase, blast crisis)—Patients in this final phase have more than 30% blast cells in their blood and bone marrow samples. The blast cells frequently invade other tissues and organs outside of the bone marrow. During this phase, the disease transforms into an aggressive, acute leukemia (70% acute myelogenous leukemia, 30% acute lymphocytic leukemia). If untreated, CML is fatal in roughly 20% of all patients each year. _

My hands were shaking uncontrollably. I kept reading the last sentence over and over again. Well, it was only a small amount, right? Just 20%. And there is no guarantee that I have it. It's stupid. Why should I be worried?

Just as I was thinking this, I heard something drop. I looked back down at the book. On the edge of the page was a blood drop. My hand flew to my nose. I touched something wet. I took a look at my hand. Yup. It was me.

I closed the book without thinking. I kept my free hand over my nose while I put the book back on the shelf. I was shaking too hard to put it back in place. I tried to regain control of myself, but my nose was bleeding, I had low blood sugar, and I was scared. I managed to wedge it back it enough and I flew out of the study. I shut the door quickly behind me and ran to the bathroom.

I wiped my nose and rinsed off my blood covered hand. I remembered a trick Charlie taught me when I was little. I tore off a piece of toilet paper and rolled it up. I stuck the small roll and placed it under my top lip. I quickly walked downstairs and wrapped some ice in a paper towel. I leaned my head back and put the ice under my nose. I blindly felt my way to the living room couch

I tried to slow my frantic breathing by thinking of happier things. But all I could think about was the horrifying image in the mirror and the words in the book. I glanced at the large clock hanging on the wall. It was nine. I closed my eyes and continued to practice breathing. I removed the ice from under my nose and slowly straightened my neck. I placed my index finger under my nose to check for more blood. Nope. No blood. I let out a sigh of relief and stood up.

I removed to rolled up toilet paper from under my lip and went upstairs to flush it. As I watched the water spin, I suddenly felt nauseous. And before I could stop myself, I was leaning over the toilet tossing my cookies.

Ugh. I wiped my mouth with toilet paper and flushed everything. Although I had an awful taste in my mouth, I had to get rid of the evidence. I took out the cleaner and brush and scrubbed until there was no sign of my accident. I was grateful to finally be able to brush my teeth. I felt gross. I was tempted to take another shower. But I still had one more thing to do before Edward came home.

I walked over to his very advanced looking computer and turned it on. I clicked on internet explorer and typed in Google.

I searched, "coping with cancer" and waited for two seconds while the results loaded. I clicked on a link that looked promising.

_Coping with Cancer in Everyday Life _it read. Under it there was a link that said _For the Person Who Has Cancer. _I wasn't sure how I was going to "cope" with this, so I double clicked. The information read:

_**Taking care of yourself **_

_With the stress cancer causes, it is important that you take care of yourself--the whole person--not just the cancer. Some people may want to become more "in tune" with themselves, or just do things that take their mind off the disease. Do what you need to do. Physical activities such as walking, dancing, and yoga can improve your sense of well-being and make you more aware of your body. Poetry, music, drawing, and reading are also creative ways to express yourself and keep your mind off cancer. Meditation and relaxation training can help with anxiety and symptom control. Taking on a new and challenging activity can give you a sense of accomplishment, as well as help reduce stress. _

I would do anything to keep my mind off of the disease. The very word 'cancer' had me shaking. There was no cure, there was just treatment. I focused on Edward to keep from becoming completely terrified. But thinking of him made me think of hiding this from him. With a phycic, a mood reader, and a 300 year old doctor in the house, it would be a VERY hard secret to keep. And if these symptoms progress, I was in serious trouble. I remembered when I totally puked my guts up, the feeling came so quickly and so suddenly there was no stopping it. And I don't even want to think about what would happen if I got another random bloody nose. That could be disasterous in a house full of vampires. I would just have to keep my distance for a while until I can control my health defects. I can't hide this forever, so the question becomes: how long can I keep this a secret? From what I can tell, I have accelerated Leukimia.

I figured I had enough research to keep me going for a while. I closed out all my applications and shut down the computer. I was walking down the stairs when the front door opened. There he was. My personal miracle. Whenever I woke up and he was there, I always believed I was dreaming. He looked up and smiled at me. I leaped from the third step and into Edwards arms. He spun me in a circle like a little girl. I laughed. But his hold on me hurt my back really hurt.

I let go of him and he pulled me into a hug. "How are you this morning, Mrs. Cullen?" He asked.

"I'm fine now that you're here," I told him. He smiled. "How's Esme's project working out?" I asked for a change of subject. If anything, I was the opposite of 'fine'.

"It's finished," he informed me. "She just wanted us to help her with the furniture. And wow," he said smiling down at me. "She had a ton of furniture." He almost looked tired. I laughed.

"Yeah, moving furniture sounds like quite the chore when you could easily lift a eighteen wheeler. Sounds like you got a workout." I joked.

"You have no idea," he closed his eyes and shook his head. Oh so melodramatic. My little drama king.

"Okay, c'mon drama king. I feel like apples and peanut butter." (I'm totally convinced that peanut butter is the food of life) He followed me into the kitchen. When I pulled out the knife, it looked as if Edward was going to have a panic attack. The knife was out of my hands before I could think any further. He was already cutting and coring the apple. I glared at him. I was clumsy, but I've handled a knife more than Edward has in his entire life.

I sat down to enjoy my food. I tried to gulp down as much as possible, but I just really wasn't that hungry. I was afraid if I took in anymore food that it might make an unwanted reappearance. I couldn't have that happen. I pushed away my plate and said I was done. Edward looked upset a little bit. But I'd rather him think I just wasn't eating enough instead of thinking that I _couldn't_ eat anymore.

He looked like he was about to say something when everyone burst through the door. I heard a "Bella!" come from Alice. What did she want now? Carlisle walked into the kitchen. He stared at me for a moment. I froze. Did he really already notice? Or was I just more self conscious? He looked like he was trying to solve a really hard puzzle in his head. I kept my eyes locked on him.

"Good morning Bella," he greeted me.

"Good morning Carlisle," I said quietly. I was recovering from my scare. I looked down at the table. When I looked up, Edward was engaging in a silent conversation with Carlisle. I thought I'd be able to keep it a secret longer than 24 hours! I have to do a better job with this. Alice saved me by walking into the kitchen.

"Bella! Oh my gosh we have _got_ to go shopping! Like, today!" She stormed in with her hands held over her head as if she were praising the God who invented the mall. I wonder if Jasper minds paying for her OCD?

"Alice, I really don't like shopping," I admitted. But that wasn't a good defense on my part.

"Bella!" She put her hands on her hips as she scolded me. "Have you taken a look at yourself today?" You have no idea. "You need to go shopping! Just look at what she's wearing!" She turned to face Edward as if he needed to grant permission. Instead of laughing like he usually did when Alice begged to go shopping, he glanced down at me and there was fear in his eyes. Crap.

"Fine. I shall join you in your mission to rob the mall of all it's quality clothing." I stood up and nearly fell back down from head rush. But I put my hand down on the table for support. Edward put his hand on my back for support. "I'm fine Edward. It's just a head rush." I could feel Edwards and Carlisle's eyes burning into my back as put on my coat and drove off with Alice.

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**End of the 4th chapter! I think this is really the beginning of Bella's struggle. Carlisle and Edward know that there is something wrong, but you have to review and see what happens when Bella realizes a major slip up in her clever facade! Review and tell me how you like it!**


	5. Bread Crumbs

**Okay, so this is a little shorter than normal, but i think it's important because it really emphasizes Bella's dilema. It shows her determination to keep the truth from everyone. And to the fans who think Edward finds out, changes her, and everyone lives happily ever after, boy do YOU have a surprise coming! Enjoy and REVIEW!**

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Chapter 5

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"Alice, I don't understand why we are going shopping when you just bought me an entire closet worth of new clothes." I complained. We were sitting in Alice's Porsche and driving at the speed of light towards Los Angeles. She says it has the best shopping.

She turned to glare at me. "I don't know what you're hiding Bella," She started in a low tone, "but I _will_ figure it out. You are just being too careful right now."

Crap. Everyone seems to be onto me.

"Why does everyone think there is something wrong with me?" My voice was rising a little bit. "I am completely and totally fine!" I insisted. "I'm not hiding anything." Nobody needs to know my problems. It's rude to shove your personal problems on people. I wasn't about to break my spotless record now.

She glowered at me. "Edward can smell that something is wrong with you. I also saw you in Carlisle's office. I'm not sure _what_ you were reading," her brows furrowed in frustration, "but it probably contains some clue as to what is going on. What I want to know is why you are keeping it a secret." She banged her hands on the steering wheel and I jumped. "I can tell you're lying, Bella. You suck at it. Everyone can tell when you're lying. It's been driving Edward bonkers. When we went hunting, he was a fucking nervous wreck. When I asked him what was wrong, all he said was, 'I can feel there's something wrong with Bella'." She shook her head. "I also saw you in the bathroom with that bloody nose. Edward had already left to go and see you, so he didn't know about it. I didn't see much else." Thank goodness for that! I don't know what would happen if she saw my back.

"Alice, I think it's just the weather. It's really dry outside and my nose was just reacting to it. It's nothing. I don't know why you guys are freaking out over it." I folded my arms across my chest. "You always worry for me over nothing." I smiled as I remembered what Alice had previously said. "You are going to go prematurely grey," I told her with a smirk.

She flashed me a look that had a murderous intent. "I'm going to kill you before whatever is eating you up does." She turned back to the road.

"Please do," I muttered.

Her head jerked over to face me. "Hah! So you admit there is something wrong! Now it's just a matter of finding out what." She put her thumb and index finger to her chin in deep thought. I sighed.

"Damn vampire hearing," I murmured. She just smiled victoriously. "So why are we going shopping again?" I tried to ease the slowly growing tension.

She gave me a sarcastic look then shook her head. "I'll explain how this works _very_ slowly for you Bella," she checked to make sure I was paying attention. "The clothes that I bought you were the summer collections," she said in exaggerated slowness. "It is fall and winter fashions that are out right now. That means we go out and buy all the latest fashions. Keep up Bella." I just rolled my eyes at her and looked out the window and stared into space as the cars flew by us.

_8 hours later…_

"Alice, you weren't joking when you said you were going to kill me, were you?" I was slumped into the passenger seat with eight bags of designer clothes sitting in front of me. The ten more bags that Alice carried were in the back.

She giggled. "Nope. And just think," she glanced at me with an evil grin. "If you keep your secret for long, this method of torture will just continue. Are you sure you don't want to share with the class?" She asked as we pulled into the Cullen driveway.

I saw who was waiting on the front porch step impatiently. I didn't even have to think about my answer. "I'm positive."

Alice shut the car off and Edward flew open the door and pulled me into his arms. I hugged him tightly and closed my eyes. Life's most precious moments are usually spent blind. That's why we close our eyes when we kiss the ones we love.

Edward let out a sigh of relief. "I don't think I'll be able to let Alice take you shopping again. It's not very nice of her to take you away from me like that." His voice was shaky. I wondered for a split second what Alice was silently telling him.

"Hey," I said in a light tone. "Alice was with me. Yeah, she made me shop until I felt like passing out," he turned his head to glare at Alice. I put my hands to his face and forced him to look at me. "But I'm fine. I will always come back for you," I gave him a kiss on the lips. "Just like you did for me." I cocked my head to the side. "Why were you so scared?" I asked honestly. I was with Alice. She would never let anything happen to me, and Edward knows that.

I closed his eyes and touched my hands that were still on his cheeks. He took a deep breath. "I just can't shake this feeling that you are going to leave me soon." He frowned and his eyebrows furrowed.

I made it look like he was talking about just moving away from him. "Why on earth would I do that Edward?" I tried to make my voice sound a little angry. "I love you Edward. There's not a damn thing you can do about it." He smiled. "I would never leave you. I don't know why that thought even came close to your conscience." He frowned again and shook his head.

"I didn't mean it like that Bella. What I meant was…" He seemed to be at a loss for words.

"What you meant was…" I urged him on.

"Never mind." He looked up at me. "Your lips are turning blue," before I knew what was happening, he swept me up into his arms and took me inside. It took the breath out of me.

He set me down on the couch and wrapped a blanket around me. "I didn't even realize I was cold," I explained confusedly. He just looked at me like he was confused. "Never mind." I shook my head. I didn't realize until now that I was tired either. I yawned. "I think I'll take a nap. Eight hours of shopping tends to make me tired." I attempted to stand up, but Edward gently laid me back down on the couch.

"You don't have to move. You can sleep right here since you're already comfortable." He sat down next to me on the floor and brushed the stray wild hair out of my face. I closed my eyes at the tingling sensation he left on my forehead. I sighed and let him brush my cheek. The comfort his touch brought sent me to sleep.

I felt intense heat all around me. I was breathing heavily and I felt sick to my stomach. It felt like the same dream I had a couple of nights ago, except it was more intense. All the feelings I had felt before seemed to intensify and strengthen. I felt something cold touch my forehead, but it quickly went away. I didn't want it to go away. The cold felt good on my inflamed skin. _"Come back,"_ It was a weak cry. I couldn't say anything more, but the cold feeling came back. I sighed in relief. At least there was one part of my skin that was burning.

All of a sudden the burning was gone. The sick feeling was still somewhat there, but I was able to ignore it now. All I could see was black. The cold, I realized it was a hand, was still resting on my face. Then I clearly heard Carlisle's voice.

"I know Edward. I can smell it too. I don't know what she knows or what she is experiencing, but it doesn't look good." His tone was low and strained.

"You heard her," a soft angel voice whispered. "She felt like she was burning," Had I said that out loud? "Do you think she was dreaming about…?"

"No Edward. This is something completely different. She is purposely keeping it from us. Either that or she doesn't know what's happening to her. Alice told me what she could find out." Evil pixie! It was all planned. I should've known…"She said that Bella has an idea what is wrong with her. She also said that she would rather have Alice kill her than what she has. She could have, of course, just been saying that, but the way Alice described she said it…something is definitely in there. She is very careful with what she decides to do. She knows exactly how Alice's visions work and she is using it in her favor. This creates a problem for us." I could see Carlisle's face scrunch up in concentration as he, like Edward, tried to unravel the contorted workings of my mind.

Edward sighed and moved his hand down to my cheek. I gave a sigh of satisfaction. "What I wouldn't give to just have five seconds in her mind," he whispered. "She will do anything when she is determined. But something usually goes wrong. That's what scares me, Carlisle. I can't shake the feeling that she will be leaving me soon." His voice broke on the last word. I was hurting Edward. I had to do a better job of hiding this. He has to believe that I'm fine.

I decided that I should probably cut the charade and wake up. I squinched my eyes together and let my brows furrow. I put my hand on top of Edwards and forced my heavy eyelids open. I smiled up at Edward. "Hey there," my voice was thick with sleep.

He forced a smile. "Hello Love," He brushed away the hair that had fallen over my face and gently tucked it behind my ear. "How are you feeling?" He moved his hand to my forehead.

This confused me. "What do you mean?" I asked, sincerely curious.

He frowned. "You had a fever for a couple of hours and you slept like the dead. You tossed and turned for a couple more hours before you finally settled. Carlisle has been taking care of you." He looked over towards where the foyer was. I squinted past him to see. Carlisle stood there with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Are you sure you are feeling okay?" He gazed at me with his warm butterscotch eyes full of concern.

I smiled. "Yeah. I feel fine. I'm a little tired and I feel a little drowsy, but that is probably just the fever wearing off," Carlisle nodded and I slowly sat up. Edward quickly moved one hand behind me for support. The blanket fell to my waste and I found that my clothes were stiff with dried sweat. "Ew," was all I said. Edward laughed. Except it wasn't a normal laugh. "I'm a mess. I think I'll go and take a shower." I tried to move, but my legs were so stiff. I stared angrily at my legs when then didn't work right. "How long was I out?" I asked slowly and cautiously.

Edward frowned. "You've been out for nearly twenty-four hours. You fell asleep shortly after you got back from shopping with Alice. She feels miserable by the way. She thinks it's her fault that you got sick."

I scoffed. "I highly doubt that sleeping with a fever for a day is considered sick. I think it was just exhaustion. Now could you help me upstairs? I actually _do_ feel stiff this time." I looked up at him, pleading for help. He lifted me up off the couch and into his arms. If I tried to get up the stairs myself, there's no guarantee that I wouldn't pass out. Better be safe than sorry.

We got up to the room, but Edward didn't put me down.

"Edward? HellOO? In order for me to get rid of the stink that is enveloping me, you kind of need to put me down." I widened my eyes in question when he didn't put me down. He just smirked at me.

"Not necessarily," he smiled my crooked smile.

This can't happen. The image of the discolored girl in the mirror came back to haunt me. The adrenaline began to pump through me in a rush to buy myself a way out of this. One excuse came to mind immediately.

I gave Edward a pretend sarcastic glare (but he didn't know it was pretend). He raised his eyebrows. "You really don't want to watch me shave or anything like that do you?" He scrunched his nose in agreement. "That's what I thought. Now if you'll excuse me for a human minute," I wrenched my way out of his arms and he set me down. "Thanks for the ride cowboy," I saluted him and headed off to the bathroom. From behind I could hear his bear-like laughter protruding the silence. I couldn't help but smile. My attempt at a lie actually made him laugh. The guilt hit me pretty bad after that.

I turned on the shower and began to undress. Along my spine was the ugliest shade of blue I've ever seen. The sight never ceased to horrify me. I clenched my eyes closed and looked again. It was still there. I stepped into the shower and I had a silent cry. I cried mostly because I had to keep this secret, and lie to them about me being all right. Accelerated leukemia is not exactly what I consider to be all right.

I brought my hands to my face to keep the water out of my face. But I felt something warm and a little more solid than water hit my hand. I took a glance at my hand. Blood. I touched under my nose and found myself having another nose bleed. Luck must be on my side. I only have these moments when no one can see me. I put my hand down and let the water wash away the blood from my face. I heard a knock on the door.

"Bella?" It was Edward, and he sounded worried. "Are you okay?" Did I say luck was on my side? Well I totally take it back now.

I tried to sound surprised. "Yeah, Edward. I'm fine. Is everything okay?" I said a little loudly over the sound of the shower.

There was a pause. "Yes, everything is alright. I just sm- sensed something was wrong. I guess it was just me." He caught his mistake quick, but not quick enough for me to not hear. I was leaving trails everywhere. They were getting too suspicious of me. I was going to fool all of them.

Alice will be proud at my new found acting skills.

**Finally finished! It took me a while to figure out what i wanted to get across. I finally decided it should be Bella's determination and struggle to keep everyone happy. Please Review and tell me what you think!**

**My thanks and appreciation to Musically Inclined! I love all my fans. Thanks for reviewing.**


	6. Deadly Secrets

**I thought I needed to add more to the plot, so I threw in a curve ball to the story. I hope you find it interesting enough. Sorry it took a while to update, school is totally kicking my butt!**

**enjoy!**

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Deadly Secrets

I'm fighting. I have been for over two weeks. Sometimes the pain is so bad, I can barely stand. But I don't dare show the pain. I have learned to control winces, cringes, or any other indication of pain. I would rather suffer this pain forever than have my family be upset by it. I didn't marry Edward so I could just be a burden to him, I married him because I loved him (and so he would turn me into a vampire.). I refuse to cause trouble over a stupid health condition.

I could tell they were growing less suspicious. Carlisle still gives me curious glances every now and then, but that's just doctor's intuition. It's like doctors are born with a sixth sense: they can ALWAYS tell when something is wrong with you. Esme never really suspected anything, Alice is just reluctant to me surrendering myself to her shopping missions. Rosalie could care less. Yes, she doesn't mind me as a sister, but I'm still human. Emmett is too oblivious to notice tension or anything serious. He is way too child like. But one of my concerns is Jasper.

Whenever we sit in the living room together and my back is in pain from leaning on it, Jasper always stares at me in confusion. Then Edward hears Jasper and gets all worried. When I'm in pain, I try to ignore it and just feel happy or content, but it's not as easy as it sounds.

The pain is so sharp. It's more like knives driving into my spine. In the beginning it felt like a bruise that you got from getting kicked in the shin playing soccer, or accidentally hitting your back against the bed headboard. The pain slowly progressed through the weeks. The nose bleeds and vomiting seemed to get worse too. I always tried to hold it until I took a shower or when they were out hunting. The only serious problem became how much Edward was around me (No thanks to Jasper).

One day in the kitchen, I dropped a little of my apple and bent down to pick it up. Unfortunately for me, Carlisle was in the kitchen.

A thousand serrated knives drove into my spine. I had control, but this pain was unbearable. I made the mistake of letting out a whimper.

Carlisle was suddenly at my side. "Bella? Are you alright?" He was using his serious doctor like voice.

I had to put my hands on my knees just to get up. It hurt even more. I put on a brave face so I could pull off one of my lies.

"I'm fine Carlisle. I just hate wasting the food. I'm so clumsy," I frowned convincingly…I hope.

Carlisle just shook his head. "That should be nothing to worry about. We don't mind getting food for you Bella."

SPARK. I looked back at Carlisle. "That bothers me Carlisle," I falsely admitted to him. "I would feel much better if I was the one shopping for food. After all, you don't eat it, and it's a waste if I don't get to the food in time and it spoils." I put the small piece of apple that had fallen to the floor in the sink. Carlisle looked confused, but he backed down.

If I was able to go shopping by myself, that means if I felt sick, have a nose bleed, feel the need to cry, I could do it without an audience. I have always liked it better that way. No one has seen me break down like that except for Charlie, and I hoped to keep it that way.

"If it makes you feel better," he gave me a strange look, "then you can do the grocery shopping. I don't do the shopping, so you can take it up with Esme, but I'm sure she won't mind." I put on my best smile.

"Thank you Carlisle. I'll talk to her about it." I turned back to slicing my apple.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk to me about something else, Bella?" His question wanted to make me confess everything, like when a criminal thinks he was just busted, but really, they have no idea. I didn't rise to the bait.

"What are you talking about Carlisle?" I asked innocently. "What else would I have a problem with? It's really the only problem I had, and it was out of guilt, I didn't mean to come across as ungrateful," but Carlisle interrupted me.

"You know that's not what I'm talking about Bella," his voice was low and serious. I forced myself to hide the shiver. I looked up at his face, and his eyes penetrated mine, searching.

I felt like a puppy backed up against a wall. Nowhere to go! I felt vulnerable and exposed. "Then what are you talking about, Carlisle?" I asked in pretend shock. I don't think he bought it.

He just shook his head. "Whenever you're ready Bella." He gave me a sad glance that made me think he knew everything. But I know for sure that he doesn't. He knows something is wrong, but he doesn't KNOW know. Just as he walked out of the kitchen, Edward walked in.

He did a double take on Carlisle, then he turned back to me.

"What was that about, Love?" He asked. He came up and stood behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing the side of my neck.

I sighed happily. "Oh, nothing. I was just asking him if I could do the grocery shopping. I felt guilty about it because I'm lazy and hardly do anything, and I'm the one who eats all the food. So I was just asking him if Esme would mind me lifting one chore off her shoulders." I took a bite of my golden delicious apple, then he turned me to face him. His eyes were kind and full of love. I couldn't see any doubt in his eyes. I was getting better.

"You don't have to worry about that, Bella," he smiled. "Really, Esme doesn't mind getting things that you need."

I sighed. "I know, but I would still feel better if I was the one going out to get everything. It makes more sense to me. I don't see what you and Carlisle have against this." At the mention of Carlisle, his eyes tightened ever-so-slightly. He covered it quickly, but not quick enough.

"What?" I asked cautiously.

He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Oh, nothing. Carlisle has just been a little tense lately. And when he was walking out of the kitchen just now, he seemed a little…confused with you," confused huh? "He was thinking, 'oh Bella. Why won't she admit it,'" he gazed to the spot where Carlisle disappeared.

"Hm. That's strange," I said nonchalantly.

"What are you hiding?" He asked all of a sudden. His glistening topaz eyes bored into mine, trying once again to attempt to unravel the contorted workings of my mind. Good luck pal.

This wasn't the first time someone asked me this question, and I had answered it enough times that it seemed more like the truth.

"Edward, I'm not hiding anything," I stared at him straight in the eye as I said this. People always know you're lying or trying to hide something when you look elsewhere. I couldn't risk suspicion. "Why do you think I'm hiding something?" I asked turning back to my apple that I really wasn't hungry for. I needed to find out what I was doing wrong so I could fix it immediately.

I heard Edward lean against the island in the middle of the kitchen. "Oh," he sighed. "It's just Jasper and Carlisle. Jasper is always confused. He feels a lot of effort coming from you. He thinks it's to hide something you don't want us to know. He also catches bits of pain radiating from you," he suddenly turned me around to face him. "You're not in pain are you?" he asked worriedly.

I laughed it off. "What? No. I feel fine. The only effort I put forth during the day is so I don't pull out a crowbar to hit Emmett in the head when he laughs at me, or for some childish reason. Also, his laugh gets on my nerves, it's so loud." That seemed to defrost Edward. He laughed at that. He smiled and hugged me to him.

Sharp pains. I squinched my eyes shut and pretended that it was just because of the joy in the moment. But really, I wanted to fall to the floor and cry.

"What's wrong Bella?" I heard a familiar voice asked.

I turned and found Jasper standing in front of the swinging door to the kitchen.

Today just kept getting better and better.

"Huh?" I asked dumbly.

"You wanted to crumble to the floor a second ago," he said confusedly.

I smiled. "Edward's hugs always do to me," I admitted bashfully. But thankfully, he can't sense the lie, because there wasn't one. "Sometimes I just want to melt, they're so warm and full of love." I smiled even broader as I saw the look in Edward's eyes again.

Jasper shook his head furiously, and his curly blonde hair flipped around his head with the motion. "I didn't say melt, I said crumble."

I became irritated. I purposely thought of how Jasper needed to shut up and go with the story given. Hopefully he would catch my drift.

He suddenly started laughing. Emmett stuck a head in.

"What did Bella do this time?" He gave me a wicked smile.

I glared. "So I have to _do _something to be funny?" I asked, irritated even more. I can be funny! I just have a dry sense of humor.

Jasper recollected himself. "Bella is just really irritable right now," he managed to get out between spurts of laughter.

I wish he hadn't said that. The more irritated, the more fun Emmett will have.

"Really?" he asked, wagging his eyebrows. "Well then," he stepped into the kitchen "What? Did he tell you what we did to your truck?" I frowned angrily. His smile got broader (if at all possible). "Or was he explaining the novel he was working on that is based off of Bella's self inflicted injuries due to clumsiness?"

He wanted an irritated grizzly bear, he got one. "What the hell did you do to my truck?" I said backing away from Edward and glaring at all three brothers. I crossed my arms. "And what is this about a book on my clumsiness?" I gave them my best murderous glare I could come up with and turned my eyes to Edward. He stopped giggling and held up his hands.

"Hey," he took a step back. "I had nothing to do with it. It was all Emmett," He pointed to Emmett.

Now Emmett was scowling. "Don't you dare put this on me! You know it was Jasper!" He put on a frightened face. "I don't know what I would do if I had to face Bella's wrath!" he widened his eyes in fear and began chewing on his nails.

I picked up the tea kettle that was sitting on the stove and flung it at him. He (of course) caught it reflexively, but then threw it at Edward.

Edward let it hit him and he pretended to block it. Watching Edward cringe away from Emmett made me burst into laughter.

I hugged my stomach I was laughing so hard. I bent over just the slightest bit to ease the pain of my torso. Then the knives came back, and the tears of laughter soon became tears of pain.

Everyone stopped laughing and I was suddenly alert again. I looked up and saw Jasper and Edward hovering over me. Emmett just stood where he had been, confused as ever. It was too cute.

"Bella," Jasper asked. "Where does it hurt?" He surprisingly put both of his hands on my shoulders, and there was slight panic in his eyes.

"Besides my stomach from laughing so hard? Nothing," he looked unconvinced.

"I didn't know it hurt that much to laugh," he said, not believing anything I said.

_Shut up Jasper. Trust me. Just stay quiet. You don't want to know._ I thought with a smile.

His eyes widened.

I walked out of his touch. "I'm going to go find Esme," I said heading for the doorway. Then I paused. "If you did anything to that truck, or if I find that moronic book you're writing, there will be hell to pay," I warned.

I heard laughter as I headed upstairs to see Esme.

I found Esme working at her desk diligently on her current remodeling project. She looked up as I accosted her.

"Hello Esme," I greeted her.

"Hello Bella." She smiled and her dimples made her look like a little girl. I smiled. "How are you?" I couldn't lie to Esme to save my life, so I told her what I could.

"Oh, I've been better. But everything is fine," for a moment she was confused, but I just waved my hand dismissively at the thought. "I just wanted to talk to you about something," I began.

"Oh, yes. That's right. The grocery shopping." For the first time, she rolled her eyes playfully. "Bella, I don't mind if you want to do the grocery shopping yourself. It really isn't a hassle for me, just to let you know. Sometimes they have pretty flower arrangements that I like to look at, the cakes are fun to look at, too," she admitted bashfully. I smiled. "If you want to do it, that's completely okay with me. I just buy a lot of food, not really knowing what it is. You can pick out whatever you like."

"Thank you Esme," I turned to walk out, but she called me back.

"Do you mind if I do something?" she asked, a little unsure.

"Sure. What is it?" I regretted saying that the moment it came out of my mouth.

She was right behind me. She lifted my shirt just a little bit and gasped. I whirled around. Her eyes were filled with what could only be terror and worry.

The only thing I could feel was panic.

"What happened Bella?" she asked, horrified at the sight.

"Shh, shh!" I told her urgently. "Please, don't say anything to anyone," I begged. The look on her face did not disappear.

"Did Edward—" I was appalled.

"Oh, God! No! No, no, that's not it," I explained in a rush. "No, really. It wasn't that," she sighed in relief. Then accusation hit her eyes.

"You should really have Carlisle—" I cut her off.

"No, Esme. No one can know about this," I said low and serious. She just gazed back with dark eyes, confused. "Can you promise me that you won't think about it, or tell Carlisle?" I asked her. Her mouth parted slightly in surprise.

I could tell she was about to ask why, but I answered before the question came out. "Trust me Esme. It wouldn't do anyone any good." And that was the truth.

The thought of anyone finding out made me nauseous. I felt myself about to gag, but I forced back the bile that threatened to expose (and humiliate) me. I felt sick.

"Please," I pleaded.

She let her head down in defeat. "I promise," she whispered. I felt horrible for forcing Esme to promise me this. I pulled her into an embrace. I bit back the tears that wanted to well up in my eyes. She gently hugged me back, but I winced and she let go almost instantly.

"Sorry, it hurts a little bit," I admitted guiltily.

Her caring gaze was set on my face. She placed her smooth, cold hand over mine on her lap. "I won't force you Bella, but I strongly believe that you should tell Carlisle. He needs to take a look at that." I could tell that she was begging, and I almost gave in, but I couldn't bring myself to.

I shook my head no. "I can't do that to you. Not to you, Carlisle, Alice, Jasper," I swallowed hard. "Edward." I added. "It wouldn't be fair to you guys. I'm sure it's nothing," one small lie wouldn't hurt. "There's no need." I assured her.

She kissed me on my forehead. "Okay then. You decide what's best. Even if it isn't what is best for you." She turned back to her work.

"Thank you Esme," I whispered. She just clenched her eyes closed and nodded.

I was endangering my secret with every lie I told. And now Esme knew. I know she promised, but I'll admit: it's a hard promise to keep. She may try to keep the nightmarish image of my discolored back out of her mind, but there are such things as errant thoughts. Which terrified me. I had to watch everything I thought, felt, spoke, and did. It was mentally and physically exhausting. Edward was getting more and more worried because I would just pass out at night. He says I don't talk as much anymore. Good. I can't afford to have my secret slip in my sleep.

I went to bed with Edward that night, thinking of Esme. I closed my eyes and imagined myself sinking into a black abyss that seemed to welcome me with unwanted comfort.

EPOV

Bella was definitely hiding something. I could hear Jasper's thoughts and what he was feeling, and Bella was irritated with him every time he became concerned with her condition. He could almost make out the exact words she was thinking. He described it to me as "shut the hell up". I couldn't help but wonder why.

She avoided talking about it. She always had an excuse for how she felt. Sometimes they seemed like truths, but other times, I was sure she was hiding her true feelings. Every once and a while, when we were all together talking, she would gaze at all of us. I didn't need to read Jasper's thoughts to know the look on her face. She looked determined, and protective. She's foolish if she thinks that she needs to protect us.

But what if it's from whatever she's hiding?

I pushed the thought aside. The only way she could hurt us is if she stopped loving us the way she did. Which was highly unlikely.

After a strange day, I finally picked up Bella, who was sleeping peacefully on the couch with her torn up copy of _Wuthering Heights_, and took her upstairs to bed. The couch became one of her favorite napping spots. But her naps were becoming plentiful. She would take a nap in the afternoon, usually after helping Esme clean or after shopping with Alice, and then in early evening, she would fall asleep.

But tonight was different. Her forehead was wrinkled as if she were trying to figure out a difficult puzzle. She didn't wake, but it looked as if she would wake up at any moment.

I started to lay her down in the bed, but the moment her back touched the bed, I heard the smallest whimper come from her. Her whole faced became contorted. I didn't know if it was from a dream, or if she was really hurting. I carefully set her on the bed and she whimpered again, more noticeably. The moment I put her down, she rolled over onto her side. She didn't curl up into her usual ball, instead, she laid perfectly straight on her side with her hand over her stomach.

What was wrong with her? She refused to tell anyone, if she was hiding something. I laid down next to her and watched her sleep.

After an hour or so, she started talking. This was how I spent every night.

I blocked out all the thoughts that were coming from downstairs and focused on Bella's whispers.

"No…It won't benefit anybody…mmm…fine." She sighed deeply and squirmed a bit.

'Benefit anybody'? What is that supposed to mean? Sometimes what Bella's says in her sleep is uncomprehensible.

"Esme…don't….please don't. It's nothing," Bella breathed. I was enveloped with what she was saying. "Ew. Why won't it go away? Itsssss…so horrible." She was probably talking about a bug. She hates anything that crawls and has intenae.

Bella tried to roll over onto her other side, but when she did, she whimpered loudly. Her face became all scrunched up, and it looked as if she were about to cry. I put my hand to her cheek.

"Bella?" I whispered. "Bella, are you awake? Are you alright?" No response. Her lips started to quiver. Her entire body looked shaken and tremulous.

She whispered under her breath, "this isn't happening. Not to me. Not Edward." Her quivering stopped suddenly. I thought she had awoken, but whispered once more, "don't be upset. Nothing'sss…wrong." That was the last thing she said that night.

Well, I didn't get much out of that lecture. But what she was dreaming definitely disturbed her. Sadly, her mind was the one thing she protected herself.

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**I thought this would be a good place to stop the chapter...also because i had writer's block. ARG. have patience, i'm working on the next chapter. Review and tell me what you think. **


	7. A Night to Remember

**Okay, so i had a complete writer's block. It took me forever to write this chapter! Sorry for the slow progress. The next couple of chapters should be easier to write. This one was just particularly difficult. I felt that Bella was just too alone, so I thickened the plot. Review and tell me what you think of this little addition!**

**A Night to Remember**

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Today is a very bad day. I woke up feeling sore as hell, Edward is pretending he's a helicopter (hoverhoverhover), I feel light headed (probably from lack of nutrition), I had to put forth all self control in order to keep bile from making an appearance, and I got a nose bleed. God is just not favoring me today.

I got out of the shower and made sure that all traces of blood were gone off my face. Alice had picked out my clothes for the day (a long, grey, tube-top dress with black cashmere cardigan). I'm glad it didn't take much effort to put on, because I wasn't in the mood for putting much effort into anything today.

I felt weightless as I descended to stairs to the kitchen. Alice was sitting on the couch. She was beaming with pride as she took in my outfit. I smiled weakly back at her. She was too happy about the dress to notice. Jasper looked like he was focusing on a really hard 3-D puzzle. The suspicious part being he was looking at me.

Edward was waiting in the kitchen, cooking up some pancakes. I smiled, but the thought of actually putting the pancakes in my mouth made me want to gag. Food just isn't appealing to me anymore.

"Good morning, love," he greeted me.

"Morning," I replied.

He artfully flipped the pancakes and I clapped, doing my best to look impressed, but it didn't surprise me: he could do everything.

He turned off the stove and was at my side. I felt his arms slip around my waist. I sighed and held on to his arms, with no intention of letting go.

His lips were at my ear. "You look beautiful today," he kissed my temple. "What's the occasion?"

I smiled. "I don't know. You'd have to ask Alice for an answer." He laughed.

"Not necessarily true," he had a smirk on his face.

"What?" I asked incredulous.

He gave me a look of disbelief. "You really don't know what day it is do you?"

"Today is Thursday?" I guessed.

He put his lips at my ear. "Happy birthday," he whispered. I froze in shock. I had succeeded artfully at forgetting it was my birthday…until Edward said something. Damn you Edward!

"Excuse me?" I gulped. My dreaded birthday.

His grin grew smug. "Happy nineteenth birthday Mrs. Cullen," He kissed my temple, but I was too busy trying to absorb what day it was to really react from it. I wasn't looking at anything in paticular, I just stared wide-eyed at empty space.

"Today's my birthday," I said slowly, hoping that it would sound more ridiculous and unlikely. The words were so confusing! They don't make sense!

Edward started laughing at my horrified expression. "That's right, Love. You don't have to look so traumatized." His smirk grew more prominent. Grrr.

"I have every right to look horrified!" I scolded at him. He tried to put on a serious face, but the corners of his mouth were twitching madly. "I'm an old fart and my husband is a seventeen year old piece of perfection! There is no justice in the world!" I threw my hands up in the air for emphasis. Then I put my face in the palm of my hands and just shook it back and forth in disbelief.

Edward tried, he really did. But he just found my reaction too funny to do me any good. "Don't be put out, Love." He rubbed small circles on my lower back, it would've felt nice if I wasn't all black and blue.

I gave him one pleading look. "Please don't mention my birthday," I nearly wailed. I've always hated my birthday. Just because I was married now, doesn't mean that was going to change.

He just smiled. "If that's what you wish." I nodded. Thankfully, he changed the subject. "Why don't you eat something?" Unfortunately, it was a topic I have been wanting to avoid. He stepped away and put a couple of pancakes on a plate. He pushed the plate to me and set down a bottle of syrup that I hadn't noticed was there. I stared down at the plate for a moment, thinking of ways I could avoid catastrophe.

"Bon apetit," he said in a flawless French accent.

"Merci boku," I imitated in a terrible and fake accent. I stared at the pancakes, wanting to throw them into the fire. If I ate this, it might make a not-so-glamorous reappearance at lunch.

I poured the syrup over the pancakes so slowly, it looked like one of those slow motion flicks you find on youtube. Edward rolled his eyes.

"No need to rush," he said teasingly. I glared. I gave the pancakes one more good, glare before bravely jabbing my knife and fork into them.

I chewed slowly. To me, it tasted like sand, like everything else. I'd read about it, it was just an effect that the cancer had. I smiled at Edward with effort.

"You know, this used to be my thing," he smiled my smile. "This is definitely better than the pancakes I made. What's your secret?" I asked. I was trying to get a conversation going so that I could avoid taking another bite.

"If I told you, it wouldn't be a secret, would it?" He laughed at the pout I put on my face. "But for you I'll tell," I smiled broadly at the fact I won! "I add cinnamon and vanilla extract." He admitted.

"Creative juices flowing much?" He took a glance at my food, telling me to take another bite. I pretended that I didn't notice. "Next time you should try brown sugar instead of cinnamon." I advised.

He nodded. "I will…the next time. But right now, you should probably finish what's in front of you." He was smiling, but his eyes were serious.

"Why so serious?" I asked in my best Joker impersonation.

The smile left his face. "Because you've hardly eaten anything for the past three weeks and you've lost a lot of weight. You need to eat, Bella," he put his hand over mine. I was brave enough (or stupid enough) to look up into his eyes. "I know you are probably sick of people asking you this, but are you feeling okay Bella?" Pain wrenched inside me because of what I was about to do.

I shut my eyes, scared that he might be able to see through them. "I'm fine Edward. I just don't have much of an appetite for some reason. But really, healthy as a horse," I opened my eyes again. It didn't look like my lying attempt convinced him.

"You had another nose bleed this morning." It wasn't a question, just a statement of knowledge.

"Dehydration, not starvation," I pointed out.

"You've been having bad dreams," he pointed out.

"With the Volturi looking after me? I should think so."

He frowned. "You haven't been dreaming about the Volturi, though it is something to worry about," noted. "You've been trying to tell everyone that you're fine." He whispered. "You seem almost…in denial in your sleep. Like you are trying to ignore or avoid something," his face scrunched up in concentration as he tried to put the puzzle pieces together.

"Bella!" I heard Alice's high pitched pixie voice call from upstairs. "Could you come here for a second?" Edward sighed, but he released me. I kissed his forehead tenderly.

"It wouldn't do any good," I whispered in his ear. He grabbed my hand for just a moment. I turned to look at him. He looked pained with something. His eyes looked helpless…almost desperate. But he let go of my hand and I headed upstairs to see what kind of torture Alice had in store for me today.

I met Alice at the top step. She was smirking. "Happy birthday little sis!" She squealed.

"Shh! Be quiet." She grinned even wider and her eyes were slits of evil intentions. "Ruthless little pixie," I mumbled. That wiped the smirk right off of her face. She hated when people called her a pixie.

She just gestured me to follow her. I walked into her room and almost walked out, but she grabbed my wrist before I could make it.

"Don't you dare even call for Edward. Not even he can get you out of this one." She whispered in my ear menacingly.

I stared helplessly at the mile long line of shoes in front of the closet, the several bags with French names that I couldn't pronounce that outlined the monstrosity of a closet,

"Wha-what is all this Alice?" I asked Alice, truly terrified.

She smiled with evil intentions. "This," she said walking me into the closet, "are your options for tonight." She smiled wickedly, but you could tell her eyes were filled with love and happiness.

"What is going on tonight?" I asked guardedly. I knew it was something good, but if it involved food…

"You and Edward are going to have the day to yourselves. It's your birthday after all," she smiled and I suppressed the impulse to wring her tiny little neck. But she sighed and went on. "You guys have been glued at the hip, but you've been sick, helping Esme with the house, Edward has been helping Carlisle and taking care of you, and you have hardly had some alone time. So the rest of us decided to give you guys a day to yourselves. You really deserve it." She told me earnestly.

I was about to burst into tears. "Alice," I said a little choked, "you really didn't have to do this," my hand covered my mouth. (not over the clothes, but because she actually noticed)

"Nonsense Bella. You need this. Edward has been a little tense about your health lately. Well, everybody is, but Edward in particular, and we were hoping that giving you two some Edward-Bella alone time would help relieve the overwhelming, well, overwhelming to Jasper, tensions and emotions." She took my hands in hers and she smiled. "I swear, you two are the most selfless people on the planet." She shook her head. "Tonight is going to be special. Trust me," she winked.

I didn't deserve such good fortune, such a caring family, a loving husband, a fashion-talented sister who always makes sure I look my best, a teddy bear brother who could always make me laugh. I didn't deserve any of this.

"Alice," I whispered. A couple of tears escaped and rolled down my cheeks.

"Uh uh," she shook her head. "Your supposed to be happy, not crying. Now come with me and help figure out what you are going to wear today," she pulled me into her closet with unneeded force.

I let a giglle escape my lips. "I'm happy and I'm crying, Alice. You really shouldn't have done this."

She rolled her eyes dramatically. "Of course I needed to, silly Bella. Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper and I all helped plan it. Now quit stalling. So I was thinking for dinner," she started digging through her bags furiously. "You could wear…this!" she pulled out a floor length, baby pink, spaghetti strap silk gown. My first thought was, no way. There is just no way that I could pull this off.

Her sarcastic glare told me that she was going to prove me wrong. "Don't look so distressed Bella! Have a little faith. You are going to look fabulous in this dress." She put her thumb and index to her chin in serious thought. "Now, what to wear for the after party…" she shuffled through a couple of bags and pulled out some serious lingerie.

"Okay, now I'm scared," I said, holding my hands up.

She snickered. "You should be afraid. You should be very afraid. Mwahaha!"

I scowled. "Okay, now you're just being stereotypical vampire. Do that again and I'm going to be calling you Dracula," I threatened.

She gazed at me in horror. "You wouldn't…" she gasped.

I had a total Alice moment. "Wanna bet?" She scowled.

"Just try on the dress Bella," she sounded tired.

"Fine." I was about to slip off the cardigan when I slipped into self conscious mode. My back was bound to draw some suspicion. "Uh, Alice?" she turned away from the shoes to look at me. "Would you mind leaving for a second?"

She waved her hand dismissively. "I've seen you naked before Bella. Don't get your panties in a bunch." Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't have minded this. But this wasn't a normal circumstance.

"Uh, okay. Well I need to use the bathroom, so I'll just take the dress with me and change in there," I grabbed the dress and swiftly walked out of the closet, completely aware of the eyes boring into my bruised back.

I closed the door to the bathroom and let out a sigh of relief. The dress in my hands was lighter than a feather. I pulled off my clothes and slid on the dress. It was a bit big on me. My best guess says that it's from the weight loss. Sadly, loss of appetite was just another effect of the leukemia. I sighed and twisted to get a good look in the mirror. My breath caught when I realized the dress wasn't going to cover it up. I wanted to cry. Alice went through all this trouble (not really trouble) to find me the perfect dress for the perfect night, and I couldn't wear it. I sat down on the toilet and had a silent cry.

A minute later Alice was knocking on the door.

"Bella, what's wrong? If the dress doesn't fit, we can just get it taken in. It's my fault I misjudged the size! Not yours! Let me just see the dress to see if it works for tonight." She sounded guilty.

I had a moment of stupidity. The stress, the fright, and the guilt made me do this.

"Alice?" I croaked.

"Yes? What is it?" She sounded concerned. Great.

"If I let you in here, you promise not to tell anyone?" I said very quietly, but I knew she would here. I just needed more people on my team. I can't go at this alone.

She hesitated. "Yes," she whispered back just loud enough for me to hear.

I stood up from the toilet and opened the door slowly. Alice was very cautious and looked scared. I closed the door and locked it. I put my finger to my lips, telling her to be very quiet. Her eyes seemed to glisten with fear. Sighing, I turned around and exposed my secret.

I heard a small intake of breath. I let a few tears roll before I turned back to face her. She looked as horrified as I was when I first saw it.

She mouthed. "Bella, what happened?" I didn't need to be a lip reader.

I sniffled. "Accelerated leukemia." I mouthed, and the tears came down quicker.

She pulled me into a hug, but pushed me back quickly. "You need to see Carlisle," she whispered. "I don't know what possessed you to keep this a secret." Her voice was thick with tears that didn't exist. "Sometimes, you are a real idiot," she growled.

I pulled on her arm and shook my head. "No." she looked at me as if I were insane. "We can't tell anyone," I said low and slow. "It wouldn't do any good. I was only crying because I realized that although this dress is beautiful, I just can't wear it. We just need to go shopping and look for a different one," I thought the mention of shopping would lighten her mood, but she only glared back furiously.

"You may have just been crying over the dress, but what about the other times? When you're whimpering in your sleep, it's because of the pain. I heard you and Edward downstairs. You are driving him mad, Bella. He feels it's his fault you're loosing so much weight," she pointed to the fabric hanging on me, "he feels he's not feeding you enough and that you are so busy you forget. He knows that you get nosebleeds a lot. For some odd reason he buys your story of dehydration." Her tone was fierce.

"I can't do that to him, Alice." I said quietly through my tears. I looked up at her and saw that she was confused. Time to elaborate. "I'd rather spend what time I have left with Edward, in a home, surrounded by my family. I don't want to spend it in a hospital, surrounded by nurses and doctors, enduring radiation treatment and chemotherapy that will end up making me feel worse than I already do. Like I said to Edward and Esme, it wouldn't do anybody any good." She shook her head. "And you promised before I let you in here that you wouldn't tell anyone."

"I was so stupid to do that." She looked utterly defeated.

"Well, you kinda just did. Now are you going to help me with my fashion melt down, or are you going to sit here and mope about my sappy life tragedy?" She glared at me, but nodded.

"Fine." We gathered up my clothes and walked back into her closet. She slid the black cardigan over me.

"Pretty ugly isn't it?" I asked her.

She glared. "That's an oxymoron and yes, it is ugly." She went on looking through her closet for something that would help my current situation. "Ah, here we go," she pulled out of one of the bags a white satin, quarter sleeve cover up. She pulled off the black cardigan and slipped it on. She stood back for a moment to observe her hard work. "It should work," but her eyes were stuck on the hanging fabric.

"We need to get food in you," she said slightly angry.

"I can't," I stated.

She glared sarcastically. "Why the hell not?"

"I get sick," I shrugged. She put her head in her hands.

"Bella, Bella, Bella." She shook her head back and forth. To no avail, Jasper came knocking.

"Alice? Are you alright?" She looked up and I glared at her.

She adjusted her sad face straight away. "I'm fine Jasper. Just a fashion melt down," she lied smoothly.

You could practically see him roll his eyes from behind the door. "Alice, it's just clothes! Agh," you could hear him storm down the hallway.

"You better fix this sad attitude of yours," I scolded her. "You are going to get me busted if you don't get your head on straight," but that was a mistake to say. She fired up.

"_I_ don't have my head on straight?!" She nearly screeched. She lowered her tone and said, "I'm not the one keeping a fatal illness a secret and being cool about it," but that wasn't true. She saw my distressed look. "Your not, are you?" she whispered.

I shook my head. "I'm fine about it. It's just," I took a breath. "It seems less real when only one person knows about it. It's easier to deny it," I shrugged. "But when I take the time to sit down and think about it or what I'm going to do," my voice was shaky. "It's terrifying." I admitted. "I don't know if I'm living on borrowed time, I don't know if it's going to get better on it's own. There is a possibility I could be included in the 20% that live without treatment, but I've never exactly had that kind of luck, have I?" I looked up at Alice, but I couldn't see her through the blur of tears.

I felt her slip her arms around me. "Don't worry Bella. Don't be scared. We are all here for you. We could help you if you'd just let us."

"I'm fine. It hasn't gotten too bad. But I will admit to you Alice," I said quietly. "Sometimes the pain is so bad, I want to crumble to the floor and cry." She stood back and pushed my tears away.

"How long have you known?"

"Couple of days after we got back. I went into Carlisle's office and picked up one of his medical dictionaries. What I have is also known as acute leukemia." I said proudly. I'd done research.

Alice glowered at me. "Don't look so proud Bella. Did you also know that if untreated, it could be fatal within a couple of weeks or months?" Her glower was impressive.

"I'm not one for postponing the inevitable. You of all people should know," I retorted.

"Okay, we are done here," she started undressing me and slipping back on the gray cotton dress with the black cardigan. "I'm going to keep my promise Bella, but you are going to need to tell him sooner or later. And I'd suggest going to Carlisle for alternatives for undergoing treatment."

"Thanks Alice, but I think it can wait."

She ran her tiny hands through her spiky hair. "Bella, the clock is ticking for you," it came out weak. Guilt hit me like an atom bomb as I realized I was hurting her. This was exactly why I told myself to keep it secret. "If you don't tell them soon…" she started, "well lets just say I'm not about to watch my sister die." She finished her speech strong.

I pulled her into an embrace. "I hope you won't. This is why I didn't tell anyone. I knew they'd react like you did. You got upset."

She pulled back quickly and tried to glare, but couldn't. "Bella, the only reason I'm upset is because you are killing yourself for no good reason. You could be getting help for this and getting better. But instead you are allowing us to watch you get worse. You could get better and live to see another year or two. Maybe you might even never see the cancer again." She was torn. I'd hurt her. "Why? This stupid mission of yours to keep everyone happy is failing Bella. Esme is stressing, Carlisle is frustrated, Jasper is confused, Edward is distressed. Okay, so Rosalie isn't really around much and Emmett is too oblivious to notice anything more serious than a teddy bear. Bella, I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but it's just not working." She said all of this just above a whisper, and low enough that no one else would hear.

I just shook my head. I felt a couple of tears fly. I quickly wiped them away. "Thanks for helping me Alice. I feel a little better," she scowled and I realized she misunderstood. "I mean emotionally Alice," the scowl disappeared. "It really sucks going at it alone. When I first thought of telling you several minutes ago, I thought it was a flash of insanity that I couldn't stop. But I feel better knowing that someone knows and can help…more or less," I added.

"I love you Bella," she said pulling me into an embrace.

"I love you too, Alice. But I think I should go and try and figure out what's going on for tonight." I smiled and she frowned.

"No one is going to tell you," she said surely.

I began to walk out of the closet and said, "Oh, I know of a few blabber mouths who would help me out." She looked mad and I laughed.

"So, Emmett," I said sitting down next to him on the couch. "What's the plan for tonight?" I asked, trying to sound like I could care less.

He grinned. "No way Bells. It's a secret." He shook his head.

I threw my head back. "Ugh! C'mon Emmett! I'm dying to know."

He gazed at me speculatively. "Really?" He asked wide-eyed. I hit him with the back of my hand.

"Not literally, you moron. I'm just wondering what is going on for you guys to totally kidnap Edward from me. Some siblings," I mumbled.

"Trust me. You are definitely going to enjoy this. And Edward is gone because Alice had to put him through some major torture before tonight."

Great. I really hope Alice can keep a good head on her shoulders, or else I'm busted. Edward is ruthless when it comes to things like that. He will prod around in your mind until he finds what he's looking for.

"Whatever Emmett." I closed my eyes in an effort to get rid of the dizziness that was making me nauseous. I think I succeeded, because all sound seemed to fade away. I realized I had fallen asleep when I found myself sitting on me and Edward's favorite beach on Isle Esme. The sand on the beach was warm from the sun that was reflected off the water beautifully. I could feel it in my fingers and underneath me. Then a cold hand touched mine, and I saw Edward. He looked so sad. His hair was in a wild disarray, the purple bruises under his eyes were one of his most prominent features, the one that stood out the most was his pitch black eyes.

"_What's wrong, Edward?" _I asked him. I reached for him with my other hand, but just as I did, his body seemed to disappear into the sand. He was gone. For some reason, I didn't have a complete breakdown. It was almost as if it were…premeditated, as if I knew it was coming. I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks.

I was awakened by a gentle shaking of my body and a screaming Alice.

"Bella! Get up! C'mon, we have to get you ready!" She was jumping up and down. She herself had changed. Instead of the casual Silver jeans and Ed Hardy T, she was wearing a fitted black dress that did amazing things to her figure. Her black Prada pumps gave her at least three more inches of height that she desperately needed to look her age next to Jasper.

I blinked the sleep away. "No, go away," It came out mumbled.

She sighed in frustration. "It's almost four o' clock! You and Edward have to leave at six if you're going to make it in time." She tugged me up off the couch and let me adjust to the new position. Next thing I was aware of, Alice was flying up the stairs with me in her arms.

She put me down in her salon chair that was the centerpiece of her massive dressing room. "God forbid you don't have two hours to make me look decent."

She glared at me in the mirror. "You look like you've just gone through world war three. You _need _two hours. Maybe if you got some medicine or treatment, you wouldn't have to suffer through this as long," more glaring.

I rolled my eyes. Then a pause. "Wait, then you admit this is torture?"

She was clearly irritated with me. "Bella, I've heard enough of you today. You make my life so complicated. I don't know what my life would be like without you there to make things harder than they really are." She shook her head dismally.

"It would also be completely and utterly dull," I added. She nodded in agreement.

Two hours of torture later, I looked in the mirror and saw an amazing woman. She looked small, but there seemed more life to her. Her eyes were framed by thick, long lashes, her lips were the shade of a pink rose, her hair looked like a waterfall that cascaded down her back.

"Wow," I breathed.

"See? You can look like a lady when you really try," then she scowled at me. "Or have people try for you."

"Well, you're right. I wouldn't nor couldn't have been able to do this by myself." I admitted.

She brushed imaginary dust from her shoulder. "What can I say? I have a talent." She pushed me along to the white bag that held my attire for tonight. I slipped on the dress and the cover up. Alice grimaced when she got another look at my back.

"I really wish you would get rid of that. I know its not you, but seriously! For my sake alone, please just go get a treatment or two done so we can wear some of the clothes I bought you." Her voice turned whiney.

"That only makes me want to hold out longer Alice," her eyes were slits and I smiled. She continued to glower at me as we walked downstairs to the foyer, where my husband (weird to say) waited for me in a traditional black tux that made him look much older than seventeen.

He looked as if he were about to swoon. For once, his hair was neatly combed, but still had that touch that made it look natural.

"Hey," was my anti-climatic greeting. I reached the bottom of the staircase and Edward was there to take my hand. We looked straight into each other's eyes for just a moment. Happiness and love coated his glistening butterscotch eyes. He smiled wide and I smiled back.

"You look beautiful," he whispered. He squeezed my hand just a little tighter.

I blushed. "Well you don't look too shabby yourself," I complemented. From what I could tell, his shoes were Salvatore Ferragamos. Those leather babies probably cost more than his car.

"Shall we go?" He asked, intertwining our arms formally.

"Go where?"

He smiled my crooked smile. "Nope, not till we get there." I frowned. I turned my neck as far as possible so I could give Alice a good glower. She covered her mouth and giggled. She smiled, but she was twitching at the corners. She walked over quickly and pulled down the back of my short cover-up.

Good thing Edward was distracted by Alice's work, or he might of actually noticed why Alice did that. His eyebrows came together for a moment, but I just slapped on a fake confused look. He totally bought it.

I waved goodbye to Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Esme, and Carlisle. We got into Edwards fancy car and raced off to wherever this place was. I had to suppress the impulse to act like a five year old and ask 'are we there yet?' as pay back for being so secretive.

Edward held my hand when I began to twiddle my thumbs.

"A little anxious are we?" He asked with a smile.

"No, just wondering where we are going. All I know is that we've been driving over a hundred miles an hour for about fifteen minutes." I frowned at my insecurities.

"Don't worry love, we should be there in another couple of minutes. Good thing your not complaining about my hazardous driving, or else it would've taken a lot longer."

I closed my eyes in defeat. "I know. I took that into consideration before I let my fear of letting you drive thirty miles over the speed limit get the best of me." He laughed and kissed my hand. He turned my hand over and ran his nose along my wrist. He sighed and put it down so he could focus on driving.

I closed my eyes and waited for the drive to be over. A couple of minutes later, my prayers were answered.

"We're here," he announced. I looked out the windshield and saw we were at a marina. It was filled with lavish yachts that could only be owned by millionaires. He parked in the lot and escorted me over to the largest boat there.

"What is this?" I asked looking up at Edward, who was smiling.

"Alice and Jasper, in their good graces, have let us borrow their yacht for tonight. They told us to 'enjoy'."

I took a good look at the yacht. It was long and sleek, but it didn't look built for speed. It was graceful, had what looked like three decks, and the lights made it stand out from the rest. Although it was the most beautiful boat I have ever seen, the only thing I could think of was, 'God, please don't let me get sea sick'.

* * *

**Okay, this chapter took a lot of effort to write. Bella is finally 19! But that's not really what she's concerned about. I probably will post the next chapter by the end of the weekend. I'm actually sneaking on...world history was totally kicking my ass, so dad told me i could only write on weekends, but i felt so guilty for leaving you guys hanging. I felt it wasn't fair. Please review my efforts to make you satisfied readers!**


	8. Feels Like Tonight

My weak stomach was protesting as Edward guided me onto the boat. The wood flooring looked freshly waxed, the railing was a dark, smooth, wood. I ran my hand along it. It subconsciously moved to my stomach as an uncomfortable feeling swept through it.

I made an effort to focus on other things. Lights were strung from all three levels of the boat to the front of the boat (I'm not sure what you call it. I'm not highly educated on sailor terms), there was soft waltz music playing that made me relax (which I'm sure was it's purpose).

I looked at Edward in surprise. He smiled at me. There was so much love in it. I still had a hard time believing this perfect creature was mine for eternity.

He took my hand gently. "Let me show you the top deck." He tugged me toward a set of stairs that were located on the side of the boat. I felt a little unstable with heels on, but Edward wouldn't let me fall. When we reached the top, I gasped.

There was a small table, set for two. You could see the stars perfectly now that the clouds had moved away. The stars were plentiful and bright. I was no astrologer, but I could definitely point out the little dipper. Edward would probably be able to tell them apart. He let me take it all in. There was quite a bit of room. You could easily tell he had plans of dancing…not with these shoes on.

I became aware of him whispering in my ear. "Do you like it?"

My mouth was hanging open like I was trying to catch flies. "It's amazing Edward," I breathed. "Though I don't really understand what the dressing up part is about," I admitted. "No one is here but us. Who are we trying to impress?" I gazed at him in wonder and awe. I didn't object to seeing him in a suit.

He smiled. "Actually, I just wanted to see you in a pretty dress." I believed him. Every time he looked at me, there was definitely a sparkle in his topaz eyes. It seemed as if his entire body seemed to illuminate at the sight of me. It made getting in a dress and fatal heels that much more worth it. I mean, seriously. They practically spelled out "Fatality".

I wrapped my arms around him and he pulled me tight to his stone-like structure. Although my back was protesting, I let him hug me closer. "Thank you," I whispered into his chest.

He lifted my chin and gazed into my eyes before kissing me full on the lips. Our lips danced against each other. I moved my arms and wrapped them around his neck to see if it was at all possible to get him closer. I felt his cold hand press into the base of my back, and relaxed. I was in too blissful of a moment to notice my back screaming "STOP!"

He smiled against my lips and pulled back. He took my left hand in his right and lifted it to his lips. He kissed my wedding ring like a true gentlemen, then turned us back down the steps.

We went to the middle deck, where the controls and steering was. He took the white and black leather captains seat. I took (what I believed to be the co- captain's seat) a seat in the one next to him. He turned a key and the boat engine roared a gentle roar. He focused on the security monitors in the back of the boat as we pulled out of the arena and escaped into the Pacific Ocean.

About half and hour later, we finally stopped. He anchored us to our spot and led me back up the top deck. He sat me down to our lovely table.

It wasn't an extravagant spread, (I would have to thank Alice later) just some French bread, a tiny plate of pasta, and a crystal glass of water. There was a rose arrangement in the middle of the table, surrounded by candles that reminded me of freesia. The roses and freesia were the perfect combination. Edward pulled out the chair for me and I sat down.

I smiled at my miracle that was sitting across the table. He smiled back. I looked at the food for a moment. Which would do less damage? Bread with butter, or pasta with marinara sauce? The bread would be more practical. I could get away with saying I just didn't want to get red sauce on the new dress. It would not be a good addition to the beautiful pink silk.

"Alice seemed very frustrated with you this afternoon." Edward sure knew how to pick a topic of conversation.

I put down the bread I had begun to butter. I giggled. "She had the right to be. If you think I'd dress like this without protest, you don't know me all that well. I went down fighting," Edward laughed, too.

"I should know better. She said that you make things much more complicated than they really are. That part didn't really surprise me." I smiled. He eyed my food and I picked up the piece of bread…defeated.

I finished off the bread, but I didn't dare touch the pasta. Edward raised his eyebrows. "No pasta?"

I didn't hesitate. "You know I'm a klutz. I pick up one piece of pasta; it's bound to end up on this pretty dress. I'm not really willing to put up with Alice and take those chances." I shook my head. "No way."

I heard a familiar song. I closed my eyes and took it in. In my opinion, Chris Daughtry's "Feels Like Tonight" is a masterpiece. I hummed the tune. I felt a cold hand take mine and I opened my eyes.

"Let's dance," he said simply. I stood up, but let go. He gazed back at me. I held up a finger for him to hang on a moment. I slipped off the heels and threw them in the corner. Edward grinned broadly.

I sighed and took his hand again. "Much better." He took my hand and we got into a closed position for the dance. I was pretty sure we were doing a waltz, but didn't notice. I was too busy star-gazing in Edward's eyes.

"You've been holding out on me," he said after a while of dancing to the song.

"Hm?" I questioned.

"You didn't tell me you could waltz."

I laughed. "You caught me." Then sarcastically, "Did I forget to tell you? I'm a champion ballroom dancer," he rolled his eyes. "But really, I learned the waltz my freshman year of high school. One of those ridiculous requirements they decide to torture non-coordinated students like me with. But I might have a problem if you asked me to do the 'cotton-eye-Joe' dance. I'm totally lost there." I joked.

Edward was glowing. I'm not sure his grin could get any wider. I was proved wrong when Michael Buble's "Sway" came over the stereo system. I'm not sure how, but he managed to get me to tango. It was slow and somehow graceful, but for the first time, I found the dancing fun. He twirled me in and out of his arms, he held me around my waist, and eventually we were just swaying together, like the song told us to.

The song drifted to an end, and so did we. Edward bent down to my level and kissed me tenderly on the lips. I smiled back up at him, and then pulled him over to one of the cushioned benches that bordered the deck.

"What are we doing?" He asked curiously.

I sat him down on the seat. "You are going to show me the stars," I said looking up.

"Well," he started. I looked down at him. "This one is called the Isabella Marie Cullen constellation," he said pointing to me.

I glared sarcastically. "Hardy har har. Aren't you funny." I sat down next to him and leaned my head onto his shoulder. "a) I'm not a constellation," I began to tip off.

"In my eyes you are," he whispered in my ear.

I smiled to myself. "And b) I meant the ones that shine in the sky. I'm pretty sure the only constellation I could point out for you is the North Star." There was a long silence. I welcomed it, and waited patiently for him to begin his lessons.

Finally, he started. "See that one a little to the left of the North Star?" he pointed off into the sky. I squinted my eyes, spotted the North Star, and nodded. "That's Libra. And the brighter star to the left," he pointed, "that's actually Saturn." He continued to point out and teach me about all the stars and constellations in sight. I didn't really absorb it all, but some of the stories were fascinating to hear.

"I love all the names of the stars," I told him after he finished. "Everyone can recognize them. Most of them are so beautiful, it's almost impossible to forget them. I think my favorite name is Aphrodite."

"I think the names are too choppy and complex," Edward countered. "I believe the name needs to flow in order for it to be beautiful." He continued to gaze at the stars. I turned to look at him, and for a moment, I wondered why he was down here with me when he should be in the sky like the rest of the stars. He reminded me of the star, Orion. He was mistakenly killed by his lover, and so she put him in the darkest spot in the heavens, where he would shine the brightest.

"Really? What do you think is a good name for a star?"

There was a momentary silence. "Isabella." He said simply.

"Yes?" I answered. It was strange for him to use my full name.

"Isabella is a good name for a star," he turned to face me, and his eyes penetrated mine, searching for something. I blushed and looked away. My efforts were useless. He turned my face back to him, where are lips almost instantly made contact. I stayed in his arms for the longest time. I had no immediate intentions of pulling away, so it surprised me when he did. He put his hands on my cheeks and kissed my forehead.

"You look tired," he said, running his thumbs under my eyes. "It's getting late and we should probably get back." Before I could protest, I was cradled in his arms and on my way down to the middle deck. It hurt like hell, but I wasn't about to say anything.

We just stayed quiet and held hands on our way back. I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I was aware of was cold arms lifting me and carrying me. I felt more stable when I felt Edward step onto the dock. He slipped me into his car and his engine hummed. It was too quiet for me to be able to open my eyes, so I just let myself sink back into sleep.

I woke up a couple of miles from home. I was stiff, and I felt like I was going to be sick from the bread I ate. I stared out the passenger window, concentrating on keeping my dinner where it belonged. We stopped in front of the Cullen mansion and Edward was there to open my door for me. I grabbed my shoes and brought them inside with me.

When we opened the door, we expected to see everyone sitting in their usual spots in the living room. The house was empty. There was a note tied to the staircase. Edward was already over there reading it.

"They all went hunting for a while. They won't be back until Saturday," he informed me.

I smiled. "Well, we were overdue for some alone time. Don't you think?" I gazed up at him. He just smiled back.

I took his hand in mine and led him upstairs to our room. I told him that I was just going to change for bed. I grabbed a pair of white silk shorts with matching camisole and walked into the bathroom. After I changed, I took a good look at myself in the mirror.

The girl staring back was clearly young. She had big, chocolate brown pansy eyes, her cheeks were a blush shade of pink, her lips were slightly swollen, her pale skin was almost translucent. Anyone could tell she hadn't experienced much of what life had to offer.

I was dying. That was the cold truth. I can't avoid it. I hadn't had nearly enough time with Edward, but I couldn't just ask to be turned into a vampire. I had dreams. I never really thought about all I wanted out of life besides Edward until I sat down and thought about how quickly death would come to me. I wanted to have a baby after I went to college and got my life settled with Edward. There was no chance of that anymore. I could've become a neonatal nurse. These things weren't going to happen anymore.

This girl in the mirror was too young to have everything taken away from her in one blow. She had experienced to little. I didn't know when I was going to die. I could go to sleep tonight and not wake-up. Or I'd end up spending my last days in a hospital if I wasn't careful. If I was going to die tomorrow, how would I want to spend my last night?

Edward. All that mattered now was Edward. If I couldn't have all these other things that I wanted, I could at least get the most out of what I already have.

I walked back out into our room and found Edward casually laid out on our bed. I climbed up onto the bed and crawled over to rest my head on Edward's chest. I could feel his chest move up and down with his breathing. His hand brushed through my hair.

Clock was ticking. "Thank you for tonight Edward," I whispered. He kissed my hair.

"You don't have to thank me, love. You deserved every bit of it." He whispered back.

I closed my eyes in content. "It was my best birthday ever." I said a little more clearly. It really was. Edward kept almost everything simple. Everything was perfect, and he did it with little effort. I couldn't wait anymore.

"Edward," I said, lifting my head from his chest. He gazed back at me. "If I died tomorrow, how would you want to spend my last night?" I said a little quickly. His eyes grew serious in an instant.

"What are you talking about Bella? Where did that question come from?" His forehead creased in worry.

I sighed impatiently and repeated it. "Just answer the question. If I were to die tomorrow, how would you spend my last night, if we could do anything at all?" I kept my mouth in a firm line and stared into Edward's impenetrable eyes.

"Anything?" He whispered. I gave a quick, desperate nod. He sighed and closed his eyes. "I'd spend it loving you in as many ways as possible." He said quietly. I could've cried, but my lips were already too busy with his.

"I love you," I whispered against his lips.

He moved to the corner of my mouth and whispered back, "As I love you, my Bella."

I pulled back the slightest bit. "Prove it." Anyone who could think could hear the desperation in my tone. It was firm, but pleading and desperate. Edward stared into my eyes for a moment, looking for some sort of hesitation… or was it permission?

His lips met mine again. His cold hands slipped right under my silk camisole, his arms wrapped all the way around me and touching my ribs that were probably visible even in the dark, but he kept going, and didn't stop at the camisole.

My eyes opened to the morning sun. I made it another night. I was a little sore between my legs, and my back was threatening to break if I attempted to move. I prayed that Edward didn't see it, but the sheets were all the way to the top of my neck. Unless I pulled them up by myself, it was a guarantee that he saw everything.

I looked around the bed and beside it for something that would cover me. I spotted one of Edward's T-shirts on the floor. Carefully, I slid myself to the edge of the bed and slipped my legs and feet to the floor. My stiff spine shrieked in response. I ground my teeth together and clenched my eyes shut to prevent from screaming and crying. That would call forth unnecessary attention. After the pain subsided, I pulled on the t-shirt and slipped on a pair of underwear and the silk shorts I had worn to bed.

I slipped out of the bedroom quietly and heard something pop out of the toaster downstairs. He knew I was awake. I walked into the kitchen, where Edward was spreading peanut butter on a bagel…crap.

I walked up behind him and slipped my arms around his waist. He sighed and put a hand over mine. I closed my eyes in content.

"Morning," he said turning me around to face me. His hair was as askew as mine was. A giggle burst through my lips before I could suppress it.

He cocked his head in confusion. His bronze hair leaned with him. "What is so funny?"

I covered my mouth to try and smother my snickers. "You look like Alf Alfa from 'Little Rascals'," I told him truthfully. He looked up from the corner of his eyes and he patted his hair down with his hand. I snickered again and he ruffled my hair, which probably made me look like a brunette Shirley Temple with a perm gone wrong.

I jumped into his arms and planted a big one on his lips. I was so happy at this moment. Just like last night, his hands and arms slipped under the shirt and he encircled me with his arms. His lips parted from mine and said firmly, "You are going to eat. I can wrap my arms twice around you. You need to eat."

GROAN. "Way to kill my buzz Edward. And did you discover that last night before or after?" He ignored my comment. He let go of me and I slid back down to the floor. He turned around and handed me a plate with half a bagel that was smothered with peanut butter. It remained in the space between us for a moment. Finally, I grabbed it from him and went to sit down at one of the bar stools.

My stomach felt queasy as I stared at the bagel that was destined to expose me. I felt Edward begin to rub circles on my back. I suppressed a wince and sighed.

"Please eat," he begged. I looked at him and saw only desperation in his dark eyes.

I placed my hand on his cheek. "Edward," I said quietly, "why are you so upset?" It was a stupid question I suppose, but it would tell me what he knows.

He put his hand over mine and his black orbs for eyes bored into mine. "You have gotten so light and weak," his voice was shaking with fear. The guilt bomb took my breath away. "You won't tell me what's wrong with you, you can barely stand up for more than fifteen minutes."

I hugged myself to him and he held me tightly. "It's for the best." I whispered.

He shook his head. "You know it's not. You told Alice," he paused, I stiffened. "I know that because she's been avoiding me like the plague. When you think about it, it's really not that hard to figure out. Why didn't you tell me?"

I told him the truth. "She had no choice but to agree to my circumstances. She wanted to know, and I told her that she had to keep it a secret if I let her see. She promised." Edward growled. I pulled back. "Don't be mad at her. You should be proud of her, actually. She has been bugging me about it non-stop since she found out."

He looked angry. "And see what good that has done." He didn't have a chance to say anything else. Carlisle and Esme walked through the door.

I smiled at them. "Welcome home," I greeted them. They walked into the kitchen hand-in-hand.

"Thank you Bella," Esme said. She looked at Edward for a moment, but quickly looked away. There was only one way of getting out of this mess.

"Where's Alice?" I asked.

Carlisle was the one who answered. "She's on her way in now." He stared at me and I stared back. Stare downs weren't a talent of mine, so I got up and walked into the foyer to wait for Alice.

She was there in no time. She opened the door and grabbed my hand. She looked extremely panicked.

We were in her room before I knew it. "Alice! What's going on?" She turned to face me, and for the first time, I saw fear.

"You disappeared Bella," her voice cracked. "You have to get this checked out!" she grasped my arms with her small, cold hands.

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"I don't know what happened! Early yesterday evening I saw you two dancing and doing something naughty, but then you totally blurred out!" I blushed, but I knew she was upset and distraught.

"Wait, it happened after…?" she knew what I was talking about. She gave a stiff nod. "But I only blurred you said. I didn't completely disappear." Her face scrunched up as she considered.

"Maybe, but you should still talk to Carlisle." There was hope in her eyes. I felt horrible, but I had to deny it.

"I'll consider." I said. "Just keep quiet. Edward knows I told you something, so just keep avoiding him," she groaned.

"You're impossible Bella! You could be dying and you don't give worth a damn! You are seriously cynical!" She was desperate.

"Alice, all I can guarantee you is that I'll think about it."

She glared sarcastically. "Oh, right. I can tell by your lying face that you are taking this seriously."

"I am Alice! I just think what happened with your visions is something else. Just give me a week, okay?"

She crossed her arms over her chest "One week Bella. One week to tell Carlisle or I'm doing it for you." I kissed her on the cheek and walked out of her bedroom. I headed straight for the bathroom in Edward and I's room. I stared at myself in the mirror.

One week. I will find out what happened in one week. I counted again to make sure. Yup, one week. I stared at the cloth that hung loosely over my stomach and wondered if it would ever be filled.


	9. Something To Say

**I love this chapter! It's a little longer than my usual chapter, but it was totally worth putting in the time. I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writting it!**

**Something To Say**

* * *

A week seemed to feel like a really long time. Edward hardly ever left my side. To make him happy, I took a few bites at every meal. It pained me to see him in so much distress. I couldn't sit in one place or position for too long, I needed to keep busy. When I was doing something productive, the time seemed to move much faster.

"What are you thinking Bella?" Edward asked me while I rested my head in his lap. Carlisle was working at the hospital; all the girls had gone shopping, forcing poor Emmett and Jasper to tag along in misery. "You've been very quiet. What has you all bottled up?" He ran his hand through my hair and I sighed in content. It felt amazing when he did that.

"Everything." I said. I smiled to myself, knowing how much Edward hated that evasive answer. "But mostly Saturday."

His hand stopped. "What's on Saturday?" he asked tentatively.

I made little designs on his jeans with my finger. "I don't quite know yet," I told him honestly. "I don't know what to expect, but I know that I will have something to say." I decided to be evil and leave him hanging on that answer.

"Does this have something to do with your health?" He asked quietly. I just gave a slight nod.

"I love you Edward," I said, stopping his hand with mine. I rolled over to face him. He looked like he could explode with happiness. He smiled.

"As I love you, my Bella." I threw my hands around his neck. His lips moved in flawless synchronization with mine. I gasped for some air after a few moments of intensity, and his lips were at the corner of my mouth. It felt amazing. I positioned myself comfortably on his lap and deepened the kiss. He groaned into my mouth and it was…wow. Just, wow. It was really something.

His cool hands slipped under my loose t-shirt and a shiver of pleasure rolled down my bruised spine. His hand was gentle and smooth, so it didn't hurt (that's a change). One of his hands grasped my butt and he stood up. I wrapped my legs tightly around his waist and he raced upstairs with me.

I heard the door close behind us, but I had my eyes closed. The most amazing things in life are not meant to be seen, but to be felt. That's why we close our eyes when we kiss the one's we love, why the most pleasant of dreams come when we're sleeping. He laid on top of me on the bed and the kiss grew more urgent and passionate. Both his hands cupped my breasts and I whimpered into his mouth.

"Just take it off," I whispered breathlessly. He smiled onto my lips and I felt his cool fingers unclasp my bra. He slipped that and my shirt off and I got to work on his buttons. I didn't have to try that hard, he got so impatient he ripped it off himself. I ran my hands across his bare chest. He groaned and his hands moved to my jeans. From then on, I was totally lost in bliss.

I fought to stay awake. I had to keep my back hidden; that would require me to stay awake and remain lying on my back. To keep myself busy, I talked with Edward.

"If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?" Edward asked.

Lately, I had really thought about this. I thought of all that I wanted in my lifetime. "Things? People? Ideas? You didn't specify, which makes it kind of hard to answer." I giggled. So many things that would've been nice to have with Edward.

"You pick," he whispered. His eyes were boring into mine, our hands intertwined.

I smiled. "Any one thing?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Everything you ever wanted. It doesn't have to be one thing. I want to hear your life's desires." When he put it that way, it sounded more romantic, though Edward was going at phrasing things that way.

"Hm, well, I thought about becoming an oncologist," he smiled at that. I moved on. "I always dreamed of going back to Isle Esme. It is so perfect there, and we don't have to worry about privacy or the sun. When I was younger, I wanted to be a florist," I smiled and laughed. Most girls my age wanted to be ballerinas, but by that time I already knew my disabilities. Edward laughed with me.

I stopped laughing as I thought about the one thing that I realized I really wanted. "But, when I think of down the road-you know, like when we get our lives settled down," I paused. Did I really want to tell him this? I should. I've kept enough secrets from him. "Well, I was thinking I'd really like to have a baby," I said quietly.

I stared at our hands clasped together. His reaction worried me. He never really knew that I would like to have children, and I'm not sure what he would say about it.

His angel voice finally broke the silence. "You see why I never wanted to take away your mortality," he whispered. He ran his hand through my hair. I just closed my eyes. He put a hand on my cheek. "I'm not sure that's even possible. I'm sorry," My eyes flew open.

"Don't be sorry Edward. It might be possible. Besides, that can wait. I'm in no hurry." I wanted to take it back, but I couldn't bring myself to. My clock was ticking fast. I didn't have much time left, but if this is all I can get in that time, I'm happy. As long as I have Edward, things will be perfect.

"You've seen what it has done to Rosalie," he said. We never really talked about Rosalie, she and Emmett weren't really around much. They were mostly off on their own, at their own house, out shopping or traveling. "I hate taking that chance away from you."

I shook my head persistently. "Like I said, I'm in no hurry. I don't really want you worrying about it," I put my hand on his cheek. "As long as I have you, my life is perfect. I don't need anything else. I know this sounds a little dramatic, but you are essential to my survival." He smiled. "You are my air and sun. I remember that Renee told me that I revolve around you. Well, the only explanation I can come up with is that the earth revolves around the sun." I shrugged.

He pulled me close to him, and I welcomed his embrace. "But will it be enough?"

"What a stupid question," I scoffed. "You will always be enough." His kissed my forehead, and we spent the rest of the day, lying next to each other. We had no immediate intentions of moving.

When we decided that we should probably get out of bed, I was exhausted. I had succeeded in staying awake, and now I wanted nothing more than to sleep. I showered, got dressed, and went downstairs to lie on the couch.

Edward gave me an apple to eat when he came to sit down with me. I took two bites and I put it down. I wanted to sleep. I fell asleep with Edward stroking my cheek with the back of his hand.

EPOV

Saturday seemed to grow farther and farther away instead of growing closer. Bella seemed anxious for Saturday to come. She was always keeping herself busy. When she wasn't cleaning, she was shopping with Alice for groceries, sleeping, walking through the forests with me, though she got tired quickly.

She kept growing paler and lighter. She was no more than a hundred pounds. She was eating a little more for my sake…very little. I moved heaven and earth to keep her hydrated. She was already a vampire in her own way.

She had shared her life's desires with me. I was thrilled to find out she wanted to become an oncologist. She loved taking care of people. She wanted to go back to Isle Esme. I could arrange that any time she wished. Esme would love to help her with a flower shop…though I did find that kind of strange. But the one thing that left me unsure, was the one thing that she seemed to want most.

Bella wanted children. I wasn't even sure if it was at all possible for vampires to produce children with humans. I have never known of any cases like that. It was definitely different. But I would give anything for her to have that chance. I know how strong the desire for children was. When Carlisle first changed Rosalie, she was tormented by the fact that she'd never be able to have children.

I sat beside Bella while she slept peacefully on the couch. She looked like a very sick angel. The bags under her eyes proved how tired she was, her small, frail body looked even more breakable. She was still the most beautiful creature in my world, but her body looked miserable.

She said that on Saturday she would have something to say. It would be the understatement of the century to say I was anxious to find out what was going on.

Finally, Friday came. Bella was as anxious as ever.

BPOV

It was finally Friday. I had to wait until evening to do anything, just to be sure. I needed something to tell Carlisle. And I wasn't planning on telling him about my back.

Alice glared at me all day. It became slightly uncomfortable. I was walking around the house cleaning with Alice yipping at my heals like a Chihuahua (Nasty little rats).

"Bella!" she groaned. She threw her head back and let her arms flail to her side.

"Tonight, okay?" I finished up dusting the piano and turned to face her. "You can afford to wait a couple of hours." I said, folding my arms across my chest.

She huffed and did the same. "It's not about whether or not _I_ can afford to wait a few hours. I don't see the point in waiting," she explained.

"I just need to make sure." I said, staring at the light, maple wood floors. I had an idea to keep Alice busy. "Hey Alice?"

"Ye~s?" she responded.

I smiled a smug grin. "I need you to do a little shopping for me," she raised her eyebrows. "You see, Edward and I have lost quite a number of things from our wardrobe and we need to refill. Are you up to the challenge?" I raised an eyebrow in question.

Her eyes were slits, and she had an evil grin. "Oh-ho. Is that right?" She unfolded her arms. Then her lips puckered. "Your lucky I'm a compulsive shopper. Fine, I'll go. But whatever I buy, you _have _to wear. No excuses." My smug grin disappeared. Now Alice was wearing it. Whatever it takes, I told myself.

"Deal," and I turned back to the dusting. I heard Alice skip to the door and clapping to herself.

"Rosalie! We have to go shopping!" was the last thing I heard from her. I laughed to myself. Then I felt arms wrap around my waist. My heart skipped a beat.

I felt his lips at my ear. "Why did you need Alice out of the house? I'm curious."

I sighed in content and leaned into him. "I was never very fond of Chihuahuas and yippee dogs that nip at your heels all day. I just needed my space for a second or two."

"You've been keeping busy today," he commented. "What are you waiting for?"

"The right moment." I said with all honesty. He let go and I was disappointed. I turned to face him. His perfection struck me again. His hair had the casual disarray to it and his eyes turned black from not hunting. His navy blue t-shirt made his skin look paler than normal, he didn't bother putting on a belt with his jeans like usual. I looked so plain next to him in my gray jumper and black cardigan.

His black eyes were anxious and intense. "The right moment for what?"

"I'll tell you when I find out." I said. He put on a half smile. He'd have to work with that answer for a while.

Without warning, he picked me up in his arms and walked outside to the front yard.

"What are you doing?" I asked, a little shocked.

He smiled my smile and took my breath away. "I'll tell you when I find out." I narrowed my eyes at him. He laughed at my frustrated expression. "You'll like where we're going." He promised.

"I don't care where we go as long as I'm with you." He just smiled and broke into a sprint.

The tall spruces and other trees flew past us in a blur. I felt the wind blow against me. I closed my eyes and rested my head on Edward's chest. When the wind stopped, I opened my eyes to see where Edward had whisked me off to. I found myself gazing at our meadow. The fall flowers were still in full bloom, the grass was a rich forest green, and the trees surrounding it created a feeling of safety.

Edward put me down and took my hand. We walked a little ways and found a perfect spot under a tree. I sat down and leaned against it. Edward did the same. It was very quiet. Sometimes, quiet was good. This way you could clear your mind, think about everything, or not think at all.

There was no sound, so I had no idea that Edward was leaning over me until our lips met. It was tender and sweet. He pulled away and I opened my eyes. The sun escaped the clouds for a moment and Edward's skin reflected rainbows as the rays hit him. He looked beautiful.

"This is nice," I whispered. "It's been a while since we've been here," I said, looking around the meadow.

"It's good to get out of the house every once in a while. You've been cleaning all day and I thought you might need some fresh air to get rid of the chemical scent. Bleach isn't a very pleasant smell," his nose wrinkled in disgust. I laughed at his grossed out expression.

"Sorry," I said, trying to hold back giggles. "Do you know when Carlisle is getting home?" I asked.

Edward narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "He should be home in an hour or so. Alice told him to come home early today," he paused, hoping for an answer. I hope he enjoys disappointment.

"Good," was all I said. He groaned and laid down next to me. I felt bad, but sometimes it was really fun teasing Edward.

The next hour was pretty quiet. Edward and I just needed the quiet. I know Edward never got a brake from that constant humming of thoughts, I never got a break from Alice. It was a nice change of scenery. But with each passing minute, I grew more impatient.

"We should get going," I said to Edward, sitting up.

"Alright," he said standing up. Once again, he picked me up in his arms. Assuming, correctly, that I wouldn't be able to hang onto him for very long.

We raced back to the house, where we found Carlisle's Mercedes parked in the front. Edward put me down on the porch and I walked in. Alice was standing with Carlisle at the bottom of the staircase, Esme had a worried look on her face, sitting on the couch in the family room.

"Hello, Bella," Carlisle greeted me. His kind smile made me feel relaxed, but I think he was just trying to hide suspicions from Edward.

"Hello Carlisle. How was work?" I asked casually.

He looked down and put his hands in his slack's pockets. "Oh, it was alright. Alice," she turned to face him attentively. "Would you mind joining Edward on a hunt? It looks like he could use one," I would have to thank him for that later.

She smiled. "Sure. C'mon Edward," she said grabbing his hand and leading him back out the door. "Let's go see if we can find a mountain lion or two." Edward gave Carlisle an irritated look. I looked back at Carlisle: his expression was calm and smooth. As soon as Edward and Alice were out the door, he turned his attention to me.

"Could you join me in the study for a few moments, Bella?" He asked. This is not what I expected. I thought I was going to have to do this myself. I nodded. He put an arm over my shoulders and led me upstairs into his study.

He closed the door behind him and started for the bookcase behind the desk. "Have a seat Bella," he said, his back facing me. I did as asked and sat down in the leather chair in front of the desk. He began searching the bookcase.

"I was doing some light reading lately," he informed me. I had a terrible feeling that I didn't need to say anything. "And I was very intrigued by what I found out. I thought you might like to know." He found what he was looking for and pulled the book out of the shelf. He flipped through the pages for a moment.

"This page was of interest to me," he said, tapping his finger on the book. He turned it around and placed it in front of me. I kept my eyes on him though as he sat down behind the desk. He gestured with his eyes to look in the book. I very hesitantly lowered my eyes.

There was a drop of blood. It didn't take much logic to identify who's blood it was. It dropped right next to the information on Leukemia.

"You have accelerated leukemia." He said very quietly. Tears were welling up in my eyes. Nobody had actually said it besides me. It seemed more real, especially when a doctor tells you.

"How long have you known?" His doctor instincts taking over.

"Day after we got back from the honeymoon," I whispered. Everything was suddenly very real.

"You are very brave Bella. Dealing with this by yourself for over a month…" his voice trailed off. "That must have been very hard, and very frightening." I didn't know what to say, so I just nodded. "Would you like to explain why you kept this a secret for so long?" He asked gently.

I looked up at him, he looked very sad. "Because of the expression on your face," I told him. Now he looked confused. I sighed and explained further. "Everyone was so happy, Carlisle. I knew how all of you would react. To be quite honest, I didn't think I'd last this long without getting caught. I was very careful. I made sure that whatever I planned to do, it didn't involve going to the doctor, research the internet, or anything that could be tracked. That's why Alice didn't see anything go wrong. I didn't even tell Alice until a couple of days ago." I sniffled and a tear escaped.

"That still doesn't answer my question," he said.

I was frustrated now. Weird mood swing. "Everybody was happy Carlisle," I said strongly. "Why rock the boat?" I threw my arms in the air in question. His eyes became curious. He shook off the suspicion and got back on topic.

"Well in any case, we need to get you into treatment. You have put this off too long." He started to get up when I began to protest.

"I'm not getting treatment," I said firmly.

He faced me bewildered. "Bella," he said, sitting down again. "This needs to be treated in order for you to get better. I feel terrible that I hadn't noticed the signs sooner," I cut him off.

"I have been surviving this so far. It's been over three weeks and I feel as bad as when it first started." He was about to say something, but I shot ahead. "And my back hasn't gotten any worse, thank God."

"Let me see," he said standing up again. I stayed seated. "Let me see your back Bella," he tried again. I gave in and got up very slowly. I turned around and took off the black cardigan that covered my back. I felt his cool hands run along my spine.

He sighed sadly. I was too scared to turn and face him. "I'll give you two options Bella," he started. Great. Didn't Carlisle know that cancer, mood swings, and lectures don't exactly mix well? "You could go in and get a BMT, or your could go in and get a BMT. Take your pick." He pulled down the shirt and I found the courage to face him.

"Neither," I said crossing my arms. "I have done fine so far without treatment, and I plan to finish it that way." I knew there was no possible way I was walking out of that hospital without one round of radiation or chemotherapy.

His expression was torn. "And by finish you mean die," he assumed correctly.

I kept my straight face, though my stomach was churning with fear. "I'd rather live out what's left of my life in a happy home with Edward and the rest of my family. Spending what I have left in a hospital doesn't sound very appealing to me. I'm sorry if I don't see it your way." I explained a little harshly.

He shook his head. "If you'd allow me to get you treatment, you could be put into remission and not have to worry about time limits. I don't understand why your resisting this," he sounded tired for the first time. I could tell he wanted to bang his head into the wall. I tended to have that effect on people. "Think of Edward, Bella." His tone was quiet and gentle. "You know he would be torn apart if he knew what you were doing to yourself. Could you really imagine him allowing you to live in this state? He would tear himself to pieces." I tried to ignore this rant. I didn't want to worry about it because I don't plan on telling him.

"You can't tell Edward," I told him.

He looked up at me with surprise. "Why not? He needs to know Bella. Whether you like it or not, he deserves to know. The reason most of us are scared for you is because you've waiting too long to say something."

I sat back down on the couch. With the dizzies and gravity working against me, it seemed like the smart thing to do. Of course, it seemed like everything was working against me. I ran my hand across my forehead to see if any problems would go away. "Promise me you won't tell Edward," I said in a weak voice. I felt sick.

I couldn't see him because I had my eyes closed, but I'm pretty sure it looked similar to Alice's angry glares. "I'm not going to make that mistake like Alice did, Bella. If you won't tell him, I will. Though I think he'd appreciate it more if he heard it from you. He deserves better than finding out second hand." This was true.

I sighed in defeat. I lost the will to fight when everything—back pains, headache, the sickening turning of my stomach, fatigue—came at me at once. "Okay. I'll tell him."

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up to find a very concerned Carlisle staring down at me.

"What's wrong?" His doctor's voice was coming back.

I just shook my head. "Everything. I just need to go lie down for a bit." I managed to muster the strength needed to get up, but it took a second for me to be able to move.

"These last few weeks must have been hell for you," he said shaking his head.

"Heh, you have no idea. Remember that one day in the kitchen that you were talking to me?" he nodded. "Well, I may have pulled off being fine, but really," I looked down at the white carpet. "Really I just wanted to keel over and cry." I slowly walked out of Carlisle's office and made it to mine and Edward's bed.

I didn't want to lay on my stomach, for several reasons. I couldn't lay on my back, the bruises were killing me. Instead, I curled up into a fetal position and had a silent cry. Everything hurt. For a moment, part of me wondered if the vampire transformation could be any worse than this. At the moment, it was very hard to believe.

After an hour or so of this torture, I gathered the strength to get up and use the bathroom. As I was washing my hands, something crossed my mind.

Oh God. Oh God. My revelation hit me full force. I leaned up against the shower for support. I carefully slid myself down to the stone floor. I hugged my arms around myself and I felt tears well up in my eyes. My breathing came a little quicker and my heart rate sped up. I could hear the blood pulsing in my head, which didn't help the headache one bit. At the very moment a tear slid down my cheek, there was a furious knocking at the door.

"Bella! Bella, are you alright?" His panicked voice made me catch my breath. Alice must have seen something. "Can I come in?" his voice was almost pained.

I pulled out of my trance like state. "Yeah," I breathed. He was at my side in a moment's notice. His hands were gripping my shoulders gently.

"What's wrong?" His voice was fierce, but anyone could pick up the slight sound of hysteria.

I shook my head. I finally looked away from the bathroom door to gaze at him. His hair was freshly wind blown, there were leaves and traces of dirt on his shirt. He'd come in a hurry. I smiled a broad smile. It almost hurt to smile so big.

My tears of happiness overflowed. He wiped them away quickly. "Bella, could you please tell me what you're thinking before I go mad?" He begged.

"Nothing's wrong," I said shaking my head. Well _that _didn't help the dizzies one bit. His eyes were still wild with worry and angst. I hugged myself closer. "Edward," my breath hitched and a tear rolled. "Edward, I'm pregnant." I said just above a whisper.

Dead silence followed my statement. His timeless face seemed frozen. His eyes wouldn't break from mine. His now shining topaz eyes seemed to be glistening.

I couldn't take it anymore. I threw my arms around his neck and started crying tears of joy. "I'm going to have a baby Edward!" I said excitedly through my tears. His arms encircled my back and squeezed. Ouch. But I was too happy to say anything. He continued to rock me side to side. "I'm going to have a baby," I loved saying it. It made my dream seem more real.

Edward kissed my temple and whispered into my hair. "You're going to have _our_ baby," he corrected. His excitement was much quieter than mine. I laughed at his correction. "I love you Bella. More than you can imagine," he pulled back a little to look at my eyes. I couldn't wipe the dopey grin off my face. He smiled a brilliant white smile that I only saw for a moment, because his lips were too busy with mine.

We smiled against each other's lips. Officially, the happiest moment in my entire life. I was having Edward's baby. I got my life wish. Edward was happy too, judging by the way his hands seemed to be everywhere at once. The pain was coming back.

"Do you mind if we move this to the bed? The bathroom isn't exactly a suitable place for this type of celebration." He smiled my crooked smile and easily swooped me up into his arms.

He held me close to him as we laid on the bed, smiling like a bunch of fools. He kept a hand on my lower abdomen, but kept his eyes focused on mine. I'm not sure what he found in them, but he looked like he was about to explode with joy.

Once again, he wrapped his arms around me, but squeezed a little tighter than the first time. Pain ripped through my back and I caught my breath.

Edward stopped. The pain brought back what I remembered from earlier today. Fear tore through me as I realized what this could possibly mean. My eyes glazed over, focusing on nothing. Everything happy seemed to fade into horror.

"Bella?" Edwards eyes were all concern as my eyesight went back into focus. I shot up ramrod straight.

"Oh God," I slapped my hand to my forehead. Edward had a tight grip on my arm. I was barely conscious of it. My hand flew to my stomach protectively. The tears started rolling again.

"Bella!" Edward was anxious now. "Tell me," he begged. I was already on the move. I jumped off the bed and started heading for the door, but Edward grabbed my arm to stop me. "Tell me what's wrong Bella," It was obvious he wasn't going to let me go without a reason. I needed Carlisle quick.

"I need Carlisle," I chocked out.

"Okay, now why?" He was trying to remain calm. I was about to shatter his control.

Hysteria had overcome me and I blurted, "because I have accelerated leukemia and I need to make sure I live long enough to give our baby a chance at life!"

* * *

**AHH! Bella is el prego and if you do some basic research, you will discover that most women have to have abortions so that they can undergo treatment. Bella has already suffered a long time with the leukemia, but now she needs to fight so she can make sure her little "nudger" has a chance at life. I felt like the last quote was the perfect way to leave off the chapter. Edward's reaction in next chapter! duhn...Duhn...DUHN! I can assure you there will be a little of Edward's POV in the next chapter. Looking forward to writting it!**


	10. THANK YOU READERS!

**THANK YOU!!!**

**Thank you to all my readers and reviewers! Especially to Musically Inclined who helped spread the word and to others who have recommended my story. I will be updating once or twice this week because of Thanksgiving break.**

**To answer a question by darkmoon999:**

**My best friend's mom was diagnosed with leukemia in the spring. And my uncle died of the disease. My friend's mom was the one who inspired me to write the story. Her mom was diagnosed the day they were leaving for a horse show. She didn't listen to the doctor and went anyways. She couldn't really do anything fun, but she still made a sacrifice to be there for her. (F.Y.I, she is really religious and totally anti-vampire…)**

**And to all others who would like to find out what's next, just keep checking during the week for all my updates.**

**This is my most popular fanfic, I hope it continues to become more popular.**


	11. The No Win Scenario

**Okay, this chapter was a little tricky. It's mostly in EPOV. The beginning is Bella, but it switches off. It's a short chapter (or what i consider short). I just finished reading and watching "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch. I cried. He is inspirational and he used the title of this chapter in his book when he spoke of Captain Kirk from Star Trek. I strongly suggest that you grab the book and watch the lecture because it really changes your life. I think I will be using a lot of him in my stories and chapters to come. REVIEW!**

**The No-Win Scenario**

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It was out. I couldn't take it back. Edward knew. All I could think was, _great. Here comes chaos. _

I wanted to crumble to the floor. I wanted to burst into a million tiny little pieces.

Edward's expression was like stone…not changing. I couldn't force my legs to move in the direction of Carlisle's office. All my brain could process at the moment was that I need to be here for Edward. He was going to take the fall with me.

After a paralyzing silence, Edward's stone expression crumbled, and turned into a look of pure agony. His eyes glazed over, his lips were trembling, and I could tell his hands were aching to strangle whatever was hurting me. Only in this case, it was not possible.

I could feel my own expression faltering. A couple moments ago, all I could think about was saving my baby. The only emotion laid out on my face was determination. Now, I was shaking all over. I felt tears threatening to expose my fear. My legs were trembling so hard, I'd thought they'd give out.

His tortured angelic voice broke the silence. "You have leukemia," he seemed to still be filtering the information I just word-vomited onto him. I couldn't speak, so I gave him a weak nod. I made sure my eyes stayed focused on the carpet so I wouldn't have to meet his blazing eyes.

"I'm sorry Edward," I whispered. "Carlisle just told me today. But I found out I was pregnant and I was so happy," I shrugged helplessly, "it just slipped my mind." My baby. My little nudger. I couldn't bear to see my baby in harm. I clutched my now-flat stomach, and started crying.

His arms were around me before I hit the floor. I had never cried so hard, not even when Edward left. We sat on the floor. I was shaking with tears while Edward rubbed small circles on my lower back in an attempt for comfort.

The tears never stopped, but the hysterics worsened (And here I was thinking Edward would loose his mind…). I began blubbering out about our baby.

"I can't get treatment," I shook my head in defeat. "Our baby!" I continuously brushed my belly, hoping it might sooth the baby. Edward was trying to quiet me, but I ignored his attempts. "If I don't go through treatment, then I'll die. And if I do go through treatment, the baby will…" I couldn't finish. I just continued sobbing into Edward.

"We will figure this out Bella," his voice was thick with tears, but somehow was able to be fierce. "Don't worry. Carlisle could have some options." I nodded helplessly against him. I felt him lift me from the floor and set me down gently on the bed.

His arms were wrapped firmly around me, and I never let go of him. My arms were wrapped tightly around his chest while I felt the safety of his around my waist. Occasionally he would free a hand to brush my now matted and tangled hair. I could only imagine how ugly I looked at this very moment. But at the moment, my looks were at the very bottom of my priorities list. I never opened my eyes. I kept them tightly shut so that tears wouldn't escape so easily. My eyes burned behind my lids from the Herculean effort. Edward simply brushed away the tears that managed to leak out.

I felt myself slipping away into sleep.

"Edward?" I croaked.

"What is it, love?" He laid a hand on my exposed cheek.

I hugged myself closer to him. "I'm so scared," I admitted. He didn't know how true it was. I had never experienced fear like this before.

"I am to," he barely whispered. He said something else, but I was already asleep.

EPOV

The words that came out of her mouth didn't make sense. They were non-sensical. I heard what she said, but my brain rejected her words. It refused to put them together. Her words echoed repeatedly in my mind. _I have accelerated leukemia…_That was the one part I couldn't understand.

This was impossible. Bella couldn't be sick! It's not right! She was so young, too young. She had just accomplished her dreams of having her own children, and then she is cursed with a terminal disease. Where is the justice in the world? Is there none? If what she is saying is true, then justice is nonexistent.

I saw her begin to tremble. Tears were already leaking from the corners of her beautiful, timeless chocolate eyes that seemed to melt me every time I looked into them. Her legs were shaking visibly. I realized from her reaction that everything she said was true.

She was dying. Our baby was dying. She was more concerned about the baby than for her own life, you could tell. My Bella has been dying for weeks, and she didn't have a clue and probably didn't give a damn. She didn't tell me. I was almost hurt by it, but I caught myself by thinking she did it to keep me happy. She kept it a secret for a long time. But nonetheless, she was dying.

"You have accelerated leukemia," I said flatly. I looked at the beautiful woman standing in front of me. She is always brave, selfless, caring, and affectionate. I stared at the beautiful woman in front of me: long, silky mahogany hair, creamy, white, smooth skin, deep chocolate brown eyes, wondering; how could such a terrible thing happen to this perfect person? It didn't make sense.

I have studied different types of cancer in my two medical studies. Less than twenty percent of people diagnosed with leukemia live without treatment. Not to be pessimistic, but Bella wasn't one to draw forth such luck.

She gave me a weak nod.

Her shaking doubled in intensity and she spoke. "I'm sorry Edward," she whispered, keeping eye contact with the carpet. Why on Earth would, or should she be sorry for? She has done nothing wrong! "Carlisle just told me today. But I found out I was pregnant and I was so happy," she shrugged, grabbing hold of her arm, "it just slipped my mind." She deserved to be so happy. Yet here she was, dying of cancer with a baby growing inside her.

Her tears started coming faster. Her hands moved to her stomach, where she clutched the fabric. My guess was that she was hoping something was there. Her eyes grew wide, but clenched closed. I saw her legs give out before she knew it herself.

I had my arms wrapped tightly around her. She sobbed into my shoulder as if she were already defeated. She was never one for giving up. She has always been such a tenacious person, always taking hold of what she wanted. But as I held her in my arms, trying to sooth her tears away, all I could see was a scared young girl.

She began to talk through her tears. "I can't get treatment," she couldn't finish a sentence. Her arms encircled her stomach protectively. "Our baby!" I couldn't bear listening to her sounding so helpless and lost. I tried to quiet her hysterics, but no matter my efforts, she still blubbered on. "If I don't go through treatment, I die." I flinched at her words. I couldn't imagine a world without Bella…it hurt to. "And if I do go through treatment the baby will…" instead of finishing, her sobs worsened.

"We will figure this out Bella," My voice was thick with my invisible tears, but there was determination and fierceness in it. "Don't worry. Carlisle could have some options." He would have to. I don't believe in the "no-win" scenario.

She looked so broken on the floor crying in my arms. I picked her up and carried her over to the bed. She didn't let go of me, so I just laid down next to her. She strived for control over her tears: she clenched her eyes tightly shut and held her breath to gain control over her broken sobs. I ran my hand through her hair, wondering if it was here to stay. I wiped away the tears that managed to escape her closed eyes and held her closely for comfort.

After her breathing slowed and her heart had calmed down, she took some steadying breaths. She spoke so quietly I wasn't sure if I'd heard her.

"Edward?"

I stared into her face, tear stains lining her face. "What is it, Love?" I placed a cold hand on her cheek…almost hating it for not being able to protect her.

She gave a gentle squeeze. "I'm so scared." Her eyes squeezed even tighter.

I gently caressed her cheek. I could see her entire body relax: she was tired. She was going to keel over any minute.

"I am too," I whispered, but I could tell she was gone.

I waited a moment and whispered, "Where is the justice?"

I couldn't leave her. She murmured in her sleep a couple of times, "I love you more than my own life." I didn't know who she was talking to, but it could've been the both of us.

After the murmuring seceded, I ruefully escaped her tenacious fingers and snuck out of the bed. She did not look at peace. I have had a lot of time practicing reading her facial expressions. She was determined; her face reflected that in her mind, she was trying to solve the puzzle that no one can solve: life.

I looked at my life, arms wrapped around her protectively, enduring pain in brave silence and thought: Why am I so lucky? I leaned over her, gave her a kiss on the forehead, and moved her hands and arms so that I could give my child a kiss. She should have someone else doing the protecting for now.

I silently walked out of the room so I would not wake her, and went straight to Carlisle's office. It was foolish of me to think that I would only find Carlisle.

Rosalie was sitting in one of the leather chairs, Jasper in the twin. Alice sat on top of the desk, hand in her hair, looking as frustrated and sad as ever. Emmett leaned casually up against the desk, but the concerned look on his face made the casual look feel strained. Carlisle and Esme were standing behind the desk, hands being held together.

"I don't think she can last nine months without treatment Edward," Carlisle said as gently as possible. His eyes were focused on me, without wavering to the others.

"So you're going to kill the baby?" Rosalie said through her teeth. Her arms were folded across her chest. The scowl looked almost permanent. "Since when did we become murderers of innocent babies Carlisle?" there was bite in her tone.

Carlisle ignored her snappish attitude. "I know that it sounds terrible to you, but the baby is what? A week old?" His gaze moved from Rosalie to me. I just gave a stiff nod. All my focus was on the steady breathing in the other room.

_Ugh! She is so difficult to see! _I saw Alice trying to get a clear picture of Bella in her mind, but it was so fuzzy…

"Why is it so unclear? Why can't you see her?" My tone was on the edge of panic. She looked up at me with stressed eyes. Her perkiness took a leave of absence today.

"I don't know," she said helplessly. "All I can get are fuzzy pictures and flickers. Ever since she conceived the baby I've hardly been able to see her at all. I remember when she first conceived the baby; she totally blanked out of my sight! I was so scared that we'd lost her." She put her face in her hands. Jasper got up from his seat and put a concerned hand on her shoulder.

I caught onto Rosalie's thoughts. _If they think they are going to kill an innocent child, they better re-think._ I glared at her.

Thankfully, Carlisle saw my murderous glare and spoke before I could. "Rosalie, if she doesn't get treatment, both she and the baby will die. That is the one thing I can guarantee. She has already put up with this for too long. Carrying a child is putting more strain on her body. So the way I see it, there are two options," he paused and looked around us. "Either both she and the baby die, or she could have an abortion and live to try again." Rosalie's determined face melted into a torn expression.

I focused in on Rosalie. _She could live long enough to,_ I interrupted her thoughts before she could continue.

"She won't Rosalie!" I growled through barred teeth. "And if you're suggesting she be put through more pain than she has already suffered only to see it wasted, you are sorely mistaken." She glared at me again. I kept my angered expression solid.

"She is strong Edward," she spat. "You undermine her abilities. I think that if she wants this baby to survive, she will by any means necessary." How could she be siding against what's best for her? Then it clicked, and I was angry.

"So you are going to kill Bella because of your greed and vanity. Are you really willing to kill Bella just so that you could take care of the child?" Carlisle was about to intercede. "No Carlisle. You know it's true. And it's not your fault, so don't even start blaming it on yourself," he semi-relaxed back into his chair. Esme squeezed his hand tighter. "Over my dead body am I going to allow you to kill my wife to satisfy your greed." She looked as if she would explode of anger at any moment.

Emmett put a hand on Rosalie's shoulder, but she carelessly shrugged it off. Now his only concern was for Rosalie's temperament.

_If only I could,_ she started.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," I said menacingly. "If you dare disturb her right now I will rip you apart and burn the pieces without hesitation." I moved over to block the door, so Rosalie couldn't escape.

"Edward!" Esme scolded. Her face smothered with disbelief.

Emmett acted by jumping in front of her. "Hey now," he said holding his hands up. "Let's play nice."

"This isn't a game Emmett!" I growled.

"I'm sure it won't come to that," Carlisle said in a calm, tired voice. We all turned out attention to him. His serious face told us that we'd all better listen. "This is Bella's decision more than any one else's. Edward has almost as equal amount of say in this as Bella. It's his child, too. I'm sure, knowing Bella's open-minded personality will listen to both of your views and ask for opinions. Let Bella rest for now," I relaxed a little. She needed her rest. "When she is ready, she will ask for your opinions. I don't want anyone pushing their views onto her. Is that clear?"

Rosalie, Alice, and I all said, "Yes Carlisle." And that was it on the subject.

Jasper pulled Alice off the desk and took her hand. "You shouldn't be trying so hard. You know Edward is going to be watching her like a hawk."

Her eyebrows furrowed in frustration. "I know. The only thing I'm worried about is making sure she lives to see tomorrow."

Rosalie and Emmett walked out single file. She was thinking murder towards me and I couldn't help but smile at my successful efforts.

I stayed behind so I could talk to Carlisle and Esme.

I sat down in one of the leather chairs. "Based on Bella's current condition, how long do you think she can last without treatment?" I leaned over and stared at my folded hands.

I heard calculations coming from his thoughts. He sighed. "Well, she has had this for well over a month. My best guess would be anywhere between two and four months. I highly doubt she could make it to five. From what I saw, it's already pretty bad." I saw the awful bruises lining her spine. I thought my gag reflexes were going to return.

"She needs a BMT," the words were difficult to say.

Carlisle nodded. "It would be wise. Only when the baby is no longer an obstacle can we act. I think this would be most effective if you explained the situation to her." His eyes turned sympathetic. "I know you don't like this idea any more than Rosalie." He was right. Killing our baby was not something I would do if we had another option. Bella had achieved her dream and we were going to have to take it away from her. "From what I can tell, you can produce at any given time. You can tell her that it is possible to conceive again, because I think that may be the key to convince her it's the right thing to do."

"She will not be so keen on our views Carlisle. You should've heard her when she was sleeping. She loves that child more than her own life. She said it herself. It is going to be very difficult to make her understand. Her mind is set on making sure that child lives." That much I knew. She was not about to let her child be taken away from her. I could tell by her tears of joy, the way she wrapped her arms protectively around her, the way she spoke of it as "our" baby, she wasn't going to let any harm come to it.

"I'm sorry Edward. But it's the only way to go. You have to explain to her that this is the only option." I continued to stare at my hands and nodded. "Go to her Edward. I know you want to be with her. I'm sorry that this has to happen." I didn't want to meet his sorry gaze, so I said thank you and returned to Bella.

She was still asleep when I got back to the room. I lay down next to her and gently caressed her hair. She looked more relaxed than when I had left her. There were no wrinkles in her forehead; her lips went back to their plump form, instead of the thin line. A whimper escaped and I froze.

"Bella?" I whispered frantically. "Bella, what's wrong? Where does it hurt?" I ran to her other side to take a look at her back. I lifted her shirt and knew what was causing her pain. The bruises looked worse than what Carlisle saw. They were a dark blue with a royal purple.

She stirred and I went back to where she could see me. She didn't like it when she didn't see me when she woke up.

Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled. "Hey," she croaked. I ran my thumb under her eyes where bruises were now emerging.

"Are you sure you wouldn't like to sleep more? You look so tired."

She shook her head no. "I've slept more than enough."

"You need the sleep now. If you're tired, it would be beneficial to you to go back to sleep." I rubbed her back comfortingly and she winced.

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah. It just hurts. I've dealt with worse." She tried to sit up, but another whimper escaped her lips and I held her up.

I let her adjust to her new position. She clenched her eyes shut. I felt her pain as my own, watching her endure this in silence. She squeezed my hand tighter and I knew she could hardly suffer any more of this.

"Bella, love?" I asked her. She opened her eyes ruefully and a couple of tears escaped. I brushed them away and she blushed. "I spoke with Carlisle." Her eyes were immediately alert. I saw a flicker of hope, and I wanted to kill myself for what I was about to do, but it had to be done.

"What did he say our options were?" She put a hand on her stomach.

I held onto her eyes. Very slowly and cautiously, I said, "Carlisle says you have two options." She waited for the rest. I carefully squeezed her hand a little tighter. "He said you could either go without treatment, and both you and the baby can die." I struggled to say these words. They brought no peace of mind. This next one would tear Bella apart. "Or, you could get an abortion, go through treatment, and try again."

Her eyes turned watery and wide. "You want to kill our baby?" Her voice broke at the end. She was never going to accept this.

"It's the only way," I said apologetically.

She shook her head with fury. "I can't kill our baby, Edward. I don't know if I can go with option two."

I lifted her chin up so that I could see her eyes.

"You are not going with option one." I said shakily. She wasn't going to do this to herself. Her eyes seemed to be asking me why. "I don't believe in the 'no-win' scenario."

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**I wanted to wait to tell you Bella's reaction and decision because i wanted it in one chapter... which will be the next one. It will probably be published sunday. I also just published a new chapter in Ellipsis. Check it out and don't be scared of the review button. It won't hurt you. I promise.**


	12. Blood On the Hands

**FINALLY! This chapter was very very hard to write even though it is kinda short. This is probably one of the most emotional chapters i will write in this story. Please review and enjoy! (i swear to god the review button will not hurt you. trust me, i've clicked it multiple times and i come out whole.)**

**Blood On the Hands**

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BPOV

He what? Wants me to kill my baby? That is completely senile! What makes him think that I can't make it? Shows how much faith he has.

"No." I said flatly.

Edward looked so pained. "It's the only way Bella. Either both of you die or you live to try again. Carlisle says he is one hundred percent certain that you will not live to see the end of the pregnancy. He said this has gone on too long and that in order for you to live, you need a bone marrow transplant." His hands were holding mine tightly…they were shaking with force.

I didn't know what to say to Carlisle's expertise and his guess of how long I can stick it out. To me, it sounded like he was telling me to commit murder. Could I kill my baby? If I go down I take the baby with me. That's not fair. He/she deserves to have a chance at life. It wouldn't be fair to end it so fast.

"Bella?" His voice was shaking and concerned by my silence.

I swallowed hard. "You want me to kill our baby, so I can live?" They were hard words to say. It seemed so selfish to want to do this.

"Anything is going to sound bad when you say it that way," he murmured. He lifted my hands to his face and placed a gentle kiss on each one. "I know this doesn't seem fair, and it's not." He conceded. "But in order to get something out of this, abortion is the only way," his tone went real quiet at the end. He hated this as much as I did. I leaned forward and put my head in his lap. The tears came quicker now.

"So you are saying there is no chance of me or my baby pulling through this?" If it was a month premature, then it would live. And if I died shortly after? That doesn't matter. As long as my baby has a chance at life.

His words came out strained. "There is no chance whatsoever." My breath hitched at his words, and my tears turned into sobs. They were broken and choppy sobs. I couldn't breath, and my back was killing me from leaning over. I wasn't sure what I was crying for, the pain of his words, or the pain in my back.

Edward brushed my hair and rubbed circles on my back while I continued to sob with no sign of stopping. He planted a few kisses on the back of my head. I wrapped my arms around his waist, hoping that somehow this would all go away.

My sobs finally slowed and I began trying to catch my lost breath. Edward held me in his arms, while I held him in mine. It would've been a picture perfect moment if it wasn't filled with so much misery. I could imagine the developed film: Edwards eyes clenched shut, mouth in a frown, while I had tear stains down my face, disheveled hair, and puffy red eyes from all the tears.

"What do you want to do, Love?" He whispered to me in the calm silence.

"I need to see Carlisle." I started to sit up. I moved slowly, but it still hurt. A small whimper of pain escaped my lips. It hurt so bad. I held my breath and sat up all the way. I felt Edward grab my arm as I stood up. It was a good thing too. My blood sugar levels were at rock bottom.

I hugged myself closer to him, feeling very insecure about what I was about to do. He gave a supportive squeeze. I didn't want to look up at him, I didn't know how bad I looked. And if there was as much pain in my eyes as in my entire body, I knew it would crush him. I wanted to show him that it was going to be okay.

Carlisle was still in his office. Had he left it at all today? Edward sat down in one of the leather chairs, and I sat down on his lap. He took my left hand and kissed my wedding band that hung loosely on my ring finger. I smiled weakly at Edward, and he strained a smile back.

I focused my attention on Carlisle. He was leaning comfortably back in his big leather chair. In front of him was the book that screwed me over. I scowled at it and Carlisle actually laughed a little bit.

He stopped to ask me a question. "I assume that Edward has spoken with you?" I nodded. I didn't trust my voice to say anything. "Have you decided?" He said quietly and as gently as possible.

I hesitated. Did I really want to do this? Better yet, did I have a choice? My mouth opened, but nothing came out. I wanted to say no more than anything. I wanted to say "I'm going to die to try what can't be done and go through with this pregnancy" but that would kill Edward. If nothing good came out of this, I'm positive Edward would be dead within twenty-four hours.

Edward squeezed my hand and I squeezed back. I took courage from that and managed a nod. "I want…I want an abortion." It was difficult for Carlisle to hear me, because he had to lean forward to catch what I was saying. I rested my forehead on Edward's shoulder and clenched my eyes shut so that no tears would escape. I was surprised I had any left. At this rate, I was going to dehydrate myself and cause more health problems.

Edwards arms wrapped around me and I tried taking deep breaths. Carlisle spoke in a calm and doctor like mannor.

"I would recommend getting this done as soon as possible. It's dangerous to put this off any more. You need that BMT more than anything right now. Maybe a few rounds of chemotherapy. We will have to go from there." He folded his hands on top of his desk.

"Bella, love, this has to be done soon." Edward said carefully, trying not to push too hard. I could also feel him trying to suppress his on-coming panic.

I was defeated. There was no way to get out of this. I hated postponing the inevitable. "I'll go with Alice tomorrow." I said hardly above a whisper. Edward continued rubbing my back.

"Alright Love. I'll make sure it's taken care of." I nodded weakly. I felt like the life had been taken from me. I felt so guilty and defeated. A flashback of my early kindergarden days flashed in my mind. A hot shot boy was picking on another boy about how he was such a looser with no friends. I pushed him back onto the spinner and told him to go cry in a corner with his cabbage patch kids doll. Well, that's exactly what I felt like doing right now.

I got up and saw the Roman numeral clock on the wall. It was ten o'clock. I wanted to talk with Alice.

"I'm going to see Alice," I told Edward, walking towards the door.

I walked down the hall in a trance-like state. I let my legs carry me to my destination. My feet shuffled on the carpeted floor as I made my way towards Alice and Jasper's room.

She opened the door before I knocked. She gave me a small smile. "Come on in Bella." She took my hand and guided me into her room.

It looked like something you'd see in France. I guess you'd call it French provincial. The classic white bed frame, the faded white armoire, and she had a birdcage in the corner for decoration.

I sat down on her snow-white bed. She sat down next to me and put both of my hands in hers.

"I will go with you tomorrow Bella," she must've had a vision. "I'm sorry you have to go through with this. It's not fair." I looked into her brilliant topaz eyes, they were filled with sympathy and sadness. Her mouth in a frown that resembled Edward's. It would be awkward if I showed up to get an abortion with Edward, and I was closest to Alice. I knew she would be there for me.

"Thanks Alice." I whispered to her. My voice didn't have the strength today. All my strength was gone. I felt as weak and feeble as ever. "I would just feel more comfortable if you came instead of Edward. I just don't want eyes on me like that."

She rubbed my arm. "Hey, once you get better you can try again. I'm no Carlisle, but bone marrow transplants are very effective. It might put you into remission. It should take a while, but it will happen. Have patience. Good things come to those who wait," she said as brightly as the moment allowed.

I smile a little bit. "You sound like a total cliché right now, you know that right?" she giggled a little bit.

"Yes, but I'm a strong believer in it. You should be too." She gave me a gentle nudge.

"Why? I waited to tell all of you and look what has happened. I have to commit murder and go through intense chemo. Not including the bone marrow transplant. Me waiting has brought nothing good." I didn't mean to be a downer, but I just couldn't see the good side in this.

Alice frowned. "Bella, anything is going to sound bad when you put it that way." I laughed and she raised her eyebrows.

"Edward said the same thing," I explained. She smiled back.

"You should go to bed. You have a big day tomorrow," she cooed. I just nodded and stood up. I found Edward waiting for me when I walked out of Alice's room. He must have heard what Alice was thinking.

"Hey," I gave him the best smile I could offer, but it felt strained.

"Hello, love." I walked over to him and gave him a hug. I closed my eyes and nearly fell asleep instantly. He seemed to notice this too.

He gently lifted me into his arms and started carrying me away.

"Good night Alice," I said it into Edward's sweater, but I knew she heard me.

"See you tomorrow Bella," I hope.

I heard Edward close our bedroom door behind him. I counted the steps to the bed. He was very careful to sway as little as possible so he wouldn't hurt me. It didn't matter. Everything made me hurt now. I felt him lower me to the bed (my new best friend) and pull the covers over me. Knives poked me in the back, but I bit back the cries. I heard his footsteps grow faint.

"Don't go." I cried in panic. "Please don't leave me Edward." The last thing I wanted right now was to be alone.

As soon as the words left my mouth, he was there. His arms were wrapped around me gently, giving my forehead little pecks of kisses, and telling me he was never, ever going to leave me again.

I took in a deep breath. "I know your not going to leave me Edward," there was a little more bite in my tone than I intended. I said softer, "it's just that I've kept quiet with no one to turn to until I told Alice. But by then I had already been dealing with it for over a month. I take comfort in having you near me is all," I yawned and heard him whisper "I love you, so much Bella," before sinking into the darkest sleep.

I knew I was awake, I just didn't want to get up. Getting up would force me to do something terrible, that should never be done. I kept my eyes tightly shut so that there was no chance of them opening. My head was resting on something hard: Edward, I realized. He kept his word and didn't leave me. My eyes clenched tighter to fight the intense temptation to look at my beautiful husband.

"Bella, love, I know you don't want to get up. I'm sorry you have to do this, but Alice is waiting _very _impatiently outside our bedroom door waiting to get you dressed and ready to…go," he said carefully. It was his sad, and sympathetic, almost guilty tone. I ruefully gave into his pleads and slowly opened my eyes.

His deep topaz eyes were boring into my brown ones with a fierce intensity. I closed my eyes and sighed. "You can let Alice in. There's no point," Edward finished the sentence for me.

"…in avoiding the inevitable. I know," he gave me a weak smile. I tried to smile back, but it felt contorted and wrong. His cool hands brushed a lock of hair behind my ear and kissed me with a gentle passion. Only Edward could pull that off.

Alice was immediately at my bedside, gently tapping me to get up.

"Seriously, Bella. We have to go. The a~pointment is at nine and it's already eight," _smooth _I thought. I knew what word she was going to say before it formed on her own lips. _Abortion_. She wasn't terribly rushy like she usually was. She gently guided me through the motions of getting dressed, put on a little bit of make-up (after much protest on my part) and gave me a couple of pain killers for my sore back.

I didn't see Edward until a moment before we left. When I got to Alice's pretty little Porche, I felt his cool arms wrap around me and his chin on my shoulders.

"I'm so sorry Bella," his voice was broken. It was choked up, like Charlie at the wedding. Suppressing my tears, I turned around and gave him a passionate kiss. Seeing him torn up like this wasn't helping my attitude at all, but even vampires need to have a let-go every once in a while.

"Don't be. It's my own damn fault for being an idiot and waiting so long. Don't worry about it Edward. None of this is your fault." I spoke in whispers. The tension made any other volume sound to loud. He was about to protest, but I turned around and got into Alice's car. I didn't look back at Edward as we drove off; I was scared that his expression was the same as mine.

The ride was short (mostly because of the insane Cullen driving habits) and Alice didn't really say much. I hated small talk and she knew it. About half way there she stop talking all together.

Sitting in a doctor's office isn't fun. Your insides are always racked with anxiety and you bounce your legs up and down because of nervous habit. Alice rested her hand on my knee as a subtle way of telling me to calm down, but there was only one person who had the touch to quiet me. I stopped fidgeting to please Alice: instead I just wrapped my arms around my stomach and tried to stop a threatening tear flow.

I must have zoned out because when Alice tapped me tenderly on the arm, I jumped. "They called your name," she explained softly. Fear shot through me like a bullet. I felt my eyes widen. Alice looked pained. I reigned my bulging eyes back into my sockets and settled on a frown for an expression. I looked down at my too-flat stomach, but Alice drew my attention back up when she started tugging on my arm. I surrendered to her and she took my hand.

When we walked into the room, where the doctor was seated properly at his desk, I saw the door to the_ other_ room. I was glad Alice did all the talking for me; I was too traumatized and distraught to form a word. I stared at my clothing: a white silk dress that went down to my knees, a white cashmere cover-up over it, and white, patent leather ballet flats. When Alice asked me why I was wearing all white, I told her it was because white is the traditional color of death. She didn't utter another word on my outfit. After she got me dressed, she quickly changed into a white blouse, white slacks, and white, satin heels that gave her the height that she desperately needed to look remotely her age.

Alice gave me a gentle squeeze of the hand and I realized I had zoned out again. The doctor guided me to the back room while I was still in a daze. I was only just aware of the white walls and thought,_ how appropriate._ I stared at the operation like table in the room and closed my eyes, hoping it would all disappear. To my intense disappointment, it didn't.

EPOV

_Do you think she would be back by now?_ Jasper asked through his thoughts. In my despair, I didn't know what to do. So Jasper took me hunting. I didn't kill or drink, I just ran alongside Jasper. His 'stamina' wasn't as good as mine.

I sat down on the rock while he finished disposing his doe. I was too numb to feel the blood thirst that was burning in my throat. Feeling that this was all my fault left me this way. Bella hated how I blamed myself for everything bad that happened to her, but if I traced back all the clues and trails, all her problems led to me. I could've caught those distinct bruises on her back if I had been paying attention to more than her face while she was sleeping, or during our intimate moments, but I was too focused on keeping her alive. How ironic.

"I guess I should go and find out," I said standing up. Jasper finished covering up the evidence and started running with me.

Halfway back to the house, his thoughts got louder. _You're drowning me with guilt Edward. It's suffocating me. _I wanted to apologize, but no words formed on my lips. The numbness had officially taken over my body. Instead, I felt apologetic towards Jasper and saw, out of the corner of my eye, him nod in understanding. For a wild moment, I was sincerely grateful that Jasper came with me instead of Emmett. If you told him to take something seriously, he would drop to the floor in laughter.

We appeared in the driveway, where I saw Alice's car sloppily parked. I slowed my pace and jumped up the porch steps. I was vaguely aware of Jasper's presence behind me, but I was more concerned with where my Bella was. I quietly opened the front door and saw Alice, Rosalie, Esme, Carlisle, and Emmett all seated in the family room with frowns on their faces. Rosalie's expression was more like a glare or scorn. She was just angry that she didn't have her say with Bella. Good.

I heard the shower running upstairs. I caught one of Carlisle's thoughts as I started my way up the stairs.

_Be very careful Edward. I've never seen her so fragile._ I winced when I saw a picture of Bella, walking into the house, completely dazed and unaware. She didn't blink, she was hardly breathing, and the only thing I saw was Bella's arms wrapped tightly around her stomach. Everyone could tell she was wishing something was in there. I gave a slight nod in his general direction and continued upstairs.

When I opened our Bedroom door, I didn't find the clothing that was usually laid out on the bed before she took a shower. I didn't put much thought into it. The bathroom door was cracked open a couple of inches, where I could see Bella's shoes thrown on the floor.

"Bella?" I called her little quietly and knocked. No answer. I cracked open the door. My silent heart dropped to the floor. On the floor of the shower, in the corner, Bella, in her white silk dress, was curled up into a ball, fully clothed, her arms were wrapped around her legs, and her head rested on her knees. She was shaking madly.

I pushed my legs forward into the shower and sat down next to her. I slipped an arm over her shoulder. I thought she would jump at the touch, but she stayed still. If it weren't for her uncontrollable shaking, I'd have thought that she were in a coma. I wasn't sure if she even noticed my presence.

After a couple moments of silence, I barely heard her whispers. "I feel like there's blood on my hands, Edward. And it's not coming off," she whimpered. I looked at her hands, clenched in the crease under her knees. I gently took hold of one of her goose-bumped arms and pried her hand loose. I kissed it all over, hoping to take the feeling that I knew very well away from her.

"Better?" I whispered against her hand. She gave a weak nod and continued to shiver. "Are you cold?" I tried to get her to talk again, but I only got another weak nod. I reached my hand up to turn the nosel an realized the water was on it's coldest setting. I thought for a short moment, _I don't think you can get much more numb than this._ She felt nothing before she walked through the front door. I couldn't imagine the pain in her right now. I turned the nosel and turned it on a presumably warm temperature.

"Better?" I whispered again. This time, she threw her arms around me and sobbed. I pulled her into my lap and her arms were tightly wrapped around my neck as she cried into my already soaked shoulder. I didn't say anything, I just rocked her in my lap and let her cry. All the while wishing I could cry with her.

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**The deed is done! She regretfully got the abortion. I guess she's not one in believing the "no-win scenario" either. and if you think the drama is over, think again! mwhahahahaha.**

**Review if you want to make me smile! :D**


	13. Life's Too Short

**This chapter was extremely difficult to write. It required careful planning and plenty of research. Cancer is a complicated topic that oncologists are still trying to figure out. Though, if I tried a little harder to get time in to type up more, the chapter would've shown up a little earlier. I will try to be more consistent with my updates.**

**Life's Short**

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Edward and Carlisle made sure I was put in the Seattle Cancer Treatment and Wellness Center by the next day. Carlisle switched hospitals so he could be around to watch my progress. Turns out he could be any kind of doctor he wants to be. For now, he was an oncologist. I didn't have it in me to tell them to wait. Protesting probably wouldn't budge them on their decision anyway. I went willingly.

Bone marrow transplants can put cancer patients into remission, but sometimes it takes a lot more than that. I was scared half to death. Needles and me aren't exactly on good terms with each other. We've never really been able to find common ground on the whole pain thing. Under normal circumstances, I just pass out.

Carlisle quickly found a donor for me. A girl in Australia was more than willing to help me. I'm not sure what they told her, but Edward always did have the gift of persuasion. I didn't really talk much, and Edward became more anxious by the hour.

"Bella, please say something. You have hardly spoken a word since yesterday."

He was sitting next to my hospital bed holding my hand. Carlisle made sure I had a room to myself. He stared at me with such intense eyes, I felt as if I would be crushed under the pressure. He had dark purple, almost black bruises under his eyes from not feeding since I got put into this joint.

I squeezed his hand. "I don't know what to say," I whispered.

He brushed the back of his hand along the side of my face. "How are you feeling? Tell me what you're thinking. Tell me what you want, need. Anything."

I rubbed circles on the top of his hand with my thumb and looked at that while I explained my oath of silence. "Right now, I'm feeling a little scared, a little upset, and I really miss home. I've been thinking about what's going to happen next. I need you holding me when you're here, and I want you to not stress about me. I don't see how stressing can make this situation any better." He always worried excessively about me, and his duress never made me feel better. I wanted him to be happy, but that's not going to happen any time soon.

We were quiet for a while after that. The silence gave me time to think of everything I ever did wrong. When I was in fifth grade, I didn't do my homework because I wanted to finish my _Little House on the Prairie_ book and my teacher got mad. When I was in ninth grade I lied to Renee. She was so worried that I didn't have any friends. I told her I was going to see a movie with a couple of girls from school, but really, I just went to the library and picked up a copy of _Wuthering Heights_. Then you can add the fact that I lied to Charlie when Edward was trying to get me away from James, the time where I kissed Jake and shouldn't have, and I never kept my room organized even when told to. Could all these things really add up?

Karma is a real bitch.

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After the transplant, I hurt all over. I could barely move. If I had known doing this would bring this much pain, I would've chosen to suck it up (no pun intended). But when you have Carlisle and an entire family of vampires telling you that you are going to get better whether you like it or not, your chances of avoiding it are between slim and none.

After waking up from the six hour surgery, I felt groggy. My thought process, working a little slower than usual, could only notice that Edward was sitting right next to me. I couldn't say anything to him, but I managed a weak smile to tell him I was okay. The worried look in his eyes never went away, but he just held my hand. He started to say something, but I was already asleep.

When I woke up, it was as if nothing changed. Edward's hand seemed somewhat warm, telling me that he hadn't let go of it since I fell asleep. I opened my eyes and there he was. My personal miracle.

"Hey," my voice came out rough and course.

A small smile appeared on his lips. "How are you feeling, love?" I could feel him rub small circles on my hand.

"Not too bad," I lied. I realized then just how dark the bruises under his eyes were. "How are you? You look so thirsty." My grip on him tightened. I was forcing him to cope with the burning thirst that always came with being around me. Now it's just worse.

He shrugged it off as if it were nothing. "It's nothing I can't handle." But I could still see the Herculean effort behind his relaxed façade.

"You need to go hunting. It's not fair to you to stay here when I'm mostly asleep anyway. You might as well do something productive with your time." My words sounded a little harsher than I intended, but Edward saw my true purpose.

He smiled and almost laughed. Almost. "Nothing you say will get me away from you. Nor will any physical need of mine. I'm needed here right now. Are you trying to keep me from where I'm needed?" He did that really cool one-eyebrow thing.

I sighed in defeat. Then I winced. It hurt to do anything. "No. I'm just saying that I feel immensely guilty for making you suffer through the unnecessary burning thirst in the back of your throat. You're being ridiculous by staying here. Nothing is going to happen." I avoided his intense eyes and stared at our intertwined hands instead.

"Bella," he sounded tired. "It's really not that bad. There is no reason to feel guilty. I hardly notice it anymore." He didn't sound to convincing to me.

"Humor me," I said with heavy sarcasm. Edward frowned. Dang it. I preferred not to use the guilt technique to get my way, but this wasn't for me, this was for Edward. I sighed for the dramatic entrance. "Edward, worrying about you is not going to help me get better. You are making me feel awful from putting you through that unnecessary discomfort. It's not fair to you for me to have you sit here while I'm sleeping. Do something useful with the quiet time you have." I tried to sound convincing, but Edward, knowing me all too well, didn't buy one second of my speech.

He lifted my chin to look at him. His dark eyes saw straight into me, making me squirm. "Bella, I am not leaving you," he said slowly, emphasizing each word so I'd understand he was serious. "Until you get well enough for me to leave you, I'm going to stay here. Until Carlisle gives you the okay, then I will leave. That's final. We will speak no more of the subject. Am I clear?" I sensed a little pain in his voice. I was causing him pain. Fabulous.

I attempted to lighten the tension. "Yes, father, you are crystal clear," I said, light on the sarcasm. A ghost of a smile played on his lips. I smiled inwardly to myself knowing that I could still humor him, even in my current state of health.

"Rest, love. Tomorrow, if Carlisle says so, we can take you home. But you have to stay relaxed and be well rested." He tried to bribe me into being good. It worked. I couldn't pass up an offer that good. I'd rather recuperate back home, surrounded by my family than be stuck here in a boring hospital.

He continued to wait patiently for my response. I could see the victory in his eyes, so I knew that he knew I was giving in. "Okay, I'll bite. If I sleep and let them drug me into sub-consciousness, you will take me home tomorrow?" Edward gave a slow, happy nod. Once, again, he is victorious. "Promise?" I persisted.

"If Carlisle thinks it is okay, then yes. I promise." His terms were a little vague, but I let it slide. Edward will only bring me home if Carlisle says I'm okay to.

I tried to move, but pain shot through my entire body. A whimper escaped my lips before I could gain control over myself. Edwards grip tightened on my hand.

"Bella?" I could hear the panic rising. "Bella, what's wrong. Where does it hurt?" God, sometimes I hate myself for being so weak.

"I'm sorry—," I started, but Edward already knew what was about to come out of my mouth.

"Bella, don't you _dare_ tell me you are sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for, now where does it hurt?" His tone sounded reproachful, but still managed to be kind and caring. I loved him for that.

"I'm just so weak. I don't want you to be here for this—," tears began to well up in my eyes.

Edward shot out of the chair and kneeled down next to the bed, now at eye level with me. His voice was gentle and filled with love. "Bella," he ran his hand over my hair, "You are not weak. You are so strong, you have no idea. Not everyone can go through everything you have and still have the mind to think of others. And like I said," he smiled my smile. "You can't make me leave. Because of that ring on your finger, you're stuck with me for life. Now tell me where it hurts," his eyes abruptly went serious.

Defeated, I admitted, "everywhere." It came out as a whisper. I elaborated. "Mostly, it's just my back, but my whole entire body aches. I feel so tired, I feel like I can't stay awake for more than five minutes at a time, it takes so much effort to keep a train of thought," before I could finish, Edward stood up and, I assume, went to go talk to Carlisle.

Why did I have to say that? I knew that telling him something was wrong would put him in stubborn "you're not going to put this off as nothing" mode. I closed my eyes, waiting for an anxious Edward to return with Carlisle. I didn't wait long.

"Did the cells spread?" I could barely hear Edward.

Carlisle's voice answered. "It is very likely. I'm sorry Edward, but Bella isn't going to be able to go home for a long time. She will have to go through some intense chemotherapy to make sure the cells don't spread. The damage might already have been done before we found out." This is not what I want to hear about. _Eavesdroppers never hear good of themselves._ Strange how that saying just happened to pop into my mind. Well, now that I know I'm going to die, I might as well listen to the rest of the conversation.

"How did this happen Carlisle?" Edward, for the first time, sounded completely and utterly defeated. "She is perfectly healthy, not including all her minor injuries, but, leukemia? I knew humans were prone for disease and sickness, but they don't simply 'catch' cancer." Edward sounded tired. I felt horrible for telling him.

"I don't know, Edward. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it was something else. We just don't know. I will tell you this, son," Carlisle tried to comfort Edward. "She can recover from this. She is a strong person. I know her, and she will fight till the very end. All we need is a little faith. It may take time, but this surgery is the start towards getting better." Carlisle knew how to give an inspiring speech, that's for sure. I knew he could make Edward feel better.

On one thing, I'm not sure about. Yes, I do want to live, but I'm not sure if I have that kind of fight in me. God, thinking of living through chemotherapy made me want to be sick already. But what's worse, is that I'm going to be spending the rest of my life in a hospital. This is exactly what I'd been afraid of. I wanted to die, surrounded by my family, with no worries.

I knew the tears were coming before I felt them well up in my eyes. I heard two sets of footsteps walk into the room. A tear escaped from my eye, but I didn't have the strength to wipe it away.

Edward took my hand and wiped away the tear. "Bella?" His voice, so gentle, felt like comforting silk on my skin.

I spoke first. "I don't want to go through chemotherapy," I said quietly. I heard two intakes of breath: one from Carlisle, the other from Edward. I answered their unspoken question. "I refuse to spend the rest of my life in a hospital, trying to avoid the inevitable. I want to go home."

I didn't have to look at Edward to see the fear in his eyes. Carlisle chastised me. "Bella, it's entirely possible that you could recover from this, and you don't have to spend every day in here, just a couple times a week is all. The surgery was very successful; we just want to take extra precautions to make sure the cancer didn't spread. We need to do some adjuvant chemotherapy since we just removed so much of the cancer from your back. To make the chemotherapy easier, we could implant a vascular access device. We wouldn't have to implant a catheter in your arm every cycle." He made chemotherapy sound like a cake walk. But I'd done my research. I had a 21.3% chance of pulling through with this. AML is uncommon in people under the age of 19, but anyone can get it.

I sighed. "I want to go home." I said loud and clear.

Edward was finally able to speak again. "Bella," his voice sounded shaky, and clearly filled with pain. "Please, just try it. If you don't get better, then," he had a hard time getting the words out. He took a breath and spoke quietly. "If you don't get better, we'll quit and take you home." For the first time since he walked in the room, I looked at him. You could see the effort in his eyes to stay calm, but I still saw the half-crazed man, hoping that I'll choose to get better. I hated hurting Edward. I have always been a sucker for guilt trips, but this was something more important. Edward needed me to live. I learned that last spring.

"I breathlessly await your commentary," he added.

I smiled. "I can tell." He cracked a smile for half a second, but it went just as quickly as it came. Sighing, I gave in. "Fine," Edward started to breathe again. "But under a couple of conditions," I could see Edward suppressing the impulse to roll his eyes, but I could also see the determination. "I don't want you guys treating me any different. I don't want any pity, sympathy, and I don't want you guys treating me like I am a fragile piece of porcelain." Edward gave me a look that said, "uh, you kind of are." I ignored it.

Edward nodded. "Deal." I turned to Carlisle.

He smiled. "You have my word, Bella."

I sighed in relief. Then Alice came bouncing in with Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie in tow. Alice looked like her usual peppy self. Jasper had the same look on his face that said Alice pained him. Emmett still had the same smile on that never seemed to disappear. Rosalie…well, was still Rosalie: unworldly beautiful, graceful, with no expression.

Then something occurred to me with the looks Alice was giving me. "Oh, and one more thing," Edward froze. I wanted to laugh. Only, this was a lot more serious than the other conditions. "Can I wear scrubs or something? This hospital gown covers absolutely nothing in the back." I kept a straight face because I wasn't kidding. I'd be embarrassed if I had to wear this thing for any extent of time.

Everyone except Alice started laughing.

"I completely agree. And that green does not flatter you at all." That's when the smirk appeared. "Good thing I already got you something." I smiled. Alice, of course, would see something like this coming. She always came prepared. Jasper gave her a large white shopping bag, and she pulled out a hyacinth blue set of scrubs.

"Perfect," I told her. "Now, the problem becomes, how do I get up to get dressed?" I looked at Alice for some help. She pursed her lips in a cute way, and then she shrieked.

"Everyone out!" She pointed to the door as if they were all dogs. "Out out out out out out out!" She started herding them all out the door. Edward gripped my hand tighter and didn't get up. "Edward, come on. Do you really think I'm going to let anything happen to her? She's in a hospital for God's sake. And if anything was going to happen, you'd see it at the same time I would, so take a chill pill…and do it outside if you please." I couldn't see her face, she stood near the door, but I could see Edwards. I couldn't tell if he and Alice were in a silent conversation or not, but I'm sure she showed him in a vision that everything would be fine, because he got up and left.

When the door closed, Alice got to work. She entertained me with idle chat while she stripped me. "Jeez, Edward needs to take a day off. He hasn't left your side since they wheeled you out of surgery. I can't see him going hunting anywhere in the near future. You are going to have to go through some chemo later today, so of course he's going to be there for that." She started untying all the little bows in the back of my hospital gown, but I didn't have to be worried about being exposed for long. Within seconds of removing the vulgar piece of cloth, she had the shirt slipping onto me. The pants were much easier to slip on. I must have been dressed in less than 30 seconds.

"He needs to stop worrying if you ask me. You'd think that if I were dying he'd want to be happy spending my last days with me." I told Alice. She didn't respond the way I wanted her to.

"Bella, he'd spend the rest of your days fighting. He's not about to let some mundane disease take your life. If you are going to die, you are going out with gusto. Don't just give up on a whim so you can be comfortable in your home. You're more stylish than that," she smiled and gestured to my new scrubs. Then she frowned and rolled her eyes. "Well, our little chat is about to end, so I'll just give you a word of advice," She gave me a serious look that told me to listen carefully. "You know what will happen if you give up and die. Fight, Bella. You are so strong. Use that strength to fight this." She put her hand over mine. "Imagine the life you could have if you pull through. You could have a baby, Bella. You could have a family and a life with Edward. Don't give it all up just to avoid a couple of procedures. Don't let chemo scare you. Vampires don't," she smiled and Edward opened the door and walked in.

I couldn't see him from where I was lying, but because of the sweet smile on Alice's face, I knew Edward wouldn't be too upset. I'm sure he would appreciate Alice's little pep talk, too.

Alice stood up. "I'll see you later Bella!" she called as she slipped out the door. The room felt so quiet without her child-like voice to disturb the seemingly always awkward silence. Edward sat down in his seat and once again, took my hand.

"I spoke with Carlisle," he started. I gazed at him speculatively. His eyes were apologetic. "He said a minimum of four weeks—," I groaned and put the pillow over my head like a third grader who doesn't want to listen to her parents. I could hear muffled laughter coming from Edward.

"Ugh," I groaned. "I cannot believe this. This is so stupid!" I screamed into the bed.

"Not to be rude, but you look ridiculous Bella." I heard stifled giggles.

"Shut your face. You go through four weeks of chemotherapy with me and tell me if it's still funny." I still talked into the mattress. I felt Edward lift the pillow off of my head; I turned my head onto its side to look at Edward. I expected him to still be smiling, but he looked sad now. His eyes were black, his bronze hair messed up, and the bruises under his eyes became more noticeable every day he doesn't hunt.

"Love, I'd take your place if I could. I'd also join you if I could, but as I said before," he pinched his skin, "needles can't penetrate my skin." I took his hand that he clenched into a fist. I uncurled his fingers and held onto them. I could tell the frustration of not being able to protect me ate him up inside. He always thought of protecting me as his true purpose in life. It could be argued, but I believed his purpose was to be with me. I guess protecting me just came with the territory.

Carlisle entered the room and walked over to my bed, checking on all the machines the doctors attached me to. "I hate to be the one to tell you this but it is time, my dear, to get you ready for a round of chemo." The instant the words left his mouth, my grip tightened on Edward's hand. Edward sensed my distress.

"Love, I'll be there with you the entire time. I'm with you the whole way." I believed him, but chemo didn't sound so harmless. They have to put some sort of catheter in a vein in my arm and…ugh. It a) sounds like it hurts and b) sounds like I'm going to get sicker than I was before the surgery. This day just keeps getting better and better. The fun never stops.

"That's not what I'm scared about," I told him. Carlisle, very gently, rolled me over onto my back. It hurt like nothing else. The bed angled upward so I was sitting up-right, and Edward took my hands so I could stand up. Carlisle called over to me.

"Would you like a wheel chair?" He grabbed a stack of files.

"No, thank you, I'd rather walk. I need to stretch my legs out." I finally stood straight up, and Edward took a strong hold of my arm, terrified that I might tip over.

"Alright," he held the door to my room open. "Ready to go?" Carlisle, as always, had a smile on his face to look optimistic. I laughed.

"Not even remotely. Let's go."

I have tried so many times I've tried to tell them indirectly that life is too short to spend it in a hospital, trying to prolong the inevitable. But when you really think about it, you spend your entire life trying to prolong the same thing I'm fighting: death. Just the simplest things: required vaccinations, treatments for incurable diseases, even washing our hands. We learn that we build strength in fighting. Because we fight, we can enjoy a happier, longer life. I'm glad Alice told me flat out to fight. Edward and Carlisle both tried to cajole me into fighting for my life, but Alice didn't sugar-coat her intentions. She understands that decisions are like gravity; sometimes you just need a little push.

* * *

**So Bella is currently at a cancer treatment hospital in Seattle (and it really does exist, I can assure you) with Carlisle as one of her many doctors. More of them will be introduced in the next couple of chapters. But, wow, these chapters are pretty difficult to write. Please tell me if my efforts were well worth the trouble!**

**Reviews make me smile!**


	14. Faith

**A/N: This is a relatively short chapter, it introduces a new problem. All I can promise at this point is that Bella is NOT going to die. I don't do the whole "kill off the main character" thing. I don't believe in it. It's stupid and pointless. I guess I can relate it to killing off Harry in Harry Potter. It doesn't happen, even though everyone thought it was going to happen. It's mostly just fluff. This was a fun chapter to write...not as much research!**

**Faith**

* * *

"Today is going to be the day," I said confidently to Edward.

He looked at me with disbelief. "You said that yesterday, the day before that, and the day before that," his gaze went back to the road…where it belonged. I gave up on the whole safe driving institution with Edward a while ago, though.

"Okay! Okay, I get it, but I'm feeling good today. I'm pretty sure I can pull it off. You know, you need to learn to have a little more faith." I curled up into a ball in the front seat.

We were in week three of my four week chemotherapy sessions. Of course, they were no fun, but I tried making the best of what I had and tried making games out of it. We were driving to the Cancer Treatment center in Seattle for the third time this week. I told everyone that I refuse to shave my hair off—even though it was constantly falling out—and that I'll just wear a hat instead. Alice didn't like the idea of wearing a baseball hat everyday. At least it's better than being bald with a bandanna on your head.

Edward sighed. "I really wish you wouldn't try. It will only make you feel worse." Edward never really liked this game very much, but I approached it as a challenge. Edward saw it as self-inflicted torture.

I shivered. "It's just gross. It's vile, disgusting, and no one should have to see it. You'd think with your heightened senses of smell, you'd agree." We were discussing the fact that I hated barfing up my stomach contents everyday during chemo and how I tried to hold it in for as long as I could to prevent it from happening. Most days, Edward won.

He turned back to me, his eyes gold again. "Bella, it's completely normal. I really don't mind it at all. If that's what it takes to make you better, then I have no issues with it." He took my small, feeble hand in his. He played with my wedding ring that hung loosely on my finger. My skin almost matched his now. "All I care about is watching you get better." His voice sounded hopeful, and my mood lifted. Ever since I'd been diagnosed, his sad moved always downed my vibe. He seemed happier today.

I gripped his hand. "I do to, but it's still gross, Edward." I wrinkled my nose in disgust. "I'd just like to have one day without having to toss my cookies. I mean, I know I'm not the only one stuck in this mess, but did you see that one kid? The one who's about thirteen? The nurse said that kid went two whole days without tossing. If a thirteen year old can do it, so should I." That boy became my inspiration.

A ghost of a smile played on Edward's lips. "Yes, I remember the boy. He's been dealing with AML for a little over a year now, though. He's probably built up a little more tolerance for the medication than you have."

"Whatever Edward. Oh, I almost forgot. I brought a distraction!" I let go of his hand and reached into the back, pulling out a travel case of chess. He couldn't help but smile at this.

"You're still trying?" I heard his laugh again.

"Hey, I am going to get this down. Since you can't read my mind, I'm going to take full advantage of it. I'll even go to the lengths of making sure you can't read Alice's thoughts to see what move I'll make. But one day, I am going to take you down. One day, you are going to lose." I said this with such confidence, but Edward scoffed at me playfully, making me pout.

"I highly doubt that day will come anytime soon. You still have a ways to go before you can beat me. Normally, we play on a much bigger field." I remembered. Emmett and Jasper played with nine chess boards put together. That would make my brain hurt.

We pulled up to the center and walked in like we did every weekday (Carlisle, God bless him, let me have the weekends off). The secretary at the front desk greeted us by name, and still gawked at Edward. I always smiled: Edward will always be mine.

Edward put me in my comfortable leather seat while Carlisle hooked up the IV machine to my catheter. I ended up having to get the procedure done; I doubt I'd be able to tolerate having a catheter put into the vein in my arm every time. I looked at the clock: 9:00. I only had to last a couple hours. Two hours is how long it takes for the cycle to be complete. Edward pulled up his usual chair and this time grabbed a small little end table with him. He put the chess set on top and set up all the pieces. While he did this, I planned my strategy…or tried to look like I was. I really had no idea what I was doing, but looking like I was already studying the game made me look more intimidating.

"Would you like to go first?" He asked. I shook my head no. I didn't look up at him, trying to stay concentrated on the game so I didn't feel the nauseous feeling that stirred in my stomach. I looked at the clock again: 9:05. Darn these early morning chemo sessions. When I woke up early, I still felt tired and my body didn't have any control over itself yet. He moved a pawn.

I knew that reading his next move was impossible to determine, but I still took my time figuring out my next move. I finally decided to move the pawn completely opposite of his. This became my strategy. I mirrored every move he made. Really, I wasn't focusing on the game. I took my time on each move, trying to take more time up to distract me from the constant nausea. Edward must have realized this, too. Before I made my next move, I looked at the clock. 9:30.

"It'll help if you don't look at the clock. It means you aren't entirely focused on the game. If you were, the nausea will be much easier to ignore." He put his hand over mine. I looked up and met his sympathetic eyes. I sighed.

"I know, I'm just waiting for this to be over. I'm so sick of this…and I mean that literally." I put my head down on my knees, hoping the increasing nausea would go away. Edward's hand rubbed my back, making me feel only a little bit better. He lifted his hand.

"Don't stop," I moaned. His hand returned and continued with the soothing circles. The game, officially forgotten, got pushed aside and Edward moved in next to me, letting me lean against his shoulder. I felt a _hurphurp _rise in my throat, but I refused to let it come up. Edward asked if I was okay.

"Yeah," I whispered voice tight. "Just keep doing what you're doing. I'm sure it'll pass." It eventually did, and then the other effects of the medication took their toll. I felt exhausted and another killer headache hit me. I put so much effort into making sure I kept everything down, sleep just seemed unavoidable. I had the same dream I always did after chemo (or I guess, in this case, it'd be during). I heard dripping water, the IV I realized, and Edward looked sad like he always did.

It seemed like moments later, I felt myself being lifted and carried. Too tired to open my eyes, I asked Edward, knowing he was there, "what's going on?" It came out mumbled and almost non-sensical.

His cold lips touched my forehead. "You slept through most of your cycle. You're done, so I'm taking you home." I could hear the smile in his voice.

Before I drifted again, I murmured, "I told you so."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………....

EPOV

When we got back to the house, I put Bella to bed. She deserved a good sleep; she worked hard today. I didn't wander too far from her, worrying about what would happen if I did. I sat down at the other end of the room and decided to give Carlisle a call.

"Edward," He greeted. I had to speak quietly, as not to wake Bella.

"Carlisle. How is she looking?" These calls have become frequent. I usually called after every cycle to see if she was progressing. I gazed over at my Bella, sleeping peacefully. She doesn't really talk that much anymore. Chemotherapy exhausts her.

I heard the shuffling of papers. "Well," he sighed. "She has been doing _better_," he told me. I knew he wouldn't hide anything from me. He would tell me what's worrying him. "But the cancer is still there. There are still cells. For some reason, all the cells are concentrating on moving to—", he cut himself off.

I hadn't anticipated this. "What happened Carlisle?" I made sure to keep my voice low, trying not to shout in panic.

The only sounds from the other end were that of the bustling nurses. Then, "We have eliminated the primary cancer, but the secondary cancer is causing problems. The metastasis was so small that we didn't catch it. The cat scans don't catch things that small." Carlisle sounded hesitant. He knew better than to keep things from me.

"Where did it spread to, Carlisle?" I didn't recognize my own voice.

A long pause. "The brain, Edward. We found a small tumor in her brain. It can be taken care of," he assured me quickly, "but at least a brain tumor is easier to survive than AML. This _will_ be taken care of Edward." He sounded as determined as I was. I tried to keep a straight mind, but I still had a hard time processing what Carlisle said.

"Will she be okay?" That's all I could ask.

"As far as I can see, she will pull through, but this disease is not that simple. She won't be happy about going through chemo again, that's the only thing I can guarantee you." He laughed a strained, off, laugh. No one but Alice and Emmett could make jokes anymore and be funny.

"Okay. I'm guessing that's all for today?" I asked.

"Yes. That's about all I have for you today." It sounded as if it were an ordinary trip to the doctor's office.

"It's more than enough." I hung up.

I walked over to the bed where Bella slept. Her hair, looking like thin, tangled seaweed, spread across the pillow and her face. I sat down next to her, brushing the hair out of her face. I ran my hand over her thinning hair. Even with chemo, her hair still looked beautiful. Her skin, once a creamy ivory, now looked translucent. Her small frame, due to lack of appetite, was obscured by a loose sweatshirt and jeans. She looked so small, so frail.

"I love you," I whispered to her, knowing that she couldn't hear me. She startled me when I felt her hand touch mine.

"I love you, too." Her voice never lost its hold on me. Her voice never lost its smooth tone or its alluring note. She kept her eyes closed. "What did Carlisle say?" She sighed.

I didn't want to tell her, but I would never lie to her again. "You heard?" I asked with a smile.

Another deep breath. "No. I just know that you can't go one day without calling Carlisle to see if I'm better. I wasn't awake this time, but the first couple of trips I stayed awake long enough to hear." Always so sneaky.

"You know me all too well, love." I told her. I felt a little more strength go into holding my hand; she tried to squeeze my hand to tell me to stop stalling. The smile fell off my face. I didn't want her spirits to dim. She has been so good about being optimistic lately, and I don't want this to get her down.

"Is it really that bad?" She asked in a whisper. I could tell she was fading again.

I stayed honest. "Carlisle said it's easily taken care of, but I'm more scared of you pulling a fit." I tried to stall, but she reached her limit.

Her eyes open and glared at me. I could see the serious effort to keep the face, but her tough façade wasn't as strong as she was. "What's wrong." It wasn't a question. It was a demand.

I sighed in defeat. "They eliminated the primary cancer, but there was a metastasis and the cancer," I collected myself. "In your last CAT scan, they found a small brain tumor." She looked tired all of a sudden.

Her eyes closed and a hand went to her forehead. "Well, that explains my splitting headaches."

What? "What?" I guess my voice might have been louder than for comfort. Her eyes opened again. "This shouldn't be the first time I'm hearing about this, Bella," her eyes closed. She knew what was coming. "How long have you been getting headaches?" I sighed. I can't get mad at her. Frustrated, yes, but I could never be mad.

"It's okay Edward. Just the past few days. I thought it was just the chemo. The headaches started coming on Monday, but they weren't unbearable like the one today. That's why I went to sleep. Also because I was exhausted." Her voice kept getting quieter.

"Alright. I'll tell Carlisle. You just get some sleep, okay?" I brushed some more hair back, a couple hairs fell out. I immediately felt terrible for shortening her hair supply. I tried to stand up, but Bella didn't let go of my hand.

"Don't go," her eyes clenched. I sat down quickly. Her lips started to tremble. I pressed my lips firmly to hers. I felt a tear hit my lips and parted. She was trying so hard not to cry. My silent heart nearly broke.

"Shh, Bella. Carlisle said he could take care of it. He said it's easier to come back from than AML. I promise, you'll pull through." She wrapped her arms around me, and I held her to me, just rocking her.

"I know, Edward. It's just," she sniffed, "sometimes I don't want to." She still didn't want to let go of her tears. Her body shook, trying to not cry. I rubbed her back, being careful to avoid her scar. "I'm just so tired, Edward."

I held her to me tighter. I pressed my lips to the top of her head. "Don't worry. If this is the last of the cancer, you'll be better by next year." I felt useless. I didn't know how to take away her fears. She was clearly terrified. "Please, don't worry Bella. Things are going to turn out alright." She stopped shaking.

I realized it was because she finally let the tears flow. "Please, just hold me. Don't let go." I didn't. She didn't make her tears known, but I could feel them soaking through my thin cotton shirt. Running my hand over her hair, I tried to soothe her. When all I heard was her steady breathing, I knew she had fallen into sleep again, but I didn't let her go. She asked me not to.

It had been a couple of hours before someone had the bravery to come up. I heard Alice's thoughts behind the bedroom door. She didn't want to intrude, but she wanted to satisfy her curiosity with Bella. She rarely got to talk to her because Bella's usually asleep when she was home. Alice felt out of touch.

She finally resolved in opening the door. My eyes didn't leave Bella. I saw through Alice's thoughts what we looked like. Happy. She almost spoke, but decided she didn't want to wake Bella.

_How is she? She looked pretty good this morning. I saw that she finally won the bet._ Alice smiled. I had a suspicious feeling that she knew at the start of the day she was going to make it. Well, it doesn't matter that much anymore.

"Yes, she won." I smiled with her. "She got tired and fell asleep. I think that helped a lot." Alice started tapping her foot.

_Something's wrong, stop trying to hide it. I will find out sooner or later._

"I prefer later," I mumbled. Alice gave me her best murderous glare. "Fine." I gazed at my sleeping Bella again. "Carlisle said that the primary cancer is gone, but there was a small metastasis that went to the brain and she has a small tumor there. He said that it's simple to fix, but he's worried if the cancer spread elsewhere." I heard a small intake of breath.

_Why does all this happen to her? She attracts every single kind of physical danger to herself in the entire world. I think she surpassed the ten-mile radius limit. This is getting ridiculous. I don't see why you don't just change her. Her body is weakening, Edward. I'm sure you've noticed that, too. It's going to take a miracle for her to get better._ It broke Alice's heart to say it, but it was true.

It broke my heart, too. "She will pull through. Carlisle said it's very common to come back from a brain tumor. Bella's gone through a lot, but she might have enough strength to pull through. I have faith that it will turn out all right." Faith is a dangerous thing, especially when it comes to saving a life, but sometimes, all you have is faith.

Alice read my thoughts. _I wouldn't be betting a life on faith. That's dancing with danger. You are on the edge, Edward, I saw what happened. She broke. If she has to go through this much longer, her spirit will be crushed. Don't wait too long. She might not make it._ With that said, she walked out of the room.

I was glad she did. I felt like I was about to break myself. My entire life rested with Bella. She once told me that her soul was mine, and I always felt that it wasn't mine to keep. But my soul would always be hers. The stinging in my eyes surprised me. I guess I am breaking. But as long as I have Bella, I'll be fine.

I have faith. What Alice said is true. Faith is a dangerous thing to base a life on, but I have faith in a lot of things. I have faith that Bella will be a wonderful mother. She takes care of everyone without even taking notice. I have faith in modern medicine, and in Carlisle. I've seen the success stories: Lance Armstrong, Scott Hamilton. It's very likely that Bella will be able to live a normal life again. But I have more faith in Bella than in anything else. She is the most tenacious person I have ever met (next to Alice). I have faith that she won't let the cancer defeat her. Bella got everything she ever wanted. She wanted me: she got me. More than she will ever know. She wants to live her life without the threat of cancer hanging over her.

After Alice, no one came up to see me. I was perfectly fine with that. Being alone with Bella, even while sleeping, was all that I could ever ask for. As I gazed at her that night, I prayed that faith would be enough to save her.

* * *

**If you have any ideas or questions about what is to come, I can respond to you on my writer's blog at:**

**.**

**This way I can reply to you personally. I'm only on a couple times a week to write, but I check it everyday. Comments are appreciated!**


	15. Dawn

**A/N: The dawn is coming! You will be able to see where I had a terrible writer's block, but from then on it's smooth sailing. FYI, I had a fantastic idea that would bring about something fantastic. I'll let you mull that one over for a while...**

**Dawn**

* * *

Hearing that there is a brain tumor in my head and that it has to be removed is not exactly what I want to know when I was in my last week of chemo. If I had to choose between abandoning most of my dreams and becoming a vampire or suffering through more of this for another couple of months, well, just bite me.

"Carlisle told me that it shouldn't take too long to heal after the surgery. The surgery itself is only going to last a couple of hours. They just want to see how much it's progressed today." I didn't really care why we were going to see Carlisle when I was supposed to be at home with Edward on a Saturday morning. All I care about is getting this day over with.

"Edward, I'm not scared, I'm just tired. I'm waiting to get this over with. It's Saturday for God's sake. I should be at home with you doing…I don't know, planning our next getaway. I've always wanted to see St. Petersburg, Prague, Vienna, Switzerland," he smiled. I have and always will be Switzerland.

Edward took my hand in his. "We can go to all those places. Just, after you are better, okay?" He sighed. Sometimes I think he's more anxious for me to get better than I am. But I know it's out of love, so I'm okay with it.

"I love you," I told him. I could never say it enough.

His hand squeezed mine a little tighter. "As I love you Bella. You have no idea." He raised my hand up to his lips and planted a kiss. His cool lips felt wonderful on my hand. I didn't blush anymore.

We held hands walking into the treatment center, where we walked right into Carlisle's office. He did all the standard testing and we all got to sit down and talk about what is to come. Edward and Carlisle did most of the talking and discussing, but I told them yes or no.

"We would like to operate within the next week. Just in case, we don't want the tumor getting any bigger, or else headaches aren't going to be the only things causing you pain." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward wince, and I knew he would suffer more than I did if they didn't operate.

Nowhere to go; I've been defeated. "Fine," I sighed. "I guess next week is as good a time as any. Sign me up," I added the last part jokingly.

Carlisle turned back to his desk and wrote a couple of things down in his daily planner. Then something awful occurred to me.

"Oh my God," I cried. Edward was immediately on the defensive. I put my face in my hands and started crying.

"Bella, Bella what's wrong?" Panic radiated from him. He started rubbing my back and doing everything he remembered that soothed me.

I looked up at him, bleary eyed. "I'm going to have to cut my hair!" I wailed. Edward closed his eyes and sighed with a load of relief. I could tell from the tired expression on Carlisle's face that he felt the same as Edward about my sudden outburst. I cried into Edward's shoulder.

"Bella, Shh. I'm sure Alice can figure something out about that. Either way, you always look beautiful." His words were flattery, but they didn't make me feel any better.

"I'm going to look like one of those little rats that Paris Hilton carries around in her purses." She called them dogs, I called them rats. Tomato tomahtoe.

Edward laughed, so did Carlisle. "I think you're talking about her Chihuahua."

I sniffled and managed a small laugh. "You say tomato I say toe-mah-toe."

Carlisle interrupted us. "Well, after this episode, you should be in good shape by early next year, Bella. From what we've seen, there's no cancer cells anywhere else, so after this surgery: a couple months of chemo, and you'll be set to go." He smiled encouragingly.

"How long will it take for my hair to grow back?" I asked, wiping my tears away. I played with the tips of my hair, knowing that it would be gone by the end of next week.

Carlisle shrugged. "Well, it varies for some people. For you, I'd say about three months before you have Alice hair." My natural curls will probably look weird with that hair cut.

I don't know why I'm so emotional about my hair. Some girls burst into tears, my body shakes with sobs. To be honest, I've never thought of myself as the kind of girl who'd break down at the mere thought of cutting her hair; only, I wasn't cutting it. My hair is going to be completely gone.

For a moment, Carlisle turned back to his papers and shut my folder. Turning back to Edward and me, he said, "Well, now that that's done, should we go get that CAT scan done?" His tone sounded bright and cheery. It took all my restraint to keep from spurting sarcastic remarks.

Around mid-afternoon, we finally got to head back. The entire way back I played with my hair, hoping that it would stay. After about ten minutes, Edward took my hand in his.

"It's going to be there for a while. Hair doesn't disappear that quickly." His reassurances weren't working.

"If I don't lose my hair from the surgery, then I'm going to lose it from stress about losing it. I love my hair. I didn't know until today that I'd be one of those emotional girls who cries when they cut off their long hair. Now I know how they feel." Trying to push away depressing thoughts, I attempted a slight change in topic. "How do you think you'll feel, having a bald wife? Will it be awkward?"

His hand squeezed a little tighter and looked at me in the eye, which had me worried again. You could never get a vampire to drive safely. "Nothing will be different. If anything, I'll be happy. You'll be that much closer to getting better. And if you think that having no hair would lessen the attraction I have for you," he shook his head. "I think you've lost your mind." Thankfully his attention returned to the road and continued with his ridiculous speeds.

* * *

A week later, I went into surgery. I bit back the tears when the nurse shaved off all my hair. Carlisle promised me that this would be the last stepping stone before a short road to recovery. I'm not exactly a frequent flier for church, but I prayed to God that Carlisle was right.

* * *

"How are you feeling today?" Carlisle asked me while I sat down during my chemotherapy.

"Fine." I said dismissively. Really, I felt sick, tired, and ready to get the hell out of this place.

Edward spoke. "Bella, you need to tell us when you're not feeling okay. It doesn't help you get any better." He rubbed my arm for comfort. I could feel his cold hands through my thick, over-sized black sweatshirt.

Irritated, I groaned and slipped the huge hood over my head, covering half of my face and my bald, bandana-ed head. "Besides the normal chemo symptoms of wanting to puke up the contents of my relatively empty stomach and wanting to sleep, I'm perfectly fine."

They both laughed; I didn't find any of their pestering funny. Carlisle asked, "No headaches?"

Sighing, I said, "No, but if you keep asking me these questions then I can guarantee a migraine for you."

They laughed again. "She's definitely getting better. She has her normal Bella bravado back." Carlisle patted me on my knee. I looked up from under the hood to see him. "Just two more weeks, Bella. Then you are free of all this. That is, if no other problems show up." Great. Just how I want to spend my freedom; worrying about potential disasters.

"Well, I have to go check on other patients, Bella. I'll see you later tonight."

"Alright. See you later. And, Carlisle?" I called to him.

"Yes?"

I put as much earnestness into my voice as possible. "Thank you, for everything. I don't mean to complain or anything. It's just impatience on its way out." I smiled sheepishly.

Carlisle's enchanting laughed filled the air. "That's certainly alright, Bella. And you don't have to thank me; I would do anything for you." With that said, he left to go check on his other patients.

Edward took his usual seat next to me while I thought of ways to distract myself from the building nausea. I gripped his hand tight every time the bile threatened to make an appearance.

Edward saw my struggles and tried to help. "See? I told you this is going to be the last of it. Just think, in two more weeks, we could be on our way to Madrid." The thought of traveling the world with Edward brightened my outlook on life considerably.

"Why not Russia? St. Petersburg is number one on my list! I even learned a couple of words in Russian just so I wouldn't look like a tourist when we go." The architecture there is unbelievable. I've always wanted to see the Winter Palace.

Edward's tone sounded more serious. "Carlisle said that extreme temperatures aren't healthy for you while you are in remission for the first couple of months. Maybe during the summer, when it's warmer there."

Well that's a downer. "But it's so pretty there when the snow is falling. And people figure skate to work and stuff when the rivers freeze over. Though, me figure skating sounds disastrous." The distraction wasn't working. I could feel my face pale.

Edward passed me a bucket. I grabbed it and stuck my face in there. I folded my arms on the edge of the bucket so I could rest my head while I tossed my cookies and whatever else was in my otherwise empty stomach. Edward rubbed my lower back in an attempt to make me feel better. Nothing seemed to do that for me lately.

"God, I hate this," I said when they finally took out the IV.

Edward placed a supportive arm around my waist. I tended to sway a little dangerously after each round. "I know. Just keep fighting for a couple more weeks. We can do anything you want to when you're done if Carlisle gives the okay." _If Carlisle gives the okay_. This is going to be a thrilling recovery.

As usual, I fell asleep in the car. I woke up in our room alone. Since Edward was usually here when I woke up, I panicked a little. I know that it's pretty ridiculous to get scared over something like that, but when he is by my side twenty-three out of the twenty-four hours in a day, it happens.

Slowly, I got up. Edward put me in comfortable pajamas, I noticed. Jeans and a T-shirt aren't exactly suitable bedtime attire. I opened the door to our bedroom.

"Edward?" I called. No answer. I knew if Edward wasn't here, Alice or somebody would come to greet me. Instead, I heard Carlisle's melodious voice come from his study down the hall.

"In here, Bella." I walked down the hall and opened the door to his study. Carlisle sat in his large leather chair with a thick novel. He put in a bookmark and closed it, beckoning me to sit down in one of the other two chairs in the room. I curled up and took a seat.

"They've gone hunting?" I asked conversationally.

"Yes. Though, I have to confess, it took a lot of convincing to get Edward to go out. He left about three hours ago, so he should be back soon." He looked up and smiled. "He warned me that you panicked a little bit when he's not there when you wake up."

I frowned. Yes, it was true, but I didn't like anybody besides Edward to know. Edward never said it out loud, so I didn't have a problem with it. Carlisle laughed at my expression. "I don't panic, I just feel a little insecure. That's all."

"Sure it is, Bella." He winked at me. He leaned back comfortably in his chair and looked at me, taking in everything. "You really do look better, Bella. Your mobility has increased, you're naps aren't nearly as long. Normally you sleep until morning. It's only eleven thirty." This caught me off guard. I looked at the Roman numeral clock that hung above the window in his office. Yes, it was definitely eleven thirty.

"Wow. That is quite a change," I admitted.

"Would you like something to drink? A hot beverage?" He asked all of a sudden. Strange, I'd only just started getting goose bumps.

"Sure. I'll go get it." I started to move, but Carlisle motioned for me to stay.

"Absolutely not. I'll get it for you. What would you like?" He asked, getting out of his chair and walking around his desk towards the door.

"I'll just have some pink lemonade green tea, thank you." He nodded and left the room. A few moments later, the phone on his desk rang. I heard him shout from downstairs, "go ahead and answer it!"

I got up and reached for the phone. "Hello?" I answered.

"Bella?" It was Edward.

"Yeah, it's me." I smiled at his surprise. We shared the same reaction.

"What are you doing up? Are you feeling okay? I left Carlisle with you to make sure you were taken care of." He sounded a little worried.

"I'm fine Edward. Carlisle says I look really good, and that taking shorter naps is a good sign. He's taking good care of me. He just went downstairs to fix me some tea, so to speak." I glanced towards the door, seeing if he came in.

"That's great Bella." He sounded relieved. "That's wonderful. I'm only a couple minutes away. I'll be home soon. So how long have you been up?" He asked.

"Only a couple minutes. When I woke up and you weren't there, I got up and looked around. Carlisle has been keeping me company." Carlisle walked in just then with a hot cup of tea.

"Is he there?" Edward asked.

"Yeah. Do you want to talk to him?"

"Yes please. I love you," He said by way of parting.

"I love you to. Here he is." I passed Carlisle the phone while he handed me the cup of tea. I curled back up in my seat and started to drink my tea. The subtle taste of green tea and lemonade settled my stomach from the slight nausea that never seemed to leave.

Carlisle turned around in his chair while he talked to Edward, so I couldn't see his facial expressions. I tried to catch bits and pieces of the conversation.

"Yes…from what I've seen. No, none whatsoever. I know…" Carlisle stayed silent for a long time, which made me a little nervous. I knew they were talking about me. Ever since the diagnosis, I've been the only topic between those two. Then he finally said, "She looks great Edward. She shows a lot of promise…We'll talk about that later…Okay, see you in a couple of minutes." He turned around and hung up the phone. Once again, he sat back in his chair and smiled at me.

"You know, not every conversation between you two has to be about me." I told him. I hated feeling like the center of attention.

"It takes two to fix that problem, Bella," he said wisely.

Taking a break from sipping my tea, I asked, "What do you mean?"

He gazed at me thoughtfully. "Edward's entire existence revolves around you, Bella. Right now, all he can really think about is you. Even when he's messing around with Emmett and Jasper or playing against Alice in a game of chess, he thinks of you." Involuntarily, I blushed. Carlisle's smile got wider. "That's another good sign. You're blushing again."

I groaned. "The one problem I _didn't_ have with cancer. Fantastic." We both laughed.

After sobering up, Carlisle added, "With Edward, all he can think about is you right now. I know that you don't think that the world revolves around you, but it Edward's world, it does. I can talk with anyone else in this house and have a conversation on anything: the next baseball tournament, Esme's new projects, what Emmett and Jasper's next bet is, Alice's compulsive shopping disorder," I laughed but he went on with a smile, "Rosalie's new adjustments to the cars, or even where you would like to travel next." I didn't know he was in on that.

"I told Edward I wanted to travel to Russia really bad, but he says it's too cold there right now." I conceded.

Carlisle nodded. "Edward is right. Your body can't handle extreme weather patterns right now. That's why we keep everything at room temperature for you. We make sure you stay warm in the hospital; we make sure you stay cool in the heat, make sure your tea isn't too hot or drinks are too cold. We can't risk something as controllable as the temperature ruining your recovery."

I waved my hand. "Just tell me when I can go and I'll be fine." I didn't need to know technicalities.

The door opened downstairs. I set down my tea and walked as quickly as I could out of the study to greet everyone.

When I reached the top of the stairs, they were all talking to one another…all of them except Edward, who was gazing at me with eyes that held so much passion.

At about the third step from the bottom, I leapt into Edward's waiting arms.

When he finally put me down, it was only so he could hold my face in his hands and kiss me. When he pulled back, he was all smiles. "How are you?" He asked, running a hand over my hair.

"I feel fine." I said, and for the first time, completely honest. I turned to see Alice pouting. "Aw, you know I love you, too Alice!" She instantly smiled and wrapped her arms around my waist. I looked up and saw Jasper smiling at me, I smiled back. Alice pulled my attention back to her.

"You look great Bella! You actually have color in your cheeks!" For emphasis, she pinched each of my cheeks, not quite enough to hurt, just enough to annoy me.

"Gee, thanks," I told her, rubbing my cheeks.

"There's my little sister!" Emmett boomed, walking in with Rosalie. His eyes widened. "You look fantastic today! You are up before morning for once," he pulled me into his arms and spun me around. You can always count on Emmett to make you feel like a doll. Though, he seemed to be a big teddy bear himself.

"Yeah, so I hear." He put me down. Rosalie came up to me and took my hands.

She looked beautiful, even after a hunt. Her hair still had that natural wave that kept every hair in place. Her plump red lips formed into a smile. "I'm so glad you are feeling better, Bella." Earnestness sounded in her voice.

I smiled. "Me, too. You have no idea." We giggled.

Esme was the last to walk in. She smiled broadly and her dimples showed. She pulled me into a cool embrace, which cooled me off after drinking that hot tea. "Dearest Bella," she breathed into my hair. "I'm so glad you are better." She pulled back. "It's been a while since I've seen the blush in your cheeks. It's a good sign."

I scoffed. "To you, maybe. To me, it's the only problem I didn't have with cancer." They all laughed. Edward's arms wrapped around me and his chin rested gently on my shoulder. His arms could wrap around me twice I'd grown so small. I placed my tiny hands over his masculine ones as if to keep them there.

Carlisle came down then. "Well, why don't we move this little gathering into the family room?" Esme led the way while we all took seats on the couches. They all chit-chatted about little things: the girls talked about a new little boutique in Los Angeles that apparently contained all of this season's newest fashions. The boys (except Edward) and occasionally Rosalie were talking about some fun appendages they could add to Emmett's Jeep. Edward and I just watched all of the midnight activity.

A little over an hour later, my stomach let out an embarrassingly loud grumble. I blushed violently while Edward laughed to himself. Everyone else seemed not to have noticed and continued with their conversations.

"What would you like to eat?" He asked me.

I shrugged. "Something easy. Maybe some minestrone soup." I looked up at him. He kissed my forehead before getting up and heading for the kitchen.

Alice looked at me. "What's up?" She asked.

I rolled my eyes. "Edward insists that I eat something."

From the kitchen, Edward called, "Don't try to blame that one on me. Your stomach is what's insisting you eat." Alice laughed. Jasper, sitting next to her, sat and enjoyed the happy emotions that filled the room.

Edward came back a couple of minutes later with a warm bowl of soup. "Thanks," I told him as he took his place next to me. I sipped my soup while Edward joined in on the fix-up-Emmett's-Jeep topic. After finishing my soup, I felt a little exhausted. I rested my head on Edward's shoulder, hoping that I'd be able to stay awake a little longer.

I didn't know how much time had passed, but suddenly, I tuned in a little bit to what was happening around me.

"Edward, I think you should take her to bed. She's fallen asleep." Esme.

"She has chemo tomorrow at nine. She needed to get some more sleep." Carlisle, telling Edward I presume.

"Yeah. She needs all the rest she can get. I want to take her shopping soon." Alice—although I didn't really want to think about that at the moment.

Edward readjusted me and lifted me bridal style into his arms. "Alice, I don't think she's ready for your escapades yet." He sounded serious, but had a smile in his voice at the same time.

"I promise just some light shopping. We can take as many breaks as she needs. And if she needs to go home early, so be it. But I want to get rid of those ginormous sweatshirts that she wears every day. There are more stylish ways to keep warm." Her voice faded as I felt Edward ascend the stairs.

I heard our bedroom door open, and Edward placed me carefully down onto the bed. Before his hands could leave me, I extended my consciousness to my hands and grabbed his shirt.

"Stay." I said in a tired whisper.

He wrapped all the blankets around me and wrapped me in his arms. His lips were at my ear. "I'm so proud of you. You have no idea." He kissed my temple.

I could only mouth the words, but I'm pretty sure he could hear them. "I love you."


	16. Miracles Never Cease

**A/N: I'm so sorry this update is late! School is totally stressing me out and kicking me in the ass. Word of the wise: do NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES read Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. I don't see the point in the confusing novel. I love old english literature, but Charles Dickens was a corrupted man who had a thing for younger women. Now that I don't have to worry about Charles Dick anymore, I can read Romeo and Juliet for english and finally ace the class! Reviews relieve stress! '.'n**

**Miracles Never Cease**

* * *

I probably shouldn't be letting myself get this excited, but no matter how hard I tried to be negative, Carlisle's encouraging words make the hope bubble up again.

Getting bored in the car with just Edward holding onto my hand as if I would disappear in any second, I pulled out a notepad and jotted down a brief synopsis of my cancer journey:

_August- First sight: bruise on spine _

_September- Self diagnosis. More symptoms: weakness, loss of appetite, more bruises_

_October- Successful until end of the month—_ I couldn't bear to write down other facts of that month, so I skipped ahead—_surgery shortly thereafter._

_November- First round of chemo_

_December- Brain tumor found. Again, surgery for removal._

_January- More chemo_

_February- (Maybe?) Release!_

"Maybe," Edward said, reading the list. I scowled at me. He watched me like a hawk 24/7 (Except for the very rare hunting trip that we practically threw him out of the house to do). Ignoring the intensely high speeds we were traveling at, I looked out my window looking at the quickly passing scenery.

"Edward?" I asked for his attention, looking at the clock near the radio.

"Yes, love?" He questioned, taking my hand.

"The appointment isn't until ten. It's nine-thirty. What's the rush?" He laughed.

"You face death, cancer, and lethal vampires with courage, but my driving still frightens you that much. You are unbelievable." He shook his head. Well, he wasn't raised by a cop who taught his child to always abide by the law and respect authority…going thirty miles over seventy-five mile speed limit isn't what I'd call respecting the authorities. If anything, it was challenging them.

Since Edward always gave me a sarcastic look or an eye-roll whenever I give the Charlie excuse, and not really wanting to tell him the truth right now, I stuck with the death of me idea. "Well, cancer is a slow process you can fight, death is inevitable for me without you around—an idea I got very used to earlier this year," he winced. I immediately felt bad. I knew this is a very difficult subject for him, but avoiding it isn't an option. "And I'm not afraid of vampires because I live with an entire family of them."

Reluctantly, Edward decided comfort is what I needed right now, slowed down about twenty miles. He looked at me with the eyes that told me he was looking into my soul. I knew that if I didn't turn away from him, he'd know I was lying or find out the truth.

"You don't want me to slow down because of the time, Bella, and I think we both know that." Damn.

Keeping eye contact, I said, "I guess we do." I forcefully looked away.

"Would you like to tell me what's really wrong? Or am I going to have to dig for it?"

I kept my gaze on the road in front of us. "I guess you're going to find out one way or another, but it really doesn't matter. Really." This, being my pathetic attempt to stall, didn't work.

"Bella, everything you think matters to me. Tell me what's wrong."

His soothing voice made the words come out like word vomit. "I know I've been waiting for months for this day to come, but now that it's here," I shook my head, "I don't want to go." I hope he couldn't hear the words that were running through my mind.

"You're scared." He whispered. I squeezed his hand in response. He rubbed soothing circles on my hand. "You're scared that they aren't going to give you the news you want to hear." I turned away, ashamed of myself for fearing something so ridiculous. Edward worried for me incessantly. Keeping a brave face is what I have to do to make sure he stays sane. Rosalie tells him I died, he asks for death. Jane attempts to cause me pain by hacking into my brain; Edward brings the pain upon himself unnecessarily to stop her. Dude, I keep my mind to myself.

"I don't want to put up with anymore of this," I said, never taking my eyes off the road. "I don't want to spend half my day sleeping because I don't have any energy. I don't want to go to the treatment center five days a week to get better when all they do is make me feel sick." I've never been one to complain, but I seriously can't stand this anymore. I went on a more positive rant. "I want to travel. I want to be able to have children without having to worry about killing it or me in the process," a lump built up in my throat. "I want this to be over." I saw a picture of me, carrying a little baby, and Edward looking into my eyes as if he had just seen the sun for the the first time. I didn't realize how badly I wanted that vision to come true until this moment.

He took his eyes off the road and his eyes penetrated me. "Bella, I promise that we will try again. Just give yourself time to heal. How about this," he paused to make sure I was paying attention. "If all goes well today, and it will," he assured me quickly, "we can go travel. Wherever you want to go, we'll go. After Carlisle gives the okay, we can try again." I couldn't pin down the emotions that were in his voice. Was it desperation, or apology?

I nodded.

I couldn't believe the words that just came out of Carlisle's mouth. His mouth kept moving (I assume he was talking to Edward) but I couldn't hear anything. I was faintly aware of Edward's arm squeezing my shoulders and the smile on Carlisle's face.

"Bella," Edward's voice pulled me out of my head. I looked up at him. His huge smile made my heart swell. "What did I tell you?"

Smiling, I told him, "I did it." Edward's eyes glistened a little bit before enveloping me in a tight hug. The happy tears that have been stinging my eyes finally let go.

After a couple of moments in Edward's arms, I stood up from my chair and pulled Carlisle into a hug, which he welcomed. "Thank you so much Carlisle." He squeezed me a little tighter.

"You're more than welcome, Bella." He released me, and his arms were almost immediately replaced by a familiar pair of cold ones. "Well, I can obviously say that I'm thrilled about your remission, but I need you to take precautions," Edward paid real close attention. "No red meat, make sure her drinking water is filtered," I'd noticed he was only talking to Edward.

"Hey!" I interrupted. "I can take care of myself. You don't have to make sure Edward takes care of everything for me."

Carlisle tried to explain it non-offensively. "It's not that we don't trust you to make good choices, Bella, it's just that you don't always take care of your body the way you're supposed to. After the stunt you pulled a few months ago, I'm afraid I'm going to have to trust Edward on this one." His eyes were apologetic, and I was angry, but he had my best interests at heart.

"Fine." I relaxed into Edward's arms while Carlisle laid down the guidelines: all organic diet, no high fructose corn syrup, don't go anywhere near dumps or chemical plants, don't over expose to the sun, and check in once a month to make sure everything is still okay.

"You could write a book for me. It'd be much easier than remembering all that," I joked.

"That's what Edward is for," Carlisle claimed. We all laughed. The lightness in the atmosphere affected all of us. We left the hospital in a joyous mood, trying to pick our first vacation spot. We both agreed that life was too short to spend five or six years in college. Hurray for the stock markets!

When we walked through the doors of the Cullen house, I became enveloped in hugs from Emmett, Alice, and even one from Rosalie. Jasper, as always, kept a safe distance. Alice was ecstatic. Rosalie looked relieved. Emmett looked like he didn't have a care in the world…like usual.

Everyone except Edward went hunting. I figured it was to give us alone time, for which I was thankful for. Edward played a Debussy CD on the stereo while we talked in the living room.

"Prague?" I recommended.

Edward thought about it. "That's definitely a possibility. Though I thought you'd be the kind of girl to head for Italy," we both laughed at the inside joke. Before we were married, I bugged him nonstop about becoming a vampire. The Volturi definitely had an impact on that decision, but most of it was just me.

"Nah. We can save that for last. What about Switzerland?" He laughed.

"Maybe in the spring. It's too cold there right now." I groaned.

"What place in Europe isn't cold right now? What if I promise to stay bundled?" This had been the argument all evening: extreme weather. Extreme weather included: anything below forty degrees, anything above ninety-five degrees, anything with too much rain or snow, and too much humidity. Carlisle also recommended that I avoid horses and hay.

Edward gave me the look that read _nice try, but absolutely not._ "Can we try going somewhere a little warmer?"

Giving in to the weather conditions, I said, "Okay, so since Europe, Russia, and Asia are off the travel plans," I glared, "how about we go to Isle Esme for a month, work our way through the Caribbean, and head off to Europe in the spring? Then during the summer, we can go to Russia. And since we've been holding it off for so long, we are going to stay there for a while."

Sighing (with relief I'm guessing), he ran a hand through his messy bronze colored hair. He leaned back in the recliner, looking exhausted.

"I thought vampires never get tired?" I teased.

He laughed. "You give me mental exhaustion. I've been waiting for you to give up on your Europe expedition for over an hour. It's nice to hear you come up with a plan that sounds so reasonable." He had a hand over his eyes to show exhaustion, but he was smiling too broadly to convince me. He uncovered his eyes. Passion reflected back to me in the color of topaz.

I got up from my spot and sat in Edward's lap. He held me closely. I breathed in his scent and he pressed his lips to my head. The comfortable silence seemed to last for a long time. These were the best times: the times where we were close enough to kiss, but content enough not to. Of course, we did give in about two minutes into the silence, but the moments still pass. The happiness was still fresh.

"Your hair is growing back," he said conversationally. "It's the same color at least, though I can tell it's going to be very silky and fine." He didn't sound disappointed or surprised.

"You won't miss my thick long hair?" I joked, but he took it seriously.

"Bella, I wouldn't care if your hair grew back green, I'd still love you the same way. You will always be the most beautiful thing in my world." I turned my head to look at him in the eyes. His passion reflected mine. Our lips met each other's before a thought ran through our minds. The kiss contained relief, release, love, passion, tenderness, and fire all at the same time. His arm slipped around my back gingerly (always scared of hitting the scar the wrong way) and pulled me closer while I wrapped my arms around his neck. My hands eventually found their way to the buttons on Edward's shirt. He stopped me before I got to work on the second one.

"No Bella." He said against my lips.

"Why not?" I asked irritated, pulling back a little bit.

He regarded me seriously. "I don't want to hurt you. You still need time to recuperate. After several months of intense chemotherapy, aggressive activities are the last things you need." The flash of protectiveness in his eyes was unmistakable.

"Fine," I pouted. "Fun sucker," I murmured, mostly to myself, but Edward heard me and decided to comment on it.

"Don't worry; I'm not only sucking the fun from you. It works both ways." He smiled sheepishly and I had to laugh.

"Alice is going to be very excited," I told Edward a while later.

"Really?" He asked, raising his eyebrow.

I rolled my eyes. "When she hears we are traveling, she's going to drag me on a shopping expedition and buy me every article of seductive clothing you can imagine." We laughed, and then my stomach growled obnoxiously loud.

"What would you like to eat?" He asked.

"Hmm, something tasty and that I haven't had in a while," I thought about it for a moment. "Filet minon steak. That's the best," I laughed when I saw the serious look on Edward's face. I rolled my eyes at him. "I'm only kidding Edward. Like you would get me anything hardy and meaty anyway. I think I'd like to start with something simple, like pasta with parmesan cheese." He nodded and headed off to the kitchen. A few moments later I followed.

He already had the stove going and the ingredients out. When I walked in, he was checking all the ingredients for anything artificial or anything with high fructose corn syrup.

"It's so strange," I admitted, sitting on the counter near the stove. Edward put the pasta in the boiling pot of water before turning to me and putting a hand on either side of me on the counter. He leaned into me.

"What's strange, love?"

I shrugged. "I'm so used to doing all the cooking. It's strange to sit here and watch the whole process happen."

"Get used to it." He kissed me on the lips. "Do you know why I love you?" He asked me all of a sudden.

I laughed. "I have no idea."

His topaz eyes penetrated mine. "I love you because I have no choice. No matter what I think of other people, no matter what mood I'm in, I love you unconditionally. I can't think of a reason _not_ to love you. You are selfless, responsible…when it comes to other people," he conceded. "You have no hatred in you, you are so accepting of everyone, and you are undoubtedly beautiful." I blushed. He ran his thumb across my cheek, across the now bright red area of my face.

I smiled. "Do you know why I love you?" I asked him back.

"No idea."

"I can't think of a reason_ not _to love you. You fought for me, you've given me everything, and you love me back, no matter how stupid I act, no matter how many wrong choices I make, you still love me. I don't know, I just," I shrugged, "I just love you." His lips were on mine then, and all coherent thoughts escaped me. Instinctively, my hands went through his hair and pulled him tighter against me. He wrapped his arms around my waist lightly. When his lips parted with mine, I pouted. He laughed.

"The water is going to boil over and you'll be stuck with over-done noodles." He moved back to the noodles, putting them into the strainer and adding the organic sauce. _Everything organic._ Damn Carlisle. I hope there is such a thing as organic tiramisu, 'cause I have a craving coming on.

"When do you want to leave?" I asked, swinging my legs side to side.

Edward poured the noodles into the strainer. "Whenever you want to leave."

"I can't wait to get out of here," I laughed. "I've been stuck in this house or the hospital for over six months. Seeing brighter things might be good for my health. I miss that island. It was so beautiful, the ocean was always warm, and there was always something to do. Here, it's eat, sleep, and chemotherapy. It'll feel nice to break from that cycle."

Edward fixed me my bowl of spaghetti. Who'd of thought that organic pasta could taste so good? Maybe it tasted good because Edward made it. I munched on it while he commented on my rant.

"Well, personally, I'm glad that you broke your four month vow to yourself," he smiled. I would have scowled, but my mouth was full of spaghetti. "You look so much better, Bella," he said passionately. "I don't know what I would've done if I lost you." He winced at the thought. I did, too.

"Well, I'm still here and we won't have to worry about anything else going wrong."

He smiled. "That's right." He kissed me shortly and pulled away, allowing me to finish my food without distractions. After I finished, he pulled something out of the fridge that was covered in foil and in a pan, so I couldn't see. When he flipped the top off, I nearly died. Tiramisu.

"Yes!" I squealed. Edward had a piece on a plate before I could even blink. I took a slow first bite. "Oh my God. This is amazing." I looked at him speculatively. "Is there such a thing as organic tiramisu?"

Edward laughed. "Esme made it for you earlier today. Alice saw that you would have a scary craving for tiramisu, and Esme slaved away." I smiled.

"Thank you," I gave him a quick peck before turning back to my heaven-on-a-plate. Mostly, Edward just watched me. He watched me finish my desert, he watched me while I talked with everyone about our travel plans, he watched me fall asleep in his arms, and not once did it bother me or make me blush.

We left for Isle Esme two days later.


	17. We Have Time

**A/N: For all you all-honors high school students, you understand that four hours of homework, not including my nightly dance classes, kind of makes it difficult to keep up with journals and stories. Please no flames for my inconsistency with posting! This chapter is mostly a filler, but it was very tricky to write for some odd reason (0.0)**

**We Have Time**

* * *

"Edward, I know that you can hold your breath forever, you can stop showing off." He just smirked back at me from a few yards away in the water. I thought that he'd make me stay out of the deep waters for fear that I would drown, so him telling me that I could swim came somewhat as a surprise.

Esme's island never ceases to stun me with its beauty. The sun always shines here and Edward doesn't have to hide his diamond-like skin. He looked beautiful, making me feel plain. The island looked just as we left it.

Edward swam over to me and took me in his arms. I went willingly. He ran a cool hand over my new hair that reached a little past my ear now. I missed my curls, but Edward didn't seem to notice, or if he did, he didn't say anything about it. "Where to next?"

"Hmm, I don't know for sure, but I think we should go to Spain next. It's not too hot and not too cold, and since we are both pretty fluent in Spanish, it would be easy to get around." He smiled my crooked smile.

"Fluency is not a problem with me. But if that's where you want to go…when do you want to leave?" I saw a few fish swim away from us. Edward isn't very popular with the creatures of the sea.

"Maybe a few more days, but I really want to see the sights in Western Europe," I thought about all the sites in the brochures that I've seen. "Plaza de' Espagna, Milan, Madrid, Prague, Palace at Versailles," Edward smiled. My guess is that he's already seen those places. "Then we can work our way east to Russia." I said matter-of-factly.

He frowned a bit. "We'll have to have Carlisle get in contact with the government. Getting entry Visas aren't exactly easy. It's a very long process."

I shrugged. "We've got time." I smiled. He smiled back. His eyes glazed over with love.

"Yes, we do."

***

"Do we have everything, Edward?" He looked up from inside the boat.

He looked around him. "From what I can see, yes." The sun, just going down, shone rays on Edward's skin, making him luminous. "Ready to go?" He jumped off the boat and wrapped a gentle arm around me.

I turned to look back at the house, nestled behind a couple of trees with the sun setting behind it. "Yes. But this is definitely not the last time we are visiting. Maybe one day we could bring our baby here. I hope they'd love it as much as we do." I said quietly.

Both of Edward's arms wrapped around me and he rested his chin on my shoulder. "We can come back whenever you like. We have time." He said it with such fever and such determination. He held me a little tighter and kissed my cheek.

"We should get going," I said, pulling away. "We don't want to miss the plane." I said a little more enthusiastically. Edward hopped on the boat first and helped me on. The boat ride was quiet as we came close towards the mainland.

"What are you thinking?" Question of the century.

I shrugged. "I don't know. Just how quiet it is, I guess. I am really excited about going to Spain, though. You know what they say about Plaza de'Espagna." I said suggestively.

Edward's enchanting laugh broke the light silence. "I thought that was with ice-cream?"

I frowned at him playfully. "Who said that I wasn't getting any?"

"Your dietitian back home." He said it with such a straight face.

My heart dropped and I wasn't pretending to frown. "You have got to be kidding me," I said, half pissed half sad.

"Yes, I am." He tried to hide it, but that wicked smile of his made an appearance on his lips.

I would've slapped him, but I'd probably hurt myself more than I'd hurt him. Instead, I scolded him. "You jerk! I thought you were serious! Don't say something like that again. I swear…" my voice drifted into bad thoughts.

"What?" I could tell he was still holding back laughter.

"You better be careful with what you say. I see a lot of lonely nights ahead of you if you keep making me panic like that." That frown disappeared real quickly.

"You have got to be kidding," he whined.

"Yes, I am." He let out a deep breath and laughed. "You seriously thought that I am that masochistic? As if I could ever sleep without you." I rolled my eyes.

He took my hand. "I'm thankful for all your peculiarities," he said teasingly and feverishly at the same time. A horrifying memory of Jane and her satanic glare sent shivers down my spine (which looked normal now). "We are about twenty to thirty minutes away from the mainland. We'll board a plane in Rio, then we'll fly to Florida, and from there we'll fly to Spain. Does that sound good?"

I smiled. "That sounds wonderful."

***

Our first class flights were comfortable, but I hated sitting down for so many hours on end. I got up every time the seatbelt sign flickered off. Edward laughed, but this was from someone who could sit still for a week and still not need to move. I told him I couldn't wait to become a vampire and have him stop laughing at my clumsiness and restlessness. He understood that I had human needs, but that didn't mean that he'd empathize or stop laughing. The best I could do was return his terrible sense of humor with glares that weren't nearly as impressive as his.

"Bienvenido a la Espana," the pilot announced over the loud speakers. I breathed a sigh of relief. Flying is not so bad when you only have to do it for a couple of ours, but several flights in several hours tends to get to you. As expected, Edward looked as if he would explode into laughter.

"Shut up," I groaned. "I can understand that it's funny the first couple of times, but now it's just old. Don't you tire of it yet? I know I do." I folded my arms across my chest and did what I did best: pout.

He struggled to keep a straight face for me. "Bella, I never tire of you…including everything you do. What I find funny now, I will find funny in a thousand years." Part of him sounded teasing, but the other part sounded serious.

I speculated him for a moment. "Okay, I'll remind you of that…in a thousand years." He frowned. Revenge is sweet. "Don't worry; I have a checklist to go through before you take a bite out of me." My ears finally popped and I was grateful.

He regarded me curiously. "Really? And what would be on that checklist?" He sat back and crossed his arms, waiting for a detailed explanation of what was going on in my mysteriously silent mind.

I was careful. "Well, once we complete our little trip across the world, that'll be one check on my list." He waited for me to continue. "Maybe go to college, though I'm' still debating that one." He frowned just the slightest bit, but kept silent. I shrugged. "There's nothing else really." I stared at the back of the seat in front of me.

"You're keeping something from me. What is it?" He sounded frustrated.

I groaned internally. "How do you know?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Well, for one, you won't look at me in the eye. For another…well, I just know. I've learned to read you since I can't hear you." He shook his head at the mystery that still boggled his mind. He looked at me again and his topaz eyes pierced me. "What is it?"

"Not something I want to discuss on a plane, that's for sure." I looked at the people around us and I saw a few pairs of eyes on Edward. It is difficult _not_ to look at him. He is just so perfect.

I got away with it. He uncrossed his arms and adjusted himself so that he was facing forward. "Fine. Later, though. You're not getting off that easily." I knew that expression on his face; he was turning over every possible idea that could occupy my mind that wouldn't be public appropriate. I didn't think it was that difficult of an idea to figure out, but apparently Edward did.

I looked out the window and saw a beautiful, cloudy Spain. A perfect day for a vampire to go on a walk-about unnoticed. Spain looked as beautiful as I imagined it. The city, from above, looked as if it were flourishing. Peopled bustled everywhere, cars and mopeds crowded the streets, old brick and adobe buildings stood high above the streets, and the grass looked green in the parks. Smiling, I closed the window and turned to see Edward gazing lovingly at me.

He brushed aside my stick straight bangs that had grown out. "You look beautiful." His words were only meant to be heard by me.

I smiled and blushed. "I wonder how many times you're going to say that before you change your mind." His hand cupped my cheek.

In a firm tone, he said, "you will always be beautiful Bella. You will always be the most beautiful thing in my world. Because of you, there are eight wonders in the world." I scoffed at the cheesy compliment.

"Gee, thanks Romeo." He smiled and secured his hand around mine.

On the drive to the hotel, I could imagine that I looked like a kid seeing the sun for the first time. Everything in Spain held its own beauty. Everything looked similar, but had its own character. The streets were busy with locals shopping in the markets, children playing soccer in the allies…my heart clenched a little bit.

The ride to the hotel was silent, just taking in everything Spain had to offer. When we got to the hotel, I was not surprised to see luxury left and right. The marble floors seemed to stretch on, the high ceilings were decorated with elegant chandeliers, the carpet colored a rich red (how appropriate for a vampire), French provincial furniture offered comfort in the exceptionally large lobby (French furniture in Spain; who'da thunk it?), and vases of red roses contrasted with the light marble coffee tables. I took in all my surroundings while subconsciously following Edward into the glass elevator and to our room. Even when we reached our room, I didn't speak; I went straight to the balcony to observe the ocean side view.

Spain was breathtaking.

I felt his arms wrap around my waist. "Would you please tell me what you're thinking? You scare me when you are so quiet—it means you are thinking hard." His chin rested on my shoulder.

I shook my head and smiled. "Twenty-four hours ago, I would've said that nothing in the world is more breathtaking than you, but…" I shrugged, "you've been beat. I don't think I've ever been so blown away in my entire life." Even my soft voice seemed too loud for the peaceful silence.

His body shook with chuckles. "Well, I guess I'll have to fix that." I looked up at him only to have his lips firmly planted on mine. His stone cold lips felt wonderful on my warm, soft ones. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I deepened the kiss. My breathing wasn't the only one quickening. The heat of Barcelona mixed with the coolness of his embrace made me feel…perfect, whole, there really aren't any words to describe how it felt. I found the perfect contrast between hot and cold; a balance.

He pulled back slightly and smiled against my lips. "Did I get my place at the top back?" He teased.

I smiled mischievously back. "You, Mr. Cullen, are going to have to do a lot more than kiss me to get your number one spot on my list back. Are you up to the challenge?" My entire body ached for him to say yes.

His grinned smoothed out into a gentle smile. "Not so soon, love." He held me a bit longer and turned back to the bell boy and started giving him instructions in Spanish that I didn't catch onto. Instead, I sat on one of the lounge chairs on the balcony, making myself comfortable gazing at, possibly, the most amazing sight in the world.

My mind wandered into deeper thoughts. Why did Edward have to say no? My body has been able to fare well on its own and I wouldn't exactly call me weak; I could do forty-five push-ups with ease. Edward continued to draw a firmer line with our physical relationship. I wanted to blame myself for catching the death disease and making Edward more distant, but part of me didn't want to blame myself. Part of me drifted into a theory that could shatter my faith (what I have left of it anyway).

Deep in thought, I didn't notice Edward sitting directly in front of me on the lounge chair.

"Bella, for the sake of my sanity, please tell me what you are thinking." He sounded exasperated. Sometimes I felt bad for making Edward feel so frustrated. What he went through, I wouldn't call it suffering, but it came pretty close. Other times, I felt thankful that he couldn't read my mind; some of my thoughts are down-right embarrassing.

As usual, I had a daily case of word vomit. "Do you believe in God?" I asked seriously.

Edward's eyebrows met for a moment before relaxing them again and his forehead smoothing out the wrinkles. "Yes. I just don't believe he acknowledges our kind. He takes care of those with a soul."

I interrupted him before he continued. "Yes, I know you believe there is no afterlife for your kind, but do you believe he controls what goes on here? Do you really think he has an impact on people's lives? I don't just mean groups of people; I'm talking about a person as an individual." Edward absorbed everything I said like a sponge.

"I believe that he can be there, and that he's with every one of you in one way or another," I frowned at the way he said "every one of _you_" as if he didn't matter. He made a world of a difference. "I believe that he gives a little help to you when he can." It wasn't an answer I was expecting, but I took it anyways.

"What about physically? Do you think he has control over a body? I'm not a frequent flier for church, but from what I hear they believe he can really work miracles, like healing people who are dying." I didn't know how to get my point across. Edward seemed to catch on.

"Do _you_ think he possesses that kind of ability?" Edward countered.

I hated it when people answered questions with more questions. The original questions never get answered. It's Ferris Beuler all over again. "Why'd you kick me?" "Where's your brain?" "Why'd you kick me?" "Where's your brain?" "I asked you first!"

I let out a big gulp of air. "I don't know. We have the human law that all of man are created equal, but," I paused, choosing my next words wisely. "If you think about it, that law doesn't make any sense. I mean, look at you compared to Charlie or Phil," Edward frowned. "Physically and mentally, you are superior. Did God really mean for it to be that way? Why can some men walk and how come some people are born without limbs? All of man is not created equal. If God really does exist, I believe he is a sick and twisted person who likes to do experiments on souls to see what would happen. Some days I feel like this whole world is just one sick experiment…a joke." I hadn't ever talked so much, not even when Edward asked me all those questions back when we were getting to know each other.

Edward's eyes pierced mine. "You think we are testing God's theories?" I gave him a stiff nod. He contemplated his answer for a minute. "I guess you do have a point, but you forgot a factor," he made sure I was listening. "We only make that law non-existent if we choose to. God gave us the gift of free will. If people believe they are superior, they are destined to make people feel inferior to them. Now if you're talking physically, I can't say I know why besides the basics of genetic mishaps." He regarded me for a second. "What brought all this on?"

I didn't really have a specific answer for him. I shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe the idea was always there, but it didn't really become a complete thought until it had enough material to become one."

He took one of my hands. "Bella, that's not an answer." He didn't sound angry, just worried.

Sighing, I confessed. "I feel so useless in this body, like it's no good for anything. If all men are created equal, how come I'm so weak? I'm just having a hard time understanding why God would give such useless bodies to people. It makes no sense." I couldn't meet Edward's gaze; I was too scared to see what I'd find.

He thought for a moment. "Bella, you are the strongest person I know." He took my other hand and held them firmly. I found the courage to look in his eyes. His eyes, filled with passion, love, sadness, and a hell of a lot more, sparkled as if there were tears. His voice sounded tight. "You have dreams Bella," his voice more tender, "without this body, you won't be able to achieve them."

His statement hit the home plate. My heart ached and a vision of my dead baby materialized in my mind. I winced at the pang of pain and guilt it brought. Could that baby have made a difference? What could it have done for the world? I didn't notice my tears until Edward brushed them away.

"Bella, is this all because I said no?" I diverted my gaze back to the ocean view. He cupped his hands around my cheeks, forcing me against my weak will to meet his gaze. "Bella, give your body time to heal. It's just gone through a traumatic experience and it needs time to readjust itself back to normality. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I hurt you. Let your body regain its strength, then," he nodded, completing his thought with an action.

"Promise?" I asked.

"I promise." Honesty rang with every word.

"And who determines when?" I asked skeptically.

"Carlisle," he said without hesitation.

Internally, I groaned. How can you go to Spain and not make love? We were in one of the most romantic places in the world. Where's the logic in that?

Well, there's always France.

"Fine." Edward smiled, leaning forward to give me a kiss on my pouting lips. Against them, he whispered, "I love you."

I smiled back. "I love you, too."

After a while of unpacking and settling in, I needed to get out.

"Let's get out of here." I told Edward, putting on a light jacket.

He smiled, following suit. "Where would you like to go first?" He asked, taking my hand.

"Surprise me."


	18. Think About It

**A/N: This is mostly a filler chapter, but I think it's kinda cute. Enjoy!**

**Think About It**

* * *

"Wow, even on a cloudy day, Barcelona is still a beautiful place." We looked out over the water from our spot on the beach. The sun was aching to escape the clouds, but the clouds needed to protect someone today.

"Yes. But there are more beautiful natural things that people can see every day." I leaned further back into his arms. The sand felt warm even with no sun.

"Oh yeah? Such as?" I have never seen anything more beautiful.

"You." He said, kissing the top of my head.

I rolled my eyes. "I think you might be a little biased."

"Aren't I always?" He sighed. We both chuckled.

Through the small spaces between the clouds, I could tell the sun was beginning to make its descent. Edward seemed to read my mind (not really) and stood up, taking my hands with him. We walked along the beach in silence, taking in the beautiful view. We eventually made our way back to the main plaza.

"What do you think of this one, Edward?" I modeled a huge sun hat with a blood red ribbon wrapped around it. The rims came out so far it probably swallowed my whole face. He looked at me and smiled.

"It's perfect for you," his genuine smile made me smile even broader. I put the hat back on the stand and Edward stood next to me in an instant. "Why'd you put it back?" He sounded sincerely surprised.

I rolled my eyes. "Because I don't need another hat Edward. I already have one back at the hotel. Since it's not sunny today, I didn't have to worry about bringing it." I was about to walk away when I heard Edward start speaking quickly in Spanish vendor. I turned to see him buying the hat.

He walked back to me with the hat in hand, a satisfied smile on his face. The wind blew his bronze hair and he once again had that imperfect perfection about his hair. He didn't seem to know my attention was diverted from the hat.

He put it on my head. "There. Now I don't have to imagine you wearing it." He looked down at me smiling.

"A) You shouldn't have bought the hat; it's a waste of money, and B) why are you smiling?" I crossed my arms and pouted. He knew how much I hated him spending money on me. Now he's just pressing my buttons. Though I didn't mind the fact that his smile was so broad and genuine. My heart swelled every time Edward looked so happy.

He shrugged. "I'm happy. And that hat wasn't a waste of money, it was a wise purchase. Also, I loved seeing you in it. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life simply imagining you in it." He kissed me with my lips in a pout then wrapped an arm around my waist and we started walking again.

He took me to Park Guell. The park was crowded with tourists and natives. The fountains were beautiful. I took in my surroundings in stride. Everything seemed to process slowly, making me feel like I was put into slow motion.

"This place is beautiful," I told Edward. I watched little kids run around water fountains with their parents chasing them, laughing the whole time. An ache came to my chest and a deep longing feeling washed over me. We walked around the place a little while before settling on a bench in the shade (shade was necessary because the sun began to make a reappearance). He put on his hat and bought me some bottled water. It's times like these when he's being over protective and too Carlisle that he annoys me.

"If you want to go to Russia later in the summer…" he tuned out.

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. But seriously, when I'm thirsty, I'll ask for something to drink. If I'm tired of walking, I'll ask to take a break, alright? No more of this, 'sit down, take a drink, you're getting tired and dehydrated' crapola." I finished drinking the rest of my water like Edward insisted I do.

He took the water bottle and threw it in the trash. "Well, that's a lie." He wore my favorite crooked smile.

I scoffed. "No it's not."

He smiled. "Oh, I think it is. You won't tell me you're thirsty, because you'll think you're an inconvenience when really, you're the complete opposite. You won't tell me that you're tired because you want to show me you're strong. I know you better than you know yourself in some ways." That stupid victorious smile made its way to his lips.

I looked for a distraction because he was right, I didn't want to admit it, and I wasn't going to lose this fight. I glanced over the crowd for something interesting. "Well, I think you're wrong and that I am both of those things, you just don't want to admit it." Then something caught my eye.

I stood staring for a moment, and then without thinking, my body went into action. Edward kept pace beside me.

"Bella, what's wrong?" He grabbed my hand gently to stop me. His eyes were wide with concern.

"Am I the only person who sees that kid screaming and crying for her mom?" I could feel my voice climbing. Edward looked up for a moment and then we started walking towards the little girl. The little girl's bangs were damp on her forehead. Tears streamed down her face, making strands of hair stick to her cheeks. Her tan skin looked pale from panic.

When we walked up to the girl, her eyes widened in panic. Edward, who's fluent in who knows how many languages, spoke to the girl.

"Cual es incorrect, niña?" We both kneeled in front of the little girl and she tried to control her breathing. She looked around frantically.

"No puedo encuentra a mi mama!" She burst into sobs again. My heart ached for the little girl. She looked so terrified and lost.

I put a gentle hand on her arm. Her breathing slowed a little bit. She looked at me with those big brown orbs. I brushed some hair out of her face. "Todo va estar bien," _Everything is going to be alright. _"Encontraeremos su mama,"_ we will find your mom._ I looked to Edward, hoping he could see some sort of image of her. Instead of seeing that focused look I expected to see, he seemed a little baffled…surprised. "Can you see her?" I asked him irritably.

Edward nodded stiffly. He took a few steps in another direction and disappeared. The girl needed a little more comforting.

In Spanish, I asked her, "What's your name?"

She brushed some more hair out of her face. "Adelina." She sniffled and wiped away some wet streams on her cheeks. She looked so cute.

"Adelina," I repeated. "That's a pretty name. Do you live here?" I looked around, just in case my Spanish was a little off.

She nodded. "Yes. We live near the water." She pointed in the general direction. "What's your name?" She asked me.

I smiled at her. "My name is Bella. I live in the United States, but I'm visiting Barcelona with my husband." I thought of Edward and wondered if he found Adelina's mother yet.

"The man that was with you?" She asked. She spoke soft and sweetly.

I nodded my head. "Yes. His name is Edward. He went to go find your mom." She nodded in understanding. "I wanted to stay with you and make sure you were okay." She took my hand, which took me by surprise.

"Thank you. I will be fine with you here." I felt tears sting in my eyes. She hit me again with her words. "Do you have children?" She asked bashfully. She wasn't aware of my wince.

I shook my head. "No. I don't have children, but I want some." It felt a little strange sharing my deepest desires with a strange child, but I felt that she was my responsibility for the time being, and that I should answer her answers truthfully.

I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around and saw Edward looking down at me with a woman who immediately went to her child, crying, "Adelina! Where have you been? You scared me!" Adelina and her mother embraced each other eagerly.

Adelina pulled back from her mother for a moment. "I was fine. Bella took care of me." She pointed to me and her mother looked up with grateful eyes. I just stayed where I was. Edward kept an arm around my waist.

The woman almost instantly enveloped me in a hug. "_Gracias,_ thank you for taking care of my daughter. I cannot tell you how grateful I am to you. How can I repay you?" She began to babble.

I waved my hands 'no' to her. "No es necessario. Todo es bien. Ella es seguro." _That's not necessary. All is good, she is safe._ I felt a tug on my sundress. Adelina tried to get my attention.

In English, she said, "have this," her voice sounded high pitched and childish. It warmed me up inside. She held her hand up to me. In it was a small bracelet just big enough to fit on my wrist. She clasped it around my wrist before I could protest. "Please," she pleaded as I attempted to take it off. I want you to remember me."

She didn't know that I didn't need a trinket to forget her. I put a hand on her shoulder. "You don't need to give me anything for me to remember you." I turned to her mother. "Take care." She said thank you a few more times and I saw one more hopeful glance from the little girl. I waved her goodbye.

It took me a minute to realize that Edward didn't say anything. "Are you okay?" I asked him. I was a little surprised at how strained my voice sounded.

He looked down to me. "I'm fine. But you're not." He'd noticed. "You look tired," he said, rubbing my lower back gently. "Let's get back to the hotel."

The sun nearly set by the time we reached to hotel. We made sure to stay hidden in the shadows to avoid the public seeing Edward's diamond embedded skin. He guided me through the small streets where little apartments were to stay out of the way of the sun. When I looked around, even the small little buildings had elegance about them.

Edward tried to get me to talk. He told me about taking a train to Madrid, Milan, going through Spanish castles, museums of the fallen Spanish armada. He tried to excite me. For some reason, I felt dull. I felt that same numbness that I felt when they took my baby out of me. The torn-in-two feeling returned, and I wanted to curl into a ball and cry. I didn't know why, and I couldn't explain it to Edward.

We sat down for dinner at the hotel's restaurant. Not really having an appetite, I didn't eat much, just a few bites of pasta. I talked with Edward, hoping that he wouldn't notice my silence. He worries enough about me already.

"You need to eat," Edward told me when I pushed my bowl away.

I glared. "Oh, and you're one to talk. Your eyes are nearly pitch black. You are such a masochist." I ignored the little kids that ran through the lobby.

"My life doesn't depend on it. I can go a long time without hunting. You'd be surprised." I rolled my eyes.

"Like I said: masochist."

"Eat."

I had an ugly realization. "I'm not leaving this table until I finish that, am I?" He smiled my favorite crooked smile. I sunk in my chair. Might as well make myself comfortable; I'm going to be here for a while. I folded my arms in protest and stared straight into his black eyes, my gaze never wavering.

"My, my, aren't we resilient today?" He shook his head. I mentally patted myself on the back for winning the stare-down.

The waitress showed up. She was definitely pretty; a native with tan skin, smooth, wavy caramel hair, and long lashes that would have any man on their knees…all men except Edward. We just stared at each other while she tried to figure out what was going on. After spending a little too much time, in my opinion, staring at Edward, she finally asked me with a slightly hostile look, "Can I take that for you?"

I said, "Yes," at the same time Edward said, "No." The poor waitress looked back and forth between us. Edward, the sneaky guy he is, gives her the leather book she had left on the table earlier.

"Here's the check," I could tell in his eyes that he deliberately used his left hand to give her the book. She frowned at the ring on his finger. I smiled outwardly. She tried to smile, but it came out contorted. After she dismissed herself, I chuckled.

"That was mean," I told him.

"It made you uncomfortable," he shrugged. "Waitresses need to know that there are boundaries with flirting. Now are you going to finish that food or not?"

"Most likely not." A second later, "Definitely not."

"That was an expensive bowl of pasta. Do you want to see the tab?" I immediately felt guilty that I was wasting his money. Something nagged at me.

"You think _I'm_ wasting your money? Who's the one who keeps buying hats and different articles of clothing with no reason other than, 'now I don't have to imagine it on you anymore?'" He could be such a hypocrite sometimes. I wanted to take that half full bowl of ravioli in front of me and throw it at him, though he would probably snatch it before it became airborne.

"Like I said, I'm an essentially selfish creature. Right now, I want you to finish that." He tried to sound serious, but the glossy worry in his eyes told me otherwise.

In a soothing tone, I told him, "Edward, I feel fine. From recent observations I can tell you that there aren't any recent unexplained bruises, no fatigue, random pains, absolutely nothing. I'm just not hungry right now. You can relax. Do I smell anemic to you or something?" I'd discovered soon after healing that Edward and everybody knew I was sick because I smelled anemic to them.

He shook his head no. "You've been doing well so far, let's not push it okay?" He looked very tired all of a sudden.

I reached across the table and put my hand over his. "I promise. I'm one-hundred percent sure I'm fine." _Physically_, I added in my head. "Stop being so worried. At the first sign of trouble, I'll tell you, okay?" He took my hand in his.

"Alright," he sighed. He smiled a little bit.

"I don't want worried thoughts of me to deprive you of your sleep. The bags under your eyes tell me I'm a little late thought." He realized what I was getting at.

"I'm fine. I can hold it out a while longer." The waitress came back with the check and asked if there was '_anything_' else she could get him. With a brusque "No," Edward got up and gave me a hand standing. He put a large tip on the table and we made our way to the elevators.

Once we were in the elevator, he closed the doors.

"A little impatient?" I murmured. He wrapped an arm around my waist and leaned down to kiss the top of my head.

"Anything to get some alone time." I smiled up at him and gave him a gentle kiss that lasted the entire ride up to our floor. We entered our suite and decided to make ourselves comfortable, cuddling on the couch. We talked about upcoming plans: spending next week in Madrid, going to France the week afterwards.

"I am going to take a bath," I told Edward after spending quite some time kissing on the couch. I walked into the master bathroom (which is about the size of the entire first floor of my house back home in Forks) and started up the tub. I sat on the edge of the tub in a silk night dress Alice slipped into my suitcase, and put my feet in, waiting for the water to rise all the way. I tossed in a bubble-bath ball in for fun. Just as I turned off the water and slipped off the dress, I heard the door open.

I turned my head as I slipped into the warm water. "Hey Edward," I greeted casually.

He sat down next to the tub. His hand hung over the edge. I took his hand in mine. He drew circles with his thumb. He looked at my hand for a while. "You've never taken off your ring once. Not even when washing. Why?" I couldn't believe he needed to ask.

I scoffed. "The same reason you never take yours off, even when you're hunting."

"So you're scared of losing it, too?" I splashed him with water and he laughed, falling a little back. He found his balance again. "Okay, I understand then.

Want to tell me what was running through your mind earlier today?" His eyes stared deeply into mine, hoping to find an answer. "You just seemed far away after we left the park. Was it the little girl?" He spoke softly, trying to comfort me.

I sighed. "I honestly don't know myself. I don't think I could put it into words." And I really couldn't. How could anyone explain it? It's like trying to explain how I felt when they took away my baby.

In fact, it felt exactly that way.

Edward caught onto my train of thought. "Have you felt that way before?" He asked.

I kept my gaze on the bubbles floating around subtly. "Yes."

"When?"

I chose a less taboo topic. "Like when you left that fall," I told him. His hand tightened around mine. "It wasn't to that extreme though. I still felt that empty kind of ache. It's hard to describe." I shook my head. I looked into his concerned eyes and smiled. "It's nothing, just forget about it."

He kissed my forehead. "Not likely." He stood up and let go of my hand. "I am going to go hunting. I should be back shortly after you fall asleep." He gave me one last kiss goodbye.

"Alright. Hurry back." I called to him.

"Always," he called back.

And I was alone. I didn't know what to do with the rest of my time. I still felt an ache in my chest every time Edward left on a hunt or some type of errand. Most people would get sick of someone if they were with them 24/7 like me, but I never tired of his presence. It was like a balm to me.

After the water began to get cold, I got out and dressed myself in a silk tank top and matching shorts. I felt tired from the day's activities, so I went straight to bed after brushing my teeth. I left the balcony doors open, hoping the sound of the ocean waves would lull me to sleep like Edward's lullaby. They didn't. Irritated that I couldn't sleep even though I was exhausted, I got up from the bed and walked out of the bedroom and into the living room.

I looked around for something to occupy time. I found a small shelf of books in a corner and explored their titles. _Tales of the Spanish Armada_, a book of artwork by Degas, and then I found my favorite: _Wuthering Heights_. I picked up the book and sat on the couch with it, turning to one of my favorite parts.

Just after I finished reading the part, I dozed off. I dreamed of the happiness Heathcliff and Cathy could've had if he had listened to the rest of Cathy's confession to the servant. They may not have been rich, but they would've been happy.

In the middle of this dream, I was vaguely aware of cool arms lifting me from the couch. I couldn't find my way to speak; I felt disconnected to my body. My judgment of time was completely off. I felt myself be lowered into something very soft and comforting. Warmth washed over me and cool arms wound around me. My body reacted. I wrapped my arms around the figure lying next to me, knowing subconsciously it was Edward, and rested my head on his chest. I felt his lips touch my head and heard them whisper, "I love you." I finally sank into pure darkness.


	19. Russia

**A/N: I, too, noticed that the plot line was thinning out, so I added a few things. It took me a while to put this chapter together. Enjoy! R&R!**

**Russia**

* * *

March

April

May

June

July

"Wow," I breathed as we landed. I turned to Edward. "Have you ever been here? In your entire life, have you ever gone to Russia?"

He smiled. "No. Before I met you, I never saw anything worthwhile there. Then you came into my life and gave me the lecture of how interesting it can be." He smirked.

I frowned. "That was a very educational lecture for you," I pointed out. "You found it fascinating after I gave you a brief history. That palace is probably one of the most beautiful sights in the world and you were oblivious to it. Sure, you'll go to Africa, where there is absolutely no civilization,"

He interrupted. "Plenty of wildlife, plenty of mountain lions," he smiled.

"As I was saying," I glared, waiting for a sign to let me continue. He nodded. "Everyone there wanted to ban the Romanovs from their history, but yet they kept that palace. Do you know why?" I asked as the pilot came over the loudspeakers, announcing that we'd be landing in fifteen minutes.

He chuckled. "Enlighten me."

"It's called nationalism, Edward. Their people built that beautiful structure and they wanted people to remember who built it, not who lived in it. But I believe, that we should remember who lived there, because if the royal family hadn't been brutally massacred, Russia wouldn't be where they are today." I sat back in my seat, satisfied that I could always teach Edward something.

He just kept smiling at me. "Your mind ceases to amaze me. Anything else you want to share?"

I shrugged. "I'm just going to remind you of the promise you made to me a while ago," I eyed him meaningfully.

He closed his eyes and took my hand. "Don't worry, I haven't forgotten."

I smiled and patted his hand. "Good, because I don't plan on letting you stall much longer." He chuckled to himself and we stayed quiet until the plane landed.

We waited at the baggage claim for our matching luggage (Alice's idea). Red suitcases (one-by-one) eventually lined up on the carousel. For me: three suitcases. For Edward: one suitcase. It's amazing how Alice influences our daily lives. From the time we were married to today, my wardrobe went from a one-rack size to an entire room filled with clothes. There was no stopping the woman. A few people chuckled as Edward picked up all the suitcases. I blushed three different shades of red.

In quick Russian, Edward spoke with a man who rented out cars to tourists. I picked up very little of what he said. Russian is such a choppy language…then again, so is English. Nothing flows. When the man pulled up to us in metallic silver Lamborghini, I was only half surprised. Part of me already knew Edward wouldn't ride anything that cost under a hundred thousand in Europe.

"Of course," I mumbled to myself. Too bad Edward heard it.

He smiled crookedly. "What? You don't like my taste in cars?" The man tossed him the keys and, I assume, Edward said thank you in Russian.

I crossed my arms as Edward started loading the luggage into the ostentatious vehicle. "No, I just don't like the fact that you are wasting so much money on a car that we won't even be using that much. When you're in a car, you don't get to walk by all the shops and see what this country has to offer. Plus, there's traffic, which consumes a lot of time." He opened the door for me, which wasn't really necessary because the door went up by itself.

He shrugged, "how else are we going to get from the airport to the hotel? When I'm in a car with only you, the only thoughts I hear are my own." I glared at him. We don't discuss things like that in public.

I reluctantly got in. "We could go in a car that doesn't attract so much attention at the very least." He ignored me and shut the door.

"Why are we on the top floor?" I asked Edward as we checked in at the front desk. The entire lobby was decorated with crystal chandeliers and marble floors with Persian rugs. I wanted to take off my shoes and feel the rugs against my feet, but I figured I could wait until we got to our room.

He turned towards me and smiled, his eyes a little dark. "You'll see. I'm positive you'll like it." He spoke a few quick words with the bellhop and he loaded our luggage onto the elevator with us. We were on the top floor: the sixteenth. When the elevator opened, I did not expect to see what I did.

The entire _floor _was ours. The walls were painted a faded gold, the floor brightening the wood with a light maple; it reminded me of home a little bit. Old French provincial furniture decorated the entire suite. Small chandeliers lit the space along with the city lights that you could see from the windows. You could see over almost the entire city from where I stood next to the window. Beautiful pieces of architecture were lit up in the night.

I felt Edward's arm wrap around me. "I told you that you would like it," he whispered in my ear before kissing my temple.

Holding onto his arms, I leaned back into him. "It's beautiful up here."

His lips were at my ear. "All the sights in the world could not compare to how beautiful you are." I chuckled.

"I think you're being a little biased. My hair doesn't have volume anymore, I look gaunt and I'm as thin as sticks. What is there to like?" My self-image hadn't been too good since finally getting off chemo and radiation treatment.

He spun me around to look at me. His eyes softened. He ran his hand through my hair. "Your hair is so soft and silky," he cupped my cheek with his hand. "Your skin is so beautiful. It has a glow most girls would pay hundreds of dollars for." I blushed under his touch. He smiled like a man seeing the sun for the first time.

"Why do you always look at me like that?" I asked. "You see me every day and you look at me like a man seeing the sun for the first time." I've seen Edward's multiple personalities: protective, angry, annoyed, sad, but one thing that is always constant is the way he looks at me.

"Look at you like what? Like I love you? Because I do, more than you will ever know." I loved it when he looked at me like that. He could look at me like that all day and I would never tire of it.

"We'll see about that," a said a little seductively. He leaned down and our lips met. The way my lips formed around his cool ones felt amazing to me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, making it easier for me to reach. When he touched me, it felt like being revived, like life shot through me. I felt more alive when he touched me than anything else. His hand snaked under my shirt a little bit, resting on the small of my back. Shivers trembled up my spine, but not from the cold. I couldn't help but suck on his lower lip a little bit…

He pulled away a little bit, "are you hungry?" He asked out of the blue.

"Famished…just not for food." I kissed him, but he pulled back after a peck. My lips slipped into a pout.

Edward chuckled. "Bella, you need to eat." He pulled away, but took my hand.

I felt a little unpresentable. "Edward, could you let me clean up a little bit? I've been traveling all day and I probably look terrible, so give me a minute to change, okay?" I pulled my hand away and found my way to the master bedroom, which, if possible, looked more amazing than the rest of the suite.

Elaborate fabrics decorated everything. The bed, made of fine silk, looked bigger than Edward's back home. I ran my fingers along the material, taking in every stitch. Sitting down for a minute, I felt the silk form to my body and nearly swallow me. Then and there, I realized I would kill for this bed.

"Its Indian silk," I heard Edward say from the doorway.

"It feels amazing. It just kind of melts around my body. It's like the tempurpedic mattress tenfold." I lifted my head up a little to see Edward still standing in the door frame. "You're too far away," I told him. He sat on the edge of the bed, looking like he was waiting for me to get up. "You know, you're still too far away."

He snickered. "There's a gift from Alice in the bathroom. You should put it on." Those dark eyes smiled. He knew what Alice got me, and he wanted to see it on.

"Oh God," I'm sure I had the look of pure terror on my face. "What did the pixie do?" I got up and walked to the bathroom, where there was a box. I didn't hear Edward come in. I opened the box and found something wrapped in tissue paper and a shoe box under it. Dear God, what has she done?

When I took off all the tissue paper, I was stunned. The dress was light silk that reached the floor. A green flower took up most of the space in the skirt, and a deep black took up whatever space that wasn't green. The thin black straps dove into a deep v-neck that met with a gold ring. The fabric in the center seemed to come together at the spot.

"Beautiful," I breathed. Forcing myself to put the dress down for a moment, I picked up the shoe box and opened it. The black peep-toe pumps looked destined to kill, but they still looked beautiful. In graceful handwriting, the heel of the shoe read, "Christian Louboutin."

"We are going someplace special tonight, and Alice wanted to make sure you attracted the attention of every male in the room," I could hear the annoyance in his tone.

I leaned against the marble bathroom counter. "Well then, for your sake, I hope you have a fantastic tux." He held up a garment bag and I giggled. "Armani?" I guessed.

"Close: Gucci." He pulled out a shoe box, "but the shoes are Salvatore Ferragamo. They fit nicely, so that's good." He couldn't hold my attention for long. I wanted to put on that dress so bad. While he put the shoes down, I took off my clothes.

"In a hurry?" He asked jokingly.

I slipped into the silk. "Yeah, to get on this dress; it's absolutely beautiful." I slipped the straps over my shoulders and turned to Edward. "Could you zip me up?" He did. I put on the shoes and turned around to look at Edward. "How do I look?"

His expression left me a little stunned. I've seen love, affection, and possession in his eyes, but this was the first time ever, I had seen so much lust. He put a finger to his lips in thought. "Something's missing," he said, walking out of the bathroom, leaving me thinking, _how could anything be missing? This dress looks amazing by itself! _

He walked back in with a big, square, black silk box. "This," he cracked it open, "completes the dress." He pulled out the most beautiful necklace I had ever seen. A silver chain embedded with diamonds came to the center where a huge emerald wrapped in diamonds hung. He wrapped it around my neck and did the clasp. It felt heavy. My skin felt cool when the emerald rested on my chest.

Edward brushed some hair away that fell on my face and fixed it his way, then stood back to look at me. "You look positively stunning, Love." He rotated me towards the mirrored wall. I didn't even recognize myself. The girl—no, woman in the mirror looked like royalty. The dress accentuated her curves, the necklace made her neck look long and elegant, and the wedding rings on her finger made her hands look small and delicate. Her demeanor demanded attention. She looked confident and absolutely stunning. Her hair had a little life to it; a part to the left made it look like it had volume. The heels definitely gave her the extra height boost she needed to look equal to the gorgeous man standing next to her.

Edward looked as if his heart would explode with pride. I turned away from the mirror. "Okay, show's over. Put on that tux hot stuff." He chuckled and pulled me into him.

"I didn't think I could love you anymore than I already do, but again, you blow me away." He kissed me with a passion. I reluctantly pulled away and allowed him to get dressed.

Edward had the valet bring the Lamborghini to the front for us. The people on the street ogled at us with envious eyes, make me feel slightly uncomfortable.

"Edward, people are staring," I whispered, knowing he would here.

He opened the door for me. "They have every right to. You are the most beautiful woman in the world, being escorted by an average man," I scoffed, but he ignored me. "Of course they are going to want to look at you."

The ride the restaurant was quiet and smooth, but Edward made me a little worried because he rarely took his eyes off of me. We pulled up to a restaurant with a long line out front with photographers and expensive cars. The valet opened the door for me and Edward gave the man the keys, taking my arm and leading me inside. The photos came quicker and quicker when Edward and I got out. Many people started shouting in Russian, but I had no clue what they were saying.

"What was all that about Edward?" I asked when we were safely inside.

He shrugged a little stiff. "They just asked some questions."

That got me more curious. "What kind of questions?" I pushed. He sighed and closed his eyes.

"They were asking who you were and if you were single." I laughed out loud.

Then I whispered, "You know, it's really cute when you're jealous." He didn't have a chance to respond. The hostess (who was eyeballing Edward the entire time) took us to a table for two. She gave us two glasses of water and two leather-bound menus. Everything was written in Russian.

"Edward, I don't understand any of this," I said, putting the menu back down on the table.

He shook his head, looking over the menu for a couple of seconds before putting it down. "Don't worry about it. I have it covered." I raised my eyebrow. Edward got edgier when a waiter found his way to our table and eyed me as if I was a piece of meat…and he was the hungry lion. Edward spoke to him quickly and brusquely. Either a) he could read his thoughts and didn't like them, or b) he didn't like him looking at me. I didn't even ask him about it.

When it happened again after the waiter delivered the food, I reached across the table and took Edward's hand. I looked straight into his eyes. "Edward, this is going to be the first time of many to come that I will say this," I made sure I had his attention. "I will always and forever be yours. There is not one other human being on this planet that I am drawn to. All the love I have is for you. My heart is yours." I said firmly. "They are just thoughts Edward. I'm sure the rest of the girls in the world think similar things about you, but you don't see me talking harshly to them. Behave."

He studied me for a long time. He looked at our conjoined hands, then back to my eyes. "You're right," he said. "I'm sorry. It's just…very difficult for me to hear the thoughts. That waiter wanted to do some naughty things to you Mrs. Cullen," he smiled darkly. "You're just lucky you don't have to listen to their thoughts word for word."

We chatted while I ate. Edward just watched like he always did. When our dinner got interrupted by a crowd of beautiful women with men on their arms, I got curious.

"What's going on?" I asked Edward, letting the waiter take away my plate.

Edward's eyes never wavered from mine. "The Russian Ballet decided to pay a visit to one of Russia's most exclusive restaurants."

"Oh," was my genius response.

Since it was late, we decided to do sight-seeing another day. On the way to the car, a very suave looking guy smoothly sauntered over to us. Edward held me close to him and told the valet to hurry.

"Privyet" the man said, to Edward I presume.

"Privyet," Edward responded stiffly.

The man turned to me and Edward held me a little tighter. "Hello," he said with a heavy Russian accent. "My name is Alex Gorbachev. I'm an old acquaintance of Edward's." I relaxed a little, but Edward didn't.

I stuck out my left hand. "Pleased to meet you. I'm Edward's wife, Bella," I loved saying those words. Alex looked a little shocked. He shook my hand and took a look at my ring that I wore so proudly.

"Congratulations!" he said not-so enthusiastically. "Edward is very lucky to have you for a wife. My, my, you are a beauty," he said with admiration. I blushed in response.

"Why, thank you. You look like a healthy bachelor, are you married?" I asked. He seemed a little surprised at the question. He smiled.

"No, no, I like to work alone. I jump around from relationships, but I'm not about to settle down." He finally turned his attention to Edward. "You seem a little quiet over here. Is something bothering you Edward?" Edward's eyes twitched a little bit.

"No, nothing's wrong. It's good to see you, but I'm afraid we must be going," the car pulled up. "We'll have to talk another time." Edward quickly opened the door for me.

"Bye Alex," I waved. He waved back and smiled. I remembered what I forgot to do: I forgot to look into his eyes. Until now, I didn't realize how scared I was to.

They said a few words to each other after Edward shut the door. I couldn't see Edward's face, but I could see the entertained look that Alex had. Without shaking hands, Edward walked around to the driver's side and took off.

After about five minutes, I burst. "What was that about?" I asked him, staring out the window. He immediately took my hand and kissed it.

"Nothing. Like he said, we're just old acquaintances." I could tell by his expression he was hiding a secret. He couldn't make eye contact with me and kept his eyes on the road.

"Look at me, Edward," I demanded. He chuckled.

"I thought you wanted me to keep my eyes on the road?"

"Don't be a smart ass. Look at me." He sighed, and looked at me in the eye. "Who is he?" I asked firmly. Edward and I faced each other in a stare-down. I won. "I thought you said you've never been to Russia?"

He turned his eyes back to the road. "We met about fifty years ago in Poland. This was in my adolescent phase, I shall mind you, and we stuck together." He took a deep breath. "Remember how he said he jumps around from relationship to relationship?" I nodded. His eyes got angry. "He killed all the women he was ever with." I didn't move. He waited for a response, and when he got none, he continued. "I found out about it and told him I was leaving. End of story." But that was a lie.

"Why did you get upset then?" He winced.

After a deep breath, he said, "he had the intentions of taking you out before you told him you were my wife," he smiled. "That was a downer on his plans tonight. He sincerely thought you were one of the most beautiful women. See," he said looking at me, "I'm not biased." I scoffed. "So we can just drop the subject now." The subject dropped.

When we got back to the hotel, Edward held onto me tightly; not out of protectiveness, but out of possessiveness. He made sure everyone within sight of us knew I was his. I didn't mind. He surprised me in the elevator with a deep kiss. Automatically my arms slid around his neck. With the heels on, it made it easier to reach his lips. When the elevator doors opened, he lifted me into his arms and I kicked off the heels. I didn't know what we were doing. Edward's lips took up most of my attention.

Edward put me down on the floor, but our lips never separated. I felt him slide his jacket off and quickly get rid of his shoes. His lips parted a millimeter from mine. "Do you have any idea what it was like listening to what all the men in this country wanted to do to you?" His voice sounded a little husky.

"I can imagine," I whispered against his lips.

"It gave me an idea," he said, kissing the side of my neck.

"Really?" I asked breathlessly.

"Yes." I felt him pulling the zipper down on the back of my dress. The silk straps slid a little off the shoulder. Edward's hands brushed them off, letting the silk fall into a puddle on the floor. It bugged me to no end seeing how close I was to his skin.

"I think," I said, pulling away from him slightly, "that you have too many clothes on Mr. Cullen."

He paused for a second. "I think you're right Mrs. Cullen," the sound of my name sent chills down my spine. Edward could get clothes off in a second. I felt my body fall back onto the soft bed and get lost.

They could write books about what that man did to me.


	20. Complications

**A/N: Sorry for the delay...again. I had a severe case of writer's block. But, for some reason, when I was watching MI3, my writer's block magically went away. Afterwards, I also caught a serious case of the common cold (my mind works in strange ways). Anyways, because of the sudden lift, the chapter ended up being really long, so enjoy! Keep on reviewing!**

**Complications**

* * *

Surprisingly, my body didn't hurt at all when I woke up. I could feel Edward's arms around me and I could hear his steady breathing. Unwillingly, my eyes fluttered open. Edward's lips were at my ear.

"Good morning, Love," he breathed before kissing my temple. His voice sounded calm and mellow. Last time he seemed pretty apprehensive about my physical condition. His hands caressed my skin and I relaxed under his touch. Nothing about him said that he was remotely worried.

I turned onto my other side to face him. "Hey. You seem calm this morning," I noted. He smiled. His eyes were a light topaz, and his face had a certain glow to it. His hair looked perfectly disheveled. I couldn't remember how many times I ran my hand through his hair last night.

"Why wouldn't I be?"He ran his hand through my hair.

I shrugged. "Well, last time you seemed so apprehensive about hurting me. Now…I don't know. You're just so happy."

"I have a reason to be," he stated matter-of-factly. "The love of my very long life is healthy and strong, and I just enjoyed the best night of my life." I smiled and felt a blush sneak onto my cheeks. His thumb traced over the area where the blush must have been. I've grown so used to the blush; I'm not embarrassed by it anymore. Edward, for sure, doesn't mind it.

"So what would you like to do today?" Edward asked me.

What did Moscow have to offer? The main attraction of Russia is in St. Petersburg. "Let's just walk around and see what's here." Something about that made him smile. It wasn't just a smile; it was a crooked smile, meaning he was up to something.

"Alright," he said.

Wary of his sly attitude, I slid away from him, getting out of the bed. A shower at this point was necessary. I slipped on one of the silk bathrobes that were folded on the dresser. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a plain white envelope sitting on the end of the dresser. Cautiously, I picked up the envelope and slowly opened it. Inside the envelope were two tickets.

To the Russian Ballet.

"Edward?" I asked cautiously.

"Yes, love?" sneakiness seeped his words.

I turned to look at him and leaned against the dresser. "Why are there two tickets to the Russian Ballet in here?" I waved the envelope in the air.

He tried to keep a straight face. "What do ya know? It's Christmas in July. Looks like Santa came last night." I wanted to slap that smug look off his face.

I smirked. "No, but you certainly did."

The look on his face was priceless. He looked shocked, humored, and turned on all at the same time. He smiled crookedly, and his eyes narrowed. He looked like he was about to tackle me.

"Well," I said putting the envelope down, "I'm going to take a shower now." I thought the shock would take a few seconds longer to wear off than it did.

I had barely stepped outside the door when Edward had me over his shoulder. I shrieked and giggled. He started walking back towards the bed. He threw me onto it and I couldn't stop laughing. He still seemed to be processing what I said.

"You thought you could say something like that and get away?" He hovered over me. I tried to cover my giggles with my hand.

I shook my head. "The look on your face…" I couldn't help but burst into laughter. His arms snaked around my lower back dangerously. His hands gripped my waist with purpose. His lips on mine sobered me up a little bit, but I still smiled against his lips. His hands lingered a little longer on my hips before they moved to my shoulders, slowly slipping off the robe.

We didn't make it out of bed for another hour.

"Those dolls really creep me out." The store window displayed all sorts of Russian dolls in traditional dress…and they were all staring at me. "Remind me to never, _ever_, put dolls openly in our child's room. God, I can't even imagine the kind of nightmares the kid would get." I shivered at the thought.

Edward laughed. I turned to him and raised an eyebrow. He wrapped an arm around me. "You face vampires under a daily basis, throw your life into danger for loved ones, and yet you are creeped out by dolls?" The idea befuddled him. His laugh, so melodious, still enchanted me. Some bystanders on the sidewalk passing stopped and seemed to absorb it like I did. We moved along the strip and stop to look in shops every once in a while.

"We should start heading back. The ballet starts in a couple of hours." Edward said. I just nodded. We walked a few blocks and my feet started to get a little tired. Edward's arm tightened around my waist and supported most of my weight. "You're tired. Maybe you need to slow down on the night activities." My hand tingled with the urge to slap the smirk off his face.

"That wouldn't be nearly as much torture for me as it would be for you," I pointed out. He pursed his lips in thought.

"I think you are correct." I snickered. Of course I was.

When we got back to the hotel, there was a package addressed to "Mrs. Cullen," I smiled at the name. Edward managed to get the tape off and there was a black box inside that said, in big letters, "VALENTINO." I frowned. I pulled out the box and beneath it was a shoe box with the same designer name.

"Must be from Alice," I muttered. Edward hovered behind me, probably to see what I would be wearing tonight. When I opened the first box, I was a little taken back.

The first thing I saw was a pool of red silk. Lifting it out of the box, I revealed a floor length halter evening gown. The fabric hung loosely in ripples around my chest, then hugged my waist tightly and flowed gracefully to the floor. I gazed at the dress thoughtfully.

"Why do I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that Alice is slowly changing my perception of fashion?" His arms wrapped around me.

"I really hope your right." His lips were at my ear. I turned my head a little to him.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked with mock hurt.

His voice sounded a little husky. "I don't think I could ever get enough of seeing you in the most beautiful gowns money can buy." He kissed the crook of my neck, and I didn't feel too sure about making it to the ballet in time.

Sadly, he pulled away, leaving me in the bathroom pouting by myself. I heard his laughter fade into the living room. Guessing that that was my cue to step into the dress, I did. A problem surfaced as I tried to pull the halter around my head. Too embarrassed to ask Edward about it, I called the only person who could help me.

I picked up the phone in the bedroom and dialed _the _number.

It rang once.

"Hello?" Alice's sing-song voice answered.

Taking a deep breath, I told her, "Alice, hey, it's Bella. I love the dress, but there seems to be an issue with it." I looked down at the hanging halter.

Alice rushed into a panic. "Oh, God, what happened?! Did the stitching come undone? Is there water damage? I'll sue the company for all it's worth if that $15,000 dollar dress even has a single wrinkle—"

"No no no no, Alice, there's no damage to the dress. It's just—wait, that dress was $15,000 dollars?" My voice rose a little bit.

Silence on the other end. Finally, "That doesn't matter. What's wrong with the dress?"

"Erm, I tried to slip the halter over my neck, but it was a little…tight."

A frustrated sigh came from Alice. "Are you wearing a bra, Bella?" I looked down.

"Yup. I appear to be wearing one." I didn't see the point in this.

"Silly Bella!" She giggled. "That dress is too tight to wear a bra!" Something about the situation she found absolutely hilarious. I blushed red, and my mouth dropped. Then she made my evening even better by saying, "and it's really tight in the butt, too, so if I find out you wore underwear at all, I will personally bring about your death." Her sweet voice carried heavy threats.

"Does that death involve a reawakening?" I smiled and bit my lip, waiting for her answer.

She growled. "Just put on the damn dress Bella." She hung up.

Still a bit POed about the price and the fact that the dress and shoes was all I was wearing, I put down the phone and started to peel off my underwear. After, I slipped on the dress and found out it did fit much better. The silk hugged my body in all the right places, and the ripples in the fabric up top obscured any "pointy" views. Note to self: do NOT bend over.

Trying to actually look decent, I used a curler on my thin hair. My hair didn't hold the curls too well, but it did have that crimped look that looked elegant. I opened the shoe box and, surprise surprise, I found a pair of red pumps to match the dress. Sighing, I slipped them on.

When I walked out of the bathroom, I found Edward putting on his black bow-tie. He looked at me up and down and smiled broadly. I rolled my eyes and walked over to him.

"Your tie is crooked," I told him, adjusting it to the right angle. I padded down his lapels and wrapped my arms around his neck. "You look very handsome in a bow-tie." I whispered, kissing his cool lips. His arms wrapped around my waist tightly. His hand came to my upper back and stopped. I felt him smile against my lips.

"Did Alice help you with that problem?" I groaned and pulled away. He was smirking.

"You heard that?" I blushed, putting my hands on my hips and adjusted my weight to one leg.

"Yes," he said with no regret. I pinched the bridge of my nose.

"That's embarrassing." The last thing I want is for my husband to hear me talking to Alice about how I'm not allowed to wear underwear under my dresses. His arms were quickly around me.

He whispered in my ear, "I find it very sexy." He kissed the tender spot beneath my ear.

Chuckling, I told him, "of course you would. It's easy access." He pulled back to look at me for a moment to see if I was serious. A roll of the eye was all that was needed to send him off into fits of laughter. Still trying to control his laughter, he opened a drawer in the armoire and pulled out a black velvet box. He stood in front of me a millisecond later. "What's this?"

He shrugged and pulled out a diamond necklace with a matching bracelet. "Esme sends her love," he said as he slipped the heavy necklace around my neck and clasped the bracelet around my wrist. He stood back for a second a surveyed my appearance. "Absolutely perfect," he breathed before planting one on my lips.

When the kiss started to get a little heated, pulled back and grabbed my silver clutch from the dresser. "As much as I would like to continue this, I would like to see the ballet a little more," I said, a little breathless from the kiss. He gave in and took my hand, leading me out of the room.

We walked to the elevator and Edward quickly closed the doors. I stayed relaxed, leaning against the wall as Edward put a hand on either side of my head. "Do you really want to see the ballet more than having me kiss you?" His face was an inch from mine.

"No," I said honestly, "but I would really like to see the ballet." He kissed me passionately for a few moments. "You know," I said, pulling away slightly, "I would rather spend every moment of my evening with my lips on you than see girls prance across a stage." His crooked grin made me smile. He kissed me again. I wrapped my arms around his neck and started to rethink about going to the ballet.

The elevator "dinged" and Edward pulled back, resuming the casual date look by holding hands. I pouted while he smiled.

When we arrived at the theatre, once again in an ostentatious vehicle that got on my nerves, more photographers were taking pictures. Two girls in front of us who were arm-in-arm looked vaguely familiar.

"Edward," he looked down at me, completely unaware of people taking our photos, "are those the two girls who asked for machine guns when they were asked to sing at the world music awards?" He chuckled.

"Yes. They are quite the scandal here in Russia." When inside, I asked him why he wasn't worried about everybody taking our photos. "They don't publish them unless it's in a fashion magazine. Plus, they don't even know our names." He shrugged it off.

The ballet turned out to be better than I expected it to be. The girls were dressed beautifully and they danced more gracefully than I could even walk. Edward didn't really watch the production as much as he did me. I didn't feel uncomfortable in the slightest. He made me feel warm under his gaze. He never let go of my hand, playing with my wedding ring the entire time. Halfway through the production I was about to drag him out of there and take him back to the hotel. I managed to control the urge until the end of the show…Edward and I were the first ones out of there.

"Remind me to never touch you prior to an event like this. Sitting through that with you next to me should be considered torture," I told him as we walked briskly through the hotel lobby.

After the elevator doors closed, he wrapped his arms around me like he had no intentions of letting go. "Not likely," he said before his lips came down on mine hard. With my clutch in hand, I wrapped my arms around his neck instantaneously. Our breathing increased at the same rate. A growl in the back of his throat was reciprocated with a groan from me. Edward picked me up bridal style without breaking the kiss when the elevator opened. I'm not sure how he got the door open, but at the moment, I couldn't give a damn.

I ditched the clutch as soon as we walked through the door. The shoes were a little trickier, but they were eventually tossed across the living room along with Edward's. We stopped in front of the bed and Edward "accidentally" tore the back of the halter. Alice would murder him for that later. When my dress slid to the floor, I stopped my lips. Edward stopped, too."

"This could be problematic," I said, breathing heavily.

"I don't think I see the problem," Edward told me before kissing me again.

I pulled back again and stated, "You have clothes on and I don't." He quickly took care of that. I immediately wrapped myself around him like the perfect puzzle pieces we were and he lowered ourselves to the comfortable bed, decorated with Egyptian silk.

***

"Hello?" I heard Edward answer the phone. I heard silence. Then, "How did you get this number?" A low growl came from Edward and he hung up the phone. He might've slammed the phone back on the cradle if it weren't for me "sleeping" in the bed a few feet away. I felt his cool breath hit my face and his hand run through my hair. "I love you," he whispered.

I opened my eyes. "I love you, too," I whispered. The look on his face…pure love and affection lit up his face. The only thing that worried me was his determined and protective eyes. "Who was—" a knock at the door interrupted me. Edward stiffened and relaxed so quickly I thought I'd imagined it.

"That," he said standing up, "should be your breakfast." I was a little disappointed when I saw Edward was wearing pajama pants. I heard a few mumbled words in Russian before Edward came back into the room with a tray of food. I sat up, clutching the sheets to my chest, pulling in my legs and resting my chin on my knees. Edward put the tray next to me and sat down. He rubbed my back.

"Mm, that feels good," I told him. A previous thought came back. "Oh, I was going to ask, who was that on the phone? You sounded a little upset." More than upset: angry.

His jaw tightened a little bit, but he shrugged anyways. "No one of real importance. Are you hungry?" I hadn't touched the food.

"More or less," I told him, taking a bite of toast. Actually, I was really hungry. "Hey, Edward? I think I have a tank-top over there somewhere. Could you grab it for me?" He went over to the armoire and got one out. He sat down again and handed it to me. "Thanks." After being able to let go of the sheets, I finished off my breakfast. "So what are our plans for today?"

He looked at me intensely for a moment. "Well, I was thinking that we could spend our day here together," I smiled. He continued, "Then tonight, we could go out to eat. Tomorrow, I was planning on us taking a train north to St. Petersburg. How does that sound?" I leaned back on the pillows and thought for a moment before rolling over onto Edward.

"That sounds perfect to me." Our lips met, I felt his hands slip up under my tank top. It felt so good, but I pulled away before things got too carried away. "Wait," Edward groaned in response. "Tell me who was on the phone earlier. You sounded more than upset; you sounded angry." He glared at me. "Was it Alex?" His jaw tightened, he nodded. "Thank you," I said before kissing him again. I felt his jaw relax when my lips came in contact.

His cool arms encircled my waist and deepened the kiss. My hands automatically went for his hair, a groan caught in his throat in response.

I don't think I could ever tire of him. In that past several months, I have spent almost every second with him. His presence always set my nerves off and a blush rise to my cheeks. I will never tire of him showering me with compliments when Alice manages to buy a dress that looks nice on me. The rings on my left hand seemed to free me from everything. They held onto the one thing I could never dream of living without: Edward. The rings were my roots to the earth. In my times of brief insanity, I can remind myself that I have Edward. In moments like this, they made me fly.

After being blissfully unaware of the world for a few hours, I woke up to the sound of dark and low mumbling coming from the other side of the bedroom door. I couldn't make out words, but the angry tones told me that I really shouldn't know. Slipping out of bed silently, I put on my bathrobe. Then as quietly as possible, I snuck over to the door. Edward's voice wasn't the only one I heard.

The words were difficult to make out. "What do you want? I told you over fifty years ago that I never wanted to see you again and nothing more to do with you. What part of that statement is hard to understand?" Edward clearly sounded wound up. I could imagine the look on his face: his eyes dark, his hands in fists, and ready to fight at any moment.

The other person didn't answer right away, but when he did, I could hear the smile in his voice. "You have a beautiful wife, Edward. She sounds like a lovely woman. I'd love to get to know her."

I heard a few footsteps and decided to intervene before things got gory. I cracked open the door and saw what I'd expected…only tenfold. Edward looked ready to kill, only when he saw me, his eyes turned soft and protected. I smiled at him timidly, and nodded to Alex.

Edward abandoned his target and walked over to me. "Bella," he said, "I didn't know you were up." He brought me into his arms and kissed me briefly.

"I just got up. I heard mumbles and I wanted to see what was going on." I turned my attention to Alex. "And how are you, Mr. Gorbachev?" He was smiling at Edward and me…or maybe just me. I couldn't tell.

"Oh, I am wonderful. Just decided to do a little catching up with Edward. I hope you are well," he sounded sincere enough. It's hard to believe that he is still a cold-blooded murderer. I pushed the idea aside for my own self benefit and comfort.

"I am very well, thank you." Edward's arms grew tighter around me. I'm not sure what Alex was thinking, but Edward confirmed that it involved a big appetite and me. Edward's face came down to meet mine.

"Why don't you go and take a nice bath? Then we can get some food and enjoy ourselves for the rest of the day." His tight eyes told me I really didn't have a choice. I studied him for a moment. Some emotion sparked in his eyes and I figured it out; it was fear. The fact took me back a little. I smiled at him reassuringly and kissed him for a long moment.

"I love you," I whispered against his lips. It looked like he needed the comfort of those words. His dark gold eyes glistened a little bit. His hand cupped my cheek.

"As I love you," he whispered back. He kissed me again before steering me back towards the bedroom. I quickly turned on the bath water and ran back to the door to listen to what they were really talking about.

"I'm a little disappointed in you Edward. You of all people should know not to judge people. Just because I have taste—" Edward cut him off.

"You killed every woman you ever tempted," Edward's voice sounded dangerous. "I did not wanted to be associated with someone who killed innocent people, women nonetheless. Now I find you looking after my wife. You are nothing but a monster in disguise. Stay away from her," his last words were so hard to hear. The menacing tone he took on frightened me a little. Then I realized what he was afraid of: he was afraid of losing me. He was afraid that Alex would want me…and Edward loved me enough that he would kill anyone who tried to hurt me.

"We'll have to meet again sometime, Edward. Are you going to St. Petersburg anytime soon? I'm leaving for St. Petersburg tomorrow and I'll be there for a few weeks." I'd had enough. Instead of listening to the conversation, I went back to my warm bath. I did not want to think of how convenient that trip to St. Petersburg was. Yes, I still wanted to go, but I wanted Edward to enjoy the experience without having his guard up 24/7. I relaxed and let the scalding hot water chase the ugly thoughts away. This trip is supposed to be about me and Edward, not about another fight.

A door slammed and I jumped. I heard Edward come into the bedroom a few moments later. His head peaked into the bathroom. "How's the bath?" He asked, making himself comfortable on the bathroom floor next to the tub.

"Nice and warm," I told him. He rested his arms on the edge of the tub and put his chin down, his head level with mine. His eyes looked darker. "Do you still want to go to St. Petersburg?" his eyes narrowed a bit. "We can just go back home if you really want to. I don't want you to be on you guard the entire time when we're supposed to be enjoying ourselves." I passed it off like seeing the palace was not that important.

Edward's eyes softened. "No. You've wanted to see the palace for a while. After that, we'll figure out what to do next." He lifted his hand to cup my face. "You know, I really didn't want you to hear that. You shouldn't have to worry about that."

"I'm guessing you two didn't part on good terms?" He shook his head.

"Let's not talk about it." The expression on his face told me that he didn't want this to become my problem.

Edward wanted me to live an easy lifestyle. Ever since I was put into remission, he tried to make my life as easy as possible but still make it interesting. He didn't want me working or worrying, he just wanted me to enjoy life without anything going wrong. I appreciated it, but I still don't want him to feel like he has to take care of everything. Taking care of me is enough work already, being clumsy and all.

We went down to the café in the lobby for lunch. I read up on some brochures that looked interesting. When we got back to the room, I curled up on the couch with Edward and we watched TV. We were watching some movie, and Edward whispered every prediction he came up with. Most of them were true.

"You're turning into Alice," I laughed half an hour into the movie. "This is supposed to be a suspenseful action movie and you're killing it with your perfect predictions." He smiled his signature crooked smile.

"I can't help it. I've seen so many movies and read so many books that are exactly the same. Some things are more interesting and less predictable that this cliché movie." I loved the way he looked at me. His quickly darkening eyes were filled with love and passion.

"Such as?" I asked coyly. He came over from the opposite end of the couch and loomed over me.

"You." His lips crashed onto mine with an urgency that could only be described as undiluted, non-repressed lust. I completely wrapped myself around him. His cool hand slipped under my shirt and rested on the small of my back. Realizing what we both needed, he carried me off to the bedroom, where we spent the rest of our last day in Moscow.


	21. Something New

**A/N: okay, i think this chapter is a little bit organizationally challenged, but it's the beginning of something new. I really like the direction this story is taking, so tell me if you think so, too! R&R please!**

**Home**

* * *

"Wow," I breathed. The St. Petersburg palace was ten times as amazing as I thought it would be. Edward held my hand as we found our way to the exit. "That was probably the most amazing place I've ever been in my entire life. Everything about that place screamed luxury. Can you imagine what it must have been like to be raised here?" Edward smiled at my on-going enthusiasm. I sighed sadly. "Too bad the revolutionists took it all away from them. What a shame."

The air outside kept getting colder. I shivered in my pea coat a little bit, even though it's only the end of August. Russia could be so cold! Edward and I walked through the gates of the palace and back out onto the public streets. Cars bustled in traffic and civilians walked everywhere. During the cold winter months, they would ice-skate places on the river. That just spells "Disaster" for me.

"So you enjoyed the tour?" Edward asked as he wrapped a hand around my waist, pulling me closer. His bronze hair blew wildly with the wind, and his normally topaz eyes seemed almost black now. I cuddled myself into his side.

"Yes, but now I'm actually a little tired." Actually, I felt extremely tired. Walking around for several hours without stopping really took a toll on me. "Do you mind if we rest somewhere?"

He looked down at me with suspicious eyes. "Sure, I was taking you back to the hotel anyways. Are you feeling alright, love?" He felt at my forehead. I brushed his hand away.

"I'm fine. You don't have to be such a worry-wart. Any human who took a three hour tour with no sitting breaks would feel a little worn out. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if half the people there are going to go take an afternoon nap. I could certainly use one." My eyelids began to droop and Edward held onto me a little tighter, supporting almost all my weight.

When we were right outside the hotel, he stopped abruptly. "Edward? What's wrong?" I looked up to his angered face and traced his line of sight. Alex stood at the doorway, looking as sly as always.

"Good afternoon, Edward, Bella," he nodded toward me. I nodded back, too tired to make up a full response. "What have you two been up to today? Sightseeing?" He took a couple steps forward and Edward tensed all over.

"I don't see how that's any of your business, Alex. If you would excuse us, Bella needs to rest. The day's activities have made her tired. Please go and enjoy the rest of your day." In Edward's voice, I could hear the warning.

"Have a nice day Alex," I told him on our way in. He smiled at me before finding his way into the crowded street. Once in the hotel lobby, Edward scooped me into his arms bridal style and let me rest my head against his chest. He kissed the top of my head, and I conked out.

Over the next week, we wandered around St. Petersburg, never really doing much. We just held onto each other and enjoyed the company. I bribed Edward into taking me to all the museums (I told him if he didn't he'd spend the next century sleeping in a very lonely bed). We visited nice restaurants and received nice evening wear from Alice for those particular events. Mostly, we just held each other in the hotel bedroom. Everything seemed so perfect, and I should've known that God only lets a person be happy for so long.

A few days later, we took a train to Poland, where we boarded a flight to Paris. The familiar city held some sort of warmth towards us. The fresh bread and pastries held up my increasing appetite. Sweets became my new favorite food—French silk pie in particular. When I jokingly asked Edward if he'd like a bite, he scrunched up his face in mild disgust and politely declined. I convinced him to stay in Paris another week.

"You seem to have grown attached," he observed on our way to the hotel suite. I just smiled.

"Who couldn't grow attached to a place that radiates love like the sun gives off light? It's impossible not to fall in love with such a city. Plus, the food is fantastic," I laughed, Edward followed. Edward unlocked the door to the familiar room. The French provincial furniture looked the same as we left it. "Ah, home sweet home," I joked and plopped down on the couch in the living room.

Edward loomed over me with speculative eyes. "Home?" He repeated.

I shrugged. "I wouldn't mind calling this place home." He smiled. "The only issue would be that I don't speak French. So basically, I wouldn't be able to go anywhere without you," I laughed.

He brushed hair out of my face. "That can be arranged." He looked so serious.

I rolled my eyes. "Edward, we don't have to move to Paris. I was joking. Plus, the sun comes out every once in a while. It's not like Forks with the constant cloud cover. It wouldn't work." I sighed and looked into his now pitch black eyes. They bothered me. "I'm tired."

He cupped my face. "Then go to sleep," he suggested. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I'll go to sleep, only if you go hunting." Edward frowned. I played the victim to convince him. "Are you going to make me stay awake forever, or are you going to go hunt so I can sleep? I am really tired," I let my lips slip into a pout. His face softened a little.

"Fine," he breathed. Picking me up from the couch, he took me into the bedroom and tucked me into the bed.

Before he shut the door, I called his attention. "Hey, Edward?" I whispered, too tired to really speak up.

He turned to face me. "Yes, love?"

I felt a little silly for saying this, but it was on my mind. "I really wouldn't mind moving to France. Maybe not Paris, per say, but Versailles…I would really like that." I felt a blush crawl onto my cheeks. For some reason, since the marriage, I didn't mind if Edward spoiled me. Life had given me such grief with the cancer that maybe I deserved it…then again, my greediness could come back tenfold.

He smiled broadly. "We'll see." He closed the door, and I finally settled into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Or, it was a dreamless sleep until my imagination started acting up. I saw me, only so much prettier. My hair was styled into a pony-tail with curls, a sundress hugging the few curves I had on my body, and I held onto a tiny hand. I looked down and saw a body of a small girl, but I couldn't see her face. Holding her other hand was Edward. He smiled at me and gazed down at her. Together, we swung her in between us on a beach on a cloudy day with the waves just barely hitting our feet. The little girl squealed happily when the water hit her tiny little feet, colder than expected. Edward and I laughed contentedly. Edward picked up the little girl and threw her into the air. Her face glowed and she screamed with delight. He caught her and swung her as if in a swing. As I looked upon the scene, I felt nothing but pure bliss. I wanted to feel that way all the time.

Hands shook me, and I grew irritated. The dream started to slip away, and I felt sad. The hands shook me again, and I reluctantly opened my eyes. Edward hovered above me with the biggest smile on his face, his eyes their normal topaz color again. "Good morning," he greeted me with a kiss.

I looked around me, a little shocked to see I slept through most of yesterday until today. "Good morning. What's got you in a good mood?" His crooked, breath taking smile made me suspicious.

He shook his head. "You had such a sweet smile on your face when you were sleeping, it was almost goofy. You looked so happy." He ran his fingers from my temple to my chin. "Would you like to share your dream with me?" I could see the desire in his eyes, but he didn't need to know.

I waved it off. "Oh nothing. Just silly stuff. What time is it? How long did I sleep?" I looked around for a clue or a clock. Edward answered my questions.

"It's a little bit after nine o' clock. You've been sleeping for about fourteen hours. You must've been very tired. I'm glad I went hunting, or else you would've fallen over and hurt yourself."

I frowned at him and sat up. "Don't say that. With my luck, it'll come true." Trying to get out of bed, I stood up…and just as I predicted, I nearly crumpled to the floor. Edward caught me and held on tight.

"Are you alright?" He asked worriedly.

I shook my head. "Yeah, just a head rush, and I'm stiff from sleeping for so long. Next time, don't let me sleep more than ten hours. Deal?" My body felt weird.

He didn't look any less concerned, but he said, "Deal," anyways. "Why don't you go take a bath? I'll fix you some breakfast. What would you like?"

"Something fruity," I requested.

He smiled. "Okay." He kissed me before shooting off to the kitchenette in the other room. I stripped myself in the bathroom and lowered myself into some hot water. The tub was a little tougher on my back than I preferred, but I coped. So what if I got bruises. They happen all the time. My muscles need to loosen up anyways.

When I smelled waffles, I got out of the bath, my stomach growling. Too lazy to do anything extravagant, I slipped on a red silk sundress and left my hair down. Edward grinned a goofy grin when I walked into the living room.

"How was the bath?" He asked, placing a plate of waffles topped with strawberries and blueberries in front of me as I sat down.

"Comforting." I began eating all the berries on top, ignoring the waffles. "Do we have any orange juice?" Fruit just became more and more appealing.

He picked up the phone and called room service for a pitcher of orange juice and a bowl of fruit. Good, he caught onto my mood.

"So what are we doing today?" I asked after finishing my large breakfast.

He thought before answering. "Would you like to take a look at the countryside today? I was thinking of taking a train to Versailles." He was hiding something.

I knit picked. "And what will we be doing in Versailles?" I asked cautiously. He was trying really hard to keep a straight face.

He shrugged. "Looking around."

I raised an eyebrow. "At what?"

He sighed in defeat. "Would you like to look at some houses today? I was thinking that you would like someplace in the countryside there." He didn't take his eyes off of me, waiting for my reaction.

I chose my words. "We are looking at houses…in Versailles." He nodded. "The reason people look at houses, is because they are thinking about moving," logic was falling into place. "We're moving to Versailles?" I clarified.

"If that is what you really want." He really would move away from his family and to Versailles just because I wanted to.

"You wouldn't mind being away from Carlisle and Esme?" That seemed to be going a little too far.

He thought about it. "If it helps, think of it more as a highly used vacation home." We stared at each other for a few moments, looking for something we couldn't find. Finally, I shot myself out of my seat and into Edward's arms. He held onto me tightly, swaying me back and forth in his arms.

"I love you, so much Edward." I felt tears come to my eyes. This was the beginning. We were finally building a life together. This home would be the start. He simply glowed, with a blinding smile and excited eyes. He brushed away a tear that leaked away. "I'm sorry, I'm just so happy!" A few more happy tears came out, and Edward kissed each one away.

"I understand what you mean. And I love you, too, more than life itself." His lips leaned in to touch mine and we shared a passionate kiss. The excitement coursed through my body like electricity.

"When can we go?" I asked pulling away with a smile.

"As soon as you're ready." I squirmed out of his arms and slipped on a white cardigan to cover my bare shoulders. I grabbed a pair of leather flip flops from the armoire and put them on. While walking out the bedroom, I grabbed a small red clutch that held a little spare cash and a camera.

"Okay, let's go!" He took my hand in his, taking a second to touch the ring on my finger that I never took off. With the weather on our side, clouds covered our entire path to the train station. The train ride was all but silent. We talked about everything we would need in the house.

Edward argued the big side. "Nothing less than four-thousand square feet. We need the space, especially if Alice comes to visit."

I rolled my eyes. "We don't need that much space Edward. It'll just be me, you, and a baby if I'm lucky. Besides, Alice would need a closet that's at least four-thousand square feet to be able to live with us." Edward laughed at that.

We continued to bicker back and forth the entire ride. Once there, he got us a rental and drove us to a reality office. I couldn't help but get a little excited. Edward, unlike me, looked very professional and on a mission. The building felt very homey and welcoming. He spoke in French to a woman behind a large counter. She pointed us in some direction and Edward pulled me. To our left was an office with the name plate, "Janette Artois". Great, a female realtor. Edward knocked and she let us both in, saying, "Bienvenue," and sitting us in the two seats in front of her desk. She sat down and smiled at us. Sticking out her hand to shake Edward's (she didn't even notice me), she said, "My name is Janette, how may I help you today?" Thank God she spoke English, even if it was heavily accented.

Edward didn't change his normal expression. "My name is Edward Cullen, and this is my wife, Bella," he released her hand and she sat back. "We would like to buy a home here in Versailles. We've been traveling across Europe for a while and we've decided that it's time to settle down to a home. Our time here is limited, due to travel arrangements to see family, so we'd like to see what you have." She immediately started pulling listings up on her computer.

"About what size are you looking for?" She asked Edward. He looked to me for the answer since I've been the pickiest about it.

"About four-thousand feet. But we don't want to go too big," I added for my benefit. She looked at us like amateurs. I felt degraded.

"That's pretty big for a home here in Versailles," she said warningly.

"There is no price limit," Edward added smoothly. She smiled at that. I didn't like the way she looked at Edward as if he were a piece of fresh meat. I'm certain that he said, "My wife, Bella," not, "my ho."

She printed something from the computer and handed it to us. "Here is a listing close to your size range. Its 3,997 square feet. This includes four bedrooms, three baths, an indoor pool, and a study. It's on a two and a half acre lot with a garden and pond. There is plenty of backyard space if you need it." She leaned back in her chair. Edward and I looked at the house.

The log home looked beautiful in the picture. Large bay windows let a lot of light into the house. On the inside, a tree grew on the edge of the living room, bringing the outdoors inside. The high ceilings made the house look large. My eyes lowered to the bottom of the page where all the written information was. Edward took it out of my hands before I could see the price…sly.

"I think we should take a look at it," I told Edward, trying not to sound so eager. Edward saw it in my eyes and smiled at me.

"Alright," he turned to Janette. "Can we take a look at it today?" Janette looked a little surprised at his request.

"Erm," she looked uncertain. "Let me see what I can do." She picked up her phone with a determined crease in her forehead. She spoke in crisp French to the person on the other line patiently. She hung up within a minute. "The current owner says he can have the house ready to look at in an hour." She looked to Edward for approval.

"That should be fine," I said, grabbing her reluctant attention. "We still need to have lunch. Could we meet back here in about an hour?" I looked to them both. Edward looked at me like, "you have to ask?" While Janette looked at me like, "why are you in control?"

"That sounds perfect to me," Edward kissed my hand and stood up. As we walked out of her office, he called over his shoulder, "meet you here in an hour." He wrapped an arm around my waist. I glimpsed into Jeanette's office once more and found her scowling. I snickered.

"Do I get to hear the punch line?" He asked, beginning to giggle as well.

"It wouldn't be very funny to you, but it seems our realtor is a bit taken with you. She seems to be a bit bitter towards me, too. When you wrapped your arm around me, the look on her face was just humorous, is all." He laughed as well.

We went to a little café for lunch. I ordered a fruit salad with orange juice and a parfait for a light desert. I tried to imagine myself having lunch there every Sunday if we did move. When we pulled back into the office parking lot, Janette was waiting.

"I'll just ask for some directions." He kissed me briefly before stepping out of the car. He walked over to her and she smiled flirtatiously. Trying to ignore what I didn't want to see, I closed my eyes and leaned back into my seat. I could feel myself drifting when Edward opened the car door again.

"Are you tired?" He asked worriedly and took my hand.

Shaking my head, I told him, "It's nothing. I just wanted to ignore the flirtatious gestures Janette was giving you, so I closed my eyes." I wouldn't admit it to him, but I was feeling minutely tired. He leaned in and kissed my lips tenderly for a few moments before whispering, "There is only one woman in the entire world that can capture my attention."

Jokingly, I told him, "I know, Rosalie just demands attention every time she walks into a room." Edward frowned and I laughed at him. The sound of my giggles made him smile. Janette honked at us from behind in her little tiny car, telling us to follow. Edward started the car again and we pulled out.

The house was a little less than fifteen minutes away. At first, I didn't see much on the street, but as we pulled into the long driveway that reminded me of the Cullen home in Forks. Sitting nestled near the trees was a beautiful log home. The two story house had a beautiful glass French doors and windows everywhere. We parked in front of the home and Edward got out of the car to open the door for me like the gentleman he is. Janette gazed over at me with jealous eyes. I was too busy looking into Edward's.

Janette pulled out a set of keys. "Well, let's see how this goes." We walked up the sidewalk to the front door and she unlocked it. The French doors opened up to what had to be one of the most amazing homes I had ever seen. Edward and I walked in hand-in-hand and took in the house. For some reason, I could see myself doing that over and over again. "Take a look around. I'll be in the kitchen if you have any questions." She dismissed herself and Edward and I took a slow tour.

The dark wood floors made the white walls look brighter, bringing in a lot more light. Next to the tree in the living room was a fire pit with a chimney that went all the way up. There was plenty of space for relaxing. We migrated upstairs to see the bedrooms. The rod iron railings looked elegant, even with the modern architecture. We inspected every inch of the bedrooms and bathrooms. What really caught my eye was the master suite.

The room wasn't huge, but it was a decent size. On either side of the bed, there was a floor to ceiling window. The master bath was decorated with marble countertops, stone floors, and two walk in closets.

"Edward, how perfect can this get?" He hugged me close and kissed the top of my head.

"It would be even more perfect if it was ours." True. "Let's go talk to Janette to see what we can do." We walked back downstairs and found Janette waiting with some papers spread out.

"Did you find anything to your liking?" She smiled at Edward. Am I the only one who heard the double meaning laced in with her words?

Edward held onto me tightly. "Absolutely. What can you tell us about the condition of the house?"

She looked down at the papers, exposing a little cleavage. "Well, there are no termites; the roof was replaced a month ago, all the piping and plumbing are in good shape. The current owners remodeled it about a year ago. So, would you like to see the backyard?" She opened up the sliding door onto the back porch.

There was plenty of space for running around, that's for sure. A small pond rested just off the patio complete with lily pads and koi fish. From the wood platforms, you can lean over into the water.

"Edward," I whispered.

"I know." He liked the place just as much as I did. The fresh country air made the place feel serene. We held onto each other for a few moments, taking in the scene. Edward said to Janette, "we would like to make an offer."

Her response was delayed a bit. "Alright. Shall we go back to the agency and take care of this?" Edward and I took a good glimpse around. We found a home. He rubbed my lower back comfortingly and we eventually made our way back to the car. Edward didn't bother waiting up for Janette; he knew the way back by memory.

"It's getting late," I observed, looking at the clock on the dashboard that read six o' clock. Edward didn't take notice.

"Are you tired?" He asked. "If you'd like, we could come back tomorrow. We don't have to do everything in one day." Every time he asked he grew more concerned.

"Edward, I'm fine. Because I'm human, I get tired. I can get through a few more hours. I'll sleep on the way back to Paris, alright? Calm down." I used a little too harsh of a tone, but I thought nothing of it. Instead, I changed to a lighter topic. "Wow, we are really buying a house." My first house…I always thought I'd get it before I got married. Funny how fate just changes course like that.

A smile lit up Edward's face. "Yes, we are." He looked into my eyes instead of the road. I could tell from the look in his eyes that we were both love sick fools. We were just so in love with each other.

The office seemed a little emptier, now that the employees were going home, but a few remained…one of them being a very busy Janette Artois. She called the owner of the home and informed them of our offer…which I did not get to hear because Edward told Janette to write it down. Apparently, the price was too high for my preference. I scowled at him while he smiled victoriously. Smart ass.

Janette hung up the phone after about thirty minutes of a price debate. She smiled at the two of us. "The house is yours in thirty days." She organized the papers.

Edward helped me stand up and took my hand. "Thank you for all your help Janette. We are leaving for the states in a week, but we will be back within a week after we inform the family. We will see you in a couple of weeks to seal the deal." We shook hands. She shook mine a little loosely and dropped my hand quickly.

My legs were beginning to give out on me now that I was really exhausted. I fell asleep on the way to the train station. Then I fell asleep again on the train. Once again, I had that lovely dream of being on the beach with Edward and the little girl. A perfect little family. Edward shook me awake when we arrived in Paris. Thankfully, I was fully awake now.

Edward and I walked all the way back to our hotel suite. Once in the room, he had me up in his arms looking down at him.

"Did I say how much I love you today?" He asked.

Smiling, I told him, "no, but I have a pretty good idea." I kissed him. Just then, my stomach growled viciously. Edward laughed and I grimaced. "I think I need some sustenance to make my stomach be quiet." I patted my belly and made a sad face, looking down at my stomach. Edward's enchanting laughter filled the room.

"Let's order you some room service." He put me down on the couch and gave me a menu. I scoured the menu for fruity, sweet things.

"Let's see, I'll have the mushroom ravioli with a strawberry daiquiri—"

"Absolutely not!" Edward said with shock on his face.

"Non-alcoholic! Lay off! Then I'll have a tiramisu for desert." I put down the menu and looked up at Edward expectantly. His bemused expression perplexed me. "What?"

"Your appetite has certainly grown," he shook his head and picked up the phone to order my dinner.

When the food arrived, I gulped most of it down pretty quickly. Even after I finished, I didn't feel that full. "I really need to slow down on the food," I exclaimed, staring at the empty dishes.

Edward leaned over me on the couch. "Nonsense. Your body needs energy. Your naps today should indicate that." His lazy look: the disheveled hair, loose t-shirt, and pants that hung low on his waist made him look irresistible.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I told him, "I think we have a cause for celebration." His signature crooked smile made an appearance.

"Really?" He questioned.

"Really."

He thought for a mere second before his lips crashed onto mine. A kind of urgency was in the kiss. It held so much: passion, lust, love, release. His arms wrapped tightly around my waist before he carried me off into the bedroom.


	22. No More

**A/N: Writer's block is probably the most frustrating disease to ever plague the world of writing. Please don't kill me or stop reading and reviewing! I only have a couple more weeks of school left and then it's summer break, and it'll be updates galore! So i implore you to cut me a little slack since my exams are coming up and geometry is trying to eat me. I LOVE YOU ALL!**

**No More**

* * *

"Bella," I barely heard the voice whisper. "Bella, love, wake up. We have a flight to catch." That got my eyes fluttering. I let my eyes adjust to the light and found Edward's liquid topaz eyes staring lovingly into mine. "Good morning, beautiful." His hand gently glided from my temple to my jaw line.

Stretching, I responded, "Good morning, handsome. What time is it?" My voice croaked, thick with sleep. My body felt stiff. I must've slept a long time.

"It's eight thirty. Our flight leaves at ten. Do you want me to get you some breakfast while you get ready?" He stood up from hovering over me and headed towards the door.

"Uh, sure," my brain was still waking up. Then I added, "Something—"

"Fruity, I know." I saw his smug smile and I glared. He walked out of the room laughing.

I stretched and put my feet on the cold hard wood floor. Cool air brushed across my skin, and I realized I still had no clothes on. Smiling to myself, I remembered last night's escapades. Edward wanted to make our last night in Paris (in a hotel) memorable…he made it sound like the rest of our nights in Paris weren't. When I stood up, something was definitely wrong…very wrong.

The world tilted at the oddest angle, and the colors looked so strange before they all settled on black. Something pressed against my head quickly and firmly. In my unconscious mind, this was completely okay. The world was silenced. I felt really heavy, and my body felt slightly warm. This place seemed nice. Peace, serenity, no worries, just nothing. Nothing existed in this world.

I felt a pop in my ear, then I heard the shouting. All my senses came back to me in one shockingly cold wave. My arms felt cold. _Edward's hands_, my head hurt to try to think.

"Bella!" He shouted. His voice replete with panic, he tried yelling my name again. "Bella! Wake up!" He sounded desperate.

I tried to find my voice, but I couldn't. I could hear him, but I couldn't respond. God, this was frustrating! Why can I hear and feel everything, but not be able to respond? My fingers started to tingle and I felt them twitch. Edward, seeming to read my mind, took my hand firmly in his.

"Bella, squeeze my hand if you can hear me," his voice sounded calmer, but still on edge. All I could manage was a twitch of my fingers. "Good Bella," he breathed, clearly relieved.

My ability to control my body slowly came back to me. The first thing I gained full control of was my vocal cords.

"I'm okay," I whispered, out of breath. "Just let me rest for a second." I rolled over onto my side, feeling a little more comfortable. I didn't want to be touched, I just wanted to sleep. Edward would have none of that.

"Bella, you can't go back to sleep," he tried to sound relaxing, but his voice sounded forced. "Open your eyes Bella." I didn't want to. Involuntarily, my eyebrows furrowed in frustration. A forced laugh escaped from Edward. "I know, but I don't want you passing out on me Bella." His arms wound around under my arms and lifted me to a sitting position on the bed. I just tipped my head forward and rested it on his shoulder with my eyes closed, wrapping my arms around him in the process. He sighed and wrapped his arms around me.

"I think I should eat first," I said weakly. I finally got the strength back to lift my head and open my eyes. The look in his eyes scared me. They looked so panicked. "Edward, I'm fine. I'm just really hungry." I smiled. "Go make me a strawberry omelet or something." He nodded. Carefully, he stood me up on my feet and put a silk bathrobe on me. Casting one last concerned look my way, he left me to get cleaned up.

Not really trusting my legs at the moment, I opted to take a bath. I took a wash cloth and put it on my back so I didn't feel the hard bathtub. Even that didn't help. Not really feeling any comfort, I quickly washed up and got out. The only mistake I made was getting up too quickly. My head spun and I grabbed the edge of the tub for support. Breathing heavily, I tried to regain my balance. To no avail, the world still threatened to black out. Giving in, I sat down on the rug and rested my head against my knees.

After five minutes of sitting on the bathroom floor, I regained the strength to stand up…slowly this time. My hands were just a little clammy, so I washed them. I got dressed in a pair of nice sweats and joined Edward for breakfast.

I guess I must've looked worse than I thought. Edward was in front of me within moments of walking out of the bedroom, his face in full panic.

"Bella, are you alright? You're paler than I am." He felt my forehead. "You feel a little warm. Do you need to see a doctor?" I just stood there shaking my head. I hated it when he worried so much.

"Edward, calm down. I just got up too fast and got a dizzy spell. Relax. The reason I'm warm is probably because I just got out of a hot bath," he still looked skeptical. I rolled my eyes. "If it makes you feel better, Carlisle can take a look at me when we get home. Now what smells so good?" I peeked around his shoulder. Room service must have brought up that omelet.

"Strawberry omlete, just as you asked." Edward kept an arm around me, scared that I might pass out again.

"Edward, I'm fine," I told him, sitting down at the table. I could tell by the look on his face that there was nothing I could say to make him stop worrying. I ate my omlette, and we said good-bye to our hotel suite that was almost home to us. I didn't say good-bye to Paris, because I'd be back in a couple of weeks.

On the plane to New York, Edward and I talked about everyone. "I bet they'd never guess why we were delayed for a week."

"I bet Alice did," Edward replied.

"Alice doesn't guess, she sees everything." Alice probably didn't tell anyone though. She'd let us tell everyone since it was our surprise. "It's really hot in here," I said out of the blue. All of a sudden I felt a real heat wave.

Edward wrapped a cold arm around me. "Better?" He asked.

"It helps." The heat wave soon died down and I was just a little warm. The warm temperature made me tired, and I ended up falling asleep on Edward's shoulder. Sleep came much more often to me now.

Is this all that life really has to offer? I've seen everything in life I've ever wanted, I've discovered a love that will last a lifetime, I've felt true pleasure, so what more is there? Edward is my everything, but why do I feel that there is still something else? Something in the pit of my stomach told me I hadn't seen everything. I'm almost twenty years old and I can honestly say: if I die today, I will die happy.

But something is still missing.

Not too long ago, I truly believed Edward would be enough for me. But now, I feel like there's something else for me in life. For once, I feel like I have a purpose. If only I could figure out what it was.

"Bella," Edward's voice was at my ear. "Bella, we have to get on our flight to Seattle. Do you want me to carry you off the plane?" Without opening my eyes, I shook my head. "Well then I suggest that you wake up because we are going to be the last ones out of first class if you don't hurry."

Standing up, I winced as I felt an ache in my back. "These first class seats are pointless for comfort if you can't figure out how to sleep right in the first place."

Because of my sluggishness, we barely made it to our next flight. After take-off, feelings from this morning returned with a vengeance. Even in my seat, the world spun, making me nauseous. Everything seemed to hit me all at once, and it made me feel exhausted. Edward noticed my condition right away.

"Bella, are you alright? You're looking a little green…and I mean literally." He removed my hand from my forehead and felt for a fever. "You're burning up Bella," he gasped.

"Really? Because I'm not feeling too hot right now," he couldn't scold me for being a smart aleck right now.

"Are you cold?" He asked.

"Freezing, but I'm sweating bullets all of a sudden." I wiped the perspiration from my forehead and took a deep breath. "It just came on so fast. It's not normal." I closed my eyes and practiced taking deep breaths. Edward tossed one of the airplane blankets over me, but I still felt a little cold. Curling up in my seat, I closed my eyes, praying for it all to go away. Edward kissed my temple, tucking hair behind my ear and running his hand over my hair. It felt so soothing, I fell asleep again.

I couldn't escape the sickening feelings even in sleep. Everything felt too hot, and darkness swirled around me. I wanted nothing more than for all of these senses to go away. My only solace came from Edward's hand when he ran it across my forehead. Where was Carlisle when you needed him? He could identify and solve the problem.

My thoughts drifted into dreams. And they weren't pleasant. Dark woods were everywhere, like the ones from back home in Forks. I was stumbling all over the place, running away from something…but at the same time, protecting someone. The path kept on getting darker and harder to see. I could feel that whatever was chasing me was getting closer. The path narrowed, and avoiding obstacles got harder. Panicking, I ran faster and my breath came quick and heavy. There was something I had to get to first…something I had to protect. Not seeing a root, my foot caught. The fall lasted a lot longer than it should. Things seemed to slow down, time seemed to stop.

Softly, I felt the ground make contact with my head. I nearly jumped out of my seat waking up. A hand grabbed my arm and I gasped. My head shot in the direction and found the dark eyes of a panicked Edward. I tried to tell him I was okay, but the words got stuck halfway out.

The pilot came over the intercom. "We have arrived in Seattle. The temperature today is a high of sixty and a low of fifty-two. Cloudy skies and a sixty percent chance of rain for the weather. We should be landing in ten minutes, so please keep all seatbelts on and your trays up." Edward didn't say anything. I didn't have anything to say. He just wrapped his arms around me in a cold embrace. He just rocked me back and forth gently.

He held me until we landed. We didn't say anything to each other. He held only my hand a little tighter than necessary. Once off the plane, I asked Edward if I could go to the restroom to rinse off my face; I must've looked like a mess at the moment. In the bathroom, I splashed my face with warm water, trying to get rid of the chills. I looked at myself and was proud to see some color had returned to my cheeks, but the green still tinted my cheeks a little. I did a practice smile before walking out.

When we reached the baggage claim, arm-in-arm, we were both enveloped in familiar embraces. Alice practically attacked me while Esme smothered Edward. Alice clung to me for dear life, forcing Edward to let go of me.

"Oh my God, Bella! I missed you so much!" She pulled away and the bright smile that always seemed to be on her face disappeared. "Are you feeling okay, Bella? You're looking a little green." She felt at my forehead like Edward and frowned at the same result. "Carlisle, she's burning up." Her face wrinkled with concern. She bounced off towards Jasper who nodded in my direction by way of 'hello.' I smiled and waved back.

Carlisle walked up to me, looking as young and concerned as ever. His cold hand felt my forehead. "You certainly do have a fever, but nothing too serious. Twenty-four hours on antibiotics and you should be feeling better." He smiled and gave me a gentle hug. "It's good to have you home, both of you." He let go of me to give Edward a half hug.

Esme welcomed me home next. Her long auburn tinted curls cushioned my cheek when I hugged her. "It's good to see you Bella. We've all missed having you around." She smiled and her dimples showed. I couldn't help but smile back.

"Aw, my little sis just got off the plane and she's already burning up!" Emmett's voice boomed. His muscular form walked away from a tentatively smiling Rosalie. She looked as beautiful as ever; she wore her golden curls down with a white blouse and form fitting blue jeans. As I was looking at her, Emmett swept me up into a bear hug that—for once—didn't squeeze the life out of me.

"Good to see you, too Em. What have you and Rose been up to these past several months? I don't expect that you went back to school." Edward wrapped an arm around my shoulders and we started towards the parking garage.

Rosalie answered for him. "We went to Paris for a little while, but I think you two were in Austria. Then we came back here. Esme found a new project." She shrugged. My spirit dimmed a little; I hoped that Esme could help with our new home in Versailles.

"What's wrong, Bella?" Jasper asked. My head turned in the direction of his voice.

Shaking my head, I told him, "Edward and I will tell you guys later." He squeezed my shoulders. Alice was the only one who looked normal. She must've already known as we'd predicted. Edward and I tagged along in the backseat of Carlisle's Mercedes for the way back.

About halfway home, Carlisle asked, "What kept you two in Paris? We thought you'd be back about a week ago. Did something turn up?"

Edward answered before I could. "Yes, but we'd like to talk about it as a family." When they asked about Russia, I babbled on and on about every little detail. Anything from the ballet to the winter palace was brought up. They were well entertained on the way back to Forks.

Going down the long path to the Cullens brought back so many memories. The house looked just as I remembered. It felt like ages since we were there together. Edward and Carlisle unpacked all the suitcases while Esme and I walked inside, chatting about her new project while I hid my disappointment.

Edward and Carlisle joined us in the living room after they put the suitcases upstairs in our room. Out of the blue Alice interrupted every conversation.

"When are you guys going to tell them?" She threw her hands in the air out of frustration. Her eyes darted around the room. "Seriously, are you just going to wait two weeks and—"

"Patience Alice!" Edward chastised, taking a hold of my hand. "Does it really torture you that much?" Edward tried to sound angry, but it came out more as bemused. His gold eyes seemed to light up at the mere thought of starting a home with me. It made my heart swell. The idea made him so happy.

Alice was bouncing in her seat. "I want to see everyone's reaction! Especially Esme's," she added. She looked to Edward and I with pleading eyes. How could anyone resist such puppy eyes? Her dark almond eyes implored us to spill.

"Let's just tell them, Edward." I patted his hand. "There's really no point in keeping it secret." My words had everyone else on the edge of their seats, Rosalie especially. He looked down at me with a smile, wrapping both arms around me. I did the same.

"We," Edward started, his eyes never leaving mine. He didn't seem to care what the others thought. "Have purchased a fine house just outside of Paris in Versailles. We are planning on leaving in a few weeks to start moving in." There was silence until Edward and I forced our eyes away from each other to look at everyone else. Everyone smiled.

Standing up and walking towards us, they all embraced us. "Congratulations!" Was their enthusiastic response. Alice looked as if a severe pain had been lifted from her. Jasper laughed and patted her knee.

Carlisle spoke to Edward. "That's a long way from home," he stated. "You better come and visit." They both smiled at some silently transferred message. I made a mental note to remind myself to ask Edward later.

"That's why I was a little disappointed to hear about your project Esme." She turned to look at me, a little puzzled. To answer her unspoken question, I told her, "I wanted you to come help me decorate. The walls are all white, the kitchen is a little dated, and I could use some ideas for some landscape." Esme's heart looked as if it were about to explode. She walked over from her spot on the couch and wrapped her arms firmly around me. I felt the same way as Esme. It felt good to be wanted…to be _needed_. To know that your existed is significant is like a filling for a hole in the chest.

"No current project can keep me away from a daughter in need," she whispered passionately. I smiled. She pulled away only to kiss my forehead. All she could come up with to say was, "when do we leave?" The room filled with laughter. "Oh, hush," she told everybody.

The father clock in the den sang and told us it was ten o' clock. I began to feel a little queasy. My stomach churned in uncomfortable ways and the room felt oddly warm.

"Edward," I whispered, interrupting his conversation with Carlisle about the stock-market. His full attention turned to me. "I think I'm going to bed. I don't feel good." I gave him an apologetic look. He looked concerned, brushing my bangs to the side and feeling my forehead. He frowned. "It's nothing," I reassured him. "It's probably just a flu bug, no reason to get worried."

"Let me get you some medicine," Carlisle stood up and took my hand, pulling me into the kitchen along and Edward followed. Carlisle opened up a cabinet and pulled out some Tylenol. Edward filled a glass with water for me.

As I downed the pill, Carlisle asked, "When did you start feeling sick?" He leaned towards me over the marble counter.

I swallowed. "Oh, probably an hour into our first flight to New York. A fever spiked really quickly." I finished drinking the water, feeling thirsty from the fever.

"Early this morning," Edward continued, "when we awoke from our flight, she just collapsed." Carlisle scrutinized me. Edward frowned. "Actually, it happened twice: once when she woke up and again a short while later. She did feel a little better after getting some food into her, though. Then she fell asleep fairly quickly on the plane." I felt that Edward was dramatizing the entire story. It's just a cold.

Carlisle straightened up. "Well, I believe it's best that you get some sleep. It's getting late and you could use some more rest." Edward took my hand and led me upstairs.

"Goodnight Bella!" everyone shouted on my way up the stairs.

"Goodnight!" I shouted back

It felt a little strange heading back to a room we hadn't stepped foot in over six months. The room felt almost foreign, which was slightly ironic. But it still felt like home. I walked into my closet and grabbed one of Edward's t-shirts, too tired and lazy to put on proper pajamas. Edward prepared the bed for me as I stripped off my clothes in the closet. He started making the other side of the bed and I slipped in, curling up into a little ball under the covers and closing my eyes. Traveling really wore me out.

Edward's lips pressed against my forehead. "You feeling alright?" He whispered. His hand brushed the hair out of my face in slow strokes. It felt so good that I nearly fell asleep.

"Yea, I'm just really tired, despite all the sleep I've gotten today. Will you lay with me for a while?" I hoped he would, his cool arms would definitely take away the effects of the dizzying fever.

"Of course." Within moments his arms snaked around my waist from behind. My entire body relaxed into his embrace. He started to hum my lullaby and sleep inevitably came over me.

…

It smelled. The smell made my stomach churn in ways that were dangerous. I couldn't feel the cold arms anymore, so Edward must've left. My nose wrinkled at the smell. A moan escaped through my lips when my stomach started to do cart-wheels. I crawled out of bed in a hunched over manor and pushed through the head rush to the bathroom where I leaned over the big porcelain bowl and vomited.

"Bella?" Edward knocked on the door. Breathing heavily, I pulled myself together.

"I'm fine," I gasped. "Just give me a minute." I flushed the evidence of my vulgar morning activity and washed my mouth out. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt a little shocked at the deathly pale person staring back at me. Quickly, I splashed my face with cold water and pinched my cheeks, hoping some color would return to them. To no avail, my face kept its pale clamminess. My legs felt a little shaky, so I stabled myself by clutching the edge of the counter. Taking a deep breath, I walked out of the bathroom.

At the brief glance I got of Edward sitting on the bed, you'd think he was dying inside. His eyes were clenched tightly closed, his hand running through his hair so hard you'd think he was pulling his hair out, the torn expression on his face. But he stood up quickly to wrap his arms around me.

Wrapping my arms around him in response, I felt my body go lax. He held onto me so tightly, I thought he'd never let go.

"We need to have Carlisle take a closer look at you." The tone in his voice made fear rise up in my throat. We both knew it. This is exactly what he'd been fearing, what I'd been expecting. He knew my disposition on the subject, and it scared him. I knew that he wouldn't let me go down without a fight, but I didn't have any fight left. "If it is—"

"We leave it be," I interrupted sharply. "No more. I can't do it again." My voice quieted. Edward just held me tighter, hoping that if he did, the pending nightmare would go away.


	23. Everything and More

**_AN:_ **Don't kill me! okay, i am OFFICIALLY DONE with my freshman year! No more tedious exams to cause me to cry because I lost my notebook, no more evil health teachers that give you lethal glares, no more Mr. E shouting at me to make more music copies because the second violin part isn't updated, no more friends badgering me to check my facebook page (which I rarely do), no more fat Bio teachers teaching the class about World Of Warcraft, and no more listening to B.R telling the entire school she missed school for a week because she got an STD giving her boyfriend a blow-job (which is disgusting i might add). I am free to write whenever I please! I was up until three this morning finishing this chapter. Enjoy and don't kill me for being EXTREMELY late on updating!

**Everything and More**

* * *

_Wow. I'm really hungry. Strawberries sound really good right now. Maybe a bagel with strawberry cream cheese, or some strawberry yogurt. _

My stomach screamed for food. My eyes fluttered open to a dark room, and no light came in from under the door. Carefully, I slowly pulled myself out from under the covers and put my feet on the soft carpeting. I snuck into the closet and put on a pair of pajama pants. Opening the door of the bedroom, I did not expect to find the deathly silence that greeted me. I made my way down the long hallway and to the steps. Looking out over the railing, I didn't see anyone. They must've all gone hunting. My feet padded against the steps as I treaded down the stairs to the kitchen. The cold wood floors caught me off guard and I jumped. I looked around the empty house, wishing that Edward was here with me.

It felt strange being in a moment without him. For several months, he'd hardly left my side, and now, I'm in a huge house, alone, with a hungry stomach, and a kitchen stocked with food that is meant to be a cover. Oh well.

The clock on the oven read two o'clock. Wow, my sleeping schedule must be really off. I opened the fridge in hopes of finding something really fruity and ended up pulling out a box of fresh strawberries. I sat down at the table in complete darkness, looking out and seeing the moonlight reflected on the river. Staring blankly out at the river, I mindlessly began feeding myself strawberries. Nothing came to mind, I just admired the beauty of the moment, wondering if this would all end soon for me.

Edward would be devastated by my decision, but it was my decision nonetheless. Life shouldn't have to be a constant uphill battle. Occasionally, it needs to plateau so you can sit and enjoy life for a moment instead of living on borrowed time. I don't want to spend ten hours a week in a hospital feeling like total garbage because of something that is supposed to be making me feel better and spending the rest of my time sleeping or being sick. If I really was dying, then I would want to spend every moment doing and seeing things that I loved. I want to cherish every moment with my family, not spend it in misery. There's got to be more to life than just fighting for it.

I'm not sure how long I stared out at the river, but when I went to grab another strawberry, I couldn't feel any. Pulling myself out of my temporarily vegetative state, I looked down to find that the full box of strawberries that I pulled out of the fridge was officially empty. Disappointed, I continued my gazing, letting my eyes wander to the stars. It's funny; the moon and stars are always up in the sky, no matter how dark and bleak life gets. They might be obscured by clouds now and again, but they are always there. But tonight, there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Everything looked so clear, like you could be looking out a hundred miles and still see everything coming your way. I wish life was that way sometimes.

A hand touched my shoulder and gasped, jumping out of my chair and whipped around to see what/who touched me. I should've known it would be Edward. "Jesus, Edward," I let out the breath I didn't realize I'd been holding. "You scared the bujeezus out of me," I flung my arms around him anyways.

Edward chuckled. "Sorry, love," he kissed the top of my head. "I didn't mean to frighten you." He held me close for several quiet moments. "Why are you up at this hour? It's nearly three in the morning." He rubbed my back soothingly.

I hid my face. "I got hungry, so I came down here to find something to eat when I realized a family of vampires left me alone in here," I teased.

"You must have been pretty hungry. You ate an entire container of strawberries," he teased back. He pulled away to look at my face, even though I had to focus to really see his. "How long have you been up?" He asked.

"Not long. Maybe an hour, but I think I'm ready to go back to bed. I didn't really get much sleep." Edward lifted me into his arms and brought me back upstairs to our room.

He lied partially underneath me as I wrapped my arms around his torso, resting my head on his cool chest. I wrapped my leg around him for comfort. He kept running his hand through my hair; the sensation felt so good I nearly fell asleep, but Edward told me as I began to doze, "We should have Carlisle take a look at you. Really, it could be anything," but I could hear the doubt in his voice. The likelihood of it being anything else was low, especially with my luck.

"There's no time like the present," I breathed into his chest. He didn't say anything more. He began to hum my little melody, and I fell asleep with the sensations from his hand still in my hair.

…

When I woke up again, Edward was still holding me to his side as if he was afraid to let go. We remained in each other's arms only for a few minutes, deciding to get up and that a trip to see Carlisle deemed necessary. I kept my outfit simple: blue denim capris, sandals, and a fitted t-shirt with a jacket for the hospital.

"I think this is the first time I've ever had to wait to be admitted into the hospital," I laughed as we sat in the waiting room for Carlisle. "The only time's I've ever been to the hospital is through an ambulance or I am in dire need of stitches, casts, bandages," the list could go on and on.

He looked thoughtfully at me. "You're right. This must feel very different for you," he conceded. "Now you know how it feels," he said with a lopsided grin. I just rolled my eyes.

"Edward, Bella?" Carlisle called us. My heart skipped a beat. Edward registered the nervous expression on my face and squeezed my hand for support. Taking a deep breath, I finally got myself out of the chair and walked into the very unpopulated ER.

"Not too many accidents today, huh?" I commented. "It's awfully quiet around here." He opened a room for us. Avoiding the examination table, I took a seat next to Edward in a chair.

Carlisle shrugged. "It's Sunday. It's usually dead on Sundays. So would you like to tell me what's bothering you?" He shifted into doctor mode, taking the tiny wheelie chair and sitting across from Edward and me. He wrote on his clipboard. "You had a fever early yesterday," he stated. "Are there any symptoms of the cancer?" He asked, looking to the both of us.

"Pretty much they are all the same," Edward's jaw clenched. "All except for the fact I'm always hungry. Everything else is the same cancer symptoms."

He sighed. He thought so, too. "Well, since it's entirely possible the cancer has returned, asking about menstrual cycles is pointless. Would you mind if I did a blood test?" He put his papers down on the desk.

"Knock yourself out," I told him. He gestured to the examination table and I groaned. I hated sitting there. He opened a drawer and pulled out a latex band, tying it tightly around the crook of my arm. My nose wrinkled when he took out a needle and started rubbing yellow gel all over my arm. I could already feel those strawberries. Damn needles. I looked up to the ceiling, taking deep breaths: in through the nose, out through the mouth. Edward took my other hand.

Carlisle chuckled. "Still not fond of needles, Bella?"

"Or blood," I squeaked.

"Did you know that the BBC Philharmonic Orchestra is coming to Seattle this Friday?" Edward asked. I looked at him instead of the ceiling.

I loved them. "Really? Do you think we could go? What are they playing? I really love the Bach pieces they play." I heard Carlisle thumping the needle. Ew.

Edward smiled serenely. "I don't see any reason not to go. I'm pretty sure the article in the paper said they were playing the Toccata and Fugue in D minor and some other pieces by Bach." I was so engrossed in what Edward was saying, the next thing I realized was Carlisle attaching a bandage to my arm. I looked to him.

"How long do we have to wait here?" I asked impatiently. My nerves were getting the best of me. I still gripped Edward's hand like a lifeline. He patted my hand, and I was careful to avoid looking at the vile in Carlisle's hand. For a brief moment, I wondered if he was at all tempted by it.

"You'll be waiting fifteen minutes at the most. I'll come back with the results." He exited the room.

Those fifteen minutes were the most tense, and scariest of my life. Edward and I sat in complete silence. I wrapped my arms tightly around him while he held me close to his side, occasionally kissing my head or whispering, "I love you." If the results came back positive, I would officially have to set a timer. Edward and I held onto each other, just savoring the moment together.

When Carlisle walked in, Edward and I sat straight up in our seats, gripping each other's hands harder. Carlisle's face gave nothing away, and judging on Edward's frustrated expression, neither were his thoughts. He sat down in front of us again, looking at his clipboard with focus. He wrote something down before looking at us.

"Well," he started, "you will be sick for a while, but it's nothing to worry about. You came up negative, you are still cancer-free." My heart started beating again. I closed my eyes and let out a shaky sigh of relief. I was so relieved that I still had my life with Edward. I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head on his shoulder. He did the same, rubbing my back in comfort, but he still felt a little tense.

Edward loosened up a little on me and faced Carlisle. "What do you mean by, 'sick for a while?'" Edward asked. I became more attentive and looked to Carlisle.

With a completely straight face, he told us, "Bella, you're about six weeks pregnant."

Time froze.

Edward Froze.

I froze.

Carlisle smiled.

A tear leaked from the corner of my eye, and a giddy smile broke across my face. I couldn't see Edward through the blur of endlessly happy tears. Happy doesn't even begin to cover the warm and thrilling sensation that coursed throughout my entire body. My body shook with joyous sobs and laughter. Carlisle chuckled. I turned to Edward; he seemed to be in a state of shock: his eyes wide open, his jaw slack, and his stiff hand taking a hold of mine. I put both of my hands on his shoulders and forced him to face me.

"We're having a baby," I said through my tears. The most brilliant smile broke across his face. He swept me up bridal style into his arms and twirled me in a circle. We were all laughing in joy. When Edward finally put me down, I embraced Carlisle. "Congrats gramps," I teased. He chuckled.

"You two better get home and tell Esme before she gets upset. She's going to be dying to know," he warned. "I'll get hell if you two don't tell her right away, and I have another patient in the other room: eight years old and fell out of a tree."

"Thank you Carlisle," I said. We embraced each other again and he kissed my cheek.

"Oh," he said pulling back. "Before I forget," he grabbed his clipboard and took a small piece of paper and gave it to me. "Here is the prescription for your prenatal vitamins. Take as prescribed, and I don't see why you wouldn't have a healthy baby, though it will be interesting to see how he or she turns out," he stared suggestively at Edward.

I did, too. "That's right," I said slowly. "We might have a half breed on our hands…or…in my belly," I thought about how ridiculous it sounded. Edward and Carlisle laughed. I waved the thought away. "Go take care of that broken leg, Carlisle," I took Edward's hand firmly.

Carlisle looked at my suspiciously. "And how would you know it's a broken leg?"

I rolled my eyes. "Summer after second grade, Jake convinced me to climb one of the trees on the reservation." Both men thought that my fallout was quite entertaining. "See you later Carlisle," Edward and I walked out of the ER wrapped in each other's arms, in our own little happy bubble that no one could pop.

"Did I say how much I love you today?" Edward asked me when we stood next to the car. His eyes were smiling, and the crooked smile made my heart skip a beat. I felt his hands tie around my waist and pull me closer.

"Hm, you might have. Would you like to refresh my memory?" I tilted my face upwards towards his. He lowered his lips to mine torturously slow. In the last few inches, I flung my arms around him and jumped on my tippy toes. The kiss felt so excited, lively, passionate; it was the kind of kiss that could burn the forest down, and we wouldn't have given a damn.

"I," kiss, "love," kiss, "you," kiss, "more than," kiss, "you could possibly ever imagine." His lips lingered on mine, in the middle of a hospital parking lot. Our bodies were so close together, you couldn't fit Ceran Wrap between us. The only thing between us was the tiny baby in my belly.

He pulled away and stared into my eyes. "You know that feeling you have right now?" I whispered. He nodded with a goofy smile. "Multiply that times a million and that's what I'm feeling." He laughed at me and opened the passenger door. He leaned in to give me a kiss before closing the door.

The entire ride home we could talk of nothing except of how perfect things turned out to be. We felt silly for being so panicked over a nightmare that turned into a dream come true.

"Can you imagine the look on Charlie's face when we go to tell him?" I laughed. "He'll probably go for the gun like when he thought you got me pregnant a couple of years ago. If you weren't bullet-proof, I'd be terrified for you right now. But to be honest, I don't think anything can bring me down right now," I laughed at the thought.

Edward smiled; he seemed to be doing that a lot today. I'm sure I've had the biggest smile on my face for twenty minutes now. "I'm sure he'll be surprised. The one thing I can't tell you at the moment is if it's a good kind of surprise or the bad kind."

"Do you think we should stay here, or should we go back to Versailles?" I asked. "I want to go back to Versailles just because by the time we finish the deal and get moved in, I'm pretty sure I'll be pregnant enough where it won't be safe to fly. And if we stay here, we won't be able to leave for a really long time." His smile faltered a little bit as he saw the dilemma. "I mean, we bought the house. Shouldn't we live in it long enough to make it feel like home?" He rubbed circles on the top of my hand.

He thought about it. "I agree. I'm sure Esme would love to stay and help. Rosalie will most likely decide to uproot and stay with you. She will be obsessed with that child, I can assure you." I smiled at the thought of Rosalie being so happy. She'd be able to take care of the baby when I couldn't.

I smiled broader (if at all possible). "It'll work out."

He looked at me and kissed my lips lightly. "You're right.

When we arrived back at the house, Edward didn't get out right away. He turned off the car and looked at me for a long moment. He smirked. "Bella, how are we supposed to surprise them if you keep glowing so radiantly?" He cupped my cheek with his hand.

Laughing, I told him, "I can't help it!" I looked at him more carefully. "You say that as if you aren't. And you thought you glowed in the sun," I patted his cheek. "You are a happy daddy-to-be." I opened the door and got out. I nearly ran to the door when Edward swung me up from behind and carried me to the door. Once inside he put me down and another set of arms wrapped around me. Little Alice flung her arms around me with such force.

"Oh, Bella," was all she said.

Tears welled in my eyes again and the crying started over. I hugged her back full force and an audience showed up. Esme looked shocked (in a bad way). Jasper was confused as ever. His face entertained me. He looked around at everybody.

"Oh, dearest Bella," Esme said, glistening eyes.

"No! No, that's not it," Alice bounced over to Jasper. She looked at me and then to everyone, telling me with her eyes to spill. I looked up at Edward, then to everyone. I let them suffer a very suspenseful silence. "Edward and I are expecting." Edward grinned as I said the words.

Squeals of excitement escaped from Alice, Rosalie, and Esme. They all hugged me and giggled with glistening eyes that were tears of joy. Jasper clapped Emmett on the back while Emmett hollered, "Whoo!" He threw his hands up in the air like he scored a touchdown. "Score, Edward!" We all rolled our eyes at his immaturity. Everyone looked so happy for us.

In the midst of everything, I felt my stomach grumble. Everything stopped before everyone started chuckling and I blushed bright red. Edward came up from behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his hands on my lower abdomen.

"Hungry Bella?" Esme asked.

Embarrassed, I told her, "Sorry, I'm not used to eating for two," they all chuckled. "I really hope you have something fruity, because that's all I seem to want these days; I like strawberries in particular." I heard Edward chuckle into my hair. "Shut up. I can't help it." He just breathed in the scent of my hair and held me tightly. His arms made me and my baby feel safe.

"Oh, I know," he chuckled. "It's just fun to tease you about how you can eat an entire container of strawberries." I could hear the smirk in his voice, and it pissed me off a little bit, but I didn't say anything. I just glared. Feeling this intense anger, I could tell this pregnancy would be an emotional roller coaster for me.

After having a pleasant lunch with everyone, I remembered the one thing Edward and I talked about earlier that reminded me of my daughterly responsibilities.

"Oh, lord," I put my palm to my forehead. "I have to tell Charlie." I heard Edward chuckle beside me. "Hopefully," I added reluctantly, "he won't pull out the gun." The entire table erupted with laughter. Yeah, they could laugh at it because they didn't think he'd do it.

"And when would you like to do this?" Edward asked.

Fatigue seemed to be my worst enemy lately. "Maybe tomorrow. I'm really tired. Right now, I just want to sleep. So, if you'll excuse me," I stood up from the table, "I think I'm going to go take a nap." Edward stood up with me. "I'll see you guys later," I called back to them.

Upstairs, Edward lied next to me in bed. He brushed through my hair with his hand and rubbed my back. His cool body kept my heated one cool. It's in moments like this where I think life is just too perfect. Where you can find satisfaction in just being close to the ones you love, but not needing anything else. Subconsciously, I began to rub my lower abdomen. I couldn't feel anything now, but in a few weeks, I'll be able to hear the baby's heart-beat, feel it kick…

"What are you thinking?"Edward whispered.

I smiled. "If I got a nickel for every time you asked me that, I'd be a very wealthy woman."

"I'm just wondering what's got that goofy smile on your face." I could hear the smile in his voice.

"It's not goofy," I protested. I rested my hand on my belly, trying to feel for anything without success. "I was just thinking that in a few weeks, we are going to be able to hear the baby's heart-beat, maybe feel it kick, there are so many things that I'm excited about. You can tell me what his first thoughts are," that idea made me smile. "Though you are probably going to be the most frustrating dad. It will be like being on a lie detector 24/7." Edward laughed.

"I never really thought of that. I'll be sure to focus on your quiet mind to give he/she some privacy." He kissed my temple. His hand snaked under my shirt and across my tummy. He moved it to my lower abdomen, settling in a tender spot. Taking a breath, he whispered, "I can feel the baby. It's so tiny, but it's there. Just to give you an idea, the baby is about the size of a quarter." To emphasize, he drew a small circle where the baby must be.

"Aw," I cooed in a soft voice. "It's our baby." Putting my hand over his, I turned my head to look up at him and he kissed my forehead tenderly. I closed my eyes and sighed.

"Yes. This baby is ours."He reveled in the thought of having his own child.

"I bet you never thought you'd get one of those, huh?" His hand stopped with the circles. Slowly, he wrapped an arm around me and rolled me on top of him. I looked into his deep topaz eyes and saw, love, excitement, pure happiness, passion. My hair fell over my shoulders and on either side of Edward's face. His arms wrapped around my lower back tightly, a gesture protective and possessive.

In a low voice, he said, "I never _dreamed_, I could ever in my entire life, be so lucky. I can't even explain how happy I am at this moment. I have everything I've ever wanted and more. And it's all because I have you." I stared into his eyes for a heartbeat more before crashing my lips to his. With the utmost care, he rolled us so that I was below him. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and ran my hands into his hair. The kiss became so heated, there was no way we could stop there.

Edward loved me until I was spent. I fell asleep in his loving arms, thinking there was no place I would rather be.


	24. A Dinner Curtailed

**AN: Okay, short story. I have been suffering from severe insomnia this past week (which explains why I am updating at 2:30 AM) and so I stayed up late watching informercials. At first, I watched Dirty Dancing. Then I watched this informercial for a work out plan that I followed for 5 minutes then called it quits. I got curious when I was flipping through channels (not even looking at the screen) when I heard a woman say "Ladies, do not feel embarassed to call. Toys will help increase pleasure for you and your partner." I looked up at the screen and lo and behold: its a friggin QVC for sex toys! I just about died of laughter. The co-host looked so awkward. Anyone could tell she was new. The look on her face when she held up the "butterfly" was priceless! Well, that's the tale of my very early morning escapade. **

**Oh, by the way, a bureaucrat is a government worker (not a person part of a political party) who usually has a desk job but can occasionally be seen in the field. They are also known as greedy slimy-hand politicians who will do anything for self-gain. :)**

**BTW, the word of the day is Verdant...meaning green. So make a difference today and be VERDANT! okay, now you can read!**

**A Dinner Curtailed**

* * *

"Bella, we are leaving tomorrow. You really should tell Charlie." Two weeks. I've been chickening out for two weeks. Over two months pregnant and I'm still chickening out. Edward held my hand, sitting in front of me while I lounged on the very comfy white couch (where I have kept my main residence since pregnancy wore me out like a puppy playing ball all day). He smiled gently at me, trying not to push me into something that I don't want to do. He tended to walk on eggshells around me when approaching personal topics.

Long story short: my hormones tend to overreact to everything. Edward wanted me to eat an apple and I wanted a cookies & cream milkshake…really bad. He was only looking out for my health (I now know) but at the moment, I was just royally pissed with him. My not-so-nice response to his recommendation was, "Dammit Edward, if I want a fucking milkshake, then I want a fucking milkshake! I do not want to force down one measly little apple when I'm staring at it hoping it will magically change into a milkshake! God, what is so damn wrong with having a milkshake every once in a while?" This statement was followed by me storming out of the kitchen, mumbling about my milkshake all the way to the bedroom, leaving a stunned Cullen clan in the kitchen. Edward walked into the room and I started crying about how I was so sorry for overeating and that I'll eat the damn apple if he wants me to. Emmett walked in with a milkshake fifteen minutes later.

I held onto his hand. "I know, but I don't know what he'll think. I'm not even legal drinking age yet and I'm already pregnant." Truth was that I was downright terrified of telling Charlie. I especially didn't want to see the disappointed look on his face when we tell him that we are going back to Versailles. Also, I did not want to explain the fact that the reason I haven't spoken with him in forever was because I had cancer and decided to celebrate my remission by taking a trip across Europe. He will be so pissed with me.

"Bella," Edward softly chastised me. "He's your father. He deserves to know." I closed my eyes, tired from the day's activities. Edward ran his hand along the side of my face. "And if he asks about your whereabouts and activities from the past year, we'll tell him we spent a lot of time in Europe. If you are still hell-bent on keeping him unaware of the cancer, then we will keep quiet." I nodded. Charlie doesn't need to worry about that. "So should I give Charlie a call?"

Sighing in defeat, I told him, "Yes. I'm _way _too tired to argue and think about this, so knock yourself out. Just promise me that we'll be in bed by nine?" I moaned thinking of the consequences. Everything pregnancy had to offer, I didn't miss out on. Including the God-awful morning sickness. I rubbed my little baby bump. Everything was a 'we' now. 'We' need to go to bed. 'We' are really hungry for a milkshake. The only 'I' I used was 'I' don't feel good. I'm sure the baby felt all nice and cozy down there.

Edward kissed my forehead. "Of course," he said softly. "Strictly dinner. I promise to take you home by eight-thirty. Does that sound reasonable?" His gentleness with me would normally really piss me off, but at moments like this, I couldn't help but feel so loved. It is at moments like these that I want to be doted on…by Edward and only Edward.

"Okay," I breathed. "But I'm taking a nap. Wake us up...before we leave. I'm exhausted." He chuckled softly before planting a soft kiss on my lips.

I heard Edward's voice talking to someone softly.

"Hello Charlie. This is Edward…Yes, it has been too long. Bella is absolutely wonderful; she's sleeping peacefully on the couch as we speak. She's had a very long day today…Yes, but we've decided to postpone our education…You see, my stocks have done fairly well, and having an employer is not on the top of my priorities list. But that's the reason I'm calling, Charlie. Bella and I would like to join you for dinner, if that's alright. We'd like to get you up-to-date on some things." There was a break in the conversation, just long enough for me to doze off.

"Bella," an angelic voice called me. "Bella, love, it's time to get up."

I groaned. "Noooo. Me…baby…need…more sleep." I rubbed my belly to emphasize my point. Edward just chuckled and brushed hair out of my face.

"Bella, love, you also need food. That baby is bound to be hungry, judging that it's been five hours since you've eaten." My stomach rumbled, proving his point. He pressed his lips to my little bump and I sighed, completely and blissfully content.

I cracked open an eye to see Edward gazing down lovingly at me. "What?" I croaked.

He shook his head. "Nothing. I just really love you." By the look in his eyes, I could tell he really meant it.

"Psh, it's just a phase Edward. It's just a phase." I reached my arms out in front of me for his help to get up. He obliged without hesitation. Slowly, carefully, he pulled me to a sitting position.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, just a head rush. Give me a second." He looked a little concerned and rubbed my arms. Taking a deep breath, I let the room come to a stand-still. "Alright, I'm good. Is everyone still out hunting?" They'd been gone since Esme, Alice, and Rosalie got finished with going over decorations for the baby's room all day.

He nodded, handing me my shoes and coat. "Yes. They said they'd be back to take us to the airport tomorrow." He helped me put on my coat, fastening the buttons in the front. He rested his hand on my stomach for a long moment, just gazing longingly at it.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips softly to his. Ever since this baby, we've been the most ooey gooey, lovey dovey, sweetest, gentle, sentimental people ever. Being around us is like living in a candy store. Every moment has a sweet taste to it. We were just so blissfully happy.

He pulled away all too soon. "We should get going." He grabbed my hand. I was surprised to see his Astin Martin when we walked out of the front door. He opened up the door for me. "I need to convince your father that I'm doing well enough in the stock market to postpone our plans to further our education." I laughed.

When we arrived at my old home, we froze at the familiar old truck sitting in the driveway. I grabbed his hand before he could do anything. "Please don't go," I said in a panicked rush. He turned off stiff Edward and turned on doting Edward.

He took a deep breath. "Alright, but please don't expect any good to come out of this." He was soon opening my door and taking my hand. I breathed a sigh of relief as he wrapped his arm around her waist, resting his hand gently on her stomach.

I opened the door slowly and was immediately met with the sound of men yelling at the television and the smell of sweat, beer, and over-cooked popcorn. The smells were what were so overwhelming. It seemed that every single terrible pregnancy symptom in existence, I had. My face paled and I felt sweat bead on my forehead. Dizziness, nausea, and the heat forced me off of my balance. Edward held me firm to his side.

"Bella?" His frantic voice silenced the room. I closed my eyes, trying to regain composure.

"I'm sorry," I said in a breathy voice. "It's just the beer, the icky sweat, and the popcorn. I'm not used to smelling so much." I spoke so softly that I'm sure only Edward could hear. Nausea churned my stomach again. I fought a hurp. "Can I sit down?" I managed to whisper. It smelled horrible in here. The house always smelled so clean at Carlisle's and Esme's house. Today was just not my day.

"Of course—" Edward's words were interrupted by Charlie, Billy, Seth, and surprisingly Jacob's voices.

"Bella!" They all shouted as they finally took in realization that we were here.

"Hey guys," I could barely open my eyes.

"Oh, shit, Bells. You don't look so good," Jakes voice I recognized.

It had been way too long since I last saw him. After the wedding, I never saw him. Hearing his voice again, I realized just how much I'd missed him. I wonder how long he'd be gone after I told him the, now quite obvious, news.

I scoffed. "Brilliant observation, Genius. I don't feel too good either." Edward ignored my greetings to my long lost friend and continued moving me towards the couch.

"Hey, no need to get nasty." Edward laid me on the couch and I covered my eyes and nose with my coat sleeve. Edward never let go of my hand, thank God. These stupid little episodes always left me exhausted. Normally, I just let them have me and fall asleep. But I was seeing my father for the first time in a year. I needed to keep conscious long enough to tell him some of what has been going on. Edward gently wiped my forehead with his thumb and held my hand. I took deep breaths.

"Bella, should we—"

"No, no, no no no no." I shook my head. "Nope. I'm fine, just give me a second."

"Edward, is she alright?" Charlie asked. I didn't have the strength to speak.

"Yes, Charlie. She's just not having a very good day today." This baby, I swear…

I finally found the strength to take control of my body again. I opened my eyes, pleased to see that the only person hovering me was the one I'd gotten used to. He let out a sigh of relief. I looked to the other faces in the room and smiled apologetically.

"Sorry guys. I really didn't mean to make such a dramatic entrance."

Seth snorted. "Please, Bella. You were born for dramatic entrances. Usually, it involves some kind of way to hurt yourself." The room laughed.

Edward didn't find that much humor. "Can you sit up, love?" I thought about it and nodded. He took my hands and gently pulled me up.

I groaned when my stomach protested the movement. Edward froze. I could feel frustrated tears prickle in my eyes. This is not how I imagined my dinner going. I leaned forward onto Edward's shoulder and let a few tears loose without having everybody seeing. I sniffled a little bit and Edward rubbed my back soothingly. "Today is just not my day. I can't seem to get a break."

"Shh, I know love. Do you think you just need something to eat?" I perked up at the possible solution. I nodded against his shoulder.

I looked up and plastered a forced smile on my face. "Hey, are any of you as hungry as I am? 'Cause I think I could eat a mountain lion at this point." They all chuckled. Even Edward had to smile at the joke.

Edward helped me stand up and I finally got to greet my father the proper way. We embraced and he said in my ear, "You sure know how to make an entrance, Bells."

"Sorry, Dad." He turned to Edward.

"Hey, Edward," he took his hand and shook it. "I hope you've been taking care of my girl all this time like you just demonstrated there." Charlie chuckled a bit while Edward only smiled. Only he knew how I suffered this on a daily basis. He wrapped his arm around me protectively. Instinctively I leaned into his touch. Ever since the baby, we've been inseparable.

"Yes, I have."

"Hey, Edward, Bella!" Seth's cheerful voice came from the kitchen. "I heard that the lady in the house was hungry! We've got some lasagna that my mom made!"

We all migrated into the kitchen and settled down, pulling up a few extra chairs. We chatted over the little things, about the small happenings in Forks. It was when the conversation turned over to us that things got a little awkward.

"So how's college treatin' you guys?" Billy asked.

I looked at Edward. "What time is it?" I asked.

"I don't see how the time is relevant," Jake said a little snappishly. I didn't like it.

"You know what, Jake? You'll find out soon enough, so just chillax," I snapped…a little. Edward chuckled. That earned him a glower. He tried to smother it, but I could still see the amusement in his eyes.

"It's only eight," he informed me. He must've seen the discomfort in my eyes. "Do you want me to tell them?"

"You can explain the first part. I explain the current…issue at hand." I didn't want to tell everyone just yet. Edward wrapped an arm around me and started the explanation.

"We did not return to Dartmouth, Charlie," audible gasps occurred around the table. He continued anyway. "We found Europe quite alluring, though. We've been everywhere from London to St. Petersburg. And, deciding that Europe felt a little homey, we recently acquired a wonderful abode just west of Paris in Versailles."

Charlie looked a little shocked to say the least. "Bella," he cleared his throat, "Why didn't you tell me?" He sounded a little hurt.

"Believe it or not, Dad, but Europe has a ton of things to do to keep the average tourist busy. Plus, we were on our honeymoon. We didn't really tell anybody. We would've called if we'd returned, but we've been a little absorbed." That wasn't even the half of it.

"I'll say," he mumbled to himself.

I squeezed Edward's hand in warning for my upcoming statements. "We are returning to France tomorrow."

"Aww! Why are you going so soon? We've missed ya here Bells." Seth, always so sweet and ready to relieve tension in a room. Everyone else in the room seemed interested in that very question.

Edward took both of my hands. I couldn't find my voice. The moment of judgment had arrived, and I couldn't say a word in my defense. Edward spoke up. "The reason we have to make such quick travel arrangements is because—"

"We're expecting." It came quick and rushed, almost like one word. I hoped no one would catch it, but by the stunned looks on all their faces, they'd heard me. Dead silence followed my statement.

After a minute or two, it got vexatious. My hormones got the better of me. "Guys, c'mon. In every awkward silence, a gay baby is born. Do we really need more Adam Lamberts and Sanjaya's? Seriously guys." Seth started cracking up, but everyone else just changed expressions. Charlie was still in shock, Billy looked concerned and stared with a little hostility towards Edward, and Jake looked livid. "What time is it?" I whispered to Edward.

"Eight-fifteen. If they don't respond within five minutes, I'm taking you home. I don't want you feeling worse in the morning after today." I nodded in response. At the moment, I felt a little queasy.

Jake was the first to respond. He pushed away from the table, sliding it dangerously close towards me. I curled into Edward, trying to protect my stomach from getting hit. But Edward grabbed the table quickly. He glowered at Jake.

"She tells you she's pregnant and the first thing you do is put it in danger. I suggest you pull it together before something happens to you." His threat was clear in his voice. I looked up and was about to protest before Chief Swan finally kicked into gear.

"Whoa, whoa, hey now, there's no need to get nasty." I sighed. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong.

"Dad," I interrupted softly. Everyone's gaze turned to me. "I love Edward. I don't know what else I can do to prove that to you. I love this baby," I rested our hands gently on my stomach, "and I probably would've threatened Jake in the same way if I wasn't so terrified of hurting it. Jake," I turned to him. He still looked angry. "You really scared me then." His expression softened. "You have no idea what it feels like to lose a child," my voice broke. Edward tried to stand up to signal it's time to go, but I lightly pulled back. "You can never imagine the…excruciating pain…of losing g something you love so much." None of them could ever guess, especially one as close-minded as Jake.

"Listen, Bells, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you all upset. It's just a lot to take in after a year of nothing." Jake's apology sounded sincere and contrite. Edward sat in his chair hovering over me, tense and ready to go if I get more upset.

Without warning, I tear rolled down my cheek. In fascination, I touched it. Edward looked livid. I just held up my hands in a truce. "Edward, calm down. I'm just emotionally retarded right now. I'll cry over a milkshake," we both laughed. Nobody understood our joke. Finally, I stood up. "I'm sorry guys, but I just can't take anymore tonight. Today has not been a good day, as you can probably tell from my entrance," I gestured towards the family room. "I just really need to go home and sleep." Everyone got up and followed me, not protesting or arguing.

Edward helped me put on my coat. "Aw, I'm gonna miss ya Bells," I heard Seth whine.

I enveloped him (more like he enveloped me) in a hug. Despite his size, he managed to hold my gently. "Don't worry, you'll be hearing from us. Pictures, weird, funny, and irritating stories and all. Just in case any of you decide to visit, it's a big log cabin in the middle of nowhere." That got a couple of giggles out of all of them.

I stepped outside with Edward. Shortly after we reached the car, the front door opened and out stepped Charlie.

"Bells," he called out. I turned around.

He ran down to us and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I'm sorry. I would've have invited them over if I'd known you were coming sooner, but I promised them I'd watch the game with them a long time ago. But…wow. You come home, after a year with no contact, and your pregnant. How did you expect me to react?" He looked a little hurt by the fact that I was leaving, but I needed to go home.

"It wasn't your reaction that got me upset. It's that Jacob would've hurt my baby," it still shocked me to think about it. He used to be my best friend, and now he attacked my baby (okay, I'm hormonal, so I'm completely over-analyzing this, but it still hurts). Edward wrapped a comforting arm around me.

Charlie scratched his head. He didn't know what to say to that. "I'm really sorry your visit had to be cut short." He apologized.

"It's only a couple minutes, Charlie. She needs to get to bed early or else she has a tough morning." I scoffed.

"'Tough' doesn't even begin to cover it pal. I feel like I can't even function for the first couple hours of my day. It's beyond irritating, but it continually reminds me that our little baby on its way." I patted my belly. "So, yeah. Not only do I have morning sickness, I am severely hormonal, I smell everything, and have cravings that sometimes weird me out."

Charlie turned to Edward. "You take care of my baby girl, Edward." They shook hands.

"That should be the least of your concerns, Charlie."

Charlie finally turned back to me and gave me a gentle hug. "Don't lose touch, hon." He pulled away and Edward wrapped his arm around me again.

"We won't. I'll send you pictures." Edward opened the car door for me. I waved to Charlie until he was out of site.

"That went well," I said sarcastically. The original plan was to tell Charlie and maybe keep from causing pandemonium, but then there just so happened to be more people…including Jacob. Who was currently on my blacklist.

Edward took my hand and rubbed soothing circles on it. "I'm sure it would've gone better if Jake weren't there."

"Are you kidding me?" I could feel my voice rising. Edward looked at me a little confused. "He was the _entire _reason that things didn't work out. He over reacted, hates me, is going to kill you, I feel like crap, we're tired, we have a noon flight to catch to Paris, and apparently you mother and sisters are going to take control over the house." I sounded a lot angrier than I really was. All I wanted to do was go home to Versailles and be alone with Edward. Apparently, that wasn't going to happen.

"Bella," he used a stern tone. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him staring directly at me. "Bella, look at me." I did. He looked serious and worried. "Calm down. Getting stressed over this is not going to make you feel any better, Bella. It's not good for you, nor is it good for the baby. As for your stressors, Jacob cannot hate you. He is physically incapable of doing so. He certainly does want to kill me, but I doubt he will. He wouldn't do anything to hurt you. You just need some rest and you'll be better in the morning, I can find another time to leave for Paris if you wish, and Esme, Alice, and Rosalie will only be taking care of you when I'm gone or if you need help with anything. They will be staying in the penthouse in Paris. Whatever you want, they will get for you." As he reasoned it out aloud, I felt a little calmer about the situation.

I grabbed his hand, resting it in my lap as I turned to look out the window. Quicker than I expected, I completely passed out.

Apples and peanut butter. Yum. What I would do for just one apple with peanut butter…and not the flavorless organic kind. If you are going to buy organic, at least buy Smuckers. Skippy. I need Skippy peanut butter with Golden Delicious apples. The craving for that perfect combination was enough to get me up.

The room was dark. I tried getting up, but it only churned my stomach. There was dull pain in my lower abdomen and I knew I couldn't get up without help. Since the baby started growing, I just couldn't bend my body the way I used to. Just to get up, Edward has to pull me straight up so I don't have to bend my upper or middle body at all.

"Edward?" I called softly, just above a whisper. I felt embarrassed for having him help me all the time. It would be nice to do things by myself for once.

Not a second later Edward opened the door to the bedroom and stood at my side. "Love, what are you doing up?" I reached my arms out for him to grab my hands. He, very gently, pulled me to a sitting position. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Yup, just a little hungry." He chuckled. "What?" I asked curiously.

"Alice. She sent Emmett to the bakery to get bagels because you'll be craving a peanut butter bagel on the way to the airport." That made me laugh.

"I guess we should stock up on peanut butter because I'm guessing that I'll be craving it all day, based on Alice's prediction." I kicked my legs over the side of the bed. "The reason I'm up is because we are hungry for apples and peanut butter. _Skippy_ peanut butter," I emphasized. Edward pulled me to a standing position. He held me tight so I didn't tip over from the head-rush.

"What's wrong with the peanut butter we have?" He thought I was kidding. He chuckled.

"The peanut butter you insist on buying is flavorless organic junk. What is so wrong with Skippy? There is no aspertane, there isn't any Splenda, absolutely nothing cancer inducing, just loads of preservatives that make it yummy. Preservatives won't kill me." Did I see him roll his eyes? We stepped into the light. That _was _an eye roll!

I did end up getting my Skippy peanut butter with Golden Delicious apples (about 4 of them). Edward just stood by and cut up apples one after another. Alice chatted with me about the house and what I wanted to do. Rosalie wanted to talk about the baby.

"So do you want a boy or a girl?" She asked with bright eyes.

"She wants a girl," Edward said absentmindedly. We all turned to look at him.

"How would you know?" I protested. "You can't read my mind." There. I rubbed it in his face.

He shook his head, still reading the paper (checking the stock market most likely). "No, but I can hear you talk in your sleep. All you do is talk about how cute your baby girl is and how much you love her." His mouth twisted into a soft, genuine smile at that. Rosalie and Alice 'aw'ed. "Though I was a bit devastated when I heard you were talking about your baby instead of me." He feigned hurt.

I rolled my eyes. "You're such a goob! You know I love you! Why else would I be going through these stupid morning sickness routines and constant reminders of this thing you put in my belly?" I pointed to the tiny bump that was my stomach. As if on cue, "Speaking of which, please excuse me. I also advise that you cover your ears." I could feel my face pale as I stood up and walked as quickly as I could to the bathroom to get rid of the apples so I could make room for that bagel.


	25. Author's Note: Promise Ensues!

Hi! I'm back! I'm sorry I haven't updated in a LONG TIME, but i've been on vacation for over two weeks with no internet connection! I know, I'm surprised I survived, too. Especially when your sister's boss was arrested before your eyes and all the snakes you see in Lake of the Ozarks are poisonous...thank God I didn't see any. I did witness ravonous Karp fish dive over each other for a piece of stale bread! Fascinating experience, really. New York is probably one of the most amazing cities man kind ever created; though I'm glad we changed the name to "New York" instead of "New Amsterdam". (If you need reference to that name, listen to "Istanbul (was constantinople)" by "They Might Be Giants") I promise you all that I will be typing up a storm this weekend. And if I am determined enough, I will even work during the season finale of Burn Notice! So I'm thinking if I work REALLY HARD, I can get two chapters up by next week (being Sunday). I hope you all have had a wonderful summer so far and have been educating yourselves how to be excellent spies, fencers, and writers! 


	26. Yes It Is

**A/N: To all my dedicated fans who wonder what the hell is taking me so long to update and still give me awesome reviews: I love you. Turns out I couldn't even start up my microsoft applications until VERY LATE saturday night...more like sunday morning. This chapter turned out to be one of my longest. Eleven pages typed in size 11 font. I had serious writers blockage and I swear to god I spent my entire day on the computer, struggling to type every sentence. It is 12:37 AM and I completed this chapter almost 2 hours ago. Why, you may ask, did it take 2 fucking hours to post a chapter? Fanfiction wouldn't allow me to login. I know. I was PISSED. So I love you more than my brother who is (unfortunately) coming home from Texas tomorrow. Please review (I won't blame you if you don't.)**

**Yes It Is**

* * *

Versailles at Christmas time was absolutely breath-taking. The sun hardly showed, but in some ways it was good. Edward could go outside without all the cover-up. We flew everybody in for the holiday, including Charlie. Renee and Phil couldn't make it due to schedule complications. She apologized profusely, but I said that I understood and it was alright.

"Wow, Edward, you've certainly done well for yourself." I heard Charlie admire the house from the front door and decided to go greet him. "Where's my daughter?" He asked Edward.

"Hold on," he rushed into the family room where I was perched on the couch. He smiled and his entire face lit up when he saw me. "Good afternoon, love," he greeted me with a kiss. My heart rate picked up when our lips met, like it always did. He let his lips linger for a few moments before he reluctantly pulled away. "How's my little boy?" He asked, rubbing a hand over my huge belly.

I sighed. "He's just kicking away." I moved his hand to the spot where he was kicking. The smile on Edward's face could light up a thousand cities. I could never tire of it.

I was unsurprised to find out the baby was a boy. All I could dream about was a little boy sleeping soundly in my arms. Edward was overjoyed. I didn't care if it was a boy or a girl. What I cared about is if it had a healthy heart and two working lungs. He had those, too.

"Hey baby girl!" Charlie came into the living room. His eyes instantly went to my growing stomach. When I reached my hands out for Edward to help me, Charlie quickly protested. "No, no, stay put." He wrapped his arms around me carefully and I hugged him back. "It's good to see you Bells."

"It's good to see you, too, dad." He pulled away.

"Wow, Bells. You're huge." We laughed.

"Gee, thanks dad. You look great, too. I know. Just this month I've felt a real growth spurt. Trust me; I wasn't this big at the beginning of the month." I rested my hands on the top of my baby bump. I felt heavy pressure stretching my insides and winced. "Ooh," I gasped.

"Are you alright?" Edward asked.

Taking a deep breath, I told him, "Kickin'. He's just kicking away." I looked at Charlie who didn't know what to do or say. I felt like I could read his mind. "Do you want to feel?" I asked him. He looked a little shocked. He looked to Edward. "Dad, it's fine," I grabbed his hand and gently pulled him to the couch. Lifting my sweater a bit (with a thin shirt underneath) and put Charlie's hand where my baby boy was kicking. "See, it won't hurt you." He chuckled, his eyes still looking somewhere else.

"This brings back memories," he withdrew his hand with an easy smile. "You drove your mother nuts because you were always so calm. She panicked when you wouldn't kick. You've always been that way." He stood back up again next to Edward.

The rest of the Cullen clan showed up an hour later, bearing gifts to put under the tree Emmett insisted on chopping down himself. Esme, Alice, and Rosalie all contributed to the beautiful decorations. The tree stood at least twelve feet tall, a beautiful gold star at the top. Alice called it a work of art; I called it a really nice Christmas tree. She felt as offended as she did when I asked if her Jimmy Choos were Prada. She felt that the two designers were very distinguished in style and that mixing the two is an insult to fashion.

"Bells, I think you've gotten bigger since I saw you yesterday," Emmett teased when we all sat down in the family room, which was now the center of all family activities.

"For your information, Emmett, I _have _gotten bigger since yesterday." I pointed to my growing belly. "I am half a centimeter bigger to be exact." He looked stunned for a second before he started laughing.

"I knew there was something different about you!" He said excitedly. "Have you lost weight?" I rolled my eyes, but based off of everyone's laughter, they enjoyed his sense of humor. I seemed to be the butt of every joke since I gained twenty pounds. Edward just wrapped an arm around me and kissed my temple. A wave of heat washed over me, but Edward's arms kept me at room temperature.

"Are you alright?" Edward whispered in my ear. "Your body temperature just shot up." He brushed hair out of my face. His eyes were dark as pitch.

"Heat flash," I breathed.

He looked at his watch (Rolex). "You need to get to bed." He stood up right away. "If you will excuse us for a moment," he said to the rest of the family, "we need to get these two to bed."

"Edward, I'm fi—"

"Bella." I didn't argue with his tone. It sounded calm, but it was more like the calm before the storm. "It's almost ten. You are going to be miserable tomorrow. Let's not make it worse, especially on Christmas." He held out his hands. I glared at him for a moment before complying. He looked relieved when I grabbed his hands. He pulled me up slowly.

"I am so sorry guys," I told everyone. Everyone stood up to hug me good-night, telling me there was no need for the apology. But I felt like a terrible hostess having to leave everyone while the excitement was still there.

Edward helped me up the stairs while the party downstairs was still in full-swing. Once in the privacy of our room, the hormones kicked in. I felt angry that he forced me to retire from the party so early. If I'm tired, then I will say I'm tired. How does he know anyways?

"Why couldn't you just let it be?" I snapped at Edward. His expression didn't change. I ignored the fact that I was being ridiculous. "I can't have a decent amount of time with my family before you start getting on my case! Did you ever think that maybe I'd be just fine not going to bed at nine like a good little third grader?" He stepped forward and cupped my face gingerly in his hands with a small smile on his face. I continued to ignore him. "I'm pregnant, not in a vegetative state." He kissed me tenderly. "Why are you being so smirky?" he kissed me again. "Stop smiling like nothing I say is affecting you," and he kissed me again, this time a little longer.

"Nothing you say at the moment is affecting me. It's just affecting how long I get to kiss you before I force you into bed." He pressed his lips firmly to mine and my mind slowly drifted.

"That sounds really dirty and sinister. And if you're trying to make me forget why I'm mad at you then it's working," I mumbled against his lips.

He grinned my crooked grin and my resistance melted away. "Good." He gave me a lingering kiss on the lips and my hormones took a different route. I put my hands on his cheeks and kept his face pressed closely against mine.

He didn't pull away anytime soon. His hands wandered to my constantly swelling lower abdomen, where they felt the movement of the baby's kicks. He smiled against my lips when our baby boy kicked right into his hand. I lifted my sweater a little bit and rested my hand there myself. We both looked like grinning idiots. With the exception of my hormonal tendencies, I don't think we could be any happier.

Edward reached behind me for a brief moment. He held between us my pajamas. Softly glaring, I yanked them out of his hands, now reminded of why we were up here in the first place. I got my arms out of the sleeves of my sweater and Edward lifted it over my head (since I refused to lift my hands over my head—damn wives tales). While buttoning my pajama top, I noticed the lower buttons weren't buttoning.

"Edward," I called flatly. He came out of the closet.

"Yes, love?" he started stacking our wrapped gifts in his hands.

I glared at him. "I'm too fat for this damn top," I pointed to my slightly protruding belly. He pondered the idea while tapping his lips with his finger. He was in and out of the closet within a second and came back with one of his t-shirts. The too-tight pajama top was quickly removed and replaced with Edward's t-shirt. "Aren't you efficient," I complimented as I slipped on my shorts.

He smiled at the compliment before heading back out the door. "I will go and retrieve your prenatal pills with a glass of water." He disappeared. While he went and socialized without me, I brushed my teeth and peed the contents of my continually shrinking bladder. The bigger the baby gets, the smaller my lower abdominal organs get.

Just as I got comfortable sitting on the bed, Edward walked in with the meds and the Evian (hurray for the French Alps!) and sat down beside me. I gulped the water with caution to avoid unwanted (usually inevitable) bathroom trips. If there is one thing that consistently disrupts my already disturbed sleep, it's the bladder calling.

"So, is the party still going?" I asked, tossing the vitamins into my mouth.

He wrapped an arm around me shoulders. "They miss your company, but it will be a couple of hours before they retire. But for appearance's sake, I have retired with my wife, as to not wake her later," he explained sweetly.

I immediately felt bad. He is sacrificing time with his family to sit and watch me sleep. He should be enjoying everyone's company downstairs, and entertaining them.

"No," I protested. "You will march back downstairs and socialize with our guests." He gave me a speculative look. I slapped him up-side the head, not doing a degree of damage. "You will not sit here and watch me sleep when you have guests downstairs. You need to be a good host and entertain everyone." I took another gulp of Evian. "We are not going anywhere, Edward," I said softly, "and I sleep like a rock. You are so quiet that when you walk that you scare me when you come home from grocery shopping—which is for me—but you need not worry about waking me up when I can't even detect you when I'm awake. So," I removed his arm from around my shoulders, "turn off the lights on your way out, and don't let me wake up without crackers or something in the morning." I tried to change his mind, but he still looked pensive.

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" He asked with a smile playing at his lips.

"Yes," I said bluntly. "Now shoo before this kid kicks us both out of bed." I ignored his stare and continued to gulp down my 24 oz. bottle of Evian. "And bring me a straw. I need to control my water consumption or else I will be peeing like a fountain tomorrow." He grinned and I giggled.

Edward sighed. "Okay, you win." He pulled me close to him and kissed the top of my head. "I will go and socialize against my will while my wife and unborn son sleep beautifully and blissfully without me to watch." He looked sad to leave me, but he needed company other than us.

"There isn't much to watch," I mumbled.

"Au contraire, my love, I find out lots of things when you're sleeping." The smirk on his face irritated me. "Things that you don't tell me when you're awake slip out while you sleep. And that, I think, is due to a guilty conscience." His expression wavered and turned pensive. I hated that expression. He usually thought about things that shouldn't be analyzed.

"Go downstairs." I ordered. He didn't move. I gave him a firm kiss on the lips. "I love you," I whispered in his ear.

"As I love you," he whispered, kissing me back.

Edward got out of bed and adjusted my pillows for me before tucking me under the covers. He kissed me softly. "Sleep well," he whispered to us. He turned out the lights, and I closed my eyes, letting myself drift off into sleep…

_I clutched my baby boy to my chest protectively, shielding him from the pale creatures standing near the door. Did he really look that threatening? A baby, crying in fear, couldn't possibly be of any danger. How could they insinuate such a thing?_

"_We do not know the certainties of the situation," Aro explained calmly. How can he be calm when they want to take my baby? "How do we know he won't bite anyone he comes in contact with? He is a danger to our secret, and that is what we protect most." His face looked so calm and reasonable, but his words contradicted his expression. _

"_No," I nearly growled. _

"_Please, be reasonable Bella," he reached out for him. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Demitri, Caius, and Felix move to all corners of the room, preventing me from escaping. Panic rose in my throat and I clutched my baby closer to me. _

_Where was everyone? Surely Alice could've seen something, and Edward would never let them take our child. He knows that I can't do worth a damn against vampires, especially the most powerful in the world. My family would protect us, no matter what._

_So where were they?_

_Aro took several more steps towards us. I racked my brain for an escape plan, but all my exits were blocked. My breath came quick and deep. Where on Earth could I go? I knew the answer, but I couldn't stand it. _

_There was nowhere I could go. We were trapped._

"_Just hand over the child and we will leave you alone. Don't make us use force, Bella," his eyes weren't kind anymore. They were hard and serious. His voice was low and threatening. It didn't scare me one bit. _

"_No." My voice sounded just as low and threatening as his, only I had nothing to threaten him with._

_He closed his eyes and sighed. "If this is what it's come to," he snapped his finger and cold arms roughly held me, preventing my arms from moving. Caius came into my view and reached for my baby. I did what I could. I started to scream. _

"_No! Get off of me! Don't touch him!" Caius stretched his hands out to take him. "Edward!" Tears streamed down my face in panic. "Edward!"_

"Bella!" Edward's panicked voice jerked me from my nightmare. My arms were empty, which startled me until I felt my baby bump. I clenched my eyes closed and let alleviated tears run down my face.

"Bella," Edward's desperate voice called me back again. He grabbed my chin and forced me to look him in the eye. His dark eyes mirrored the panic in my own. "Bella, love, what's wrong?"

The tears didn't stop as I grabbed his hands and half begged him half confessed, "Don't let them take him," I whispered. "_Please_ don't let them take him." I started sobbing and Edward held me close to his chest. He rubbed my back soothingly, whispering that everything is alright. It certainly didn't feel like it.

Once my sobs calmed, he asked me, "Who's 'them,' Bella? You were crying, tossing and turning, screaming my name," his voice caught. "Who are you talking about?"

I flinched. "The Volturi," I whispered. "They wanted to take our baby," my voice cracked. My panic came back. "They said he was a risk to the secret, that he could turn anyone he comes in contact with. I didn't know what they were going to do, but the look in Caius's eyes," I cringed into him. "I can't stand the thought of them taking him away from us."

Edward sat silent for a long time, just holding me before he answered. "I can't either, and I won't." There was a threat in his words, but I didn't care at the moment. He held me close, not allowing any space between us. "I'll ask Alice if she sees anything," he told me. "They will never touch our son." He said it with such fever that I had no choice but to believe him.

"Are you feeling alright?" He felt my forehead. "You don't have a fever," he mumbled.

"No," I said, "but I will probably be sick when I get up." Morning sickness affected me very little now, but the sickening panic from my dream still lingered. "What time is it?" I asked.

"It's only six. You have a couple of hours before your father gets up. Do you want to get up?" He brushed the hair out of my face.

"Well, I certainly have no intentions of going back to sleep. Do you think you could help me?" Without another word, he took my hands and carefully got me standing upright. I was right, I _did _feel sick. "Can you go downstairs and fix me some breakfast?" I asked in a small voice.

He shook his head. "Bella, you're paler than me, and that's saying something. If you're going to be sick I am not going to leave you alone." Before he could finish his sentence I was on my way to my porcelain friend. I purged the few contents of my stomach, which burned like hell because the only content of my stomach was water. Edward just stood behind me, holding my hair and rubbing my back.

Edward is probably the most loving husband in the world. When we moved in the fall, he didn't let me touch anything. He told me to tell the movers where I wanted things, cook if I felt inclined to make meals for the movers, and otherwise sit back and enjoy the view. When I started gardening, he helped rather than do it for me (I lashed out on him for not letting me do anything). I had to giggle at Edward with gardening gloves and a mini shovel. When I kept myself busy, he went out and got groceries (even though he doesn't eat any of the food), helped me paint bedrooms, put together the baby cribs (yes, cribs—I insisted on having one in our room, too), and made romantic dinners for the nights we had to ourselves.

Because of my condition, the whole family decided to move here, but kept the house in Washington for visits to Charlie. They came over almost every day while Carlisle worked in the hospital. They were staying in a large apartment in Paris temporarily while Esme monitored the construction of her fantasy chateau. Thanks to Alice, Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper, there was never a boring day.

After I cleaned up, Edward took me into his arms. "I don't think I could ever thank you enough," he said quietly.

His statement startled me. What did he have to thank me for? If anything, I should be thanking him…for everything. I had nothing but my love to give him and he gave me the world. None of what he said made sense. He gave me a son, a home, a loving and caring family, he gave me _him_. "I don't think I understand," I confessed.

He held me even tighter. "You've given me everything I've ever wanted and more. You're baring a son I'd never thought I could have. You've given me a reason for this never-ending life. You've allowed me to experience a love I've only seen in others. And even after all you've been through, all that I've _put _you through, you still love me like no other. And here you are, coping with sickness that my baby brings you. Your love is as boundless as the sea, it seems." He chuckled.

"Well," I started, still a little stunned by his admission, "I guess that means I have a hell of a lot to thank you for." I could hear his eyes rolling. "Thank you for letting me experience an everlasting love, for a family that would move heaven and Earth to protect me, for the opportunity to see the world, for standing by me through chemo." The list really could go on and on. "But most of all," I took his hand from the small of my back and rested it on my stomach, "thank you for our son," I whispered. "I know that any other guy could've given me this child, but he's yours. That fact couldn't make me any happier."

He pulled back to look into my teary eyes. "I love you." How much more could be said?

"I love you, too."

He cupped my cheeks and leaned in for a passionate kiss. It lit a fire in my body: the baby kicked with excitement, I felt my heart race and blood rush to my cheeks. Every kiss felt like the first, only better.

He pulled away, our lips so close to touching, "Merry Christmas," he whispered with a smile.

"Yes it is," I smiled back.

It turned out to be a good Christmas, despite its terrifying beginning. Alice gave me a scarf, a set of gloves, a hat, and a neck warmer made of "the world's finest cashmere." I did my research on Alice and reciprocated her gift with a VIP look at a fur company's upcoming selection (some company called "Rendezvous"). Rose and Emmett gifted me with a Ferrari F151. Apparently, this car hasn't even been put into production, but Rose pulled some strings and had the concept made. She explained that with a growing family (she assumes there will be more children), it's more appropriate and in this part of France, it is uncommon to see something like Edward's Volvo and more likely to see exclusive cars such as Bugatti Veyrons. Our gift to her was simple: Edward messed with the insides of his car to create a challenge for her. Esme and Carlisle paid for a fire pit to be put in the back patio. Carlisle surprised Esme with a finished chateau. We all gave Charlie brand new fishing gear and fish radar.

At the End of the day, the rest of the Cullens went to Esme's new home, taking Charlie with them so Edward and I could spend a small Christmas together. He baked me shortcake and put ice-cream on it, put in a movie with Ian Neelson based here in France, and held me while we both lied on the couch.

I guess Edward got bored with the movie and more interested in me because in the middle of the movie, he got up. "I forgot to give you your present." He was gone and back in seconds with a black box wrapped in silver silk ribbon.

I groaned. "Edward," I put my face in my hands. "You are a cruel man for making me accept this gift."

He chuckled. "What makes you think I'm forcing you?"

"Because you are either going to put it on me, make me use it, or make me put it _to _use." I reasoned. I peeked through my fingers and saw him holding the box out in front of me. It was bigger than I thought. There were two boxes tied together. I looked at him warily and took the boxes. Slowly, I untied the ribbon and took the first box. When I opened the box, my hand started shaking.

All I could see were rubies and diamonds. The necklace and matching bracelet were encrusted with diamonds with ruby tear drops. Edward didn't do things halfway. Hesitantly, I picked up the next box. Once again, I was blown away. Sapphires of the deepest blue replaced the rubies of the last set. I felt like I was swimming in diamonds just by looking at it.

Edward spoke quietly. "These are the prized jewels of Grand Duchess Xenia Romanov. The first one you opened is the ruby-diamond suite. It was made in Bolin. Her parents gave them to her as a wedding gift in 1894. The sapphire-diamond necklace and cabochon bracelet were also a wedding gift." I gently ran my hand over the century-old jewels. "Do you like them?" He sounded nervous.

My mouth hung open slightly as I continued to study the jewels. "You gave me rubies and sapphires owned by Russian royalty," I paused to try and process the information, "for a Christmas gift." I looked up at him. He gave me a nod. "And now you're asking me if I like it?" He shrugged. Tears spilled over. "Edward," I breathed, "these are the most beautiful things I've ever seen. I can't possibly accept this. These belong in a museum or something. It's too much." I swiped some of the tears.

He took both of my hands in his and looked at me straight in the eye. "Bella, you more than deserve these jewels. I couldn't imagine you in anything but jewels made for a queen. Anything else in comparison seemed so ordinary and typical." He picked the sapphires out of the box and the cool silver base of the necklace rested on my neck. When he clasped it on the back of my neck, I realized how heavy it felt. "I was right," he breathed, looking dazzled himself. "Anything else would look too ordinary compared to you." He looked at me as if he hadn't seen me in years.

I cupped his cheek and pulled him in for a kiss. It was deep and heady. Now my gift is ruined. It will seem so worthless compared to the jewels. Now I felt hesitant about giving him his gift. The reason why I was thinking about this while he was giving me an earth-shattering kiss seems to escape me.

He finally pulled away, leaving my lips craving for more. I smiled and brushed more tears away. "Well now my gift will seem really insignificant," I laughed.

He frowned. "You got me a gift." Statement—not question. Like he had, I gave him a nod. He gave an exasperated sigh. "Bella, I didn't want anything. You've given me everything I need and want." By the look in his eyes I could tell he meant it wholeheartedly.

"Tough nuts," I told him. He had a look of surprise on his face when I leaned to pull my wrapped gift from under the couch.

"You think I would've caught that," he mumbled.

I shrugged. "Alice saw it, but quickly and conveniently forgot about it. So here you go." I shoved the gift towards him. He just stared at it. "If I say I'm offended by your rejection will you take it?"

"No."

"Fine. I'm mortally wounded by your refusal to accept my gift that I put so much effort and time into making. It took blood, sweat and tears just to—"

"Alright, alright, I accept your gift. I would just like it noted that I was guilt-tripped into this." He took it.

"Noted," I smiled.

I watched as he slowly opened it, trying to test my patience. When he finally unwrapped it, he studied it for a moment. He ran his fingers lightly over the print on the cover. The black note book had his name printed in red in the bottom right-hand corner in elegant script. It wasn't a thick note-book, but it didn't need to be.

"What is this?" He asked in full curiosity.

"Why don't you open it and see?" I watched in delight when his face lit up at the inscribed note on the inside cover and the first page.

I explained my gift. "I want you to take advantage of this and write down your compositions. Yeah, it might be a little tedious, but one day—if ever—our children are going to want to learn to play those beautiful pieces. Esme's favorite, my lullaby, and anything else that comes to mind."

He smiled at me. "And this was made with blood, sweat and tears?" He seemed unconvinced, but entertained.

"Where do you think the red ink came from?" We both laughed. When we both grew quiet, I asked him, "Do you like it?"

He jerked his head up to look at me. "Of course I love it. Why wouldn't I?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. You gave me Russian royal jewels and I give you a book with blank sheet music in it. It just seems insignificant. I knew that you weren't really interested in clothes or anything like that, I don't have the best taste in cars, and—"

He shut me up with a kiss. "No gift you give me is insignificant," he whispered, his lips not even a centimeter from mine. "I treasure absolutely everything about you. No expensive material thing can make me as happy as you can just by being with me. Nothing makes me happier than having you in my arms to hold."

Just as he said it, the clock went off, reminding us of the hour. "Speaking of, I think it's time we get you two to bed." He put his new book aside and put away my new rubies, but let me keep the sapphires on. Instead of helping me up, he just scooped me up bridal style and started up the stairs.

"This feels familiar," I smiled.

"Oh, and what does it remind you of?" He grinned.

"Of the night I finally accepted your proposal." We (he) walked into the room and he finally put me down. "How many times did you ask?" I wondered aloud.

"Technically, two," he said from inside my closet. He came out seconds later with my pajamas. "The first time was when we got back," from where we never spoke of, "and the second was the night you accepted." I slipped on my pajamas while he busied himself with putting my newly acquired jewelry in my closet vanity (thank you Alice).

"But what about all those times you hinted it? Do those count?" Why we were having this discussion was beyond me.

He came out of the closet and put me in bed. I wrapped my arms around him when he slipped in next to me. "Does it really matter how we got here?" He asked.

"It's not the destination, it's the journey that matters," I said, acting sage-like.

He chuckled and kissed my temple. "How true, my love."

We laid silently for a moment, just taking in each other's comfort. After a good Christmas, it was time to finally settle down, recap, store to memory, and relax. Even my baby boy stopped kicking. After an exciting and emotion-filled day, it's nice to just lie in bed and be held. I sighed in satisfaction.

"A penny for your thoughts?" he asked.

"If you gave me a penny for every thought, I'd be a very wealthy woman right about now." He waited. "I was just thinking about how calm he is now. Earlier today he just kicked and kicked. But the moment we sat down in bed, he stopped. He always seems calmer when we're joined at the hip," we both laughed at that. "I was also trying to think of names for him. I mean, we can't just keep calling him 'him'."

"Did you have something in mind?" He asked, rubbing my bump.

"How does 'Ian' sound to you?" I asked, closing my eyes.

"Why Ian?" He wondered aloud.

"Ian Neelson, Ian Flemming, Ian Rankin," I started. "All of them are successful people. All of them deserve to be noted. I think—despite our lifestyle—that our son deserves that same thing. Without James Bond, how would Britain get recruits for MI6 agents? Our son could be just as important someday. And with a name like Ian, you just can't go wrong. Short, easy to remember, and its fluid. I think it's perfect." I was ranting, but I felt tired.

Edward ran his hand across my forehead over and over again. "Ian Cullen…I like it." I was awake just long enough to exchange "I love you's" before I fell into a blissful sleep.


	27. Die Happy

**A/N: I totally understand if you are ready with your guns and ammunition with me right now, and I don't have anything to say in my defense. I am only going to say that sophomore year sucks. So far, I'm sucking chemistry, getting hell from my parents, and having to go to Texas for an eye check since my headaches are coming back (don't ask, one hell of a long story.). There is a hell of a long list that i'm not even going to start on. So all I can say is that for those of you who still read my stories, bless you. And for those of you who stopped, I don't blame you. So here is the turning point of the story.**

**Die Happy

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Thirty-six weeks. I'd been carrying Ian for thirty-six weeks, and I'm exhausted. Part of being pregnant is pure bliss: being able to feel the baby move, the thought of life growing inside me. But the other part is feeling like you're carrying around twenty extra pounds in a fanny-pack for nine months. My back hurts all the time, my ankles are swollen to the size of softballs, and I have to get up and pee constantly because my bladder shrinks by the hour. Edward has put me on bed rest, and I have been going nuts. All I do is sleep, pee, eat, and watch movies.

"Your daddy is going to drive you insane one day," I rubbed my mountain of a stomach. "He is so over-protective and worrisome. If you ever have a sister, she will probably pretend to hate him for a while," I giggled to myself and Ian kicked. "Do you like the idea of a sister?" I asked quietly. He kicked again. "Yeah, I do to."

"Don't tell me you're already rearing' to go for another one?" Edward joked from the doorway.

I looked up and smiled. "What? I just think they should be close in age, that's all." I winced when Ian kicked a little too hard. "Wow, he's getting big," I gasped. Supporting the underside of my belly, I slowly stood up to go to the bathroom. Edward rushed to help but I stopped him with a hand on his chest. "Nothing terrible, he just managed to hit my bladder which is already the size of a marble." Edward laughed and I excused myself.

When I came out, Edward came back into the room. "Are you hungry?" He asked.

I lifted my arms up for him to lift me. "You have no idea." He quickly and carefully picked me up bridal style to carry me into the kitchen. He let me sit down at the kitchen table while he dug around in the fridge.

"Anything in particular?" He asked.

When I thought about it, I said, "Watermelon. But it has to be really red and sweet, otherwise it's just not as good." He held up half a watermelon to show me. It looked red enough. "Perfect," I told him. He cut up several triangles of watermelon and put them on a plate. I ate a few slices before conversing.

"So what's Carlisle's plan for the birth?" I asked.

Carlisle has been on the fence for how to proceed. If there's any abnormalities about Ian (vampirism…etc.), then he doesn't want people to see, but he still wants a sterile and safe environment. He talked a little with me about it, but I just told him to do whatever is safest for the baby.

"He has a room reserved in the hospital. Everything he needs is there. He plans on doing it by himself so he doesn't have to go through the trouble of telling people or having to explain things. So how does that sound to you?" Edward inquired.

"Perfect." I would've said more, but Edward's phone rang. He quickly answered it.

"Yes Alice?" His face went from smiling to frowning in a split second. He went upstairs before I could utter another word. Muttering to myself, I finished my watermelon and began my ascent to our bedroom. I waddled my way up the stairs and to our bedroom to find he wasn't even there. I felt like I was cramping, and it made me uncomfortable. I didn't quite make it into bed because the cramping got worse. I stood still for a moment, hoping the pain on my pelvis would lessen. My ears picked up the front door opening and closing very quickly, and then a panicked Alice.

"They just started wondering one second and then escalated to a check up in another. They aren't coming here first, but they move fast and it won't take long for them to find us. We need to start making plans before it's too late. You said a while back that you knew a way to hide the scent, well I suggest you put that plan into action _real _quick pal." It was rare that Alice was so panicked, so her clipped panicked tone made my heart rate pick up.

"I'll take the car and we'll go to Esme's. They can't possibly smell them from there. We just need to keep them occupied. You and Jasper can stay within several miles from here, but don't get too close or they'll suspect something. You'll need to take the car, too so they can't sense you." I began to pick up what they were talking about, and I panicked.

The Volturi are getting anxious. They are coming to see if they changed me, and when they realize that I'm not, they are going to look for me. If they find me, they find my baby. I can't risk his life that way. And if Alex paralyzes them while Aro touches them…

"Can she stay with a neighbor or something? I don't want her by herself, Edward, especially with a newborn baby. She doesn't need that kind of stress. She can't stay with one of us because they can sense us. That or we should send everyone back to Forks as soon as possible. We could say that you went on a second honeymoon or something. It'll be your two year anniversary soon…wow, two years already. Time really flies. Anyway, I think we should just send everyone back except you two. Do you think that will be better?" For a split second, I wondered if vampires could have ADD.

"No," Edward said firmly. They can track me if I'm with her, and in that case, they'd be tracking Bella and Ian, too. I will not allow that to happen." Edward sounded just as panicked as Alice.

"Can we keep her at the hospital?" Alice asked. "There are tons of people there. It'd be impossible to sniff her out there."

This was too much. The Volturi would be showing up any day and we don't know what to do. If anything were to happen to them, what would I do? I know Edward: he would do anything and everything to protect me and Ian. He barely left the house anymore except on a rare occasion to go hunting with Emmett and Jasper. And if they pull up that join-or-Bella-dies crap again and mean it, I'd lose Edward

The thought made my heart race and I suddenly felt like the world was on my shoulders.

"Ah!" I screamed. My cramp worsened by tenfold, and the pressure on my pelvis was boarder-line unbearable. I supported myself using my hand against the wall. I realized that my pajama pants were soaked. And it wasn't pee.

"Bella!" Edward's panicked voice came from right next to me. He put his hand on my shoulder. "Bella, we need to get you to the hospital. Are you okay to move?" I took a few deep breaths and clenched my eyes shut before nodding. He didn't even notice my blood. I'm guessing he's long since forgotten about the scent. He started barking orders at Alice. "Alice, get the suitcase and call Carlisle. Tell him we are on our way. You might want to call Esme, too. I'm taking her straight there. We'll meet up with you." I didn't even get a good look at her before we were out the door and in my SUV (it had more space in the front than in the Volvo).

The moment Edward stepped foot into the hospital, Carlisle showed up and another contraction hit. My pelvis felt as if it would explode or collapse at any second. Carlisle quickly led us to the reserved room. He quickly got me out of my incredibly gross pajama pants and into a hospital gown.

"Edward," I called to attention. He looked down at me. He refused to leave my side even for a moment. His eyes were full of worry and excitement. His bronze hair was an absolute mess, his navy blue polo had wrinkles and his hands were shaking.

"Are you alright, love?" he asked me, completely worried again.

I rolled my eyes. "I was just going to say that the next time I go into labor, it better be in a dress that covers my ass." We both started laughing and I clutched the underside of my belly when the pressure hit my pelvis. "Ow," I moaned.

Just then, Carlisle walked in. "Hello, Bella. How are you feeling?" He sat down in his small little rolling chair and started filling out my information. Carlisle was a doctor through and through.

"Cramping a lot," I adjusted myself, trying to find comfort, finding none.

"That is completely normal," he assured me. He did some painful poking and prodding around. I had to take deep breaths to keep from shouting out in pain. Edward, unfortunately, noticed.

"Carlisle," he growled. "You're hurting her."

"Oh, stuff it in your socks Edward. He's a doctor, he's just doing his job," I snapped at Edward. He had no right to growl at Carlisle. You don't piss off a severely hormonal pregnant woman.

"Oh, it's quite alright, Bella. He may look just a little anxious on the outside, but he's actually a nervous wreck. He told me so," he said very matter-of-factly.

"Yes, in _confidence_," Edward added. He actually rolled his eyes. I heard Carlisle chuckling from under the blanket. He finally came out from under and removed his gloves.

"Well, it looks like you are dilated to a six, so you still have a little while to go. Since it's still early, my guess is that by late tonight I'll have a grandson, or by early tomorrow morning." He smiled. Just as he began to open the door, Alice, Esme, Rosalie, Jasper, and Emmett came running in.

"Oh my God, Bella! Are you okay? Is the baby okay? Did you get the epidural? I heard labor pains hurt like hell and—oh God I'm so not helping! I brought the baby bags and your suitcase and packed all your toiletries so you don't feel gross and icky after my nephew makes it out and—"

"Alice!" We all shouted.

She stopped for a second. "Sorry. I'm nervous. Can't you tell?" Her eyes were wide as she altered her weight from side to side. We all chuckled at her.

Rose addressed me. "How are you feeling?" She asked softly.

"I'm certainly in a lot of pain," I admitted, "but it's more than worth it," I sighed. The pain I was experiencing was nearly unbearable. I wanted to scream and cry out, but not with everyone here being so happy. I felt awkward to say the least. After several hours of conversing with the people around me, all I wanted to do was cry. When I felt on the verge of breaking, I pulled Edward close and mouthed, "Can you get them out?" He frowned but nodded.

"Bella needs to rest, would you mind occupying yourself elsewhere?" Edward asked nicely. I could detect the layer of stress in his voice and I immediately felt bad. He went from a happy mood to a nervous and the bad kind of anxious.

He pulled up a chair to be level with me. The moment the door shut, I flung my arm over my eyes and let out a short shaky breath. A whimper escaped as well as a tear. Edward brushed the hair back from my face.

"Bella," he crooned. "It's going to be alright," he pulled my arm away from my face and gently wiped away the tears. He looked pained.

"Does Carlisle know?" I gasped, trying to distract myself from the pain of the contraction. I gripped Edward's hand so tightly I wondered if he could feel it. Slowly, the contraction subsided and I let out a long shaky breath. I looked up at Edward for an answer.

He looked confused. "Know what?"

"About our visitors," I whimpered quietly.

Edward's face froze, but his eyes were full of fear, and it scared me. "You heard that." He shook his head fiercely back and forth in a split second. "Listen, nothing is going to happen to you and Ian. You are just going to stay home with Ian; play with him, sleep with him, feed him, everything will be normal. We will have nothing to worry about. Alice and Jasper will tell us if they see anything." He was trying too hard, which made me even more anxious.

"Is it wrong for me to be a little scared?" I whispered. "Is it wrong for me to be scared _for _Ian? He's been with me for nearly nine months and I don't want anybody to change that." In a way, I'd just admitted my true fear, and knowing Edward, he caught that.

He cupped my face and looked me in the eye. "No one is _ever_ going to take Ian away from us. Do you understand that? It's not going to happen. Plain and simple. Okay? No one is going to take our son," he smiled a bit and his mood changed drastically. "Wow, we're going to have a son after today." He kissed me hard on the lips and I smiled against them.

I winced again in pain. Edward started to panic. "That was less than five minutes," he mumbled, rushing out the door, looking for Carlisle. Five minutes later, just in time for another contraction, with the godsend needle. Thank you science for the creation of the epidural! It felt like a bee sting, but the ease of the pain made it worth it.

"Okay, Bella. We are going to check the position of the baby to see if we can start pushing soon." He squirted the goo on my belly and checked on the bottom. "Well, it looks like we have a head there, so we should start getting this on the way in about ten minutes." He took a deep breath and looked at me. "How are you feeling?" He asked.

I scoffed. "Scared out of my mind, but excited. My mom wasn't kidding when she said it hurts." Edward and Carlisle chuckled. "I'm guessing the guys and girls out there would be a little uncomfortable in here?" I guessed. "It can't be easy for them."

He shook his head. "That and they believe this is a moment saved for you and Edward." He smiled at both of us while we held hands and smiled at each other. There was a certain sparkle in Edward's eyes. Just by looking at him I could tell he felt like the happiest, luckiest man on Earth. The feeling was mutual throughout the room.

After two more contractions, Carlisle deemed it time to push. Edward wrapped one arm around my back to prop me up and held my hand.

Childbirth is probably one of the most excruciating pains anyone can feel. I felt like every push was going to split me in two. The epidural helped, but I still wanted to scream…only with super-natural hearing vampires in the room, I really didn't want to risk the embarrassment. I immediately admired the women who were dedicated to natural birth.

"One more time, Bella. Just one more push, that's all we need," Carlisle encouraged. With all my strength, I pushed as hard as I could. I felt a huge pressure alleviate from my body, and I heard the cries of my newborn son. Carlisle's face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Here's our long awaited baby boy," he declared. After giving him a wipe-down, Carlisle came over and placed him in my arms.

Newborn babies are not cute. Even in the thrall of post-labor emotions, the baby was absolutely _not _cute. He wasn't pudgy in all the right places; he was skinny and positively tiny. I could tell he would have dark hair like mine, but I couldn't see his eyes. His face was all scrunched up from crying and all I could do was smile like a fool. He may not be cute, but my God was he beautiful.

Ian's wails quieted to little whimpers when Carlisle placed him in my arms. I rocked him slightly and just stared at my little miracle. "Hi Ian," I choked out. "I'm guessing you already know who I am," I chuckled a bit, as well as Edward and Carlisle. "You're my baby boy," I whispered, trying to convince myself this was real.

I felt Edward pull me closer to his side. He pressed his lips lightly to my temple. "Thank you," he whispered tightly. "Thank you so much." He kissed me again. Carlisle brought over a blue blanket and hat for Ian and wrapped him tightly in it like a cocoon. I held him close to me and let the tears fall. I loved being able to hold my son so close. Edward pulled us into his arms and held us close.

"Here," I adjusted myself and held Ian towards him. Hesitantly, he lifted Ian into his arms. All signs of hesitation and worry disappeared when Ian stopped crying and settled into his embrace. He rocked him gently and smiled. I cried even more. Edward would make a great dad. Not that I ever doubted it, but seeing Ian take to him so easily just reinforced my thoughts. Edward kissed him tenderly on his forehead.

"His heart beats," he noted.

Carlisle nodded. "His skin has a certain glow to it, is as impenetrable as ours, but is otherwise completely human from what I can tell. He's perfect in every way." He gazed at him for a moment. "Would you like me to invite everyone in?"

I smiled. "Sure."

Everyone came bouncing in, whispering congratulations when they saw Ian sleeping in Edward's arms. Esme and Rosalie's eyes were glazed over with what I knew were vampire tears. They both gave me tight hugs and turned their attention back to the baby. I couldn't help but hope they wouldn't be too sad about me having a baby and not them. With the way they looked at Ian, I knew they wanted so badly to pretend he was theirs.

Emmett and Jasper gave me a gentle pat on the shoulder. Emmett, a little more excitedly than Jasper, said, "Good job little sister! You've created one fine specimen!" I gave him a wimpy slap on the arm for that, but he made me laugh. Jasper just whispered a soft, "You did well, Bella."

Carlisle and Esme held each other, watching all their children huddle around Edward and I. Emmett made a comment about how Ian's scrunched-up eyes made him look constipated, which earned him several slaps and laughs. Edward sat right next to me, keeping our small, new family close together. We made small talk with everyone, sharing our excitement and near future plans. But after learning of a Volturi appearance, going through labor and birth, and making small talk for an hour or two, I felt ready to collapse, despite sitting in a bed.

The day didn't end there.

"Alright, Ian needs to feed, guys. Time to go," Carlisle ushered everyone except Edward out of the room. The clock read 11:30 PM, and I wanted nothing more than to sleep. When Carlisle gave me a boppy for feeding Ian, I suppressed a groan and took it, wrapping it around my upper torso, as instructed. Ian sucked animatedly while I just rubbed his back, hoping it went down easily. Edward watched in awe.

"See something you like?" I asked teasingly. He looked tired, but I knew he was just thirsty; the bags under his eyes gave everything away.

"Very much," he replied. I smiled softly. We sat in silence, just taking in these few silent moments. For the next few weeks, I'd be fighting for sleep and waking up every two hours to feed Ian. Of course, having a husband and family who doesn't need sleep helps some. Ian stopped sucking and fell asleep against my chest.

Carlisle came in shortly after. "I believe it's time for Mr. Ian to go to the nursery, and time for Mrs. Bella to get some much needed sleep." I felt relieved at his words. The only problem was I didn't want to let go of Ian. Carlisle held his hands out for Ian. "May I?"

I gave Ian a small kiss on the head and gave a quick squeeze before I surrendered him to Carlisle. Edward did the same.

"Edward, make sure she gets some sleep. She desperately needs it," Carlisle told Edward.

"You won't need to tell me twice," I said, already closing my eyes. The two men chuckled. I heard the door close and a body slip into the bed with me, despite the lack of space. Edward brushed hair back from my face and ran his hand through it several times. I wrapped my arms tightly around him, keeping him as close as possible.

"Thank you," he whispered again, repeating his thoughts from earlier. "You've given me everything, Bella, and I couldn't love you more." He kissed my temple and wrapped his arms around me.

"You remember junior biology, right?" I asked him.

I felt him chuckle. "How could I forget?"

"Then you know reproduction can't happen without two parents?" We laughed together. "So I can't take all the credit here. I just got stuck with the more painful part of this deal." I could feel fatigue beginning to take over, Edward could tell.

"Get some sleep, love." He whispered.

Before I let myself succumb to sleep, I told him the thought that had been looming in my mind for a while. "Edward, tell Emmett and Rosalie I want them to be the godparents." I'd barely gotten the words out before taking in Edward's deer-in-headlights expression and passing out cold.

I could feel someone trying to wake me, but I still felt exhausted. My body felt heavy and my lower body felt sore (as to be expected after giving birth). Noises didn't register in my head. My mind could only tell me that it was time to get up, only my body argued profusely.

"Bella," Esme's soft voice called me. "Bella, Ian needs to be fed again." I cracked my eyes open and Esme smiled at me.

"What time is it?" I asked, looking around the room for a clock.

"It's around two in the morning." I groaned and she smiled sympathetically. Carlisle walked in with Ian and my outlook suddenly brightened. His little cries made my heart ache, and I felt very protective of him all of a sudden.

"What's wrong?" I asked worriedly.

Carlisle chuckled and relented Ian to me. "Nothing is wrong, he's just hungry. I'll leave you two alone for a while. I have a few other patients to tend to." He got up, but not before I noticed an absence.

"Where's Edward?" I asked. Ian's cries started up again, and I gently bounced him.

Carlisle hesitated a moment too long before turning to face me. "He went hunting with Jasper and Emmett. He really needed it." That moment's hesitation was enough to tell me something was wrong. I looked just past him to Esme, who expressed her worry through her eyes, which grew darker. A sudden chill swept over my body and Ian let out a small cry. My attention immediately dropped down to him and I pulled aside the fabric so he could eat.

Carlisle excused himself, but Esme took a seat next to me, looking admirably at little Ian, who was busy relieving his hunger.

"You are truly blessed, Bella," Esme said softly. All I could do was nod. She looked like she was zoning out, so I let her go into her own world while I looked back down at mine.

Ian still had his eyes closed. I wanted so badly to see what color eyes he would get; whether it be my brown ones or Edward's green. I'd never seen Edward's green eyes, and I prayed it would come out in Ian, since it's obvious he inherited my hair. His head, covered with dark, fine hair, rested on my chest, apparently done with his meal. I held him close, not wanting to let him go. He let out a few small squeaks that made my heart clench. His lips formed a perfectly shaped 'O' and I smiled as a little drool formed at the corner of his mouth. I wiped it with my hospital gown.

"How do you feel?" Esme asked, smiling at me.

I chuckled. "Well, that's a loaded question." We both laughed. Sighing, I answered, "I feel excited, nervous, anxious, happy, and utterly blissful at the same time. I can't wait to take him home and see him grow and discover. But I'm scared out of my mind that I'm going to mess up."

"All parents screw up now and then; they just never point it out. It's one of those, 'I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken' type things." That made me laugh. "Edward feels the same way, too." She said which caught me off guard. She nodded, "He does. Before he left, I went and talked with him. He was so happy, Bella," she said expressively. "He had tears in his eyes and everything. When I pulled him in for a hug, he said, 'I'm so scared, Esme. I'm so scared I'm going to fail them both in some way.'" My heart clenched painfully. Esme continued. "I told him, 'One day, you are going to mess up, but they will forgive you, because that's what family does.' I've known Edward for a long time, now, and I'd never seen him so happy and scared. It was the first time I'd seen him cry."

I clutched Ian closer to me. _I made Edward cry._ I couldn't tell if it was a good thing or a bad thing. Before I could even think another thought of doubt, Esme said, "He was so happy that he cried. I'm telling you this because he is a man with pride and will never admit to anyone except his mother that he cried. Unless your Alice and can just see him cry," we both chuckled and I didn't even notice I was also crying until she brought a tissue to my face. Ian hiccupped in his oblivious slumber and I giggled.

"Edward deserves all the happiness in the world and more," I told her. "I've put him through a lot between running to my death, leaping off a cliff, getting a random case of cancer, and having a rough pregnancy. He puts up with my antics like a pro. A break from that is long over-due." I yawned, feeling tired as I leaned back in the bed, holding Ian to my chest.

"Get some sleep," Esme whispered, holding her hands out for little Ian. I smiled gratefully at her and gently lifted Ian into her arms. The movement didn't faze him one bit.

As I drifted to sleep, all I could think about was my family. Edward and Ian. I could die happy today. April eighth and I can die happy. Not happily, per se, but happy nonetheless.


	28. Little Miracles

**A/N: for those of you who aren't reading my Just Dance story, the reason I haven't updated in ages is because I've been a hospital patient for two months. Got released just before Christmas. Legit sick. So now that I'm back, I'd love to celebrate by reading your reviews! REVIEW! it will make me feel better! and i'll update again sooner. **

**Little Miracles**

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"No, you don't want that," I told Ian, who held tight to my hair. He giggled and began twirling it around his chubby little hand. The one strand that escaped the hair band and he found it. He tugged hard, making me wince in pain. I freed one of my hands and opened up his, releasing the strand from his tenacious grip, and replaced it with his favorite plastic ring.

Esme relented me some alone time with Ian for the first time today. When I woke up from my short-lived nap, she was in the kitchen making tea. Edward, who'd rarely left my side in the two weeks since Ian's birth, desperately needed sustenance. I felt a little sad, but Esme kept me busy…so did Ian.

My rocking chair in Ian's nursery is a godsend. He absolutely loved it, and so did I. He woke up crying fifteen minutes ago; the moment I started rocking him, he quieted.

"EEEEYA!" He cried loudly. He waved his hands in the air, dropping the plastic ring--more like chucking it--onto the floor. I sighed and hiked him onto my shoulder. His cries didn't stop. He started sucking on my shoulder and I realized he was hungry.

"Aw, I'm sorry," I cooed. Un-buttoning Edward's dress shirt that I stole, I allowed Ian access to his favorite food source. He sucked happily on my breast while I continued to rock him. After a while, he stopped, resting his tiny head on top of my breast. I buttoned the shirt back up and shifted him to my shoulder. Gently, I patted his back until I heard a tiny burp and I laid him down on my lap. He had a little grin on his face that reminded me of Edward's crooked smile.

"You look like your daddy," I told him. "That smile of yours is going to dazzle a girl someday. You are going to be quite the charmer." His smile grew bigger, I frowned playfully. "You don't have to be so smug about it." He clapped his hands together like he was proud of himself.

In the two weeks that Ian had been home, I reveled in moments like this. With family constantly around me, I rarely got a moment alone with Ian. I always had someone looking after me, someone always watching, and they were a constant reminder of why I needed watching over. But when I did get this time alone, I savored every smile, every coo, every touch. For a little while, it could just be me and Ian. No over-protective family, no Volturi, just me and my son.

He yawned and his eyes closed. I supported his head and rocked him in my lap. He quickly fell asleep. The slight breeze the rocking motion created felt good on my skin. It felt unusually warm in the house. As smoothly as possible, I got onto my feet and put him in his crib. He stretched out with his arms above his head, his hands curled into little fists. I put a light blanket over him and turned on the video baby monitor. Before leaving, I planted a kiss on his forehead. His skin felt cool on my lips.

"I love you," I whispered. "Sweet dreams."

I know I shouldn't have, but I saw Edward leaning against the door frame and nearly jumped out of my skin. He stayed where he was, smiling like it was going out of style.

"How long have you been standing there?" I asked after taking the time to slow my heartbeat down, though I already knew the answer.

"Long enough," he said, the smile remaining on his face. He closed the distance between us and enveloped me in a hug. "It feels nice to come home and see my wife taking care of our son. You are, without a doubt, the best mother in the world." He kissed my temple and I smiled.

"Is Esme still here?" I asked.

He scoffed. "God, no. Do you think I'd say something like that with her around?" We both started to chuckle. I wrapped my hands around his neck and wrapped my legs around his waist.

"I'm tired," I told him, resting my chin on his shoulder. "When baby sleeps, mama sleeps." Edward didn't carry me to the bedroom. "Where are you taking me?" I demanded as he carried me down the steps.

"To the kitchen. Esme told me you haven't eaten all day. You need food." By the tone in his voice, I could tell there would be no negotiating.

"Well, I woke up to a crying Ian, so I fed him, changed him, and then he didn't want to sleep so Esme played with him while I took a shower and got cleaned up, then Ian still wasn't tired, so I gave him a bath, and he fell asleep shortly after that. I took a nap, that lasted about two hours, and Ian started crying again--I swear the kid is on a schedule of his own--and he was fed again. I put him in the swing for a while, but he didn't like that, so I ended up just carrying him around until Esme took him, but he wouldn't stop crying unless I was holding him. So for a couple hours, I just walked around with him. He fell asleep after that , and he just woke up about an hour ago, and so I decided to feed him again."

"My, my, you've had a busy day." Edward leg go of me and I took a seat on one of the bar-stools.

"So, did you find anything good to eat?" I asked, picking up an apple.

Edward shrugged. "I found a few red deer, Emmett found a brown bear."

"That's good," I said lightly. Fatigue really began to take a toll on my body. I slouched in my seat and set the apple down. "Edward, I'm really tired. Can I just go take a nap?" it was the closest I'd ever come to whining.

Edward looked concerned. "Bella, you need to eat. When you're well fed, Ian's well fed. The 'eating for two' rule still applies." He walked over to the stainless steel fridge and pulled out a container of left-over pasta. I looked at it with utter disdain. Damn pasta is keeping me from my much needed sleep. He pretended not to notice and put the container in the microwave. He eyed me carefully.

"Edward, I'm not hungry, I'm tired. Can I just go sleep?" I felt like putting my head on the counter and falling asleep there.

Edward reached across the counter and took my face in his hands, his expression serious.

"Bella, you haven't eaten all day. You didn't eat much yesterday. Esme said she couldn't get you to eat either. After you eat some food, you can sleep." His hands felt nice on my cheeks. I shut my eyes. His cold hands felt so nice. I felt like a tidal wave of fatigue had suddenly hit me, and I didn't care if Edward didn't want me to sleep. God-dammit I was going to sleep. "Bella, you are burning up!" Huh? I couldn't understand a word he said.

"Bella!" I could tell he was yelling, but it sounded more like a strained whisper.

Why did it feel so hot? Everything went quiet and then it was just me. I felt like I was back in Phoenix, wearing a sweater and dark blue jeans. I could feel a small breeze across my forehead, the sweat coating my skin, feeling very sticky. I wanted to get the clothes off, but I couldn't feel my body. For a moment, I wondered if any of this was real. Is this kind of heat healthy? Can the heat hurt--

"IAN!" I shot up and immediately clutched my stomach. Cold hands quickly took hold of my arms.

"Bella!" Carlisle's voice cut through my panic. "Bella, you need to calm down."

"Where's Ian?" I demanded frantically. I didn't recognize my own voice. "Is he okay?" It was irrational of me to think that heat could really effect him, but a part of me wanted to know for sure he wasn't sick, he wasn't uncomfortable.

"Ian is fine. He is sleeping upstairs in his crib," Carlisle assured me quickly. He focused his attention on me. "Bella, how are you feeling? Do you feel any pain? Soreness? Discomfort?" He pressed a few fingers to my wrist and looked at his watch.

"No, I'm just really hot. Can I see Ian? Where's Edward?" I noticed his absence and didn't like it.

Carlisle's expression made my stomach twist. Pity and sympathy glazed his eyes. "He's upstairs with Ian, trying to calm down." I gave him a questioning look. He wiped my forehead with a towel. He looked at me in the eyes and said, "You scared him out of his mind, Bella. He panicked because all of a sudden, your temperature shot up to 105 within a matter of seconds. I got over here within two minutes of his call. You just have a flu-virus. Your immune system will never really recover from the cancer, so these types of things will be inevitable. Edward is just having a hard time coming to terms with that." He rubbed my arm soothingly.

I wanted Edward. I wanted Edward so I could tell him I was fine, that I would always be fine, that I'm just a nutcase that bizarre things happen to and he should look at it humorously, that he shouldn't have to panic about a slight fever. He was a mess because of me. Guilt inevitably came.

I looked towards the stairs. "Edward," I called softly. He quickly appeared at my side, panic stricken across his face. "How are you feeling, love?" He brushed the sweat-soaked hair out of my face.

"I'm fine," I took his hand in mine. "Are you alright?" Carlisle got up and left the room, going elsewhere, probably upstairs to check on Ian.

He kissed my hand and tired smiling. "As good as I can be when you're sick."

"Well, germs and bacteria are a part of my life. Thank God I never have to see Ian go through that."

Ian does have certain vampire qualities: he has a natural glow to his skin in the sunlight, his skin is impenetrable, his limbs are strong, and we discovered that no human illness can affect him. His infallible immune system will come in handy with everything that's out there. He can't get the flu, he can't get any incurable diseases like me, and I never have to suffer the pain of watching my child fight against bodily intruders. If Ian ever got cancer, my sanity might've been at stake.

Edward smiled just a bit. "There's that, but right now you need to rest." He gently lifted me from the couch and walked up the stairs, trying not to jostle me too much. Sometimes the lengths Edward goes to make sure I'm comfortable brings tears to my eyes. I feel sometimes that he's going out of his way to help me, which makes my independent side very irritated with me. We walked passed Ian's room, and I could see him sleeping soundly, his little mobile going round and round above his crib.

"Some days, I really can't believe he's ours," I whispered.

Edward kissed the top of my head. "Some days, neither can I."

He put me to bed, making sure I had a glass of ice-cold water and a Tylenol for the fever. Hopefully the fever would go down within the next hour-and-a-half so I could feed Ian. He's always hungry.

I knew I was dreaming, but that didn't prevent the eerie chill that seemed to placate the air. Versailles didn't look cheery and bright like usual; ominous clouds plagued the skies and shielded the sun from shining. The wind died, and the silence screamed 'Run!', but I couldn't move. I felt implanted in the soil beneath my feet. I looked into the trees bordering our property line and the world stopped, but they kept moving.

With unworldly grace, they glided across the land between us, dressed in charcoal black cloaks that covered their faces, but nothing could block their blood-red eyes, never taking their eyes off of me.

I clutched what was in my arms tightly, and looked down to find Ian. He seemed restless, whimpering with wide, frightened eyes. I wanted to soothe him, but how could I when I couldn't even soothe myself? My body betrayed me and broke out in goose-bumps, the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end, and I could feel the tension surrounding me.

With every step they took towards me, the more I wanted to back away, but couldn't.

_Protect Ian. _

With that thought, I turned on my heel and started running back towards the house; back to where I hoped safety could be provided, but the closer I came to it, the further it went away. Why wouldn't it stay? Why couldn't I protect Ian? He whimpered in my arms again, and I just shushed him gently, trying to hide my panic. I could feel them behind me, but I couldn't. Fear kept me from turning back.

My eyes shot open, and I found myself clutching Edward's shirt for dear life. He held me closely. When I looked up to meet his eyes, they looked confused.

"When's the next storm?" I demanded, getting out of bed and marching for Ian's nursery. He was just beginning to stir when I approached the crib. He smiled and squealed with delight, reaching his arms desperately for me.

Edward stayed behind me. "A week from now, why?"

"They're coming." The confusion left his face and horrifying revelation took over. "Expect a call from Alice soon." I walked over to the changing table and grabbed a new diaper.

"How do you know all this?" He asked., hovering over me.

"My dream," I started. "It was so vivid and so real. I felt everything. And the moment I saw them, I just knew. And they are not going to like what they see if they get to Ian and I." The picture of their blood colored eyes sent shivers down my spine.

Edward's arms slipped around my waist and he rested his head on my shoulder. "That's not going to happen. We won't let it happen. I promise," he whispered.

"How can you promise something with the Volturi?" I asked gently, resting my hands over his. Ian looked up at us from his changing table and cooed. We both smiled back at him.

"That's why," he said. After a few quiet moments, I picked up Ian.

"It's dinner time for the big boy," I said, pulling out the boppy and sitting down in the rocking chair. Edward stood close by. "You should probably go call Alice." Just then his phone started ringing.

"She's not going to be happy when she finds out you saw it first," he snickered. I rolled my eyes but he left the room. Ian fed while I rocked him. He was the center of my world, the one thing that rooted me to the earth. I couldn't imagine him being anywhere else but with his family. There was no room in his world for the Volturi.

I knew Edward, as well as the rest of the Cullen clan, was determined to keep Ian and I safe and out of harms way, but with a force as strong and powerful as the Volturi, I didn't see how that was possible. Fortunately, There weren't any tracks made by me: we took a car to and from the hospital, so I can't be traced, and I haven't left the house since. That will make hiding me a bit easier, but not entirely possible. My realism began to really put a downer on my outlook of the situation.

Edward walked back into the nursery with a stone expression on his face. "Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmett are beginning to formulate a plan, so everything should be worked out fairly soon." I just nodded and looked down at Ian. Edward came and stood next to me, kneeling down to take my free hand in his. "You will have nothing to worry about," he emphasized. "I swear, you and Ian will be safe. They will never get to you." I just nodded. "Is there anything else I can do to assure you? You still look tense and worried."

I scoffed. "You can't tell a mother not to be worried about her child. It's like telling a bird not to fly, or a fish not to swim. It's impossible. You can ease my fears a little, but they will never go away." He smiled softly, then glanced at Ian, who still fed. Edward rubbed his back gently.

"If you think I'd let anyone ruin this, then you are out of your mind." His comment sounded innocent enough, but I could hear the conviction. He wasn't joking. He kissed my forehead, and for the rest of the day, we just sat with Ian, and savored every moment.


End file.
